Why my ex all of a sudden wants me to come see her and the kids!

I wonder what she wants or has up her sleeve.

My mind has been pondering how people with a history of being victimized in abusive relationships in the past can establish ways of acting that perpetuate abuse in future relationships. They become so used to the pattern that they willingly go to those behaviors when with a new person. This also leads me to believe that chances are the new partner will be abusive too. This was all sparked by a friend I went to undergrad with who is now doing crisis work related to domestic abuse...

I have been abused and I did look for that in other people. I really believe the only thing that "saved" me was my last abusive ex. I made the decision that I wasn't going to allow someone to do that to me again. It took A LOT of work on myself and a few years but I was finally able to stop the cycle.

It is hard because people are drawn to what they know. To break out of the cycle is uncomfortable and scary because it is, in most ways, unknown territory.

One good thing is that it doesn't stay uncomfortable and soon you realize that it is much better than the old ways.

My lady's husband. .

She passed yesterday and I'm worried about him...

He is a stoic man, but when I went by to pay my respects, he hugged me so hard and just cried....

He's keeping busy with her service. .which will be in Israel. ..so I can't attend. ...

How to override the natural reflexes in order to be complaint more easily

My super awesome date tonight

That I think we have the responsibility to be ourselves. One of My friends asked Me what I thought of Barry Manilow coming out so late in life. I first responded- well everyone does it when it "feels right" to them. But, then I followed that up with- we also have a certain responsibility to be visible. To make things a little easier on the next generation as those before us did for us. There are too many young people getting bullied and committing suicide because they are so afraid to come out- or if they do they are bullied back into the closet.

I think that in being visible we help them with their choice. To be their true selves. Especially when someone is famous and have that seriously visible platform. I also realize that not everyone can do that- meaning being visible for whatever reason and I can respect that.

However, I think those that can- should.

The seven pounds I've gained since she left. WTF?

Too much right now......:blink:

On my mind
 

The holidays, I know it is a long way off but I think that I will shake things up in 2017 and travel for the holidays.

The only question is where? Italy, Hawaii, Ireland, California, New Orleans, or somewhere else.

Time to plan.

I am thinking about the good times I use to have in Chicago when 20 or so of us Butches and Femme's use to get together to play softball, order dinner at a bar, and dance afterwards. Since I live next to a big semi-secluded park, I am thinking about advertising for teams again, here.:)

I'm thinking this is a wonderful plan:hangloose:

On my mind
 

This house and land. I built this house 12 years ago and have lived here from the begining. My life has been down many paths in the last 12 years. The constant is this house. I lost my dad, my best friend, and a few relationships while living in this house. My baby kitty has lived in this house her entire life.

There have been so many parties in this house for every occasion and for no occasion at all. My family and friends have spent many weekends here. There is love, happiness, and great memories in this house.

This house is my home and my refuge from the world. I love this house.

:cowboy:

Regrets
 

Is it possible to hurt and be hurt by someone over and over again and still make it work? Can the trust be repaired? Once she is in my arms I know the past hurts will melt away along with all her fears.
I have loved someone with all my heart since the first time she and I talked 7 years ago. It wasn't even love at first sight but love at first words. She still makes my stomach do the flips. We both have had relationships since then but no one compares for either one of us. What's even crazier is we have not yet met.
That is where the title comes in, I regret not suiting up and showing up when I should have.
Trust me this time that I will get to you no matter what. Don't disappear on me please.
We can do this right this time.

I am lucky that My babygrl has such a close friend in you..

She is very special and i treasure her....

I absolutely agree

I love you too babygrl

That life is feeling pretty overwhelming right now....

Lost a very close friend to cancer & have taken on the role of taking care of her 7 children for a bit whilst her hubby can gather himself & get back in the saddle of life ......

It has me feeling mentally & physically exhausted, I wouldn't change it but phew 7 children? Puts the cray in crazy......

Listening to my "Witching Hour" mix on Spotify and thinking about what all I have on my plate for the next several weeks.

Feeling optimistic and happy while also wanting it to hurry, hurry.

On my mind
 

Reality.

Vacation is almost over and soon I will be back to working hard for the environment.

It is a good reminder to live in reality.

On my mind
 

I am thinking about next year's vacation. I want to see more nature so maybe upstate NY and Maine.

I feel bad about excluding the west cost but most of my dear friends are located northeast.

I need more time off, more money, and more friends in the west. Haha!

:carride: :flying:

Washing Machine Hoses
 

When I moved to my new fabulous spot recently, two months ago recently, the movers made a mess of the entire ordeal. It was the worse move of my life really. Aside from broken everything to intimidation to over charged, they hooked up my washer hoses backwards. I am not very mechanically inclined nor did I think I cared that much but I do damnit and I want my hot and cold water where they should be so, putting on my butch hat and boots LoL I'm going to fix that fucker myself. I'm on my way out there to climb all over that washing machine and I'm not coming out till it's put right. Stupid stupid boys.

http://i128.photobucket.com/albums/p...M5XcAE1tXb.gif

Again, what am I.. chopped liver?

That a death of someone can really bring out the ugly of people.... I'm feeling feeling confused, frustrated & frankly seriously concerned because when you're a parent, you're responsible for the lives you create...You don't just suddenly stop being a parent because life has slapped you in the face...There is no excuses you just do what needs to be done, you pick yourself up & you be there for your children that desperately need a solid figure in their lives... Saddened by everything that surrounds me at the moment & not really sure how to help the situation... :praying:

https://media.giphy.com/media/qgVuPuTMTK0OA/giphy.gif

Well then, Photobucket no longer allows linking to images with a free account. Ok fine. Giphy does.

Aaaaaand, I can't untwist the hoses. They're twisted on with the jaws of death I think. *sighs*