Benevolent sexism is still sexism
Quote:
Originally Posted by justanolecowboy
(Post 779821)
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In today’s society – knights in shining armor rescuing princesses or damsels in distress are pretty rare….these sweeping acts of valiance and daring were the basic concept of chivalry – but now they have vanished…but does that mean that chivalry and common courtesy of men toward women and even romance are dead?
Chivalry of course in medieval times was based on - you know - saving the princess and being the strong warrior – but it also strongly emphasized respect toward women and others – even, yes, other men.
Today – with no need to ride ahead on horses to slay the robbers and save the princess (at least most of the time anyway…J ) - chivalry is hard to come by. Here’s the thing - I am from a small town – (and) admittedly so – I am a country boy (yep – and even an ‘old school’ country boy) – so…courtesy for everyone – especially women was drilled in me from an early age – not only with word – but by action – by my grandfather and my father (still)…I see how they both treated other people – and how they especially treated my grandmother and again, my mother (still). Because you see – it’s just never okay to be rude or disrespectful to a woman (ever). No excuses.
As always, when I write - I can only speak for myself and I don’t overlay my thoughts - feelings or beliefs onto anyone else… (but) to me – chivalry means not just how a man treats a woman, but everyone in his life, and most especially the woman he might love….but it also means how he treats other men – respect - it’s a common courtesy that extends into everyday life and to everyone he meets…for me, I hope that is true – in how I conduct myself. I am most sure that I fall short at times…but it is that code of conduct I do try to live by – so to speak.
For me – yes, it has been passed down through the generations to me and my brother….and hopefully his sons (my nephews) cannot just hear our words – but can see our actions in how we deal with other people in our life – my mother – their mother – the woman that I love – how I speak of her with respect and reverence – always.
I think (in this day and age so to speak) so many men (and) women - don’t see “chivalry and courtesy” in terms of romance (or) courtesy and respect toward women – I think (personally) that media has a lot to do with that – movies (newer) movies in particular ….you don’t see men – treating women as they should be …
Let me be clear though …chivalry should never be to impress…because a woman/true lady - can spot that a mile away… chivalry should not be not just something you (do) – but should become a part of who you (are)…
Having respect and courtesy is important – (and) it is essential in a romantic relationship – because it involves communication – which to me – is the very foundation of a healthy relationship with the woman you love.
Chivalry is about respecting everyone – especially women – chivalry and courtesy separates the men from the boys.
Chivalry shows that you possess qualities such as courage, honor, and loyalty – but more than that….it is a (foundation of principles).
All this comes to mind after a series of incidents in the past weeks and watching a movie the other evening…or part of one…
Kate: Why are you standing?
Leopold: I am accustomed to standing when a lady leaves the table
The above is a quote from of course, the movie Kate and Leopold … but I’ve thought about this for a long time – (no, not the movie … J ) – but the fact that we as men (generally speaking – I hope there are more than a few of us that are exceptions to the rule) aren’t more – you know “mannerly/courteous” – and why that is…??
I come across men each day...as I observe and men that I work with….that do not:
*Hold open car doors (or) any door for that matter
*(I see men) walk (ahead) of their wife or lady instead of beside her (and) yes, I’m (old school enough to believe the man walks on the (outside) of the woman – to (yes), protect her…what can I say … I am (old school) and hopefully that isn’t such a bad thing for the most part…
*That do not pull out chairs or as the quote above reads – stand when a lady leaves a table or comes into a room…
*Do not help women on with their coat or hold the umbrella
*Do not give a woman his arm to escort her
*If they are out and it is raining – pull the car up to the front … actually (get out) – help her in and then go park the car and come back…
*If it’s cold and snowing outside – to go out ahead and scrape the windows and warm up the car…
__________AND about a hundred other small and big chivalrous things we should be doing… (yes) – Especially for the woman we love.
Simple common courtesies extended to women – (yes) – because they are women and we appreciate that (they) are women…
I was raised to believe these - yes, common courtesies and manners were a given … that you just “did” them for women…no matter – and again, if you had a “certain” someone in your life – you (especially) did so for them…even more so.
As I said – there are the exceptions – but I don’t think these things are taught anymore… aren’t instilled in young men as yes, “standards” of behavior- but I say shame on us as (men)…for it should be for us to teach these standards of behavior – and not to be lax in them ourselves…as if no one cares (anymore) … or that it doesn’t (matter) … that these things (like putting your coat over a mud puddle for her to walk on) – only happened (back then) … and again, shame on us…because chivalry/courtesy/respect/manners – they (do) indeed matter.
I don’t know of a (true) lady – that doesn’t appreciate these gestures of courtesy and kindness that shows we (as men) appreciate them and demonstrate such manners…
As I say – I can’t speak for all men – just for myself…I don’t hold open car doors and scrape windshields, warm up cars and hold umbrellas because (she) can’t or because I feel she is a – (weaker sex – so to speak) – I do so because I love her – and because she is the woman of my heart and because it is what I want to do– and not only that – it should be what she (expects) - (and yes, again, I am old school enough to believe that women absolutely should have certain expectations of men when it comes to manners and courtesy and yes, indeed chivalry) me to do for her…again, not because can’t do them for herself – but because she is a woman – and I respect her (and) I want to treat her as the elegant graceful extraordinary woman that she is…and that is, in my way of thinking how (every man) should feel about how they should treat the woman of their heart….but – as I said in the beginning – its deeper than that – it is part of who I am – and how I treat others and deal with others in my day to day life – the respect I show and the common courtesies I extend – should be and is – a reflection of how I also feel about her…that I care enough about who I am at my core – to not only treat her with love and honor and respect – but how I treat others as well.
____________So, ladies – if your guy is slacking – encourage them to step up (yes, let them know you expect a certain level of behavior from them) … to do for you – those things that are really built into (every) man – and if you have a man that does already treat you with chivalry – and is your prince charming … the one thing about a chivalrous man … (he doesn’t require thanks – he does it - you know … just because) – but if you have such a man – well…let him know that you appreciate those things about him…we all like to know – that we can be the prince charming for our woman – whether we admit it or not…we enjoy being your hero.
__________AND – well, just in case you are wondering – would I actually put down my coat over a mud puddle for (her) to walk over?….well…what do you think?
Yes! Absolutely – because – well – she deserves no less.
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Benevolent sexism is a part of a model of sexism developed by Peter Glick and Susan Fiske in 1996. Benevolent sexism, as opposed to hostile sexism, often seems to be a favorable view towards females, despite being grounded in gender stereotypes. For example, the beliefs that women are more nurturing, the men should always pay for a date, and that women should be rescued first from a sinking ship are all indicative of benevolent sexism. Benevolent sexism has three sources: protective paternalism (wanting to protect women), complementary gender differentiation (viewing women as different and better), and heterosexual intimacy (worshiping women).
A problem can arise when women are opposed to hostile sexism but not benevolent sexism, such as demanding equal pay for equal work but also believing a man should open the door for a woman. Men often view this as a double standard.
Glick and Fiske found that both types of sexism can, and generally do, coexist. Men who exhibit signs of benevolent sexism also tend to exhibit signs of hostile sexism. This is part of the reason that benevolent sexism may not be as harmless as it seems: it is clearly linked to the more injurious hostile sexism. This may help explain why sexism is still so prevalent in our society. Since the two are related, we can't eliminate the one without the other. Allowing benevolent sexism to remain may be forcing hostile sexism to stay, too.
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