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who's life is it anyway
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vacation. It's been wonderful...
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Easter Cards Helping out with the soup kitchen over the Easter Holiday |
Daffodils...
their beautiful splash of color all over the yard of an abandoned old farmhouse and under big graceful ancient old trees... not the kind of abandoned property that everybody dreads, but the kind that the beautiful quaint old house feels like it's just waiting for you to come sit on it's old porch to watch the squirrels play in the flower beds... the kind of old house that makes you feel like time stands still.... Daffodils and a gentle, kind spirit.... http://hankinslawrenceimages.files.w..._daffodils.jpg |
getting my nails cut down today
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Waking up next to my love this morning...and wishing I was back there!:devil:
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Starting my Friday off with a bomb threat at work.
And it was particularly unique because it must have been detailed enough to be taken really seriously, given that we had fire fighters prepared for explosion/fire, and city policy making us clear the place well beyond our typical emergency plan. Oh joy! |
Why must other coworkers make my shifts so damn difficult? I'm tired of remedying their mistakes and lack of know-how. I'm also getting antsy to get away from everything. :ninja:
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Today was day from he**...and I still love my job!
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I just want to say....
My vacation is almost over boooooo
I am blessed with good friends Yayyyyyyy When I get back to work I have to give a review to someone that is not good boooooo I am going to see a comedian this Sat in AC Yayyyyyyyyyyyy "You better wake up before we break-up the one that really loves you" Love that song Just rambling Sunny |
Today: Lupus Lupus Lupus and painful arthritis
To take the focus off today... think of "yesterday" and the good days I've had recently... especially enjoying blueberry pancakes and watching the sunrise all curled up cozy in my fluffy sleeping bag. |
Being back in Everett, finding what I thought couldnt possibly exist, what happens next?
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stuff
My sister is clearing out her country house to sell it. It is where she and her husband and 4 children lived for many years. They recently bought a home in the suburbs and have been living there with most of their possessions. What is left in the old home is alot of "stuff". Well, we all joined in over there today to go thru the "stuff" and sort out who wants what yet, and what needs thrown away.
I cannot believe how much stuff a family can gather in a lifetime. Stuff that went on credit cards. Stuff that they had to have and now sits wadded up and forgotten. Stuff that needs a home so it does not become landfill, yet more than likely, will end up just that. How sad...and how loud a noise it makes against my universal spiritual shield...you know..the barrier you have up so that you can co exist as a human on a planet you have barely any connection to anylonger. I can feel the implication of all this stuff ramming that shield of mine, wanting to make a dent. I feel torn between wanting that shield to be broken and wanting it to hold up. I am taking alot of it, because I have very little "stuff" and what I dont want, I am going to sell on ebay. Lots and lots of clothes..clothes that never had the price tag taken off. Lots of make up that never was worn. Lots of jewelry all tangled up in piles. there was decades of books on working with people who are HIV. My sister is a nurse and a therapist...and together she and I have worked in the HIV community for years. She still does. I do not. But I ached when I saw those books. I remember the history of this disease. I remember losing someone almost weekly from it. I remember the trauma our community dealt with as it exploded all over America. I remember the fear and panic that first came before it moved out of our community and into the culture at large. I thought of the many many many souls we lost way too early...and I realized that the majority of these books are going to be thrown out if I do not salvage them. And yet I dont know if I should..they are mildewy. Who would want them? I found presents I had given to them over the years. Forgotten. Unwanted. Disregarded. I remember taking such effort to pick out special gifts for them and now they lay lost and discarded in piles on the floor. and these are not bad people. I consider them pretty average folks. Its just that we accumulate so much stuff...and yet not enough to consider them hoarders. Just enough to feel Americanized. We Americans need to have "stuff". I am feeling a bit sad by all this stuff...their stuff. My lack of stuff. It makes me want to go out and get stuff just so I can have that feeling of history I felt when i was walking amongst their piles today. My stuff is so limited. I use to have "stuff" but in all the losses, and many moves, I got rid of or lost much of my "stuff". I am "stuff-less" almost. I wonder if I should feel bad or relieved..or both. Both could be true at the same time. Maybe I am just caught in that, like bookends to my feelings. I have to go back out there tomorrow. My car is loaded from today. I have to take out the stuff I took today so I can get more stuff tomorrow. Then I have to pack this stuff so I can take it with me to my next place..the new old house. So i am packing up my stuff and getting more stuff to pack. It doesnt feel like I should be adding more work to my already full plate. But I cant let some of this stuff go. Like shovels. And rakes. And sheets and blankets. And lamps. And watches. You can never have enough sheets. Or lamps. Or watches...or... I am tired. I am tired of thinking about all this stuff. I am tired of thinking about the family history. I am tired of thinking about who isnt here to be part of this..the ones who died and now we have to go thru their stuff again. Stuff we kept because we couldnt keep them. Their stuff became them to us and now alot of it is in piles and we (my sister and I) both look at it and say nothing. We just look. Our grief process says its ok to let these things go now but then we think, what if we will regret it later? What if the grandkids want some of our parents things? What if we get rid of it and then we cant remember them anymore because we dont have their stuff? My guess is that stuff will get stuffed back into a bag and find its way to our houses. a family of stuff was my meditation for the day... |
Easter .......
http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o.../easteregg.gif |
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softness, be careful with the make up, even if it's never been opened.
Wow. That sounds like one heckuva day. :blink: |
sitting at home playing online and watching my bella play with her boyfriend harley
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what on my mind
There is something i have on my mind and it not a happy thought. I have been thinking of the past because i have a friend who is going thru the same thing. People who has not lost a partner or is going thru losing a partner have no idea what it like. Can u imagine watch your soul mate passing before your eyes and having no way to stop it. To pray to god to keep them and knowing it for not. Having friends and family not there being alone. Telling the doctors to let them go and sitting on the bed holding your soul mate while she passes to the heavens. For those who has not endure this then do not think u can judge those who have. My feeling on this is very raw and do not mean to be rude if it appears so. So that what i have on my mind today.
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What tommorrow at work will be like...hoping my boss got my text message about a conflicting court appearance in another county. It's been on her schedule for over a month and she does download her schedule onto her iPhone...but we didn't discuss it before she left for the weekend on Thursday. Not to mention having to go over what happened Friday...
Sometimes I think I worry far too much. In my defense, I have had some very bad work experiences in the past 5 years and that can leave you a bit shell shocked... I'll just be glad when tomorrow is over and done with. I hate the unknown. |
I've got the rainy Sunday but not the snuggles. Unfair, I say. Unfair!
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Why do I watch this horrible schlock?
It kills brain cells with how horrible it is, yet I keep watching it. |
I need some tools. I need a power screw driver. I need a drill. I need one of them saws that can cut out patterns.
Ever since I lost control of a hand held gas powered fence auger and almost took off my right arm, I vowed not to use power tools again. And I havent. But I need to if I am going to have my own house and be self sufficient. I think I have risen past the past.... |
Love true love. You can tell when you are couples who has it. If its genuine and easy between them. Natural, if you will. Watching some friends tonight and smiling at how much in love they are. How they compliannt each other. Theyve been moving for three days and both are so exhausted while some couples would be bickering they just make each other laugh and smile.
How nice it must be to be loved like that and love like that... |
I changed all the music on My iPod today. Out with the old, in with the new. I love it when I have a fresh selection of music to jam to.
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gentle Rain on a tin roof....
I think I might get cozy in the upstairs bedroom just to listen to it all night. |
I am procrastinating. I am not packing. I am not working on my crafts. I am in limbo. I have baked cookies and cooked a wonderful meatloaf. I am nesting. I am in denial. I am trying not to leave this trailer. I have been so happy here and I am a bit afraid to move..to the unknown...even if it all looks so good...its still unknown...
sighing...I hate looking at my own behaviors and analysing myself...no wonder people get pissed off at me when i do it to them.... |
Big Hugs my friend and an even bigger thank you:rose:
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starving and the garlic, olive oil, basil and onion smells coming from the kitchen are torturing me!!
:smladybug: |
I have the house to myself until Saturday
I'm bored, no one to talk to, no where to go, no one to visit around here If I could make a day trip somewhere and come back home I would Why must everyone I know live so far from me Just me and all the kitties I am thinking I'm a slave to them Wished they could learn to pick up there own messes At least with kids, you can get them to do it And don't think cats won't talk back to you but kids will I suppose it will be me doing some spring cleaning because someone in this house has to do it |
Grilled KFC is sooo damn good..:girleating:
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I was watching the movie "The Fourth Kind" as in close encounters of the....scared the living daylights out of me.
So I switched gears and heard that Ricky Martin finally bounced out of the closet. |
:flying::flying::flying::flying::flying:
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I hate being alone during a nasty wind storm...
and it's sounding awful windy out! ***hugs & snuggles the dog, curls up on the couch away from all windows*** |
i should totally be studying those muscles!
origin, insertion, action --oh my! |
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I love my boss and I love my job. But yesterday my boss was a total a** to me about something that happened on Friday that I had no control over.
The damage had been done long before the client called our office. I could not get in touch with my boss - left her a voice mail and sent a text message but no response. Did what I needed to do and handled the situation appropriately. No big deal. Been in this field over 20 years. However, client caused great drama at courthouse that embarassed my boss. Again, this all happened before client called me. So boss comes in from court yesterday and asks me what happened Friday and I tell her. She fills in what the Court Clerk told her - I knew this stuff already but stayed with the client's version (made notes and they are in her file). Then she lays into me about that she was out of town and had no phone signal. (I figured that out Friday when she didn't answer me.) And she goes on to tell me that when she goes out of town perhaps she should contact a list of attorneys and ask them to babysit her cases and keep an eye on me. Yes, she said that. I understand that she was angry at the client and embarassed by her actions. It was not my fault and I handled it the way it should have been handled. I did not deserve that comment nor did I deserve the anger. I do not need a babysitter. I do know the difference between "I will not be in the office tomorrow" (which is what she told me) and "I am going out of town" (which is what she didn't tell me). When a client calls and tells me they have been arrested and my attorney is out of the office I try to contact my attorney. If my attorney is out of town and I know she is out of town I call one of her colleagues. When the client shows up in the office and says she really was not arrested but her ex-husband was because they went to the courthouse together to file a motion to dismiss the protective order she has against him - there is no more emergency as far as our involvement is concerned. (He was not supposed to be near her & was arrested for violating the order.)When husband was arrested client lost it and showed her a** in a huge way at the courthouse. How I was responsible for this I have no idea. If my boss was venting that was fine but she didn't need to be insulting. When she spoke to client yesterday afternoon she was nice to her and did not mention the drama client caused at courthouse. Guess she used all that up on me that morning. *sigh* I love my boss and my job - but for a little while I will not feel good about her. |
Right now?
Waking up slowly. Looking forward to warmer temps arriving tomorrow. Camping and fishing. My sister's b/f's Mom. For Sale signs. Strength.
(way too much for this time of the day) More importantly. Java. :coffee: |
if its possible to live a life free of money or very little and live a good life? money is evil is what i'm thinking but gives you a false sense of things.
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hoping Jo Schmooozz will b ok .... having to go to the hospital with chest pains..
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