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:|:|:|:|:| THINKER! I'm actually impressed by the ingenuity of that! HAHA! |
I have a reputation of disconnecting my own IV lines and leaving the hospital.
so much so that they take my keys. I once brought an extra key and called Cal in a panic, sure the doctors were following me home. Now that I have Snow in my life? I don't do that anymore. She's smarter than me. |
Since this seems to be the place for pee stories.....
My mother has an old farm way out in the country...and was away somewhere for a week. I had promised to take my son and go water her plants, harvest the garden, and generally check on things while she was away. It's a long drive, and I was dying to pee when I got there. Grabbed the spare key from it's hiding place and.....it doesn't work. Evidently mom changed the lock when she got the new door, and forgot to change out the hidden key. No problem...I know how to break into her house (an entirely different story :blink: ), but I really had to pee and couldn't wait. Ran around the back of the house...no one can see me there cuz it's way out in the country. Pants down, squat, pee.......right on a snake. Not sure who was more panicked....snake fled, I jumped, and pee'd all over my shoes. My son laughed so hard he pee'd his pants. The car didn't smell very good on the way home. :| |
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Ok...so I've been thinking about this post allllllllllllllllllllll damn day and since i was up decided I decided to give you another little glimse into my life...For those of you who dont know me I can be a real ASS in r/l....that will come a little later though...At one point in time i workd for a Mc*******....yea that greasy place we all know...and some loath....On this particular day I was supposed to work I had the flu...So getting up EXTRA early I called in a begged to be let off for the day.You'd think being all contagious and throwing up while ON THE PHONE WITH THE BOSS they'd let me stay home....No..I had to go in....Upon my arrival I saw that there was more than enough people to cover the shift i asked once more to be excused and was once again told NO...Then was told to take the garbage out....Now I dont know if anyone know this but me...BUT Mc******* dumpsters stink like HELL during the heat of the day....I got to the dumpsters and got a great wiff of that 'fresh morning air' and promptly began puking again...Desperate to get away from the stink I stumbled back twords the door crossing through the drive through lane to get there where i puked again even harder(on my damn shoes too!!) right in front of a drive through customer...As im revolting I hear "Welcome to Mc*******, may I take your order?" The lady in the car and I made eye-contact...I smiled at her and puked one more time for good measure(actually I could'nt help it)Wherin she replied to the speaker box "Ummmm...nooooooo" and drove away rather quickly...Long story short...I quit that day...And dont eat there anymore if I can help it for fear that I will see some poor bastard with the flu forced to work and puke in the drive-thru in front of me.....
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My housemate brushes his teeth in the kitchen sink. It totally skeeves me out. I know way too much about germs and kitchens and all that stuff to give me some good nightmares about it all. :blink: |
I accedentally stepped on a slug when I was outside watering. It popped and the innards came out. I feel bad for smooshing it :(
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Hmm...
W/o digging into much Detail... While "Dating"{her relatives called it Courting} an Old Order Mennonite girl, I was invited to stay awhile.. Her mother had Amish upbringing, so, I was stuck in a Tent in the backyard *she could sleep with me, but not vice versa, i'll never understand*. I was "proudly" introduced to their Outhouse {Their plumbing is a bit complicated to explain} I much preferred a nearby Bush*after making Damn sure no Poison oak/Ivy was around*, nothing against outhouses, just, I'm susceptible to Infection and it didn't look Inviting based on the flies that seemed to swarm, despite the lovely deco. Unfortunately{for me}, I had to really "go" one saturday, and there was at least...a dozen kids/teens in the backyard... I had no choice, once done, I managed to grab my grrls attention while helping her brother and almost begged her to take me to one of her more "Liberal" relatives home for a thorough Scrub. Apparently, the kids use their refuse as fertilizer/compost also..... :seeingstars: |
Medusa isn't the only one who talks about poop.
So on the day of my Californian wedding, my wife drove my brother and I all around San Francisco. There's a LOT of hills and those hills start to matter after a while. She drives us up to Coit Tower. Midway up, my brother (who never changes with these issues) asks when he's desperate for us to find a public washroom. Fine whatever, don't worry bro, there's this 'automatic toilet' up at Coit Tower. No problem.
Now, let me explain this FINE invention of the automatic toilet. The one at Coit Tower was double the size of this one: http://growabrain.typepad.com/photos...lic_toilet.jpg It's all stainless steel inside, and between people, it will self clean (takes 60 seconds to do so). Ok, so after my bro does his business, I realized... shit, I really have to go too. But I definitely didn't have to just pee. My wife did though so, we figured, save the 60 seconds, and go in together. (the thing was huge, big enough for 5 people standing in there, I swear.) So, she does her business first, and then it's my turn. well... ,yeah, I was in big trouble at that point. Luckily she and I are intimate so, you know smells and such. I'm trying to remember if I was 'allowed' a courtesy flush. Yes I think I was. You see... this 'automatic toilet' thingy would open up in 20 minutes automatically if you didn't press the button. So, no matter what, you have 20 minutes. Well, I had the uh.. .runs, pretty badly. Relief like you couldn't imagine, until I look around the 100% stainless steel room, and start to panic sitting on that steel bowl. "Honey? Where's the toilet paper?" Well, at that point after my shock look, we start laughing at this predicament that I'm in. I'm sitting on that bowl, I *HAVE* to wipe. I just have to. but,... it's not like she could have run back into the car to get a kleenex or anything, or ask my bro to 'slip it under the door' or anything. and If she opened this door to go out of the toilet.... well, it would start to self clean... with me in there. I was trapped. We were trapped. and, you guessed it: time was running out. As this point we roared in laughter... and I was processing in my head.. wtf am I going to do, wtf am I going to do. Luckily, thanks to the fact that I sweat a lot, I just happened to have a washcloth (sometimes I use a bandana) tucked in my pocket. I pulled it out in relief and used it to wipe myself clean. Since then, I tend to carry a roll in my car. :| |
:yeahthat:
~shakes head~ everyone is talking about when they were younger. This happened about 1 1/2 years ago. Doll and I met up with some friends to go camping, I was excited and bought brand new tent. So we drive up to Tom Big bee Indian reservation and find our camping spot. Didn't take me long to set it up, all proud I was. I had a main door with hood and a little shoe holding area, and two small and I mean small doors on each side of the tent. We built a fire, ate dinner and was having some, okay lots of beers. I filled up the mattress with the compressor and got the mattress all ready to crash while everyone was still around the fire. Doll tells me, you better go pee now cause there's snakes out there. I said yeah yeah but I was getting mad cause the other campers were getting so loud I couldn't sleep. It was about 2 in the morning and I woke up having to pee like a bat out of hell. I jump up off the mattress and start moving the bags away from the door so I could get out. Doll wakes up and starts asking me why am I moving the bags. I start grumbling and saying why do the bags gotta be in front of the door?!! She watches me and just sighs. Well low and behold I was fighting to get out of the friggin tent, mad as hell cause I gotta pee and I was having a damdist time trying to get out the door. Then I start yelling at Doll, where are my flip flops???!!! She says on the mat silly. I said, damn it the neighbors must have stole my shoes and they stole yours too! Doll says Babe, there out side of the tent on the BIG DOOR. I start looking around and starting getting more pissed because I gotta pee and I fit my fat ass out the Littlest door on the side. I cussed, walked or that is ran to the restroom because I didn't wanna get bit by snakes and the toilet door was locked. Any way, I pee'ed by the tree near the tent, and Doll laughed for hours that I fit my fat ass through the littlest tent door, I think it was for Dogs or something. But I now hate that damn Tent! |
I feel safe confessing now; The story I told earlier in this thread about pooping in a potted plant at a fancy hotel was at the Peabody (It was the Excelsior then).
Hope the Reunion-goers feel real special now. :) |
well shit! no don't :|
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wow. I think I need a cigarette now.
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It was out on the balcony. The one where we had the Prom. :| They used to have a jungle-like assortment of potted palms and biggo green waxy leafy-things up there. |
no surprise they were removed then?
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When you first told that story, I was picturing The Melrose in Dallas. Now, that would be something! |
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I can imagine...with all the functions that the hotel had/has, it's no wonder they took them down. I'm sure they had their share of folks puking in them and peeing in them. Hell, you probably shook things up for the person that found your deposit. |
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