I am bored with being laid up already and I still have 6 treatments to go. I don't ring the fucking bell until Sept 16th and I am already buggy. I still have radiation and surgery after that!!!!!!! I am pissy and bored. I really need a new hobby, one I can do inside. ARGGGGG

It's a new day. Yesterday, I got mad at what was feeling like my life was put on hold by cancer. Today, woke up with a better attitude.

I truly understand. I feel like my life is in limbo. I am 51 and not ready to be old. Elevation is too high here for squirrels, but we feed the ferel cats and so does another neighbor. We have trapped and fixed quite a few of them.
Hope you are able to put your feet up and heal. Sounds like you are as blessed as I am with a wonderful, caring partner. :)

A question for those who have had steroids in their chemo protocol. Has anyone dealt with the manic high/low side effect and if so, is there anything you can do to counter-balance it? no problem here with the high part but the low part is brutal! :(

I didn't put that together at first. I thought it was depression from cancer, etc. The Dr suggested antidepressants, but I am too nervous about coming off of them later.

I am blessed and have a partner that reminds me to breathe and take a break. We have both joined support groups and its made all the difference. There is also a Cancer Wellness Center with FREE massage and yoga!!!!!

BTW, if it gets to me to much, I just scream. Scares the dogs, but sometimes it feels like the thing to do. Seems to motivate me to get out of myself.

Clay
 

I just ordered this clay, and it is in the mail. LWF said she absolutely loves it. I am going to make small shields with raised family crests, and some small masks.
http://www.pearlpaint.com/shop-Air-D...2999_2963.html

Air Dry Clay http://www.artistsupplysource.com/im...Small-2610.jpg

Like all moist clays, Boneware is easily kept soft and pliable as long as desired if moist with water and covered with a damp cloth while not in use. Finished pieces become bone hard when allowed to dry. No firing, no baking necessary. May be decorated with tempera, oil paints, and enamels. Packed moist and ready to use.

Has anyone introduced you to second life? (It's a virtual world game, big glbtg community, many members from here are on there) The best part about second life is it is 24 hours a day...... go to u tube and watch a few tutorials of second life, so you can get an idea of what it is.

I'm not extremely second life literate, i was barely able to walk, but i'm sure we can get you in there and registered ect....

That is a great idea!! I am taking a trip to some craft stores this afternoon and will loof for it..THANK YOU Tommi! This looks like what I will need to keep my mind busy :) wonder if it can handle the outdoors....mind is running with it already..lol

Thank you, I will check it out, too. I know my niece plays second life, so she will be happy to clue me in.

Don't forget to exercise even when you are tired. It will help with the fatigue. Even just a slow walk around the block.

I bookmarked in case I didn't find it my craft store search. Price is good. I just keep picturing my new queer friendly garden gnomes. lol

Our dogs make sure that happens. :)

AHhhhh. GREAT IDEA>>>
:pile: :LGBTQFlag: :LGBTQFlag:

Good thing for no HOA. lol

Free Magazine Free to cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers in the U.S
 

Just received the latest issue of CURE magazine. Always something new, always something to remind me about taking care of me, and ART stuff too. It's also available as an eMagazine at -->

Link for a Free subscription* I would like a FREE subscription of CURE. (Free to cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers in the U.S.)

Thanks, Tommi! I went and signed up.

I have mail, and I smiled.
 

A happy face on a prescription blank, inside an envelope from my Oncologist with my annual follow-up to uterine cancer.

I am still anxious when I open it. A little check mark on a little box beside:

"All test results are negative" and a hand drawn happy face.

Seven years, cancer free. .

:moonstars:

I signed up too :) thank you very much!!

That is the shit. Great to have a Dr with a sense of humor.

Hard evening. My partner has been sober for several years. Tonight he isn't. His family is his slippery place and that is where he has been.
Yesterday, I had my 3rd of 8 chemo treatments and I don't feel he is going to strong enough to deal with this.
I am scared as all fuck, that I will be doing this alone. My family is 5 states away and I am covered by medical here.
Glad I am strong. I have been thinking tonight. I can take medical transport to chemo, etc. I have wonderful friends to help, I just need to ask!
Why the fuck now? Feels so out of the blue.

Hi, Debby.

I am so sorry to hear this is happening. I would suggest that it is his anxiety and fear about you being ill that as perhaps a reason that he decided to drink.

Even if there is no danger of losing you (I don't recall you saying your diagnosis/prognosis, but I am assuming you are not terminal), something like cancer can create the fear of loss.

I am sorry this is happening when you need him. Hopefully, he will go to the cancer support group he has and get support around the cancer. If he is in AA, I hope he goes back to that, too. Does he have a sponsor?

I am glad that you have friends there to support you. Hang in there. :rrose:

I am floored and heartbroken. The day after I had chemo and two days after our anniversary. He told his family, he can't be here and watch me die. I have invasive ductal carcinoma, stage 2B, triple negative and grade 3. I am not dying!
And no he hasn't been to mtgs lately. I know he has spoken with his sponsor.

Be selfish. Take care of you, and maybe he will follow.
 

((((((((Debby and your SO))))))))))))))
Amazing what dynamics come into play when we are members of this special club we did not ask to become members of.
Maybe this is his way of dealing with the pain YOU are going through. I know partners feel helpless and sometimes act out in the worst ways, and say things that need to be discussed. I know I can't change another's way of dealing with issues, but I know I have to take care of myself.

My best advice...Al Anon. There are gay meetings in some area's, and there are on-line meetings. It really is One Day at a Time.
http://webcache.googleusercontent.co...www.google.com

the stress of cancer
 

Debby, I am so sorry to read that your guy is not there for you right now. Hopefully he will get some help and be back by your side. I was surprised to find out that this happens more frequently than I would have thought. I ended up going to a counselor who specializes in cancer patients in order to understand my ex and best friend who baled on me in the middle of my cancer treatment. Please ask your friends for ANYTHING you need---whether it is someone to take you to your treatments, or a shoulder to cry on, or someone to watch a funny movie together. Also. I found it really helpful to see a counselor who specialized in cancer patient's issues. Your guy should find someone to talk to about his feelings as well--a safe place where he can express his fears. Cancer affects the whole family. One thing I used to tell myself on the way to my chemo appointments was "It won't always be like this" ---my mantra
I will be sending lots of loving, healing energy to you and your guy.
Jeano

{{{{{{{{Debby}}}}}}}}}} I wish I could give you a real hug right now. Like mustangjeano said, it isn't always going to be like this...and it won't because things will and do get better! The patient advocate at the chemo clinic had stage 3c ovarian cancer and has been cancer free for almost 6 years now, so no, you are in no way dying!! I can tell you are a strong woman and you will keep the faith and keep going. Can I pm you my phone number in case you ever want to talk?

Much love, support and prayer for you right now, dear one!

Screaming works GREAT :) YAY for the ability to use our voices as a release, huh!!

A few things about anti-depressants and meds. When I first started having panic attacks before my divorce, I had NEVER taken anything other than the occasional aspirin when a headache got too bad. I was all about alternative medicine and holistic therapy. So, the long and short of it was that I suffered tremendously for nearly two months. I lost 20lbs, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, had two small children and a full time job to attend to. Finally, after seeing a wonderful doctor, I eased into taking a med that helped me wake up without that overwhelming sense of dread and soul crushing anxiety. And let me tell you, it made all the difference in the world! I also began talk therapy and sort of over-hauled my life and started dusting out the creepy-crawlies that were lurking in dark corners, but that med is what enabled me to do so...it helped me cope during one of the darkest periods of my life. The most important thing for me to keep in mind was that no matter what, I did not want to be like my mother, who would take to her bed for months at a time when us kiddos were little. I wanted to be there for my girls and be there for me!! I keep taking my little pill...every morning with my coffee...I call it my happy pill. :) I feel so blessed that we have drugs that can help us along through the difficult times and as long as I need it, I will continue to live better through chemistry, one day at a time. :rrose:

ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I don't like this club..lol
 

I do go to Alanon. LOVE Alanon and I know this isn't on me. Some people just don't have the ovaries.

I spoke with a counselor at the cancer center today. This isn't so uncommon that a spouse/partner bales. Sad. I am blessed with great support. Very blessed.

Some moments, this just sucks.

I had my last a/c treatment, so no more of the red devil!!!!!! So, I am at the half way mark through chemo. Now 4 taxol and done with chemo on Sept 16th. Feels great to be half way there. :)

AWESOME! Seems as though it is "hump day" for you!

Congrats!

Btw, I love you sig line...so true, so true. And so many don't know this.

The sig line is a Native American proverb. Its one I have hanging in my cube at work, too. :)

It feels like a hump day. I took a nap after and feel great so far. It is amazing how much attitude can make all the difference.

YAYYYY Debby
 

Congratulations on being half way thru chemo. Great job!!!
I think of you often .
Jeano:

Feeling really good this time too! DAMN

Damn good.Everybody dance!! :hangloose:
http://www.bemidjistate.edu/conferen...g_penguins.gif

Sept 16th I will be ringing the bell and will post a pic! By Jan I am hoping to be finished with everything and have a bright new year.