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Diva, I'm impressed by your ability to find lime green EVERYthing. I wish I could see "The Sawyer Diva" in action. :simplelaugh: When you get good at it, I'll lend you my climbing gear for the top. It's lime green, too.
(just think of the size pile of ass-whoopers you'll have. Maybe a few of us will have to brush up on being naughty.) :fallenangel: |
Auntie Diva I see you got the Poulin "Wild" model. I think that is very appropriate.
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oh wow.... soo sorry Auntie Diva for such a large pic of the birthday cake... i been having internet issues .. :( |
As I intimated on Facebook, Auntie Diva....
You wielding chainsaw = me looking for something sturdy to hide under You may or may not know that I work with a lot of foresters, and they all wear chaps when out in the forest wielding chainsaws. I think your following here will be expecting a photo of you in chaps when you wield your chainsaw. Just saying. :sunglass: |
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:chainsaw: |
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I believe all of the cousins have 'naughty' down to a fine art. Film at 11. :| Quote:
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Cousin Hackberry (get it? Hackberry? Forester?).... I think chaps ~ some lovely purple ones ~ would be stunning, yes? I also think a photo will be forthcoming. Quote:
Perhaps black WOULD be best..... Or neon orange..... :D Now THERE'S a vision! |
Maybe we could have a party and Bedazzle some safety goggles. Gotta have the bling at all times.
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The Bedazzler should be right next to every chainsaw.
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Id go with black silver mounted chaps...after all u wanted bling...oh yes u will need golves or u will have nasty caluses on your pretty hands as well as some somewhat chiped nalis.
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Ok, cousin Rockie.....I think we should [all] be realistic......
You can't REALLY see your Auntie Diva in chaps now CAN you? I think not. :dance1: However...the gloves are absolutely necessary for the reasons given. And we mustn't forget the blinged~out eyewear..... I shall not be wielding the Mighty Chainsaw this day, boys and girls, as it is misting in Austin Town..... Oh well.....just putting off the inevitible. I hear Channel 4 is coming for an interview.....this is an historical event, after all. "AUNTIE DIVA GOES BUTCH......Story at 11!" |
OK no chaps,I do know they look good on the cowgirls .im just sayin.Now do be careful with said lime greem chain saw cause the blade can get loose and come off...do get a good hold of it cause it prolly will vibrate a little or a lot. Any how, it would really bad if it did and cause u any harm.The butch a home depot DID show u how to tighten it up..the chain saw blade I mean.
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No butches helped with the chain saw:sunglass:.....I saw it, I bought it. The blade can come OFF? I know it came with an extra chain and a 2~year warranty. You said "vibrate". You said "tighten". You said "blade". I went.....:eyebat: Signed, Auntie Diva, the chapless cowgirl...:onebutch: |
Diva
Yes the blade can come of and cause serious injury to the user or ppl near by.The bar is held on by a bolt and a nut thrue the mount of the saw,when it gets loose from vibrating the blade will pop off,please get someone to show u how to fix it before u get cut really bad.
I did say blade,tighten and vibrate(sounds decadent dosent it?) so also get a good hold of that lime green thingy u bought when u use it. |
Cousin Rockie, I think my eyes glazed over a bit during Your first paragraph......
:| Sorta like that. |
Im just an old farm boi pasing on some advice on stuff that could get u hurt,I would hate to see u injured by anything.If I can help in anyway feel free to ask.
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Do you know what you just did? Quote:
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Gemme
:clover: im lucky that way...I think.
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You're still talking about chainsaws, right? :|
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I dunno. I think Rockin changed the subject and is now talking being lucky or green or getting lucky or going to the store and buying Lucky Charms (LOVE THEM! Buy two for me, please!) or sumthin. :blink: I think Diva should look into capri chaps, oh yes I do. |
**I** am.
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Confusion abounds..I was talking about chain saw safty annnnnd sometimes im lucky enough to stay out of trouble.
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I think the conversation veered over to vibrating Samsonite...
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:giggle: :clap: :superfunny: :cracked: :huhlaugh: :rofl: :thumbsup: |
God that was funny. :grindevil:
That, too. :whip: PS R & M were all Snoopy McSnoopersons, cousin Gemmie & cousin Puppapuppaburninlove.....and they opened the armoire. :| |
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Were you kind enough to arm it in advance? |
R & M are Naughty McNaughtersons. And I know who R&M are.
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LOL!
Yes, they ARE! Too funny! |
Now I'm REALLY lost. Who are the M&M's and what does Snoopy have to do with it?????? :hospital-snoopy:
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Oh my now im confrused~~~~~
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Gemme
Must be,but I gess its not for this butch to even ponder such things,having a plain and simple mind is something a good thing.
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Clearly, Auntie Diva needs to padlock the armoire and her closet......
There are naughty cousins running amok. :bow: :fallenangel: |
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mmm .. umm . **innocent bashful look.... and in a quiet voice**... i like pecans :) |
Good afternoon, boys and girls....its way past time for another story from your Auntie Diva!!!
Yes...it's been a long time, but there haven't been any stories to tell....ok, none that were FIT to tell the children...... But alas, I have one today, boys and girls, for your Auntie Diva went to The Ikea....and mayhem ensued. Oh yes, it did, boys and girls. Your cousin Tabitha and I decided to visit The Ikea (there's an acronym in there somewhere) for a little Retail Therapy, boys and girls. Can you say "Retail Therapy"? Yes! This is when you decide that life is getting you down and so you decide to go spend money that you probably shouldn't spend, ignoring the clear reality that, soon, that, too, will come back to bite your ass in a most unpleasant way. But your Auntie Diva digresses. Well....so the day before we were to go to The Ikea, your Auntie Diva was taking a shower (she does some of her best thinking there) and it occurred to her that she had double~booked! OH NO! boys and girls, OH NO! Yes, it's true. Your Auntie Diva got a new dishwasher and it was to be delivered around the same time as your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva were to have breakfast ~ to gird our loins ~ before the grand shopping expedition. So your Auntie Diva picked up the phone and called your cousin Tabitha to inform her that perhaps we could go a little later ~ the dishwasher was to be delivered in the morning. Well, Rudy called me the next morning to tell me that the delivery would probably be "a little later....noon". That was ok.....The Ikea closes at nine. More than enough time to do some damage....I mean, get some good therapy. You see what is about to happen here, don't You boys and girls? :| Yes....the morning passed slowly. No dishwasher. At 1:27, your Auntie Diva decided to have some conversation with Mr. Rudy and he then informed me that Martin would probably not be there until between 4 and 6. :| Was your Auntie Diva happy to hear this news? Oh no, boys and girls, no she was not. This could only mean that more therapy would need to take place. Your cousin Tabitha decided to come over and we waited for Martin. Wait, wait, wait, boys and girls. There was just so much scratching of Lucy's tummy we could do. Then.....our eyes lit up because we hear the sound of a big truck coming! It was like Santa! It was 5:20-ish. They brought the dishwasher....it was lovely.....I shooed Martin out the door and your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva made like a bat out of h-e-double hockey sticks for Therapy. We made it to the Therapist's Office around 6....that still gave us 3 good hours, right? We got inside and took a deep breath.....ah....the lovely scent of household merchandise......shop, Auntie Diva, SHOP! We touched pretty much everything......the bath mats....the baskets....the candles....the magnetic spice racks and the coffee presses......but then, it was time to load up the serious stuff.....Auntie Diva was getting a book case. There they were...all stacked up in the boxes....but could your Auntie Diva even budge that sucker? Oh hell no. Just then, we saw a guy with his back to us in a bright yellow shirt. Your cousin Tabitha said, "Excuse me, could you help us?" He stood up and turned around...... I do believe your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva held hands and our collective drool ran from one corner of our lipsticked lips.....for there, boys and girls.....there facing us......even now, I'm holding my breath....facing us was one of the loveliest butches we had ever seen. We won't discuss the age of this gorgeous hunk of Universal creation, but suffice it to say the word "Cougar" MAY have crossed my mind. So she came over to help us, and I'm pretty sure I decided I wanted 6 more of those bookcases.... :| It was a heavenly moment as we stalked ~ I mean followed her down the other aisle as she helped someone else. Then, we checked out and decided we needed sustenance in the form of Cajun food. So your cousin Tabitha called cousin Charmer to meet us and off we went to the Razoo's across the driveway from The Ikea....in our weakened condition, we could not drive too far. To be continued...... |
.....so......
we drove across the driveway and I let your cousin Tabitha out to get our name on the list. Of course, just as soon as I did, there was a parking place (your Auntie Diva has good parking karma, boys and girls) right there by the restaurant! We had a 20 minute wait, but we got to sit on the bench by the door ~ inside and out of the humidity. We were also close to the hostess stand where all the cute little waitresses with their fake~bake tans would come and hang out. One of them gave me the pager, but I swear, boys and girls, it looked like a taser gun! I may have remarked same to the girl who handed it to me....and she came back over and said she agreed and then she stuck her arm out for me to "taser". I believe the tanning beds might add a bit of smart ass to one's personality, for she jerked her body around as though I DID taser her, which in turn, scared your Auntie Diva!!! They all laughed and made sport of me. But then i said...."You better watch out! I'm an old woman and I believe I just peed myself!" For just a split second, she believe I may very well HAD peed myself and we may have laughed so hard then, I believe I might have peed myself then! LOL! It was a moment of levity, boys and girls! So then we were seated. Your cousin Charmer had yet to arrive, but we ordered an appetizer of fried alligator and rat toes. Don't ask, boys and girls......but there are rats running amok on tiny little crutches somewhere.... I digress. We also ordered some sort of frozen concoction which had melon and raspberry liqueur in it. It was worth it just to get the Mardi Gras beads, boys and girls! It was festive. It HAD occurred to us to SAVE some of the fried alligator for your cousin Charmer....but we kept talking and kept eating until ~ OH NO ~ there was none left.....just as cousin Charmer walked in the door, your cousin Tabitha tripped a poor busboy and got him to carry off the evidence....I mean the empty plate. The older I get, boys and girls, the more difficult it is to maintain a look of innocence. But it looked something like this: :eyebat: We ordered our food then from our waiter, Val, whose most charming feature was to say "My pleasure" every 2 seconds. He rather looked like one of last season's American Idol top 10 contestants with the blond dreads and the guitar...remember him, boys and girls? Val ~ whose name, he was quick to inform us, was short for Valentino ~ didn't know who I meant, when I mentioned this to him. But his MOTHER would know as she watches it all the time. :| At one point, boys and girls, we needed Val's assistance. Your cousins were sweetly waving to him, trying to get his attention. He was standing just outside the door, holding court with about 5 of the fake bakers.....after about 30 seconds of their genteel waving, your Auntie Diva said, "Oh please!" and cupped her hands around her mouth and ~ in her best middle school teacher, Toppy McTopperson voice, yelled, "VAL!" He heard me. :D We allowed Val My Pleasure to talk us into a bread pudding. We thought we might each get one, but Val My Pleasure said they were pretty good sized so we opted for one and 3 spoons. It was a good thing we did that, boys and girls, as that bread pudding was THE SIZE OF MY HEAD! But it was ever so yummy! And a grand way to end our Retail Therapy! We drove to La Hacienda, full as full can be.... It was a good day, boys and girls.....a very good day! And so ends another story from your Auntie Diva! :wine: |
I do believe IKEA will NEVER be the same again. My side still hurts from laughing so hard! Great night and great shopping!! :blink: |
Yes, yall, it was a most joyful evening with two spectacular ladies....but....As I arrived at the dinner table it was like starin at two rabid dawgs. They were both still foamin at the mouth from the encounter at IKEA. :blink:
It was indeed an experience and Razoo's gets two thumbs up for food and service!! :thumbsup: Cuzn Charmr |
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