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another daft joke
A gorilla walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender thinks a gorilla, heres a chance to make some money, so he pours the beer and asks for a stupid amount of money. the gorilla hands it over, and then starts frowning and giving the bartender the evil eye, the bartender thinks shit he looks annoyed al go and talk to him the bartender sez " we dont get many gorillas in hear the gorillas sez:blink: " at these prices am not fucking surprised. |
How did the french fry die?
He was asaulted. |
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”
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Guy jumps off Empire State building and on each floor as he goes by, people can hear him say "So far, so good".
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Not really a corny joke but.....
http://veronicaroth.com/wp-content/u...2/06/Joyce.jpg
it certainly qualifies for cuteness overload. Doncha think?;) The seal is behaving in a "corny" fashion. Good enough for me. |
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Did you know the urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is always a whim away?
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Quote:
Nature's photobombs are the best! What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look grandpa, no hands! Someone said you look like an owl. Who? What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed. |
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True story...
My mom asks my dad: "what's on TV?"
My dad replies: "dust"... :thumbsup: Dad!! |
What did the cat say after eating two robins who were lying in the sun?
"I LOVE baskin' robins." |
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Why did the midget (little person?) get kicked out of the nudist colony?
She kept sticking her nose in everybody's business! :blink: |
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Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. :jester: A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. Someone laughing their head off. |
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Me: I drive like lightning.
Friend: You drive fast? Me: No. I hit trees. :p |
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I got in a fight one time with a really mean girl. She said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I told her she would be sorry. She said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well....you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
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LOL...
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and says to the bartender, "I'll have a shot of whiskey and beer for the road." |
Ding Dongless...
The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize. |
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I met a French guy on holiday and he forced me to start drinking and smoking. Bloody Pierre Pressure. :|
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1397082955 |
My hamster died from lack of exercise. He didn't have the wheel to live. http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1397182158
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I surprised my girlfriend during sex the other day with a little move I like to call 'coming home early'.
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How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a boogie in it. http://www.ideotoylab.com/images/boo...ur-monster.jpg |
http://www.comicalcotton.com/wp-cont...ny-nun-pic.jpg
Could be a part of my unexplored side but....have always had a warm and fuzzy spot for nuns. :sparklyheart: |
I walked up to reception in the hotel and said, "Sorry, but I forgot what room I'm in." "No problem, ma'am. This is called the lobby."
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1397413221 |
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I went to the zoo the other day, but all I saw was a dog in a cage. It was a shih tzu. :p
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I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for half an hour. But by the time I got my tights on, the class was over.
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1397569201 |
Quote:
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Per my son who is almost 7:
What happened to the mouse that fell into the bath tub? He came out squeaky clean! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? He felt crumby! |
Old aunts used to come up to me at family weddings, poking me in the ribs and telling me, "You're next!" They stopped after I began doing the same thing to them at funerals.
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...ps43372c3b.jpg |
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