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Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
they kept saying "bach, bach, bach"! |
I worked at my part time job last night and saw my client who loves corny jokes. I read her jokes from this thread - most of the ones on page 1 and some from page 2 because we were on a roll... we were both laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes! :cheesy:
Here's the one she told me that started out our fun fest... Q: Why did the prisoner take a shower? A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway! :) |
'What's wrong with Murphy?' asked Father Green. 'I don't know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn't stirred since,' said Mrs Murphy.
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An Irish lass, a customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?'
Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.' |
I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'
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what do you call a fake noodle?
an impasta! |
What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.
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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
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I worked at my part time job again last night. My favorite resident and I read pages three and four of this thread. We had quite the giggle fest! :cheesy:
Thanks gang for all the funny contributions! :) Here's the one the resident told me last night: Q: Is chicken soup good for your health? A: Not if you are the chicken! ;) |
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
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ok so I made paper puppets one time and my corny joke was
Daughter: did you get a hair cut Me: no I got them all cut :) (hey she cracked up laughing , that's all that counts) |
Q: So why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
A: To get a long little doggie. |
Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint. |
I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar'. I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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Q: What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?
A: You look a little pail. |
What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
Decalfinated. |
I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!
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I went up into the attic and found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt.
Unfortunately Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made lousy violins. |
My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.
"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!" Being the kind hearted man that I am, I thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her." So we walked past it again. |
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