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Fun Fact of The Day: Barbies get fat too........ if you microwave them ♥
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""Nyquil, the night time, coughing, sneezing, aching, stuffy nose,head ache, fever, how the hell did I end up on my kitchen floor medicine?"
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Let's see.... which emotional issues shall I bury under deep layers of sarcasm today?
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Today my plan is to just pretend I know what the hell is going on!
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I'm sorry...I didn't get the memo that said I had to blow sunshine up your ass today!!
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Reckons that in the right light, at the right angle, if you squint & stand on one leg........I might look like I give a damn.
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. "He spells well." — Comment by a professor who'd been listed as a reference on a grad student candidate's application. A classic "damn by faint praise." We didn't admit the student. |
I see you're playing stupid again...looks like you're winning.
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“Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.” ― Joss Whedon
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It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
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. With friends like you, who needs friends? |
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Ah arrogance and stupidity all in one package. How efficient of you.
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Said to me by my ex...
...when I was showing off how cultured I was:
"You're such an aristocrap."* *My ex had a slight speech impediment, so I never did know whether she uttered this word because of that impediment, or if she was being sarcastic - to this day, I still don't know....hmmmm, I wonder. :| lol |
I'm addicted to smart ass remarks and inappropriate humor.. is there a helpline for this?
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Laura (1944)
Quotes by Waldo Lydecker portrayed by Clifton Webb from Laura (1944) :movieguy:
"In my case, self-absorption is completely justified. I have never discovered any other subject quite so worthy of my attention." "I don't use a pen. I write with a goose quill dipped in venom.":writer: "I should be sincerely sorry to see my neighbor's children devoured by wolves." |
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I major in sarcasm and minor in innuendo.
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I don't feel like playing with you today... So, get outta my sandbox!
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Bite me. . |
Sarcasm is bitchy's smarter, better dressed sister.
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Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow
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By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass!
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If I had to live with seven men...... I'd take the poison apple too!
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My usual response would be: Where? and How hard? That usually garners me a :| followed by the type of awkward silence that I like...when they are trying to figure out to come back from that but just haven't quite made it yet. |
some people say I'm a horrible person, but it's not true! I have the heart of an innocent girl........
in a jar, on my desk |
Evolution -- life's a niche, and then you die
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Sometimes in life you have to skip grabbing the bull by the horns and go straight for the balls!
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"Do you need some sun? you're looking fucking shady!!"
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You'll find out that messing with me is like masturbation, it sounds like a pretty good idea at first but once you get done you realize you just screwed yourself.
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You never know how creative your thought process is until you sit on a wet toilet seat trying to convince yourself that it is definitely something other than pee!!!
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Oh no you deleted me........ what are you gonna do next, call me a Meany at snack time?
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