How did the vacuum cleaner die?

It bit the dust!

What do clouds wear under their shorts?

Thunderpants!

Two men meet on opposite sides of a river.

One shouts to the other “I need you to help me get to the other side!”

The other guy replies “You are on the other side!”

Ks-:)

A young man was about to play golf when an old gentleman shuffled onto
the tee and asked if he could accompany him.

Eventually on the 9th fairway the young man found himself with a tough
shot. There was a large pine tree directly between his ball and the
green.

The old man said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right
over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard and
hit the ball, which smacked solidly into the tree and dropped to the
ground about one foot from where it had started.

The old man remarked, “Of course, when I was your age that tree was only
3 feet tall.”

Ks-:)

What do cows read?

CATTLE-logs

What do you call sad coffee?

Depresso.


Ks- :)

What did one eyeball say to the other eyeball?
Between you and me something smells.

Why do we put candles on the top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom.

Doctors at a hospital went on strike. Hospital officials said they would find out what the doctors’ demands were just as soon as they could get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.

Ks- :happyjump:

Spotted in the comments thread to a tech news item that IBM (aka "Big Blue" boo!) bought Red Hat (yay!) yesterday:

"A ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint.

The survivors were marooned."

Happy Samhaim
 

Why didn't the skeleton go out trick-or-treating on Halloween?

:2nddaywalker:

He was gutless.

:batty: