My lover calls what we have a "commuting relationship."

I drive about an hour to spend the night at her house almost every Saturday night. We've only been at this a couple months, since I moved out of her house.

So far, it feels fine to me. Once so far, she has come out to spend the night here, with me, but that can only happen when her sister takes her kid on an overnight. I expect it to happen every couple months.

When we were dating, the six months before I moved in with her, I went out there on a Friday or even Thursday night, and went in to work with her on Monday morning.

Now, I feel too tired on Friday nights, and I need my time on the weekend to do food shopping or laundry or whatever.

I don't feel like it's a hardship at all, to be this far apart. I don't pine or daydream or feel impatient about seeing her. I do feel alone, but it's not about her.

Anyway, I just realized I'm sort of in an LDR, too, and I think it's a good fit for me. I have dinners with friends during the week, or just chill out at home. It's the perfect balance for me.

I could easily do this type of LDR. I'm so busy during the week anyhow. I'm dating now and they visit me 3 days a month and longer on holidays. This is because of distance and work. Its 8 hours. If it was only a few hours I'd want to see them every weekend.

i think that LDR work if both parties are involved at the same level. Trust, commitment, friendship. Rare findings in a small little package.

i believe that if you work hard, play nice and enjoy the scenery together that it will all work it self out.

there are times when eye contact is immediate, but on an all in all basis keep your trust level high.

set your goals evenly and love genuinely.

My girlfriend lives about 18 miles from me.

It takes about 20-25 minutes to her house (or her to mine).

In the greater LA area, that's what we call living around the block.

I like it.

I don't mix well with LDR. I need to be with the person I am seeing, go out on dates, watch movies together, snuggle together, etc. I have had one LDR in the past, and knowing this about myself, I realize in retrospect it wasn't fair to the person who was ok with it. I learned alot about myself from this experience.

I live with my partner, now so no issues there. We only lived a few hours apart when we met, so it wasn't too bad. But, we Uhauled (not really, we rented a huge SUV, lol) after being together for about a year, and it's been happily ever after. We even bought a puppy together! Haha :)

Just as possible as my grandparents courting by hand written letter during WWII. They were married till they died. I'm not sure what looking into someone's eyes has to do with falling in love.... magic? What if said person is blind? No magic? No love?

Easily confused or playing semantics I'm not sure which.

However, by real life, I mean experienced some time together in close physical proximity (that doesn't mean sex, just in case you are confused again).

A working relationship is vastly different to an emotional, one-on-one relationship. Your question surely wasn't about maintaining communication? Rather, it was about falling in love. Those attributes are vastly different to functional workplace communication.


So can I i.e. I loved my young nephew from the day he was born and I first saw his photo, even if I didn't meet him for some months. However, that's not falling in live.



That's fine and I agree with this. However, I equally maintain that no one can fall in love, at least not in a healthy manner, with someone they haven't met.

Might be a strong crush or an obsession but I don't see it as love.

Another case of semantics here. By looking in the eyes, I mean sharing close physical proximity and, certainly for those not of limited sight, I do believe that eye contact is important.

Certainly for me, I yet to fall in love with someone I haven't looked in the eyes and, subject to retaining my sight (I understand other senses probably come in to play more if my sight deteriorates), I'd be very surprised if this changes.

As for your grandparents? The discussion here is about falling in love with someone you haven't met. I don't know your grandparents' history but not sure if that applies to your grandparents or not.

I do not know if I could do another LDR, meaning someone I could not see several times a month at least or had to fly on a plane to see. It's a lot of work both physically and emotionally. I am not saying that it's not worth it with some people or that others shouldn't try doing it. I think if you like/love someone, go for it. I am an advocate for finding love and if that love is a thousand miles away, make it happen. I am just not sure I can do that anymore although rules are always made to be broken I suppose.

As far as falling in love by chatting/texting/skyping/etc... I believe that is possible. It has happened to me before and I cannot say it won't happen again even if I try to make it not happen like that. The heart does what the heart wants. So do I think I can fall in love with you, your personality, your interactions, your mannerisms, your life, your history before I meet the physical you... yes I do. It's those things that keep people in relationships. I know you have to be physically attracted to someone to a point as well but that's what Skype is for if you cannot meet right away.

I will always be supportive of those who want to try LDRs.. but I agree with some of the others in saying that you cannot have broken promises of being together. You have to mean what you say. That's an essential part of what can make it work.

Ciaran,

I have been saying the thing as you for years, and people have always given me shit about it. Love the way you explained it. Spot on.

it does apply to them. It applies to many I know. My most meaningful relationships have started out as LDR's and YES, before we met face to face.
There is time to talk and truly get to know someone before the physical begins so you can seperate the emotions from the lovin'. It works for me.


I don't understand the way you think/feel about this subject anymore than you do I. I don't think it makes any point more valid. It's personal. Perhaps the difference lies in experiences. I haven't had a bad LDR experience. The people I had these relationships with were the same via interwebs, skype, text, in person. I haven't been duped. *shrugs*

I think you can get to know eachother and fall in love to a point, but nothing is solidified *until* you meet the person and establish a in-person relationship. You can only do so much via technology. Having a true intimate relationship will never be 100% until you can actually be in eachothers presence and feel the chemistry, smell the pheromones, touch the person and look into their eyes in real-time.

I'm not saying you can't establish a good foundation, but you definitely can't build the whole house. I still agree with Ciaran.

Dapper

I think I'm starting to fall in love with you.




To me, it's not about sex or physical intimacy in that sense (I'm on record on this site as saying that I generally don't like having sex with those I'm in love with as I detach sex from love) so it's not about separating emotion from physical love, as I invariably do that anyway.


Furthermore, I agree relationships can start out online / remotely etc. However, there's a very stark difference to me between flirting and communicating remotely which can lead to a relationship and actually "falling in love" through this remote interaction.



In my recent posts on this thread, I have not been discussing the pros or otherwise of LDRs and I had some of these in the past (in fact, the lady from my longest-term LDR travels from San Diego in 48 hours to spend Christmas with me here in the British Isles).

Rather, the issue I'm discussing is falling in love before meeting someone and I maintain that it's not grounded. I haven't done this and I'm hopeful that I won't ever as there's a layer of "genuine" that can be missing from solely online or other forms of media communication.

So, no I haven't been duped on line - equally, I won't be falling in love online either. To me it's "falling in love" with an image or shadow, not a person.

It's too easy for people online to portray an image that's different from reality ..... and it's not about physical features but where they live, conditions in which they live, how they really behave (it's easy to be nice on a few skype calls and texts a week, harder in real life when working 24/7 and struggling to pay bills etc).

For me I think there is a difference between loving someone and falling in love with someone.
Now have I fallen "in" love with someone that I have never met before I met them oh I am sure I have. Yet, each one I look back on I can pin point pretty much exactly when I fell "in" love with this person and it usually has occurred during a time spent together.

You will never find me bad mouthing LDRs or saying they are not real or possible. I have had to many that prove they are and can be both. I do disagree that it is easy to pretend to be something your not with text, Skype, and phone calls...is it different sure it is different.

Yet, if I only had good contact with someone I would wonder if they were human...everyone has bad days and moments and they come through in online contact. I know for me there is no way I could pretend I was having a good day even for a few min. let alone each and every time I contacted someone especially if something big or stressful happened that day.

I think it is possible history is full of it....yet, I do think there is a difference between being "in" love with someone and loving someone..I do not think that is just semantics either. I know for me I love someone before I fall in love with them. I also know I ask the woman I am with which she is feeling and if she answers with the "in" I do ask when it happened for her. I can also love someone and never fall "in" love with this person.

Just my thoughts....

I'm sure that if we skype 6 hours a night for a week or two, you will be certain of it. ;)