I was at WAL-MART buying a big bag of dog food for my brothers' Siberian Husky "Enik", in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
Why else would I be buying dog chow, RIGHT ??? Right.
So on impulse I told her no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened inside ICU, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms (Proceeding to show Dialysis needle scars). I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again, (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.). Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.
Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy shit to say........
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