Butch Femme Planet - What Made You Cry Today?

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christmas. I want the holidays to be over with.

Memories....some good, some bad, some happy, some sad....another year almost gone...a new one about to begin...sigh....

Quote:

Originally Posted by pajama (Post 719498)

I seldom, very SELDOM, almost NEVER cry. But today I wept in a way I haven't in over 11 years.

6 years ago, I got my ex a surprise puppy for her birthday. I had her convinced we were going to look at Labradoodles, which she realllllly didn't want. When we get to the house and walk to the back door, a big black head looks in. And the ex starts yelling "They're dobies, they're dobies." As we walked outside we were greeted by two of the biggest Dobermans I have ever seen. We went down the stairs of the deck and into the back yard. The litter was playing and kinda shying away. But then this one little red-head came right over and grabbed aholt of the ex's pant leg and tugged. Isabella Bleu came home with us that night.

While the marriage didn't last, the friendship did. And I cherished the visits I would get to see Bella. She had a ridge down her nose where her hair grew against the grain that she never out grew and two tiny white spots on her head where her brothers and sisters had bitten her. She had a big red nose that could always make me smile. She was big, her shoulders came to above my waist and solid. She was so smart, and fast. She loved catching squirrels, chipmunks, and even showed up at the back door one day with a deer leg someone had discarded on the property. Convinced it most definetly belonged in the house with her. She loved sticks, they belonged in the house too. LOL And used to pull our sweet ole Mo's bandanas off and eat them. LOL

Today, my beautiful, energetic, funny, sweet, Boo Raddly had what we believe was an aneurism and is gone. :bigcry: I knew when this day would come that it was going to hurt like hell. I don't usually get this attached to animals. But I always thought that it would be known. That I would have time to say goodbye to her. To tell her how much I loved her. Although I told her every time I saw her. I hurt for my sweet ex and her partner. Boo was her child.

Just waiting here for The Boy to get home. We didn't tell him yet because he is driving home from work in rush hour traffic and didn't want him to be distracted.

It's always hits me so hard when it's an innocent that's lost, be it two or four legged or even winged baby.

(((((((((((((Ana and Boo)))))))))))))

Just a lot of different things...

The Holidays, and the rest of stuff ..sigh

A sappy Christmas song on the TV.

It's the first Christmas without Dad and each and every sappy Christmas song has me in floods of tears.

I feel so stupid. He was hardly the perfect father but he was the only one I had and I miss him so damn much.

And now I'm fucking crying again. I hate this. I really and truly hate this.

Words

another orphaned christmas makes me cry.

but, on da high side, i get to cook a christmas meal fo' 18 at work...

The song plus the story plus the quart of ice cream in front of me lead me to believe that the waterworks I've experienced aren't accidental. But still, they are here and this set them off.

I am always emotional this time of year. It doesn't take much to make me cry. Today was... feeling lonely, homeless guys in the freezing cold that thanked me for working with the disabled, my dad calling for his yearly memory that he has a daughter and inviting himself and ultra religious wife to my house xmas day.

#26randomacts - pass the love on.

---A casserole dish. It was given to me many years ago by my best friend. She lost her life in December 4 years ago of lung cancer. I cherished her. I cherish this dish.

The appropriate question, for me, would be 'What DIDN'T make you cry today?' I seem to be an emotional mess right now. LOL

my sick dog
Christmas in a strange place
broken promises
my own stupidity and naivete
smugness and malice
people who take pleasure in the pain of others
that stupid Sarah McLachlan commercial with the frightened and hurt animals
over 300,000 deaths since 2003 due to our conflict in the Middle East
over 4 trillion dollars committed to that same conflict
impending bankruptcy and student loan default
the loss of a cherished memento
homelessness

reality
reality made me cry

Good tears: A completely unexpected and exceptionally generous and compassionate offer from a new friend, which brought forth a wellspring of emotions from deeply realizing that I am surrounded by love in my life, from new friends and old. It gives me hope at this rough time of year at the end of a brutally rough year, that there is hope of my finding that one special someone that I dream of - and deserve to have in my life.

~*Prayer*~

Thinking about the healing that I received last night at church...wow...

One of the ladies there, signs to music and it is so beautiful...she signed to Silent Night and O Holy Night and I mean to tell you, it was a very powerful anointed moment. I cried like a baby. I thought about Jesus. I know some people don't believe in Him but I do. And I thought about His birth, all the obstacles, how He came to be born on earth and died here too, crucified and resurrected so that I and others like me could be saved and look forward to eternal life.

It was this thought of childbirth against huge odds that reminds me of my own children's births, (high risk preganancies, among other things) and how we as mother's bear our babies for our own selfish or loving reasons as the case may be. Then they grow up, and they live their own lives and sometimes they bless us with grandchildren and that whole life cycle continues and keeps bringing more and more love and blessings...it's the gift that keeps on giving...lol

And so, this morning, as we get ready to celebrate the birth of my savior Jesus Christ, I'm cleaning and cooking and making everything ready like I used to every year since my children were born, I get to celebrate this holiday with another added little bundle of joy (still in the oven), but here nonetheless. The legacy, the life cycle continues and I am so very blessed. I am now no longer just the mother, but have been granted another title of love--that of Abuelita...Grandmother...Nana.

And I pray for everyone of you that you have this (and/or other) insurmountable joy in your lives especially today, but everyday, too, in your lives, and that you recieve the desires of your heart.

I just did.

Love and many blessings to you all--and Merry Christmas--

Canela

I woman contacted me to care for her older dog while she went out of the country for 6 months to do something she always wanted to do. I gave her a fair quote and she said it was too much and that she would try and find someone to watch him. He's 9 years old and she's had him all his life. A week goes by and I emailed to just follow up and see if she found someone. She and her vet decided it was best to put him down because if she took him to the pound or in foster care he could spend his life in a kennel and she couldn't bare to do that to him.

I swear if she was standing in front of me I would have assaulted her.

Tears....so many tears....

4 firefighters were shot this morning here in Rochester...2 have died, one has a shattered spine and pelvis...responding to a fire...the shooter was a convicted felon. He opened fire on all first responders...O.M.G...The fire spread to 7 homes....innocent peoples lives destroyed for no reason at all...I am so incredibly sad.... sad beyond belief, stunned. Families displaced, no home to be safe and warm in....one person is still missing and they are hoping there were no more victims in any of the homes.....please send prayers up if you would.....

Someone drunk driving on a freeway pulled over, turned around and drove about a mile before slamming head on into another vehicle. Yes, people were killed and children left without their parents and siblings. SAD!

Watching the magic leave a child's eyes when they were told by their grandmother that there is no santa claus........

(F*ck bio-family. Next year me and my kid party in Vail, Steamboat Springs, Tahoe, etc....anywhere where "family" isn't....)

Katniss~~(experiencing the last holiday from hell borne of guilt and obligation)