sometimes I sit back and wonder what I would have changed but as I play it through I see how necessary some things were. Everything leading me to here. What an amazing journey... but

there are some things I would like to change

I should have studied archaeology in school like I wanted to instead of listening to people to study business.

The year I took off work to spend with my son, then a toddler, to explore of rural living, my first time, wish my head wasn't so fucked up over a woman and if I could go back I'd focus on him and me, gardening, exploring life instead of crying and longing for someone that was incapable truth.

I should have taken all the money I invested into building this place, the outside and did more remodeling inside. I should have installed a big ass tub and swimming pool.

I should have paid better attention... oh so many times. lol

. If i could go back, I would pass on it. Keep moving forward is my motto. My fav movie is the time machine and i would absolutely love to see the future to make changes now.

Scorp??? Where are you lately??? I hope everything is okay in your world! Miss seeing you around here!

This subject is very deep for me...

My belief was (in the past): that I regretted parts of my life that I certainly, in my opinion, didn't have much control over. I spent a lot of energy 'regetting' incidents in my past. I don't do that anymore - better said - it wasn't until a year or so ago that I was able to let myself not regret my past - things that have ultimately become a part of my identity; things that have long been tied to my rationale (how I make sense of my world).

My belief now: is connected toward a deeper understanding that I have done the best I can do, did the best that I could do, in my life and as I rise to greet any new day... I know that I have a set of skills that helps me to faciliate situations (or problematic issues): If I don't know what to do, I turn to any number of close, personal friends to help me find a solution that works better than I could ever come up with on my own. Also, I know that I am human - that we're all (speaking in general terms) human in our abilities to solve our situations and in my life right now? I feel that where I am at, in my life experiences, etc., is rooted in my ability to make the best decision that I am capable of making - given that I am prone to not know all the answers, etc.

I know that years ago when I was earning my bachelor's degree, I took a psychology class - I believe it was social psychology - and I read something by Carl Rogers that has stayed with me, since I learned about it. It's the idea that as we age, we sometimes remember things in our lives that cause us heartache and because, seemingly, socio-cultural constructs (and in particular contexts) we pick up on messages in our environments that cue us to feel shame or feel guilt or feel any number of things that cause us to feel like we haven't taken or make the best choices in life. And, as Carl Rogers was arguing, that we come to a place in our lives where we come to terms with our past and learn to let go of what we could or should or would have done (Sunwolf, 2006 theory - the "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda's") and I have to say that it feels good to accept myself in all my glory and know that if it were not for my past learning experiences, I definately would not be who I am today.

I'm a sweet lady, a wonderful human being and one hell of a Femme.

I love me, I like me and I have earned the right to say that I'm okay - just like I am.

Lots of beautiful love to all,
~D

:stillheart:

Like the myriad of other posters here, I am who I am in large part by the paths I did or did not take in life (good or bad), and I'm exactly where I need to be right here, right now.

That said, there are a thousand things I'd like to have done differently, out of curiosity or to learn or to just experience something different. But who knows, maybe that's already happening, in another dimension, another Universe, another lifetime.

The more I learn, the less I know...

Hi Lovely,

I'm right here. Just been busy and pre-occupied with some stuff, bla bla bla...but i'm back.. ;)


Thanks for sharing your story and yes you are ~~> "a sweet lady, a wonderful human being and one hell of a Femme"!

What would I do differently
 

I wouldn't do anything differently. All my decision I've made whether bad or good have brought me to where I am today.

I truly believe , in making decisions and standing by them.

I would have left my family of origin sooner, rather than stuck around trying to "fix" it.

I would have gone into counseling/therapy younger rather than older.

I would have grabbed onto the pain and worked through it, instead of avoiding it so long.

This is also a deep subject for me.

It has taken a long time, but I believe that if I'd done everything "right", or according to what I was "supposed" to do, I would not be the strong woman I am now, and would not have met the people I've met or had the experiences I've had. Even with its challenges and uncertainty, I feel a hell of a lot happier and alive than some of my friends with the white picket fences and 2.5 kids. I like my scrappiness and quick thinking, all born out of hard times.

I don't regret marrying my husband, because without him I would not have my beautiful children. He was, and is, a good man and a good father. I only wish I had not hurt him. I hope that anyone whom I have hurt through my actions and decisions has long forgiven me.

Do I regret dropping out of college the first time I went? I did, for a long time. Now I realize I was there not for myself but to please my father, and that would never work. I was miserable in my field. It was only after much work on myself that I went back to a school I loved and got into a field that thumps with my very life force. Later still, I got into teaching-in China, of all places. All of that would not have happened if I'd done things "right".

Gradually, I learned not to regret decisions I've made. I tell myself that I made the best choice I had, given the information I had then. For instance, when I was growing up, being gay was simply not an option in that place and time. It's really hard to combat that feeling when it's either a sickness of the soul or a mental illness (that was what we were taught). Who could blame me for feeling I "had" to marry? It simply was not open and more accepted as it is now.

I try not to think in terms of "mistakes". I think life is all one big lesson, and if you don't take risks, you don't drink champagne.

I would have exercised the patience that my sign is known for...yepper, that is it.

Not a thing. Not the mistakes, and certainly not the joys.

i could have maybe been a little more insistent that doctors take headache complaints more seriously, but in the final analysis even those were a gift

I wouldn't have studied too hard and went to university for law degree etc. I've have entered work after school, roughed it out and learned a lot more than in a university / academic environment.


I wouldn't have got involved in and caught up in politics and paramilitaries at an early age.


Wouldn't have spent money on beer and women ... I'd be retired now :eek: