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I didn't really do anything to deserve all the thanks for the thread. There are other trans threads...and anyone of us could have done it.Plus, i had help from others here in starting it. Linus did more than i did really.
I haven't had time to read all of this...but, man do i have similar and different experiences going on inside my head while reading about all of you guys's. And the really thoughtful threads... i want to delve more into myself again and analyze and reflect more and go there...(need more self time hugh?) but, i have to save some energy. Don't have a whole lot of extra time. Some really thoughtful posts. The one "ISSUE" that really disturbs me about the laws in our society... when it comes to being FTM or MTF...is how dangerous it can be for some of us who don't have the correct gender marker on our ID's. i.e. One that reflects the sex in which people perceive us as... is really the safest.Personally, My gender marker on my ID is Male. I am lucky. But, for those of us who don't have that security...God that makes my skin boil! Seriously, society needs to understand how dangerous this is for trans people...and others and the laws should be changed in order to give each person the ability to CHOOSE what suits them. Burning precious energy... |
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I chose this one cause I love monkeys and I wear glasses. :blink: Four Eyed Monkey Lover, Brute. P.S. I love monkeys so much I even have a tatt of one. /End Derail. |
I think that is funnier than hell Brute....I have been called that before....
Monkey Keepin' it light is nice I hope you are safe on the road out there...where are you Brute? You guys are makin' me laugh reading your stories. The TSA...uh huh.. Another thing that cracks me up...I call trans - friendly toilets ...(TFT's).... This is a good tool to have and use in public with others...depending on the situation. I love goin' into the mens room to piss and there are just urinals or no doors.... Lovin' that especially when i am about to whizz my pants and my bladder is bursting...and screamin' at me and me EYE balls are just about to pop out of me HEAD....OY(sarcasm). That right there is a great feeling and very healthy for our bladders....can anyone say dehydration? So, important to drink enough water. I do. I am comfortable in the men's room majority of the time. Just not lovin it when there isn't a door. A lot more comfortable in the men's than i ever was in the women's restroom. I never really was comfortable there...i was shy and felt like an intruder. but, i was a gentleman (when i used to have to go in there) ...you know? Even as a child growing up it felt so wrong. So confusing. just don't look at anything. But, embarrassing to go in there. Scary even! Gonna go try and watch the TV...I hope Obama wins... |
I know you had it first - I thought it went well with "Hominid" - but I'm way more into aliens than chimps - you win! Except they didn't have an alien with glasses ...
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They are out there in cyber space. You should check them out. DMW |
Some sucker agreed to a date ...
Now what?
We met on OKC, apparently she had been "looking" at me for several months - but has been moving, changing jobs, etc. and wasn't actively reaching out to anyone. She was one of my "mandatory" few that I send a message to a week. We met for breakfast - have talked on the phone a few times, and now we're going to the movies and dinner Saturday (not very original, but neither of us has been in a while and it's kind of retro). Anyway, she is straight. Well, not really - well - she defines as straight but was with a few women over 8 years ago. She's never been with anyone trans, doesn't know anyone trans. She told me tonight she gets a little wobbly in the knees when we talk and has said nothing about my being trans or made no references to it ... which I admit is kind of nice. That said, if we get that far (which won't be this week), how does one deal with sex? My ex and I had sex pretty much the same way after transition as before - and I was with a woman last year sexually who had been with butch lesbians so the "hardware" thing was just a given (hearkening to my comment about it being a little easier to date queer women). So, I mean, you're making out ... one thing leads to another ... then you excuse yourself? Do I talk about this very thing so when the time comes she's like "go upstairs honey, I'll be up in a minute" so I can be in bed already? I plan to take my time, not rush into sex, but I'm curious about others' experiences with this delicate, embarrassing (to me) issue. |
Exactly my question from earlier
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I'll be interested in the answers....thanks Hominid ! & Good luck when it happens & enjoy your date !!! |
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And I think in regards to the "how to" I think this will be largely dependent on the individual you are with. And what you both agree to what excites you or turns you on. And what things either you do not feel comfortable with. I don't know if any of us can suggest that it be one way or another. I've used toys (I like to say that I can come in any color, shape or size -- pun intended), my hands, my mouth and sometimes other things (amazing what a simple feather and a blindfold can cause).
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Just fill her in about your situation and ask her what she likes
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Just stopped by to say good afternoon to everyone. I hope your day is a good one.
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Ditto. :koolaid:
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I'm not sure how best to put this but I would prefer that this thread be FTM only. It's not that we do not value or appreciate input from other gender IDs but sometimes we have to figure out things for ourselves by ourselves for ourselves. Threads like Ask a Trans or What attracts you to FTMs may be more appropriate for comments, questions, etc.
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I see that you are new here. Just to fill you in regarding what i have asked for from the community. I have made this thread a thread for FTM's to share a space. It isn't exactly private for us but, it is the best we got. You did remind me that another thread needs to be made though. Have a good day and please don't take my request personally...I am sure there will be more people ...to drop by unaware... I myself, have messed up plenty,so no need to feel badly or to apologize. There are a lot of good people here and there is room for everyone of all colors,shapes and sizes.... have fun, and welcome again. DMW |
Gentlemen, thank you for this thread, and for your openness and honesty. There are things I want to post and say but I can't do it right now. I can't get the words right in my thoughts right now. But I am a very appreciative reader.
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Just a note...i believe there is more risk involved for those who love trans people...more risk for loss. (friends or lovers or mates) even family sometimes.
We change, in different ways..some subtle, some big...Physical for sure. and our lives become different....so to...do the lives of the one's that love us. Sometimes our change makes the lives of the one's we love(our Parners especially)... really invisible...there is so much fear for them. It is a lot to ask of someone to take on the journey of life with a transman. and for some... misunderstanding... it is up to me to give them time, space, acceptance (because they are NOT trans) and the willingness... to be available to explain myself and answer questions when needed. If i am expecting them to reciprocate ...in kind... i must give of myself in order to receive understanding. It is called respecting the one's I love. And respecting myself. The people that love me are forced to accept and change...in their own way... and love me...because...i am trans. I make a move and take action...there is a reaction...of course... And i must say, I am a very lucky man. In addition, i am not alone and my story is not unusual....so, keep your heads up transmen...the people who really love you and accept your change... will do the same for you... as you do for them. I am not the only lucky one. And sometimes...people love me...but it is too much...to stay on the journey... and that is ok... i can love them back...in kind... See, there is the risk of loss. It takes a brave woman to take on that risk. I know that. I have seen it and lived it and watched her love and loved her back...with me on the journey or not...she loved me back....and ditto i for her. |
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DMV, There was a lot to this that I can relate to. Realizing that there are some of my own family members that are going to have a really really hard time with it especially when the time comes that I start T. They say they support me but I also know the physical changes will be a shock for them. There are some too who have literally just disappeared into thin air when they found out. Lol. No worries though, they're cousins who I'd rather not hang out with anyway. Yet I know they ALL love me, it's just a matter of how much they can deal with because whether they like it or not, the change will happen. So regardless if they hang around or not, I'm okay with it because like I said, I know they do love me. As far as being with someone and having her go through this with me. Yea, I can see how it can be really hard for her but I am lucky in that she supports me and understands that everyone should just be who they feel they are. She's one of those who wants to beat her head on a wall when she meets someone who feels they can't be who they truly are for whatever reason. Lol. Kinda cute actually. If she had her way, every one would be free to live as they see themselves. As far as her feeling invisible. I think it's more she feels femme invisibility then anything else. Does being with me, a FTM, compound that? I dunno. Maybe. But she looks at it as her invisibility, not mine. Hope that makes sense, at least it does in my head. Lol. I could see how it could be harder if I were a FTM that wanted to denounce any part of my female past once I fully transitioned and live as a heterosexual male. Luckily for myself and her, I don't want to live that way. Yea, I reckon we are pretty damn lucky, DMW, for having women in our lives who understand the risks but also know there are joys as well to being with one of our kind. At least that's what I hope anyways. She's still with me so must be some joy in there somewhere. Lol. I do know that I try my best to make sure that she is comfortable with what's happening (although I can be self absorbed most the time) because as I transition, it's not just me but us. Our lives change with each step I take. My transitioning will affect her family because they don't fully understand or know yet. It was our choice. Right now it's the best choice. It's a choice I am okay with because I want life for her to be as uncomplicated as possible and believe me, while her parents are truly great people....calling them up to tell them that I'm really a man trapped in a female body would earn us a few candles at mass I'm sure! Again, love them to death and they love me to death. Just not something I would want to put on them or on her. She knows the risks and for that I'm grateful. So we'll take it one day at a time and see what each day brings. :) Yep I Am Lucky, Brute. |
Yep
I can totally relate DMV....it takes a very special person to love & stay alongside us sometimes. I had a woman who did that, & omg did/do I love her for that. That's what's hardest about the divorce is my best friend, the woman I felt safest with, the woman who loved me even though I changed...she's not with me anymore but, the love we shared is still there & I will be forever grateful to her for her love & emotional support the last 10 years. She's a gem...I hope I will be blessed enough to find another like her in those ways....I wish us ALL the best in that !
Jonathan |
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I am really tired of people telling my gf she is not really a Femme Lesbian because she is partnered with me. As if they are ordained the head honcho of "Identity." What ever a woman decides is her identity, it is not for me to say. Her identity is not dependent on how I see myself.
Yes, I have seen the things that happen to women that partner with someone like me. However for me, this is not all new. Some of the same stuff happened to my partners before I transitioned. My gender expression was never congruent with what was considered to be "normal." For me, I have enough to figure out about the how and the why of it as to who I am P.S. Although this thread would not be appropriate to do it in, I would like to hear from women who have dated Butches and FTMs. How varied was your experience? Were there similarities? Was it a completely different experience for you? Did your gender identity change? Did you experience invisiblity as a queer woman, femme, even more so then when you dated a self identified butch? Do you women have any concerns you would like for gender varient masculine people including FTMs, take into consideration when dating, partnering, and befriending you? |
Oh and one more thought to my above post.
A thread where we cannot challenge them on their experience or "cruise" them under the guise of platitudes and compliments. Maybe we just listen and think about what they are telling us. |
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http://lolajake.com/secure/ http://www.ftmguide.org/packinghard.html Exactly, she already knows, also. So, just treat it like any other date. But, the sooner she knows the better for the both of you. That way she can deal with the idea in her head. She will either like the idea or not. Deal or not deal. And then there is always feeling out the chemistry and deciding whether or not you want to even go there with her yourself. You know. You Got this Man...but, tread lightly for yourself. Once you go there...she may not stay away....wink Quote:
whatever anyone decides is their identity is theirs...agreed. society will accept it or understand it or not. accepting your girlfriends identity is all that matters for you and i am sure that is done...try to understand her...that is all that is essential for the two of you. Remember it isn't always a fine line... or couples don't come in perfect pairs of established (labels)...and the thing is...her identitiy is hers and yours is yours. period. Just keep being true to yourself. you know? sorry it's late. Plus there isn't always a box or label to stuff oneself into... we are all evolving if we are working. I have to come back to this for sure. I suggest you ...or we...start a new thread...seriously...one about FTM's and Femmes or whatever will answer some of your questions and help you and your girl... I gotta check out. Nite All |
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Also, I do think at times many of us (generalized us that includes FIBs, Butches, Trans Butches, and FTMs) including myself, give women partnered with us or not, lip service. Some of us do not really think about what they are saying and how things impact their lives. Unless I/we are attracted to them in some romantic, sexual, or flirtatious way. |
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Yep....Got it....a thread for that would be great for that. i was thinking along the same lines...amongst all of this...not all of those ?'s though. Those are good. I bet the women would like to know the answers and explore the answers to this also. And have some answers. The feedback would be awesome. And i would probably listen more than anything. I don't usually go into femme space ver much.....start a thread....or ask a woman if she is interested in starting one...that would best. Ok, Goodnight. |
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At the expense of other peoples feelings too. and i don't like that. That is on me to understand and hear it and recognize what those words are ...etc. Impossible for me to know all of the words that would trigger all of the people. That is rediculous. But, many are good to be aware of. For me ....it is to not react unkindly..if and when i get triggered. Because it is not really that person's issue if I have a response. That would be my issue. |
I am in the midst of scheduling my top surgery and I sound like a bleeping idiot on the phone-- its like, I am super excited but super nervous that I am finally here at this point of my life.
If you have already had Top Surgery, what kind of things would you recommend (healing, preparing)? What kind of questions did you all ask? Who did you go to, and why? If you haven't had surgery yet - do you plan on sometime in future? Who do you want to go to, and why? Not sure where everyone is located, but if you are in the East coast area, I hope you all are safe, keeping warm -- and know we are thinking of all of you. Best, |
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To ask: Get the doc to explain exactly how they are going to do the surgery. Ask them what they recommend for recovery. When do they want to see you after surgery? (24 hours? 48 hours?) What are you allowed to eat before surgery? What are ok to eat 24-48 hours after surgery? a week after? and so on... How often to change the dressing? If double, things to consider for recovery: Ensure you have help for the first week or two. And a good LazyBoy or similar recliner chair. Have nothing to do for the first couple of days (I slept lots for the first couple of days). For the first couple of weeks, ensure that anything you need (say, food, water, etc.) is reachable at waist level (no lifting of items from ground and no raising of arms). If you have dogs, ensure someone else can walk them. If they are the excitable type, you may need that person to **REALLY** wear them out so they don't jump on you. Ensure the doc provides you with enough bandages and surgical tape. And change them according to what she/he recommends. If you smoke, DON'T. I enjoy cigars now and again but avoided them for about two months or thereabouts to ensure healing was done without coughing. |
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Thanks for answering so quickly-- I believe I will getting the double mastectomy (a lot larger than a key hole, for sure). I don't smoke, so I'm good there too-- I never thought about the eating thing-- thank you for suggesting. |
Happy to find this thread
Hi Guys
I could really benefit from a place to connect with other transguys too. Good idea for a thread. I love my community but sometimes feel isolated especially at times of great changes in my life. Greyson brother, it is really hard to deal with ignorance and no one has the right to tell you or your gf what is or what is not real. Only love is real. I am very much a believer in A Course in Miracles philosophy that only love is real and this distance that humans create with each other is some illusion of the ego. The most beautiful thing that I have ever experienced on this planet in this lifetime is loving someone. No one can take any part of that away from me. That is my Church, there is my worship experience. With her I found my heaven. One of the teachers that I look to is Don Miguel Ruiz and The Four Agreements. Agreement #2: Take Nothing Personally...is the hardest for me but I am working on this. It is not about you, it is about them. How sad for them. I will be back to write more when I have more time but just wanted to stop by and say hello. Sun |
Beautiful Post Sun,
I love the 4 agreements....got it on me always...now, i gotta keep to em better...Long day at work for this guy. Glad you are here. DMW Quote:
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- Button up shirts - very hard (and bad for later scarring) to reach over your head
- you will get a list before surgery of things the doc wants you to do or not. I would ASK for a prescription for Zofran - just in case you get nauseous either from being post op, the trauma of it all, or the pain killers. -Start taking metamucil or one of the other fiber drinks ASAP when you return. You will get constipated from the pain medicine, and that's no fun. When you are up and about, WALK - it keeps your intestines moving, is good for circulation, etc. No hiking up hills, just strolls. - If you can recruit someone to be with you, pre-op, post-op, as much as possible, do. -TAKE your pain medicine. You need it not just for pain, but also to rest your body. Do NOT wait until you are in pain the first day or so - just take it and sleep. After that, do not wait too long when the pain begins to take it. I'm not suggesting there's a lot of pain, most guys say there is not. - Be sure and wear the compression shirt or ace bandage or whatever they suggest/provide. Actually, if they suggest an ace bandage, get a compression shirt (you can google it, I can't remember the people who make the more popular one). Get two, one to wear while you wash the other. They are very helpful in telling you which size to order. Keep it on, especially the first few days post-op - It will help prevent any hematomas, help the nipples to adhere, hold the incision areas close together for better healing. The longer you wear it, the better. - Do NOT hesitate to call your surgeon at any time you have a concern. They work for YOU; you paid good money, and there is always someone covering or on call to address a concern. Congrats! Quote:
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Whether the woman identifies as gay or straight...i am not sure that applies. I believe that a woman will understand as much i am willing to share with her. [Derailed thought... My first long term relationship was with a woman who had only dated biomales...and at that time in my life i identified as butch (or just me). I was perceived as a ...wow...I hear this overwhellming voice of hers in my head... "But, you are so much like a guy". Very true. I always felt that way and I always was like that. This particular woman...struggled with understanding that...hell, i had to tell her eventually, "I guess i am gay, i am a butch and if you are seriously interested in a relationship and a future with me. Then, you need to understand that...this is how we will be perceived as a couple. A gay couple" I basically told her that she had to really understand that and accept that in order for us to move forward together as a couple. And i put a hold and break on us to give us both time. (So odd and ironic...it is like the pot calling the kettle black in a way... if i hadn't repressed and shoved down my feelings for so long growing up because society is so babyblue(boy) and lightpink(girl) and gotten in that...i don't know forced routine of this is how you should be...because you were born a girl...and this is how society expects you to be...(so wrong) maybe i would have snapped out of it sooner? Life gets busy for all of us too. I was focused on school and my future and working part time during the start of that relationship...I see now (not that i haven't thought of it prior to this and since pretransition) that i needed time too. I recall now, with more reflection, that i was finishing up final exams and in the process of taking company entrance exams for my career.] At least for me, personally, i am perceived as male and identify as male an ftm-male. So, i explain to those whom i respect and grow to love. If i desire to and feel that they are deserving of my effort i will share more of who i am with them. For the most part, all of my responses have been positive. It helps grow some understanding between the relationships. Quote:
This is a whole knew sphere too...i purposefully did not go to get an MRI done for my back....because i worked at the only hospital in the city i lived in. I knew there was the possibility of outing myself there...cause of pelvic bones (xray) or the MRI soft tissue...as you point out. I went to a chiropractor instead. But, never had tests done which should have been. Because...i would have outted myself (to yet more people) at my work place. The whole...diagnostic, radiation, ultrasound..etc...group. I needed that job. It was a smaller town and i didn't want to jeopardize our financial security. Could not move from that city at the time for other reasons too. |
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And Congratulations Ahk! And it is true...it isn't that painful...and it doesn't last for long either. Do follow Hominid's advice...those suggestions are all very important. |
I thought the BMV _ DMV was going to need my DNA and finger prints inorder for me to get a legal picture id...which i have to have here... in order to vote in this state...
"mr...*****there is someone else who has your soc. sec. #...you need to call them and tell them....that was last week...fixed that... Nope not them....it is your system... Oh fun times.... registered a few months ago....cause i just moved here... Hours and days at the license branch and plenty of paperwork and legal evidence of everything...:seeingstars: I am not the only one either...fuck if they were going to stop me...i was going to go to the news and make a stink just to let people know what the hell goes on. I laughed with my friend and thought...you know i have an old id...and ugh...maybe i should just dress in drag and put on a wig and see what happens....fuck me...i didn't know... Took me three times and hours to get my mofo driver's license...Fun times..first time i ever failed a ? on the test also...got 3 wrong. had to scramble to get the test done before they closed yesterday...had to go back and just about whip out my pecker to get it done. FUCK.... I was to go canvas in ohio for tomorrow.. i work monday...isn't happening now. But, i am definately going to canvas here and make phone calls here. http://www.thedailybeast.com/article...er-voters.html |
Morinin peeps.
Voting ...I am wondering if anyone else here has had trouble getting their soc. sec. ..ID ..straight etc. inorder to vote? So weird. The poor people looked at me so confused and asked why? Long story... I was reading another thread,in the trans zone(trans appreciation), and it got me thinking...and thinking of loss and being a transsexual. I realize that I experienced personal loss too. A part of myself...and i knew i would when i transitioned. [ For me, i had to do this because i felt like a male ever since i can recall... my own identity of self.(ex. I cut my hair at 2 years old because someone said that my curly hair was cute. ) So, i know what was best for me.] The personal loss was losing that female butch person i loved and had grown to become. I was proud of being a strong female butch. Just proud of who i was. I didn't want people who knew me...acquaintances...family...friends...to think that i was transitioning because i was ashamed of who i was as a female butch...or that i was ashamed of being "gay". This is one aspect of transitioning that i struggled with Big Time. My mother's voice is in my head..."but i had a girl...i gave birth to a girl"...i remember listening to her and sharing that loss with her. I had to console her. It broke my heart. I could the pain in her eyes. I understand...that is the loss that she experienced. I had to explain to her that i was the same soul...the same person... eventually, the more i shared with her...the more she understood. So, before transitioning...I had to make it very clear to people that i was not ashamed of who i was as a female butch, and that was NOT any reason as to why i felt the need to transition. In fact, i struggled with the very fact that (some people) would assume or did assume that. grrr. So, i found myself needing and wanting to explain to the obtuse. That i was not transitioning to be a man...because i look up to or want to aspire to be like all Men in general. It just has to do with my internal identity. my mind...my knowledge of self and self awareness...an evolution and a freedom to be closer to who i am. Coffee... I highly recommend this book and pamplet...for transmen and their families. [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Trans-Forming-Families-Stories-Transgendered/dp/0615123074"]http://www.amazon.com/Trans-Forming-Families-Stories-Transgendered/dp/0615123074[/ame] http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_...5thedition.pdf |
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This is such a tough time when it comes to transitioning...the best thing to do is just to try and relax and be yourself...I used to call myself a "wuzzle" because on the SAT sample test ?'s...prior to the test... that is the example that was stated over and over...A wuzzle is defined as...to mix. A wuzzle means to Mix. And it was so apropo for that time period.(I was lucky. I just cut my hair and i looked pretty male after that. I used my hair to hide and stuff the way i felt i guess. I think i was conditioned from childhood. To correct people who would call me a boy.) Anyhow, i had a girlfriend who would just look at people in a restaurant...she enjoyed whenever someone looked confused about me. She would tell me..." I just love watching their confusion and their pained faces. They are baffled" . She was right. Dr Seuss...thing 1 and thing 2...they do it for me, also. I have a Christmas Ornament that i am very proud of...I am a transexxual and I am proud. And i am a wuzzle inside. No matter how i am perceived. Smile. And I am proud of all of you guys going through this journey. Onto to the election..:vigil: |
It's around 5:30 am right now. I should be on the way to the gym, but I am staying at home this morning so I can vote instead. My polling area is notorious for long lines and running out of ballets at night so I vote first thing in the morning.
Right now I'm fueled just on pure morning adrenaline. I hope this all comes out right.. thoughts just kinda pouring out through the keyboard. So... first of all, I appreciate that the majority of the people on this online community can understand that someone can identify as a trans person without actually going through the transition, either by choice, because of lack of resources, because of medical restrictions, or for whatever reason. I stopped seeing a counselor who said "well if you don't want to have surgery right away, you're not trans." Lesbian never felt right to me. It took me until I got to college to appreciate what had been there all along- a definite attraction and physical/sexual desires for females, not males. Yes I did sleep with bio males when I was in high school. I *thought* I was supposed to do that. And I did with a few, thinking *I'm supposed to like this, maybe he's just doing it wrong.* Nothing. And actually: it was revolting. And even in those relationships I was the dominant person. I wouldn't even call them relationships I think. It wasn't until college where I finally talked to a trusted friend about how I felt. Coming from a very conservative family (who called me last night to make sure I would vote for Romney, ugh), I literally had no idea what gay or lesbian meant until someone explained it to me. And the light bulb went on! But still, even though I had started dating women, something was quite wrong. It's taken me another 10-15 years to appreciate the other part of my life that has been there all along-- the inner feeling that I am male, a male soul, male energy. Looking back on it all, through my own thoughts and through therapy, so many signs are obvious. A lifelong revolting feeling to dresses, makeup, female-identified activities. Always automatically being the "dad" when playing house. Always playing with the boys and not the girls. Rejecting dolls for trucks. Never fitting in at school because people didn't know what to make of me. Sneaking into my parent's basement during the night, lighting candles like an altar, and then praying to god to fix me. Wondering for so long what was wrong with me. Crying for days when my menstrual cycle started because it meant I really was a girl. I have always cringed when I was called "beautiful" or "pretty." There's always been this internal lack of comfort when I am addressed by my assigned female name, so much to the point where I don't even say it when I answer the phone. I wanted to change my name as early as high school. And then there's the body dysmorphia... all the times of looking in a mirror and just breaking out into tears. Always wearing clothing that hid my body and my female curves. Wearing men's clothes for over 25 years. There's so many examples. For a while to me I thought it was being a butch. But even that wasn't right. In college I was brought to lesbian bars by groups of friends. I felt like I was in the wrong place. If only the little voice in my head that now can say "you are male" had the words for it years ago, I could have spared myself from a lot of depression, self-hate, isolation, and feelings of being unworthy. It wasn't until I started going to trans groups that I felt comfortable. Genderqueer really didn't exist 10 years ago, and transgender rights were barely on the radar. My age group grew up with negative images of trans people (think Silence of the Lambs). Even 10 years ago I can remember fights at activism meetings about including the T in GLBT and how many people thought this group did not belong. And there are those within the T community that think that if you are not going through surgery and hormones, you are not really trans. The reality is, people like us have existed throughout societies around the world for centuries. And unfortunately too many people attacked what they did not understand. Sometimes I wonder if we adopt labels for a comfort level for ourselves, or for the comfort of others, so people know how to treat us. I am very appreciative that groups have started to move to the umbrella approach for equality, recognizing that while legally wording and labels have to be specific for protection/rights because society as a whole pigeonholes us, but in reality gender and sexual identify are much more fluid. I feel like our society is still so rooted in male/female, pink/blue, that it doesn't know how to handle those that identify as the opposite gender, have gone through transition, are in the middle, or those who simply identify as something different than the vessels we were born in. Fortunately the world is changing much faster than ever before, and today's youth is much more open minded, understanding and accepting. I can only hope things will be much easier for the next generation, and that someday people will look back at GLBT rights and shake their heads at what took so long. And I need to turn all my pain into something positive. What can I do to make sure no other person has to suffer, to agonize, to contemplate suicide? How can I help my community? How can I stay connected? Transgender feels like the right word for me. Right now my life focus is on what I ignored for so long- self love and self respect. My other life motto is: "be a gentleman." I picture myself being the best example of a man I can be. I unfortunately do see FTMs in the community who absorb what I personally see to be the worst characteristics of men- not treating women with respect and seeing them as equal; using derogatory words to describe women, etc. To me it's about standing up for the rights of women and for equality issues such as equal pay, abortion rights, healthcare, etc. It's about being conscious with my words and manners. It's about being respectful and protective, not because women are weak (which they are most definitely not!), but out of loyalty and appreciation. As I grow more confident about who I am, I have found myself challenging things I would be too scared to face years ago. I saw a post in a Facebook group where someone said "I am a FTG: a female to gentleman." I like that. Time to get up for voting/work. Sorry about my rambling here. |
Thanks for sharing Alex. Ramble on...i dig it. I hope others will too.
I got in and got to vote. Had to go vote early... cause i was awake and genrally do that also. My adrenaline if burning up also...I believe i have turned to cortisol. Yulk. Nothing like voting in someone's barn. Weird... I am grateful that my name was on the rolls and not my old one... I was prepared to show all my id and then deal with provisionals if necessary. Now, i want to know about victor...infinity? GO OBAMA BIDEN 2012 |
TDOR
Good Morning All,
Is there a TDOR thread around here? I am wondering what events are goinng on around the country this year. If there is no thread I may start one. The national site is not always updated well and I really want to see this event get more visibility this year. Thanks! |
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