Some of us find Mother's (and Father’s) Day a time to remember our Mother’s and how they nurtured and loved us. I miss my Mother every single day and always will. Holding her as she left and thanking her for what she graced in my life was an honor for me. She did not have an easy childhood, but did not allow that history of abuse and alcoholism by her own mother in vade her own parenting. More than once, I heard her words- "I will not be my mother to you, I do not have to do that."

I always think about her experiencing the loss of 3 children in her own lifetime as well as not only the love of her life, but her best friend, my Dad. Both of whom were a mix of the values and challenges of early 20th century immigrant life in the US.

Others of us did not have very safe and nurturing mothers and Mother’s Day is painful in very different ways. Most likely harder than what I feel because their mothers are still alive and will not be feeling many positive thoughts about their mothers. Some people just didn’t get the “good stuff” that I know I did and am grateful for. Perfection or being faultless, no. But a loving, strong influence in my life, yes. All I can say is “Thank You, Ma- you did good.”

First one without Mom...a tear rolls down my face now just like the one that dropped on her cheek as she left us that Autumn morning...

This is the first year without my mother. In her death she looked beautiful...I was in awe of her and am in awe of her.

Additional post- forgive me.

I came to parenthood in a very unconventional manner- through death and family duty (which is quite OK). I know I will get one of 3 Mother's Day calls from my son (and that he is). We will laugh, we will cry and I will have pride in the father he grew to be.

Also, there will be a call from one of his childhood friends that we all just took in because the kid had assholes for parents. More laughs and tears. he too, grew into a wonderful parent. This makes me so happy because this kid could have been not a very good dad at all.

I don't want flowers or candy or even a card. I love those calls and the conversations. But mostly, I love seeing how resilient humans can be even in the face of ugliness and cruel circumstances.

Yet, I can look at my son's biological mother and Andrew's and know that they did love their kids. They just couldn't overcome some horrible demons. So, they both will get my annual call to see how they are doing. Not so many laughs, and more tears, but there is strength in forgiveness. And I do always let them both know that I know they loved their kids.

just want to clarify my Dad has been married 5 times now Jenn is the one her married when I was in high school and not living with him the one before her saw to that and I had been sent to the grandparents then to a foster home.. Jenn was more guiding to me as an Adult she let me come to her and has shown me so much in fact she gave me my father back... when my mother died I was sent to live with my dad and step # 4 I was told to call her MOM and she was one who never had kinds or wanted them I was a troubled kid with a lot of baggage and Damage she dealt with me by using a jockey whip enough said..

Funny thing is that I have found that my friends mothers have always tried to mother me like they know I am with out if that makes sence

Amused with myself
 

For some reason, I was confused and thought last Sunday was Mother's Day. I spent 2 -3 days having an emotional reaction, until I discovered my mistake.

My initial reaction was, "oh great, now I have to go through this all over again next week!".

Then: I had a good laugh at myself.

Although my reasons for sadness are quite valid, I had a good look at the power suggestion, and the ability of my mind to take my feelings on a twisted ride. I see now that I need not have another hard weekend because of this. I have acknowledged my struggle to myself and others, felt my feelings, and come back to my strong center.

I plan to spend the real Mother's Day doing something nourishing for myself (or in a frenzy if I have not yet finished the paper due the next day!) and appreciating all that I am blessed with.

I like the idea of nourishing myself this Mother's Day. I think Mommie would have liked that.

I am sitting here feeling so weepy and sad, wishing I had known last year with my mom was going to be my last. I know that I am blessed beyond words to have my lovely daughter with me, and I think I am going to pull myself out of this funk and plan something fun for her.

Hug someone you love folks while you still can. (f)

Thank you Ruthie for reminding me that I have so much more than I lost. I hope you find a way to be at peace tomorrow, and I am sending you a huge hug. (((((((Ruthie))))))