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-   -   Forgiveness (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2081)

Martina 08-10-2012 09:14 PM

If I can imagine doing something myself, then I can forgive. If I can't imagine ever doing such a thing, if it is out of my ken, then it takes me much longer to forgive, and sometimes I never do. I let it go and forget about it. But if something comes along to remind me, I'll frown remembering.

Even if the motivation is something I can relate to, for example anxiety or fear, if I know that I would never have acted out in that way, then I struggle with forgiveness.

*Anya* 08-10-2012 10:55 PM

Forgiveness
 
I am working on it and hope to get there.

:moonstars:

Soft*Silver 08-10-2012 11:59 PM

there is a difference between holding onto a resentment and not forgiving someone.

I wont hold onto resentments anymore because frankly, I dont want to drink. I drank over resentments and none of them were worth the price I paid. All my fault. I knew better.

But forgiving them for what they did to me? No. Not going to happen. Small matters, yes, no problem. I can forgive almost anyone for anything, because frankly, its all small shit in the course of a lifetime. But every once in awhile, there is a Big Thing. I can analyze it, understand why they did it, pray for them, but I still will not forgive them IF forgiveness is not warranted.

sometimes forgiveness is NOT warranted.

I grew up in an era where we were told to continually praise kids, award them ribbons for showing up, give them parades for ordinary conduct to boost self esteem. We ended up with a generation of self indulgent narcissistic lil monsters.

Same with forgiveness. You know, sometimes people do shit that is just NOT right. Earlier I read in another thread about teens who bowled over an octogenarian war hero...punks. Oh boy. I need to forgive them for being assholes. Really? And this makes them a better person because they have my forgiveness. Maybe I can understand why they did it. So friggin what? I can have compassion for them over why, but honey, I am not about to forgive someone who does that to an old man.

and while I agree with Princess Belle about forgiveness being a gift I give myself, I hold firm to the gift I give those I dont forgive..and thats natural consequences. Hurt me until my soul spiritually bleeds and I will never forgive you. I wont carry a resentment around forever, but I wont forgive you. Live with what you did to me forever. If you earned it, you deserve it. What you did is about YOU, not me and i wont get eaten up by it, by not forgiving you. Your asshat behavior is yours. Its not my toxins. Its YOURS>

Again, most of the time, 99% of the time, I forgive people. But some blacksouled people will bear eternally their natural consequence to who they are and what they did to me.

Nomad 08-19-2012 07:29 PM

forgiving others isnt difficult. forgiving myself isnt easy. i've lived down to plenty of sub standard standards in my un-better self days. i find that i'm likely to need forgiveness more than any amount of forgiving i've done or could do. fortunately for me everyone grows up eventually, if for no other reason than to engage in living the rest of life without causing so much pain.

Jean_TX 03-13-2013 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina (Post 630445)
If I can imagine doing something myself, then I can forgive. If I can't imagine ever doing such a thing, if it is out of my ken, then it takes me much longer to forgive, and sometimes I never do. I let it go and forget about it. But if something comes along to remind me, I'll frown remembering.

Even if the motivation is something I can relate to, for example anxiety or fear, if I know that I would never have acted out in that way, then I struggle with forgiveness.

I too struggle with forgiveness if I never would have acted in the way the offender did ...I just cannot summon up the required empathy.

wahya 03-28-2013 07:36 PM

You can never heal completely until you can forgive completely

JAGG 03-28-2013 08:36 PM

Forgiveness doesn't stop the pain.
Forgiveness doesn't erase a memory.
Forgiveness doesn't fade a scar.
Forgiveness doesn't heal a wound.
Forgiveness doesn't unbreak a heart.
Forgiveness doesn't repair what was destroyed.
Forgiveness doesn't answer any nagging questions.
Forgiveness doesn't ease the grieving or loss.
Forgiveness can't return what was taken.
Forgiveness simply removes anger from the equation.

JustBeingMe 03-28-2013 10:51 PM

I want to contribute to this thread but will have to come back to it another time. I have enjoyed reading it and think it's a great thread. I hope more post here. til next time batman, same time same place same channel!

~ocean 03-29-2013 12:35 AM

forgiveness ~ follows acceptance ~ when u can accept the inevitable ~ then forgive :) ~

wahya 03-29-2013 01:16 PM

I have had to learn to forgive because nothing can change or will when you keep asking questions over and over. You cannot change the past. What's done is done. It took me a looong time to quit asking myself why? Why? Why? I was wasting my mind space day after day. Over someone that didnt give a damn about me anymore. I cared about myself too much to let ANYBODY take anything from me like that again. I got a life to live.

~ocean 04-25-2013 09:39 PM

like the Title of the room" FORGIVNESS " try it :) ~

girl_dee 11-12-2017 07:27 AM

Question!
 
In general, how would you forgive someone who is not remorseful? This is where forgiveness is granted or not granted for me.

~ocean 11-12-2017 07:33 AM

~
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee (Post 1180816)
In general, how would you forgive someone who is not remorseful? This is where forgiveness is granted or not granted for me.

forgiveness always was a personal ending to a sensitive subject with someone :either special or just a social situation.

homoe 11-12-2017 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee (Post 1180816)
In general, how would you forgive someone who is not remorseful? This is where forgiveness is granted or not granted for me.

I am a Cancer we can forgive BUT we NEVER forget................

~ocean 11-12-2017 07:43 AM

~
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by homoe (Post 1180827)
I am a Cancer we can forgive BUT we NEVER forget................

yada yada so u took your ginko.....lol

girl_dee 11-12-2017 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~ocean (Post 1180821)
forgiveness always was a personal ending to a sensitive subject with someone :either special or just a social situation.

i am not sure it would be an ending though.

BullDog 11-12-2017 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog (Post 377032)
If someone genuinely asks for my forgiveness then there is a very high chance I will forgive. Things may not be the same between us- for example if someone cheated on me- but I can acknowledge their genuineness and sincerity. People do make mistakes all the time. I know I do. When this happens I do my best to apologize and learn from my mistakes.

In the case of someone treating me in an abusive, very hurtful, manipulative or some other unhealthy manner, those people don't tend to be asking for forgiveness so I am not sure why I would need to expend energy trying to forgive them. For some it is a way of healing and moving forward. For me if I feel I have been wronged or am in an unhealthy situation, I need to figure out how to move forward and not let toxic people influence my life as much as possible. Forgiving someone doesn't really have much to do with it. I can't control how unhealthy people are going to treat me. I need to figure out how to heal and feel good about myself again. I need to learn from my mistakes and use better judgement of who I will let into my life.

Yes, exactly. I posted this over 6 years ago and is how I feel today as well. Forgiveness is very much a beautiful thing, but if someone is not sorry for what they did or not genuinely seeking it, then for me there is no point. Better for me to just get on with my life and become as neutral about the situation as possible.

cathexis 11-12-2017 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog (Post 1180973)
Yes, exactly. I posted this over 6 years ago and is how I feel today as well. Forgiveness is very much a beautiful thing, but if someone is not sorry for what they did or not genuinely seeking it, then for me there is no point. Better for me to just get on with my life and become as neutral about the situation as possible.

What I try to do is limit what is considered a transgression against me. For example, I don't count getting "strange" (a chance, one time, sexual encounter) as a transgression.
A person must lie, truly cheat, or steal someone or something from me.

candy_coated_bitch 11-12-2017 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee (Post 1180816)
In general, how would you forgive someone who is not remorseful? This is where forgiveness is granted or not granted for me.

There are people who have been in my life, abusers for example, that I feel no need to forgive. Ever. I know it's healing for some but I don't see a point in making a huge deal expending energy forgiving them

As far as lesser transgressions I think for me whether or not a person is remorseful also counts with me. If a person has no remorse I am most likely just going to move on with my life and not look back. If it's something really small I may not move on from that person but hearing an I'm sorry is always nice.


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