just checking in...hope everyone is well. I have been working a lot, which used to be a stressor and trigger symptoms. I happy to report that i am handling the stress well...no episodes. saw my doctor last week. she changed my sleeping pill to elavil. The ambien would have me waking up and eating in the middle of the night and not remembering it the next morning. the new med seems to be working. i have been sleeping well and not feeling lethargic the next morning. that's all i have to report. all is well here.

more from Jinxd world
 

I am ..
a self injurer with 18 months of abstinence.
an abuse survivor.
not weak because of mental illness.

I come from a family riddled with mental illness, it's as much nature as lack of nurture in my case. I am well medicated and managing well, but this hasn't always been the case. I do not work. I am on SSD and SSI and have been for 8 years. I will have to remain on these benefits for the foreseeable future, in some capacity, for the insurance. Affording my medication and therapy would be impossible without the assistance of the government. I rarely tell anyone about my disability status unless they are an integral part of my everyday existence, because people can be horribly judgmental and/or use that information as ammunition when things don't go their way.

I have been in therapy/counseling off and on for 21 years. If you did the math, you will know that I started at the age of ten. I do not count my kindergarten year of spending an hour with the school psychologist every day, nor do I count the family therapy that was court ordered and my family attended only one session.

I have attempted suicide more times than I can count, starting around the age of eleven. I have been hospitalized 3 times, the first at the age of 13 and the last at age 24.

I was diagnosed with PMDD at 31. Diagnosed as Bi-Polar at the age of 21. Diagnosed with PTSD at 20. Diagnosed with atypical depression at 19. Diagnosed as Borderline at 15. Diagnosed with anxiety at 11.

I've been on so many different combinations of medicine I can't even remember them all. I do recall, however, my parents telling me that they would not pay for medicine for me because I just needed to stop seeking attention. After all, anything that could have ever been wrong with me was my own doing and had nothing at all to do with the lifetime of abuse and neglect that I was going through/coping with/barely surviving/survived. Please note the sarcasm in that last sentence.

In summation, I am mentally ill. Being judged and stigmatized because of that fact irritates me. I am mentally ill, however I am not the last 12 psychotic girlfriends you had. I shouldn't have to pay for whatever they may have done to you. Discounting anything about me because of my diagnosis is unfair, I am still capable of loving, feeling, parenting, caring, anger, disappointment and anything else so many seem to negate because I am "crazy". I did not wake up one day, when I was 10, and say "Hey! I think I'll be batshitcrazy for the rest of my life!". I control what I can control. I take my medication. I journal daily. I participate in therapy. I cannot wish this away. I've tried. I will not let it define me.

I am mentally ill. But, I am so much more than a laundry list of diagnosis. I am strong, loving, intelligent, witty, fun, friendly, flirty, femme. I am Jinx!

thank you for addressing the stigma that goes along with mental illness. i have been diagnosed with schizophrenia for a little over 3 years. once i began to understand it and became more comfortable with it, i started to talk about my feelings and what life with it is like. some people in my life started to disappear from my life...potential romantic interests would no longer be interested in dating me. it has been painful and irriatating. the people who stayed in my life have been supportive and compassionate. i have become more appreiative of the relationships in my life. i am in therapy, take meds, and attend support groups. i believe all of those things have made me stronger and knowledgable. i am no longer afraid or embarrassed to talk about mental illness. i hope that doing that changes the way some people think about mental illness. i will continue to embrace my diagnosis and live with it without shame.

i just wanted to share some good news with all of you. today i celebrated 2 years of being clean from heroin and cocaine. thank you all for your support...i couldn't have acheived it without you guys.

Thank your for this thread. Having just joined the site I don't feel comfortable disclosing too many details about my experiences with mental illness but I think threads like this play an important part in breaking down the stigma experienced by people living with mental illness. I grew up with a parent with severe bipolar disorder, anxiety and adult ADHD. For many years his illnesses, the stigma against mental illness and the mentally ill and the repercussions of some of the bad decisions he made while under psychiatric care created a barrier which prevented me from seeking treatment for my own mental health issues. I went through a lot of pain as a child all by myself so it's something I feel quite strongly about.

I also think it's worth mentioning in this context that the suicide rates for LGBTIQ people in my home country of Australia are up to 8 times higher than for their heterosexual peers. There is also evidence that LGBTI Australians have higher rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide ideation so I think issues around mental health for our communities are also tied (to some extent) to broader struggles for social justice and attitudinal change.

As for me, I have been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety and mental illness has interrupted my schooling, employment and ability to form relationships in the past. The first medication I was prescribed for depression was Effexor, which also made me agoraphobic. Most of the time I appear to be very high-functioning, calm, competent and under control so people have tended to assume I can manage on my own...but a lot of it's because I already graduated from 101 crisis management and co-parenting as a kid! It's been difficult, but incredibly worthwhile finally getting the help I need.

Anyway, I should also add that I found JinxdGirl's post really affecting. Thanks everyone for having the courage to share your struggles. Oh and naturlover_52, I don't mean to be rude but what does your therapists' race/ethnicity/religion have to do with anything? Again, thanks for sharing.

Oh and naturlover_52, I don't mean to be rude but what does your therapists' race/ethnicity/religion have to do with anything? [/QUOTE]

well hmmm Just commenting on a previous thread...From Jinx.... where shr called Her therapist the old Glass Ass. IT doesn't make ANY difference TO me....religion/race/ethnicity/sexual orientation of a therapist.....JUST the report that U have w/ them and the therapist that said that MY OCD was a reason for my sexuality broke that REPORT,,,,,,MADE me think that I didn't KNOW myself....which kind of goes w/ WHAT U said about LGBTs mental illness being because of OUTSIDE Issues.....well that was a huge thing for me. I wasn't making racial/religious slurs when I made the statement....JUST describing the people.
NOTHING MORE

:2butch::batman:

my post
 

I was just describing the people NOT insulting nor was a racial/religious slur was meant....that wasn't my intention at ALL sorry to those offended

Thanks for the clarification, naturlover_52. It's something that I've personally done before- mentioned someone's ethnicity or sex in a context where it's not really relevant. We tend not to specify if someone's white. I didn't think you meant anything by it but I think it's sometimes worthwhile pulling each other up on these things if we notice them- in the same way I think it's useful for someone to correct me if I use the wrong pronoun, for instance. Anyway, thanks again for making that clear.

Congrats chef........what an accomplishment. You should be very proud of yourself.

getting out of the house
 

I totally understand what U mean....I have been busy taking care of myself....because of the fact that I have a duel diagnosis...JUST not one w/ alcohol/drug addiction. But a second disability to my GADs and my Borderline Personality.

good luck w/ getting a NEW Internship...I think that that would be good. KEEP me informed if ya would.

I am trying to get stuff done to get Medicaid and also trying to find work thru Dept of Vocational Rehab.

Take care all

Mental Awareness
 

I've been in mental health for about 10+ years and as a therapist I would like to say that yes mental illness does carry a stigma with it. But we could talk about stereo types all day. It's getting help that needs to be a focus. Making sure that close friends and family undertstandin what ur going through, that it isn't a choice and sometimes u do need help with certain MAOI OR sertoin receptors sites to reduce risk.
Some ppl need medication like others have to have glass to see better ot take medication to balance hBp.

true about that.
 

BUT at the same time we need to INFORM family about what the heck is going on....at the same time some DON"T wanna hear about it. Also some don't have a clue what it is like to need to be medicated. I just know I need meds for both the high BP and also the borderline Personality Disorder. BUT right now I am also dealing w/ Major Anxiety....and the anxiety meds aren't working.
BUT like many have told me....I breath....and take things 1 day at a time...until I can get to see the Psychitrist next week.

i hope things get easier for you. hang in there...it takes awhile for therapy to work and for the right combination of meds to be determined. it all came together for me about a year ago. i am grateful...but i will never forget what it was like in the beginning. you have good support here...keep using it.

just wanted to check in. hope everyone is doing well. i have been a little down since i broke my foot. i hate having my mobility restricted. i get to go back to work full time on thursday...i am sure that will cheer me up.

latest on me
 

naturlover:
keep trying with SSI. I did some work in this area a long time ago (too long ago to offer any specific help, sorry!), but i can tell you most people are denied at the 1st and 2nd levels...My firm often didn't even accept cases until they were that far along. Good luck and keep trying!

Just having issues w/ the Abilify
 

IT doesn't seem to be working
and NOw trying to see how I do
Just took 2 Tazadone an see how that does anything.....Doc is gonna call me today......take care and I am trying to Hang in there.....JUST not feeling LIKE me. I am feeling very uncontrolably hyper.

i am not sure what you are being treated for...but i use to take abilify 20mg twice a day for schizophrenia. it was difficult to be still or just relax when i was on it. i felt like i needed to be constantly moving. i hated it and have since been put on geodon 80mg twice a day. i am much better now. my hands still get shakey sometimes, but that is manageable. i also took trazadone. i didn't have such good results with that. it helped me sleep through the night, but i felt really lethargic for most of the next day. i now take ambien if i need it for sleep. i hope my sharing was helpful. i know you hear it all the time but...hang in there. it takes time to find the right combination of meds...it was about 18 months for me. good luck.

hey there I am having issues
 

I am gonna talk the doc about something like that
thanks you both.

thanks

Apilify caused me to have a seizure.....and I really remember nothing else from being on it.

drs
 

I was supposed to have an appointment I thought yesterday w/ the doc....BUT I guess he felt that we had covered everything via the phone....well....I didn't
but hey He is the doc. I go next week. BUT things Are getting a bit better. went to a meeting last night for recovery for everything....mostly alanon though. went and ordered a book to help me deal w/ some other issues I deal w/. and ordered a CD. BUT today is hmmm....Just getting started and having a bit of trouble.

BUT will survive....as Gloria Ganer said in her survivor song.:hangloose::moonstars:(f)

i had weight gain with geodon too. my friend brent always points out to me that it is a small price to pay to be stable. i have been on abilify, seroquel, invega, and risperdal until i was put on the geodon last summer. it has worked the best for me. i haven't heard voices or had a pyschotic episode in a awhile. i still sometimes have a little paranoia, but i have been able to control that with some positive self talk.

what is going on
 

i am sorry to hear about your loses. i have had great results with Elavil(amitriptyline) for sleep. it is actually a tricyclic antidepressant used for treating depression...but it can also be taken for sleep. i take 50mg at bedtime. after about a month of use it doesn't work as well, so then i take ambien for a month then back to the elavil. i hope my information helps you. stay strong.

the trazadone works IT is the stuff for anxiety Need something else for it
Need a mood stabalizer better than the abilify or something for the jitters
etc....and or the ADD

what is new
 

Well loved t he new psychiatrist but I don't get to keep him I am being sent back to the old one.....BUT he did say to get the Neurontin from MY reg doc...Md and see how it works....and it seems to be working....and also off the Abilify.
also on 100mgs a day of Buspar and seems to be helping we shall see.

take care all
hope everyone is doing well.

I have a new med added to my cocktail.....Lamictal. You have to start out really slow on this one because you can have a rash from it. So far I'm on such a low dose that I don't feel anything. It's supposed to help regulate my sleep. We shall see.

Lamictal is a mood stabilizer that my nurse practitioner thinks will help regulate my sleeping. I put myself back on a normal sleeping schedule though. And I seem to be regulating myself....but the mood stabilizer can't hurt.

Jedi master
 

yeah they wanted to put me on that but were not gonna because of the rash. I am on a new med to MY cocktail too. Cymbalta instead of the EffexorXR.
Best of luck to you Jedi. I am not sure how things are w/ me...JUST know I am quite depressed and missing my lovely. I hate the holidays. Especially now it is just me myself and I unless I get to see my kid and her mom.

I haven't been here in awhile...so wanted to stop in. I have a rough couple of weeks. Feeling lonely and it makes me sad. My doctor increased my antidepressant for me... I am slowly starting to feel it. I have been off of work for a few weeks and the boredom gets to me. I am back to work on monday...looking forward to that. Hope everyone is doing well.

My first post on this thread... I don't want to bore you all with the details of all my mental illnesses (trust me, it's not as bad as it sounds, haha) but I'm currently on Zoloft for depression/anxiety. I missed a couple of days - not on purpose, but I guess I just didn't care enough to remember. But, alas, I'm back on it today.

My ex... who was also my best friend before we got together, called me last night. I was texting, and I accidentally answered the call, freaked out, and hung it up immediately. She didn't try to call back or text me. Today, she called my best friend... who didn't answer her call.

I don't get it. She was asked politely to leave me alone for awhile, because a couple of weeks ago, she held me and kissed me and told me she loved me... then all of a sudden, is telling me her new girlfriend means everything and she would die without her. So. I told her to back away, and she did at first... at times she'll send a text or two, but now she's calling us - not sure why. However, it causes deep anxiety inside of me and I feel nauseous all over... even with the Zoloft... I just wish things weren't so complicated. She has a girlfriend... what is she doing?

Might I add that she's Bipolar II and an alcoholic... hence, we can't make a relationship work until both of our emotions are stable and she starts seriously working on herself and her addictions.

Sigh. Sorry for rambling... =/