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I am loved and protected
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RawR!!!
I am fucking LUCKY *rawr* |
Eep, I can't edit my original post! Haha. I'm going to re-post my little self description thingy, hopefully that's okay, and I promise this one will be finished ;)
I'm a rocker lesbian, which means I wear band t-shirts, go to shows, and have mass amounts of black eyeliner in my bathroom. On the other hand, I'm the girl who adores the way I look in a button down dress shirt and slacks. Sometimes I tease my hair, add tons of hairspray, and glam myself up with smoky eyes and lace - other times I wear my hair messy, skip the makeup, and leave the house in pajamas and a hoodie ;) I wear lip gloss and perfume, but I'm in no way high-maintenance. I'm very clean and always have perfect hygiene - girls have actually complimented me on the way I smell, haha. I have a big heart that gets me into trouble, I've been hurt more times than I ever thought possible, and I love fiercely. I'm sweet and romantic, and I believe in true love - the kind that steals your breath and stops your heart. I'm honest, sometimes too honest, and I have a kindness that makes me vulnerable to pain and suffering. My closest friends mean the world to me, and I'm impressed that they can handle the fact that I'm sensitive, a bit controlling, and overanalyse to the point of insanity, haha. I'm terrified of heights, and loud noises make me jump. Yelling triggers my anxiety. I'm a spelling, grammar, and punctuation nazi... especially in school - which brings me to the fact that I'm in my second year of college, and have immersed myself into the Social Work Program. I want to work with kids. I'm accident-prone, and can be a complete spaz sometimes; though people keep telling me how cute it is. I write, mostly poetry, and I bake often (just recently, white chocolate chip cookies with homemade brown sugar). I'm a flirtatious geek who tries to see the good in everyone, and if you want to get on my good side, bring me lemon meringue pies, banana moonpies, and/or taco bell. I have a weakness for girls who have short hair, piercings/tattoos, wear tight pants and dress shirts, and can cook well ;) I make mistakes, and I say things without thinking. I'm flawed and beautifully broken. |
What Kind of Femme am I?
I'm a jeans and t-shirt wearing femme who also likes a nice pair of slacks and a sweater.
I'm a no-nonsense femme that likes to have fun. What does that mean? Don't bullshit me; respect is a two-way street. Once respect is established, fun naturally follows. I'm a very sexual person and I love to show affection publicly. I'm a femme that rides a Big Dog Motorcycle. :harley: I'm a tattooed femme (10 in 7 spots), all covered unless I'm in shorts. I'm a femme that usually wears eye makeup and lip gloss; it makes me feel pretty, oh so pretty, and witty, and gay! LOL :) I also wear pear scented lotions from Victoria's Secret I'm a caretaker femme that has a hard time remembering that in order to take care of others, I have to take care of myself first. :hospital-snoopy: I'm an independent femme that loves to get my hands dirty fixing things. I can troubleshoot, read flow charts and I think power tools are awesome! Call me corny, but I believe in true love, first kisses that take your breath away, and unquestionable loyalty between two lovers. :awww: |
I am a femme.
I am a temptation... Temptation lies in the nearest shoe store. I wear heels everyday and have had the same pair of tennis shoes for years. They are pink and black, naturally, and they look brand new. I don't own sensible shoes and my rock-hard calves show my devotion to my shoes. It is almost as strong as my craving for the written word... The written word is my passion. I am a would be writer of prose, and poetry. I devour books and read anything I can get my hands on-except music... Music is the soundtrack to my life and songs take me back in time like few things can-except scent... Scent is the sense most powerfully tied to memory. My sense of smell is highly developed and it is almost as powerful as my sense of touch... Touch my heart and I will always have a fondness for you, even years after we part ways, and regardless of if or how you wrong me... Wrong me and I will cry and rage and be a pitiful little kitten. But, when I let you go, you are gone and you are gone forever... Forever is my dream. I dream of falling in love and getting married and finally sharing my life with someone who loves me for me... Someone who loves me for me. My kids love me for me. My friends love me for me. But the only people who really KNOW me are my lifestyle friends. If you know me as Elaine then you probably don't know me. If you KNOW me, you know me as LaneyDoll... LaneyDoll is BDSM brat bottom whose fave play partner is her wicked hot, best friend. LaneyDoll is the femme girl who has a major weakness for butches as lovers and thinks that femmes make amazing friends... Friends are the best. They accept me as I am. That I love scary movies but cannot watch them alone (or sleep alone that night) because my imagination runs wild with me. That I love bubble baths, and cool showers. That my fave color is purple but my fave color combo is pink/black. That I have my kids initials tattooed onto my ankle and a butterfly carved into my back, on my shoulder. That I am me and I am not changing for anyone but I do strive to continue to grow and learn. That I had a hard childhood but understand that a lot of us didd. That I really tried to be a proper Southern lady but tired of living in a shell that did not fit me. That I am who I am and that... I am a femme. |
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I am emotion and elements. I love fully, I give freely, I think broadly, I share honestly, I live openly.
I am a gentle rain on a quiet afternoon, I am the sunshine in the midst of a tornado, I am the tornado itself...my energy whirling about. I am the wind, blowing your hair, a gentle caress. I am the thunder when those I love (including myself) are hurt by you. I am the ocean, beating the shore, and each wave you ride with me will bring new beauty to the earth...if only for a passing second. I am the silence in the middle of the night. When you are wrapped in me, you are safe and loved, but free. I am safety and security, love and laughter. I am fun times and free smiles. I am a good friend, a great listener, and an amazing wordsmith when inspiration strikes. I am a Muse, and I have many Muses of my own. I am a painter, a creator, a photographer, a student, a teacher. I am sex and sexuality. I am a writer of erotica. I am lacy bras and matching panties. I am thigh high panty hose and garter belts. I am raw sex. I am fast pulses, shallow breaths, low moans and moistness. I am cleavage and bedroom eyes. I am long, natural red fingernails leaving trails along your back. I am roses & champagne and I am leather & lace. I am soft, gentle touches and I am bites & claw marks. I am sweet kisses and I am throw me against the wall and fuck me hard. I am comfortable in a dress and high heels or blue jeans and a t-shirt. I am fancy lingerie or sweat pants and a tank top. I am make-up and intricate hair styles or a hair-clip and not a touch of anything on my face except a smile. I am complicatedly simple. I am the illusion of high-maintenance, and the reality of simplicity. I am fulfilled by nature and Mother Earth. I am an animal rescuer and lover. I am screaming because of a spider, but I am also able to kill the spider myself. (Most of the time!) I am "Let's take it outside and set it free" as long as it isn't going to bite me on the way there. (at that point, I'm kill or be killed!) I am music. I am rhythm. Music lives in me and I live through music. I am soul dances and slow dances. I am body swaying, connecting. I am Pink and Melissa Etheridge blowing the speakers, and I am Norah Jones singing a peaceful melody. I am oldies, classic rock, pop, country, hard rock, and love songs. I am singing off-tune and loving every minute of it! I am living, breathing, existing in and of nature. The ocean fills me and fulfills me. My soul takes flight and I am happy. I am a healer and an Empath. I am healing. I am strong. I am vulnerable. I am a slow Tuesday morning, and a hectic Friday night. I am an organizer who sometimes can't seem to get a running start. I am logic embattling emotion. I am the first one there when a cry goes out, the last one to leave when the dust has settled. I won't just come to the party, I'll help you cook & clean for it, and stay after to clean up. I am mother, nurturer, lover, giver, child, sister, friend. I am sweet and innocent, and I am anything but innocent. I am Sagittarius. I am fire. I am passion. I am lust. I am love. I am brave in the face of danger, and I am scared of the dark. I am an optimist and I choose to see the good in people and the world around me. My dark places are very dark. I am playful and always ready to try something new. I am seductive and I like to be seduced. I am warm cookies fresh out of the oven and I am a cold glass of iced tea on a summer's day. I am effort and I am Lazy Sunday afternoons. I am butterflies in the middle of a field covered with snow. I am a burst of light in the darkness. I am color in the midst of a black and white photo. I am perfect imperfections. I am worth the time it takes to get to see my soul. I am confident and I am insecure. I am outgoing and I am shy. I am a world of apparent contradictions, that all feed each other perfectly. |
I'm not sure what my sort of femme is.
When I first came out I called myself femme as I wanted the right to have long hair, wear dresses and still call myself a lesbian. My look was drag, all bright lipstick, crazy outfits, 7" platforms and red hair. As time went on it became more ingrained, I never went out without high heels, makeup, black lace and cleavage. Moving countries changed me again, the high heels dropped, but my underwear became sexier and I picked up the handbag and purse habit. Now in my 30's and in an ostensibly 'straight' relationship I'm in flats and trousers and barely-there makeup, yet I feel far more femme than I ever did. The drag is gone, now it's all just me. |
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I am femme.
This past week, I chopped my hair off super short. I needed to look at myself differently. I needed to not equate femme, with, well, femme. It’s easy to slap some high heels on and do my nails, and call it done. But this year has been hard, and I’ve relied on compliments and worn-down thought patterns to tell me what MY femme-ness is. Haven’t we all been there? Those moments or days or months or years when carving ourselves out of mashed potatoes just isn’t happening? When you realize you can’t back it up? The heels are there, the hair is there, the nails are there…and it all just makes you tired. So I chopped off my hair to fuck with my femme-ness, to see if it was as easy as wearing high heels or curling my hair. It’s not, but we all knew that. And I’ve come up with my truths: I am femme because I say so. I am femme because it describes my strength, not my weakness. I am femme and a burlap sack couldn’t hide it, and encyclopedias couldn’t describe it. |
I am Femme, except when I am not. I am not big on labels.
I am Aquarius with a dash of Sag. Icy intellect outside with a thumping fire inside. Emotion and sensitivity are a foreign language. Yet, touch my mind first, then my heart, and I will love you with the heat of 10,000 suns. Friend to all, belong to no one. I don't ever see myself in a traditional relationship again. I'm too individual, too much the loner. The only way to catch me is to let me go. I am so not the romantic. Romance to me is taking a walk under the stars...and bring your telescope. Walk me on the beach, I stop for quartz crystals. You want to woo me? Take me fossiling. Take me to bed, and I will take you to Heaven...in hours. I am a Femme Top...except when I want shoved against the wall, arms pinned over my head, to bend to Your will. I am Aquarius, and love on my own terms. My body is all at once muscular and strong, yet I love soft skin and my gentle hands. I am private, yet modeled nude. A prudish side, and a huge kink. Don't bother with jewelry or fancy things. The new issue of Astronomy Today is more like it. A membership to the Smithsonian, with the offer to take me there-yes! I sound like a humourless intellectual, but I am the Femme who laughs herself silly at the Three Stooges. It's A Mad,Mad,Mad,Mad World is my favorite movie. If you can't make me laugh, or are missing a sense of humor, I'm not for you. I am classy and polite, yet I will crack up at funerals, whisper raunchy jokes in church, say shocking things just cause. I use words to build up, and language to make a sailor blush. I was born here, but am not of here. I am a citizen of the world. Name it, I will go there. I will find my homeland, live and die there. I can sit through a film noire marathon one night, and Bugs Bunny-Road Runner, the next. I am the one who taught herself calculus with a book. I am the one who is learning Russian, just for "something to do". I am a teacher by day; a forever student all my days. I am cool logic, a Vulcan out of time and place. I am the Empath, taking on the pain of those I love without words of my own. I am Leader of myself, never a follower. I will never jump on the bandwagon, but will be out in front, shouting "Follow Me!" |
I am my grandmothers look-alike, spending each day trying to be half the woman she was.
I am strong willed and at times hot-tempered. I am high-strung, yet laid back. Music surrounds me and I use it as a therapy for what is going on at the moment, what has happened in the past and what may happen in the future. I am smart but very few know it. I listen alot and say very little. I can be the girl you would take home to momma but at the same time the girl that would make your mother question your judgement. I have a big heart but the wall around it is hard to break through. I am funny, sarcastic, ditzy, head strong, sweet, critical and times dont play well with others. I am confident in many things : doing my job well, my womanly ways, changing my own oil, working in the kitchen, my ability to love and realizing that there are things I am not confident about: doing another job as well ( I could never sit behind a desk), my womanly ways, changing my oil (at times I screw up and get it all over me), working in the kitchen ( Ihave burned a casserole or three) but some things remain the same. I am jeans or sweats and a hoodie in the winter. I am a tank, shorts and flip flops all summer long. I am a short red dress and 5 inch heels when the time is right. I am a ponytail or my hair falling straight down over my shoulders, which ever strikes me at the moment. I am " Maybe shes beautiful, maybe its Maybeline" neutral tones, light lipstick (never pink or red), black mascara, charcoal liner. I am AWARE...aware of the things I am and aware of the things Im not. I am a woman, a little girl, a femme, a tomboy, a sweetheart, a total bitch......BUT I am GREAT at being all of them. |
I am 100% femme. I like dressing up, perfectly matched nails, hair just so. I don't only do this for me to feel good about myself-I do it for YOU, my lover.
I am a leo. A true leo. I am a fierce lioness. I take care of others way too much and forget I am human with needs. I long to do the little things that spoil like back scratches, love notes, home cooked meals, surprises. Its in my nature to love and want the same love in return. I am a mother. I raised my daughters, ages 23 and 22, and proudly adopted a son who just turned 4 last month! He looks just like ME! God knew who was going to love that boy! He is my heart beat. I am a lover. I crave that butch energy! I long for that certain touch. I am not a selfish lover at all! I respect boundaries and pride myself in being creative in my relationship. I NEVER want my partner to wonder how I feel about them. I show it to them daily. I am a little bit angel, little bit naughty, (ok, sometimes quite a bit naughty-thus needing a strong butch to handle this). Im a little bit babygurl/little bit kink-sometimes vanilla. I trust my Daddi to do whats best for me, giving in ways that makes *my* strength disappear. I *am* one-half of a sacred thing yet I am a fortress on my own. I am a fighter! I have conquered things that most people would run from. I have walked away a winner from fights that shouldn't have been mine to fight, yet I battled on til the victory and laughed in he faces of those who never had faith in me. Do not underestimate me! I am fierce-when needed. I am a country girl! A vine-ripened Georgia peach! I have the southern drawl and laid back, country mind set. I am a good, southern woman. I am Heavenleahangel. |
I am a femme with many facets.
I am a scientist femme who looks conservative during the 9 to 5. I am a shot girl femme who could sell anything to anyone with my cleavage. I am the femme your mother warned you about, surrounded by a shroud of sex, mystery, desire and danger. I am stubborn, opinionated, willful, effervescent, hilarious, warm and generous, and EVERYTHING can be turned into an innuendo. I am a musician who cannot live without the undercurrent of music as a running constant in her life. I am the girl who can go from tailored pants, flats, no makeup and a ponytail to 8" heels, fishnets, miniskirt and pinup hair in no time flat. I am a femme who can get lost in the museum of natural history and be blissfully happy, who wouldn't be hard pressed to spend hours in museums, planetariums, or on educational trips. I am secretly a die hard romantic who wants to be swept off her feet and cared for, but will fight you to the death if you ever imply that I cannot take care of myself. I'm independent and intimidating, but so worth it. |
I am femme
1. I am a study in contradictions
2. Heart, soul, appearance & sexual identity are femme 3. I am warm, loving, nurturing, kind, sensitive & insightful 4. I am also inpatient at times and do not easily suffer fools 5. I am a recovering perfectionist & frequently fall off the wagon 6. I accept the human frailties of others much more easily than accepting my own 7. I need to be in control so much in my professional life, I crave being able to give it up in other areas of my life 7. On the other hand, the thought of giving up control also scares me (even though "control" is really illusionary) 8. I become tearful at Hallmark commercials & laugh at silly jokes 9. I have many regrets about choices I have made in my life but work hard to accept that I did the best that I could under the circumstances 10. I dearly loved my dog Baby & miss her terribly. She was my first dog & I never knew that one could love an animal this much 11. I love looking feminine but must admit wearing<<disallowed word>>dresses or high heels really is not me 12. A former BF once said I was a cast-iron marshmallow (tough on the outside, soft on the inside) 13. I love to be fucked but have also been known to throw a good one myself if the stars and moon are in alignment & my partner so desires 14. The Daddy dynamic interests me greatly but also scares me (see number 7 above) 15. Writing all these makes me feel vulnerable & I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.<<disallowed word>> Honest? Too honest? That's also me at times. I am femme. |
I am rough around the edges. When I am nervous i either talk too much or not at all. I have a loud laugh. I am a mother, student, preoccupied with life. I would rather say, "Damn, what was I thinking?" over "Damn, that was a missed opportunity!" I am kind, gentle-hearted, but don't fuck with me or my loved ones. I swear like a sailor and am as tattooed as one as well. I love with all I have, and give until I have nothing left, and am resourceful enough to find more. I have my faults, but they are mine and I am not broken. I am Mommy and little girl. I am bold, maybe too much so. I have my opinions, but will thoughtfully listen to others, and can be swayed. My truth is mine. I am an author, literary critic, and a seer of the unseen. I cry at puppy dog, and baby diaper commercials. I am sensitive to your words and quips. I can change my oil, flush the radiator, change a light bulb, but scream like a little bitch when I see a spider. I will spend pennies on me and dollars on those I love. I am like no one else, but am like everyone else. I am me, pure and complex...me.
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Right now the femme that I am feels very vulnerable and fragile.
and thats ok because, Tomorrow I will be solid and feisty. |
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