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Sorry, out of "practice" on the conversation with Femmes ..I think...
Thanks for "straightening" me out.... so to speak..... (everything seems to have such sexual undertones...maybe I should put the keyboard down!) -Mr. Moon ;) |
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Just in denial perhaps. :gimmehug: |
This thread just feels like home to Me :D
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Oh look, boys and girls......it's cousin Braedon, come to call......
Pssst....he thinks he's home.....be nice, cousin Bo. |
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:boink:..... |
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I'm always nice. Me ------> :seesaw: <------Gemmie |
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:eyebrow: ... |
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Which part? :blink: I'd think carefully before I answered that, btw. :twitch: |
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We all know which part. :cheesy: |
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Don't let her skeer ya, bro. :cool: |
Good morning, boys and girls....it's your Auntie Diva, with the continuation of what I like to call
The Saga O' The Mailbox Let's recap, shall we? Auntie Diva's mailbox blew down the street, right? Sasquatch, your Auntie Diva's neighbor ~ FOUR DOORS DOWN & across the street even! ~ brought the mailbox home. His logic..."Well ~ huh, huh ~ your house was the only one that didn't have a box." WHAT? That was a little too personal, if you ask ME, boys and girls! So.....I tried to fix the mailbox myself, boys and girls. But your Auntie Diva ~ while she can drink 'em ~ is not too handy with The Screwdriver. She DOES have a circular saw...and she DOES know how to use it, but something told me that, in this case, a circular saw was not the appropriate tool in this case. :| But I digress. Well.....my mailman is just wonderful, boys and girls. Of course, I had bribed him with a CD. He gets out of his truck and brings my mail TO me. (He's a smart boy.) So yesterday, your Auntie Diva met Mr. Postman ~ let's call him cousin Junkmail, shall we? ~at the curb with some letters to mail. I asked cousin Junkmail why he rang my doorbell yesterday when he left nothing. Did I need to sign for something? (I didn't make it to the door before he drove off. It was odd.) Well, guess WHAT, boys and girls? Cousin Junkmail had been putting the mail in my NEW mailbox ~ which is sitting on top of a filing cabinet, which is sitting in my driveway. Don't ask. Did I even think to LOOK in the new mailbox? Oh [hell] no, boys and girls (forgive your Auntie Diva's potty mouth)...... We both had a good laugh at your Auntie Diva's expense. And that is the story ~ and the hopeful conclusion ~ of your Auntie Diva's mailbox, starring cousin Junkmail. (Oh...and just so you know, there will be 2 cousins coming to see me soon, and they are going to fix your Auntie Diva's box.) Signed, Auntie Diva, postage included...:gotmail: |
Good evening, boys and girls, and gather 'round for another story from your Auntie Diva.......
Well, boys and girls, today was a very special day....yes.....today was the 18th birthday of the daughter of your cousin ShariBlueberry!!! It's true! So I was invited to participate in the birthday extravaganza.....and I got in the MomMobile to drive to the north country and The Cheesecake Factory! Yum, boys and girls, YUM! It true! Little tiny elves work in the back ~ just like the North Pole! ~ and build delicious cheesecakes for all the lucky ones who grace their tables and are willing to pay $9.95 or the donation of one's youngest child.....something like that. Of course, it was raining cats and dogs as I drove northward, and for a majority of the drive, I was going 2 mph. It's true. There was no accident that I ever saw. Your Auntie Diva was pretty sure it was National Granny~On~The~Highway Day here in The Austin Town. :| But I eventually got there.....your cousin ShariBlueberry had passed out in the bread basket in a yeast coma, and little cousin Ambrosia was climbing over the seats, going from booth to booth. But I digress. We had a lovely meal, even if the waiters did switch off.....we ended our meal with Ricardo ~ who allowed me to slide his tip into his pocket...but that's another thread, boys and girls. I just said, "Get out the crackers" as he was quite the handsome Latino young man.:weedsmoke: Digression #2. So....as we were enjoying our cheesecakes, I commented to your cousin Ambrosia that she was an Aquarian.......and, as a matter of fact.....SO WAS AUNTIE DIVA'S EX~HUSBAND...... And I asked her, "So you know what THAT says, right"? And without missing a beat, your cousin Ambrosia replied, "That I'm a bastard?" :| Your Auntie Diva didn't realize cousin Ambrosia had met her ex~husband. Signed, Auntie Diva, who is more than pleased to have an EX~husband |
I love cousin Ambrosia! She is funny like her mom, cousin ShariBlueberry! :superfunny:
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Thank you for the stories Auntie Diva. I am gettin verwee verwee sweepy now. I need my binkie and my blankie. Off to dreweem of femmy femmes. Cousin Sunny Snukims. |
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Did your Auntie Diva give you that name, cousin Sunshine? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? :knitgirl: |
Dear Auntie Diva,
We have scarred poor little Cousin Ambrosia... she was so traumatized that she insisted on sleeping in my room last night. Well, that child sleeps under me, and she sweats. She kept mumbling in her sleep-- things like "No more strip clubs!" and "Please hurry and bring Diva more bread!" I have NO IDEA how she knew your ex-husband is a bastard. I didn't even know she knew the word. :innocent: Oh, and Ricardo's wife wants to have a word with you.:| |
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