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I know how hard this is. Long story, but my family is highly critical...particularly around issues of weight. Since they are naturally slim and athletically built people, and I take after the other (round and soft) side of the family, they really couldn't relate to me or my realities. One of the things that I found helpful is to call them out on it (and, yes, that's difficult). Generally, people who make passive-aggressive nasty or ciritical remarks aren't expecting for you to respond other than by being hurt. I'm not saying get into a huge argument.....but a calm honest response that questions them can be remarkably effective. My mother couldn't speak for about 5 minutes the first time I responded with "So Mom, the last few times I've seen you, you've made critical remarks about my weight. Do you honestly think that the most important thing about me is the size of my waist?" It might not have been the most brilliant question, but it did slow her down. After that, every time she'd be critical I'd call it out and question if that's what she really meant to say, and if she was actually defining me and our relationship by my weight. Eventually, she stopped. I'm not promising anything....but people who use sarcasm and criticism to control others aren't usually prepared for calm, honest confrontation. Just something to think about....and wishing you the best. :rrose: |
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I kinda fell off the wagon seat this morning,I ate a hunybun oooooo it was so good,did I feel guilty noooooooo I did not.What is qing up my stomach is eating a bit of roast,potatos( very small one) then less than a half hour haveing a bowl of near frozen peaches with cottage cheese.It was hot cause the ac had been on the fritz and the place hadnt cooled off well enough..yet.
I havent eaten that much so close together in a long time,u can bet it will be a longer time before I do it again.As Scarlett said ..tomorrow is another day. |
UGH!!!!! I am so sore today. I can't let the pain stop me from going to the gym tonight. I have to be a little bit crazy to enjoy boxing so much. I really just want to go back to bed, skip work and everything else today. I keep telling myself... what do you want? And what are you willing to do to get it? It's not helping this morning! UNMOTIVATED!
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Baked chicken and two bowls of salad for dinner last night. :)
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Jo, I know this reality all too well, having so many people remind Me constantly about My weight and how I'm a "big" person. I get it I'm fat, I see it everyday and I encounter the bullshit that comes along with it everyday of My life. Last night I went to visit My best friend L and her boyfriend J, with whom I had a falling out with the other day though we talked things out before it ended our friendships. J is not a big guy though he does have a beer gut, and he is constantly making fun of My weight ~ if I try and tell him that it hurts Me and that I want it to stop his famous remark is "suck it up princess". Why should I? Just because he's used to stick thin people being in his life, why should I deal with that kind of negativity? Me and him bug one another, which is fine I can deal with it, but his biggest thing is to use My weight against Me like its funny. I hate the fact that so many people define one's relationship with another person based on their weight. I totally understand health concerns and such, but there is no excuse for making fun of someone just because they are overweight ~ there's no excuse for it. I don't make fun of people for anything, whether it be overweight or something else, because I know how much that kind of thing hurts. I like your approach to your mom and how you handled her criticism of you but I just wonder, how do you handle someone who is constantly using your weight against you? When they are not rational or think its just plain funny to make fun of you, how do you really make them understand that its not okay? I'm still trying to figure this out and short of telling him to eff off and get out of My life, I don't know what else to do ~ I'm at a loss here. Anyways enough of a thread derail, I hope that everyone has a fantastic day and that everyone's weight loss is on track :-) |
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(((Matthew)))
I am so sorry that you've got this "friend" in your life, that is using your weight as a bullying tool. Honey, that is NOT cool! I don't care how long I've known someone or what their relationship is to me... if you disrepect me or cause me pain ~ you can get the hell out of my life! Life is too short to center yourself around that kind of negativity. You need to surround yourself with people (family & friends included) that support you, your goals and the positive changes you are making in your life. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." You are well on your way Matthew... do not give away your power or self-confidence. |
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It's not a derail at all. I think that a lot of us have dealt with people like this and it's painful and difficult...and that feeds into the negativity that pushes some of those emotional eating buttons...so it's a vicious circle. Quote:
I certainly don't have all the answers but, for me, I try to be firm and straightforward and let them know that what they're doing isn't okay with me and that, if it continues, I'm done. If they continue...then I really am done. I create distance, and silence. For how long? It depends. There are people I've cut completely out of my life. There were others that I distanced from long enough that they got the message and changed their behavior towards me. Honestly, I think some people are just plain toxic...and I'm better off with them out of my life. It's one of those tough calls that everyone has to make for themselves. Wishing you the best on figuring this out. :rrose: And.....just because....anyone who called me a friend and then said "suck it up princess" after I honestly and directly told them they were hurting me? They'd get more than a "fuck off". But that's just me. :) |
(for what it's worth) I too agree that this person is behaving in ways a bully behaves...and, if I may be blunt, is just plain Mean...especially when they've been told it's hurtful and disrespectful, and continue to do it?---that'd be The Door for me...and, I do know how it can be hard to cut someone out who is toxic and mean...we can rationalize their 'good' points....we can rationalize how they may even be 'right' in their criticism on some levels..we can, and do, many things to accept bad behavior...I believe we move away from it when and as we are ready...I hope for you that either they Stop It...and in the alternative, you are able to step away from such ugly and mean-spirited comments...
anyway...I just hope that you are able to be kind and supportive to and for yourself and create a life where the people you invite into your life do the same... I echo Jo's last statement :) |
I agree with everyone here, and Nina trust Me your opinion means as much to Me as everyone else's does. Yes he is mean and I've seen it before, and his girlfriend (who has been My best friend for 15 yrs) says its just him and somehow thinks she is changing him ............ and yet, I've seen no changes! Worst thing is that, she has begun to pick up his same mannerisms and knows she is doing it yet doesn't think any of it is wrong. I apologize for bringing the thread down or derailing its intended purpose, its just nice to hear others opinions on this kind of situation.
Everyone's thoughts mean alot to Me, giving Me a different perspective on things so thank you ~ back to your regularily scheduled thread :-) |
Matthew, do not apologize for sharing how you feel. I'm very sorry to see that your best friend is picking up some of her boyfriend's bullying traits. Just let me say this... just because someone has been your friend for 15 years, doesn't mean that they are a GOOD friend.
It is up to YOU, to take back control of your life & stand up for yourself. If it means walking away from their negativity, than so be it. It's quite evident that they don't have your best interest at heart. Friendships are supposed to lift you up... NEVER bring you down. You do have many friends here & family that wants to see you succeed on this journey. Take care of you!! |
Matthew, maybe you can limit the amount of time you spend in the presence of your best friend's boyfriend? Make plans to see her at your place or some place out and about where he won't be. He sounds like a wanker and neither you (nor she) is likely to change that. Keep your chin up, you're doing great things for yourself and his snide comments should carry no weight (pun intended ;) ) with you.
I work really hard to maintain a positive attitude and I have no tolerance for people who are negative and mean-spirited. For me, pervasive negativity can be like a black-hole and can drag down my attitude (even if it isn't directed at me). If at all possible I cut people like that out of my life and if I can't do that (if they're a family member or a work colleague) I make conscious decisions to limit the amount of time I have to interact with them. I know it is tricky when it is a close friend or family members' partner though. Good luck! **** I'm quite excited because I weighed in today to find that I lost an additional 1.2lbs last week... despite the fact that I had special weekend company; I went out to eat (a lot), I had more cocktails than I normally would have over the course of a long-weekend and I didn't exercise on my normal schedule or intensity level. I had given myself permission not to fret too much about counting points or marking times of workouts, but I expected to see a gain or a hold-steady on the scale. 'Tis a pleasant surprise and means I've lost 5lbs total in the past 3 weeks. :) I think that means that *for the most part* I was making good choices about what I ate and drank in terms of content and portion size. |
WOOOHOO Sparkle, you go honey! Congrats on the weight loss! 5 lbs in 3 weeks is amazing... keep up the great work!
For me, cocktails are my downfall. I'm not gonna lie, my friends love to "encourage" me to eat out or have a night out on the town. Which of course used to mean mass amounts of margaritas. Once I learned how many points were in a 4 ounce serving of margaritas I almost choked! 9 points for a 4 ounce (yep a bathroom size dixie cup) margarita. I used to drink fishbowl margaritas (32 ounces)... which totals 72 freakin' WW points for ONE margarita! That's almost 2 days worth of points! I guess I never wrapped my brain around the empty calories that most cocktails have!! Now when I go out with friends, I drink vodka, tonic water & lime for 4 points (thanks Sparkle for the advice) or I stick to the MGD 64 beer which is only 1 point each! If we go out to eat, I stick with chicken or fish that's been grilled and add a salad (ok, and split a roll with someone, just because I wanna taste the damn bread!). Portion size has always been iffy for me. A heaping pile of 1 cup, is not the same as a leveled off 1 cup. I was convincing myself that I was keeping up with the portion size... but truth be told I was adding extra portions. Now, I take a knife & level it off, then add it to the plate. Ok, y'all... let's get the momentum going! After dinner tonight, we'll be heading to the gym for a workout. I am ready! |
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I find alot wrong with it and am tired of it already but I'm giving them one more chance ~ if it happens again, they can both go away because I refuse to keep that kind of negativity in My life! :fastdraq: |
Matthew~there is nothing wrong with you, just a whole lot wrong with them! Sounds like a bully for sure! And if there is anything I have learned in my years of teaching and dealing with bullies, even the adults bully to distract from their own weakness and insecurities. You are above that Matthew and you have a great heart that it puts you far above those assholes. You are doing a great job, dont let them distract you. You have friends here that will love and support you through it!
I have made some progress :) I am back at my gym doing my regular workouts...feeling sore but loving it. The sauna has become my best friend lol Miss T but have not done any emotional eating! Thats hard for me! My darn phone doesnt let me rep and it is driving me nuts! My computer is not workingand my phone makes it hard to use! Blah! Sorry off topic :) |
It's telling that I had a super stressful night last night being up alllllllll night with work-related fuckery and am completely exhausted but still feel the need to connect to this thread. That makes me happy.
It's because you all rock. Truly. In magical ways. Matthew- Don't let mean-spirited people get in your head. People who do shit like that usually have their own internal stuff that tells them they can't support someone else or be positive because they are too busy being unhappy. Look yourself in the mirror and see the wonderful person that you are, the sweetness and light and flip the bird to that kind of negativity. You are going places, baby! Now - In order to get my mind off of what looks to be another 20-hour day at work, I decided to cook up something yummy. I am very privileged to get to work from home whenever I want and I am taking full advantage of it today by filling the house with yummy smells! Here is a semi-recipe for "Medusa's ALMOST Vegetarian Enchiladas": (and anyone who cooks authentic Mexican might want to turn their head right now because this is the Arkansas version....NO, there's no VELVEETA envolved!!! LOL) Diced Tomatoes (I used a can because I'm lazy) Boneless Skinless chicken (I had a bunch that I had grilled up so I used about 3 large chicken breasts pieced up) Chopped Garlic ( I used 2 cloves of fresh) Chopped onion and bell pepper (to taste) Sweet red pepper (I leave mine in strips) Kernel corn (I used a drained can because Im lazy) Chopped jalapenos (a friend gave us a sack so I chopped up two!) chili powder, cumin, cilantro, black pepper, etc. (to taste!) Cook all this together on low in a huge skillet with lid on. You won't need any oil or anything because of the juice from the tomatoes but you can add a little stock if you want. All of the above ingredients only has points from the chicken! You can also add lots of other veggies depending on what you have. Once this simmers down a bit, I usually add a can of black beans (drained). Don't stir too much or you'll get a gray mush that is super un-appetizing. Make up a pan of homemade enchilada sauce. I use the following: 10oz can of tomato paste beef stock (the low sodium kind!) cumin oregano (YES, it's good!) chili powder a tiny bit of corn starch to thicken Keep this warm but not hot or you'll burn the shit out of your fingers. Grab some corn tortillas! Once your chicken and sauce is done, roll a corn tortilla in your enchilada sauce so that both sides are coated and lay in a baking dish. Fill with your chicken mixture and roll up. Pop in the oven at 350degrees for a little bit, maybe 20-25 minutes? and Voila! I used to roll these in oil first to pick up the sauce but you save a LOT of points when you leave out the oil and also can save a lot of points by not adding cheese. When I add these up, the points arent bad. If you use the small corn tortillas (which will make a LOT in a big baking dish), these enchiladas are only 3 points each. I make mine pretty big so 2 is a nice lunch with a side salad. The tortillas 1 use are only a point each :) |
Can we just say YUMMOLA!
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Medusa, those enchiladas sounds YUMMY! I am so gonna add those ingrediants to my shopping list for next week!
We eat a LOT of chicken at our house... so finding new adaptions to old time favorite receipes has been fun for me. D loves the old Campbells Soup receipe for chicken & rice with mushroom soup. Well, instead of baking the white rice & chicken smothered in cream of mushroom soup this is what I've changed it to... Cooking the chicken breasts in a skillet with a lil' EVOO. We switched from white rice to brown rice... Sucess Rice makes a kick ass boil in the bag brown rice. Then I mix the cooked brown rice with about 1/2 the can of FAT FREE cream of mushroom soup and use the other 1/2 of the can to cover the chicken (just pour it on top of the chicken while the skillet is still warm). Making those few lil' adjustments, helps cut the WW points in half & lower the calorie/carb count! It's still so easy to make, and still tastes a lot like the traditional receipe... which is always good for us. Then I just make a salad or a couple of veggies for side dishes. There is always plenty left over for lunch the next day, too. |
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