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I am thinking what a strange place to be in. all the in betweens and unknowns. the strange struggles of what I think I've figured out not being figured. Yet I am finding more love, more faith and more contentment. I just have no idea what to make of the current life dichotomies.
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Why cant I see my friends online? I must of pressed something. Sheesh!
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Forgiveness -
Not something that comes easy, especially forgiving myself. Looking back, i am not proud of many things .. Looking back and dwelling is certainly "not" on my list of things to do anymore - however, moving forward for me right now involves revisiting many parts of my past & finding forgiveness for myself & releasing it to the Universe.. i also have amends to make with people i pushed out of my life for unfair reasons.. i was a selfish being and stuck within my disease of being a compulsive overeater/food addict - and isolated myself from reality and i know i have hurt people in the process.. i feel a tremendous guilt for that and know that the roadblock i have hit is because i need to take it to the next level.. So, i'm overwhelmed with emotions, and i know i am in the right mindset about this because i am dealing with the hard honesty with myself and struggling for ways to do this.. to reach out, apologize, explain and even if i get a royal F.U in return, i know that i have done what i needed to release it because i need the peace of mind to move forward again.. This is the maybe the most difficult part of my journey.. And of everyone i know, i am the hardest on myself - earning my own forgiveness will be one difficult task, and when i receive it i'll know i earned it and earned it well.. i want my life back.. ♥ doing that one step at a time. |
Work- seeing a position that I really want and have basically been doing for the past year on the 2012 new hire/promotion report.
Life- coming home to my new apartment, and the fact that I will never again be in the one I lived in with my partner for 7 years, still feels surreal. I keep expecting to wake up. |
Fishing !.............
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Sagittarius: You may feel as if you're climbing the walls today, especially if your creativity is being restrained in any way. You are so eager for action that you could overlook your responsibilities in order to pursue your original ideas. Unfortunately, you are still expected to perform according to the rules; if you don't measure up, your brilliant efforts won't have a chance to shine. Don't quit; your persistence enables you to meet your obligations while also expressing your unique perspective.
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Trying to get over feeling ill today :blink:
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charging starvation indicator :phonegab:
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Having a hard time containing my excitement :clap:
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Trying to decide if I want to retire in 8 years.
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my ma....
my apartment inspection that took place this morn sans yours truly... the work i'm not doing at the moment.... :p |
How cool it was to walk around town with my well behaved pup in tow both of us enjoying the sun.
Syr relaxing in the car while i got a walk in for my pup and me. |
That i like my gentle spirit.. i don't compliment myself often, but as i walk this journey, i'm finding out i'm not all that bad..*smiles* i like the way i walk this path, my genuine heart & that i don't lash out when i feel bullied.. i rise above, and wish people peace within, regardless.. & turn my cheek .. Because life is frigging wonderful & dwelling in negativity would be time i can't get back.. It feels great, to be living life again & loving things about me. To feel worthy, and have some confidence.. And to be passing that on to my daughter - she's loving the confident mom, and learning lots from it too.. Look at her grow!! Loving it. That makes my heart smile , BIG. |
ahhh.. I think I can take a deep breath now. My eyes have been opened even more and wow. I am glad for someone who can just tell ya like it is . Makes me really look and its so appreciated
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Sagittarius: Even if you're very upbeat today, you don't seem able to get a handle on what's directly ahead. It's especially challenging if your friends appear to resist your progress instead of encouraging you along. Keep in mind that their real motivation may be to help you get your life together. Listening to the advice you receive now can be just what you need to get your plans back on track.
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a certain someone and all that has aspired...
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An Amtrak trip down to San Francisco. Hmmm...
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It's so cold I can't feel my feet, and I can't work out what on earth my cat is doing to be making so many odd noises :|
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I really really really don't want want to go to work tomorrow. Sucks!
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A phone conversation with a gal pal of mine tonight -
She really is one of my most wonderful friends...i work with her & went to school with her back in Elementary School days.. She called to tell me, that if i lose another 20 lbs, shes taking me out shopping and i'm losing the baggy clothes.. i told her of my green pants burning ceremony that Mtn is having when i bring them to Oregon with me, they're His fave pants of mine.... :| i'm still so self conscious about my body - but she is one determined girl and ahh her positive spirit and encouragement was lovely, really. It was nice to catch up with her OTHER than work related things.. Her crush, our children, my upcoming trip to Oregon & she loves my happiness these days.. All of my friends love my happiness, and they sooo can't wait to meet Him.. girl gabbing is SUCH fun, :awww: |
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