Thank you June! Point taken!

Thanks Jen.

I think this conversation has been a great learning experience.

I know that *I* am learning a lot about how people with DA's and without approach this space.

I know that we are a great bunch of people, and it seems to me that the over all consensus is that we as humans want to be fair to everyone.

I think we have a patchwork "buddy system" already in place. By that I mean that those of us who interact with and are friends with each other keep an eye on each other. We look out for each other and let each other know when something we post might be "iffy".

If we keep doing that and all have an open mind, then we are all going to be in good shape I think.

I know that I always want to know when what I post and what is being heard is so disproportionate that my intent has been completely lost.

Not in a finger wagging way, but in a kind compassionate way.

That is something we should ALL do for each other, not just the DA'd people.

I know that we have amazing moderators here, who really work hard to be fair and equitable when dealing with people on a very personal and individual level.

We all have the obligation to each other to ensure that our community is safe. For everyone.

I do hope that anybody that needs help with any kind of DA issue will keep in mind that this site is dedicated to making it as inclusive for Differently abled members as it is to every other cross section of our community.

I am always available for assistance, questions or issues should anyone need help.

I know that The Planet goes out of it's way to be fair, even more so with our DA population. Please keep in mind that most of us are not privy to what goes on behind the scenes.

Thank You, the Mods and Owners for all you do! This is indeed a wonderful website. :)

I sincerely do not know what the answer is for those who can't take no for an answer, I wish I did. I think we do give passes for reasons of compassion and humanity and I am glad for that, but understand that at some point, tough decisions have to be made and it is heartening to see that these decisions are not made lightly.

I have learned so much here too, from all angles, and bottom line, no one should have to be afraid here.

You know, I haver never been a believer in the report button, it felt like telling on people or being Big Brotherish, but this thread has taught me that when we see something starting to go wrong through miscommunication, reporting is the right thing to do. Maybe then escalated angry situations can be avoided.

Thank you all for the thread and your interaction.

:rrose:

Also, I want to apologize to anyone who felt like I was taking jabs at them, that was not my intent.

Snow, you should never have to feel afraid on BFP and when the TOS are violated, action does need to be taken. I hope you know if you ever need to call on me for help I am here. I can't kick ass like I used to, but I can help in other ways. :)

Mods, so sorry that I took your excellent writing skills for possibly being form letters. :)

SuperFemme, so sorry for making you think that I don't think you are capable of doing your job and for not thanking you often enough. :rrose:

Report button, my apologies for not understanding how you can be used for good.

June, so sorry you had to come in here and semi moderate us.

Violaine. :rrose:


xoxoxoxxo

Jen

I so agree with your last statement. Even though, I know it is hard sometimes- we are quite a group of members- very diverse! And we each have our points of passion!

Something I have felt about the Planet since joining is that it does have a higher level of understanding and fairness for DA members. There is a sensitivity around this that I do see and feel. Sure, I have been taken to task and reprimanded, but, I do think this is a space in which fairness is practiced via the admin and mods. I don't recall (but it could have happened) seeing as much attention (and trying to understand) on the old site about communication in relationship to being DA. And DA in many different ways.

I have read quite a few posts by admin stating they are looking into things that they have been asked about in terms of the TOS. And they make changes accordingly if they find a need to. I'm sure that mods are involved in these processes, which is a positive thing.

This thread has been hard, but, also really helpful to me. I hope it is one that gets bumped from time to time with new information getting posted. I know that for me, dealing with chronic pain and mobility issues can lead to my just being impatient. If I have to take heavy duty pain meds for a period of time, I know I see the world differently. It is always good for me to be aware of this.

thank you.
 

[QUOTE=SuperFemme;153533]
Violane, I've never seen you in the role of a victim. Ever. I hear what you are saying about somebody being nasty and saying they are good friends with certain people and wishing you "luck". That is outright shitty behavior, and not tolerated here.

it happened already, and i'm not talking about the dash site, SuperFemme.

I think it's important to separate what happened at the dash site with the set up here. Because the two things are light years apart.

I also want to put out there that is anybody with a different ability is having an issue (be it with the mods or other members) that you can pm me. As the DA Ambassador here it is my job to make sure that the DA members are treated fairly. If anyone feels like that is NOT happening, please contact me and I can act as a mediator if necessary, or point you in the right direction.

with all due respect, SuperFemme- i cannot see that happening!

thank you for the offer - but part of what i was trying to communicate in this thread, and from what i've personally seen/experienced, makes it nearly comical to me, on one hand, and the very last thing i'd conceive of doing- contacting you for help.

i'm not writing this to read abrasively to you. there is absolutely no negative 'tone' attached. it is not good - it is not bad, it 'just is'. i'm not an island, and do appreciate sound help when i need it, and am far from being afraid to ask for it- but i would prefer that questions not even need to go through several other people or avenues.

just treated fairly- as everyone else on initial try.

best,
belle

[quote=violaine;153667]Violane,

I'm not offended in the least. I am but one tool available. I do hope that you go to the mods with anyone harassing you.

Nobody here deserves to be harassed in any medium, and I am sure that the help is there to address that if you choose to seek it. :praying:

[quote=violaine;153529]I am not sure why but I don't have a ton of trouble understanding people who have Aspergers in general and I never have trouble reading you. I am not sure if it's because I know certain people have it so I read them differently because of it.

I hope that you and anyone else that has this could answer a some questions that I have been wondering since I read your post.

I wondered if online forums are more difficult for you personally to navigate more then face to face interactions?

And this may seem to be a dumb question, I know more about autism itself, but are there degrees of Aspergers like there is with autism? And since I am asking questions...is it in posting that you have the most trouble? I'm not sure if I worded that right. What I mean is do you tend to read your posts and think you are being clear, even when people may be saying that you are not being clear?

Do you ever find that people repeat themselves to you? But that you feel like you are clear on what they mean? Yet, they are not clear that you are understanding what they mean? That may have just confused ME. I hope that makes sense, I know what I'm trying to say I just may not have the right words.

Are there ways of communicating that help you? I know that my boifriend has dyslexia and that if I keep my sentences shorter and not bunch them together in a paragraph it makes it easier for hym to read. Is there a way to write to make anything easier if you have Aspergers?

I'm just wondering, thank you for posting! :)

I actually find online forums much easier to negotiate as an Aspie. I think that this medium can often be well suited to people on the spectrum, because in many ways it levels the playing field. In physical interactions, I can have trouble with body language, reading facial expression, tone of voice and intent (it depends on the day as well). These things are absent from the online world, so aren't there to confuse me. In some ways the absence of these markers does make it more difficult (as it does for most of us, and I do glean some information from these things), but in other ways it makes it much easier.


Sure there are degrees - it's all part of the autistic spectrum. Some will say that there is actually no difference between Asperger's and high functioning autism. (Others will argue that there are marked differences between the two) I don't really have much of an opinion either way, I think it's a matter of semantics.

Posting, for me, is actually much easier than verbal communication, because I can take my time, re-read things (both my stuff and the other person's), and don't get as confused (hopefully). I also have an auditory processing problem which makes processing verbal communication problematic, particularly if there is background noise. As for clarity, I think I come across best in text, definitely. But there is such huge variation between people on the spectrum, I can only speak about my own experience as an Aspie.

Lol...yes, very occasionally. However, I've learned to mask a lot of my Aspieness so that most people are surprised to learn that I'm on the spectrum. I just come across as slightly quirky and "artistic", apparently. Oh, and sometimes standoffish - if feeling out of my element, which is often.

So to answer your question (because I don't think I really addressed it properly), it's more likely that people will carry on oblivious that I have NOT caught all of something, because I don't want to keep asking them to repeat themselves, and explain my differences all the time. I kinda feel like pointing out that I have these "differences" is asking for a pass... and I don't mean it that way, but that's how it's so often interpreted... so I avoid it.

edit: My reason would be more as a way of explaining *why* I'm not following the conversation, rather than asking for a pass, so that they don't interpret me as stupid or disinterested.

I really hate being interpreted as stupid, because I'm not - I'm in the 99.9th percentile on a couple of scales. It's just that honestly, you would never, ever know it. ESPECIALLY if you met me in real life. And on the flip side, my social intelligence can be pretty low on a few points. As I said before, it really depends on whether I'm having a good day or a bad day.

Hope that makes sense :)

I relate to what you said here. I know I can put on a mask too when I am feeling vulnerable, but I bet my mask is harsher than yours. Mine is a sullen, angry, snarling mask. I wasnt the caretaker. I was the scapegoat and so now when I am being blamed for things I didnt do or mean, I do what I did as a child, fight back for survival. My sister was the caretaker..and she wanted peace at any cost, so now she has ulcers. My brother was the Invisible Boy, always staying out of the way so he would never be the target. Problem was, it also meant he never felt loved or cared for. He committed suicide.

sometimes people dont realize what they are doing to others on this site. And nor should they. They arent therapists. But I love the saying someone had as their sig line..."be kind to everyone for they all deal with some kind of harship" (or something like that). I know I have been called on the carpet more than once for not giving people notice about some posts that were horrific to traumazied folks. I try to be much more sensitive about that now. After working in my field for so long, and after the aftermath of my brother's suicide, I have developed a rather calloused skin over things that would make most people gag. And, while I own I can be insensitive about this unknowingly, those who unknowingly trigger my PTSD should also know. But I usually dont tell it. Thats the mask> You have hurt me but I wont let you see the hurt because I firmly believe you will use it to hurt me more. I just wont allow that kind of vulnerability.

Good insight, ALH....


AtLastHome wrote:Thanks, this post gives me pause. And that is a good thing as I know I can get upset around certain issues and begin to feel vulnerable. That is when I can really put on a mask that I bet seems impenetrable. Having to be the therapist and care-taker for so long was a way to remain guarded even when doing work (therapy for myself) around all of this

Oh yeah, I meant to say something about this because it keeps getting buried in other concepts (which are also really important, but what you said above is specifically what this thread is about).

I totally agree - I know I said in my first post that I give everybody passes, DA or not, but having thought about it - under that definition, they aren't passes.

While we seem to be talking all around the subject, but not specifically addressing it, I actually think that most of us are in agreement that being differently abled should not entitle anyone to a pass - i.e. being DA shouldn't absolve them from taking responsibility for their own behaviour (but only according to each person's capacity).

I think the crux of the issue is that there is a whole bunch of societal baggage that informs people what an appropriate response to DA ought to be.

A lot of it is well meaning, but in the end there is a huge grey area between giving a person compassion and understanding because of X, and not holding a person accountable because of X, and where A will see one, B sees the other.. . and it's not always clear-cut who is right.

I believe that this is where the conversation is falling down.

Thank you so much for this post. You completely understand what I wanted this thread to be about, and while it has been important to look at all views I worry that the intent has gotten lost.

So I am glad to see that it has not.

I in no way meant to imply that the level of empathy, compassion, and understanding that we treat others with should fall by the wayside. I am in no way saying that the moderators and admins do not give individual consideration on a case by case basis. That means that when there is any kind of issue involving a DA'd person they are going to go above and beyond to be aware of the issues specific to that DA'd person.

I think we all have personal attachments to this, and the lenses we are viewing it through are multiple.

I not only get that, I totally respect it.

I also want people to be aware that The Planet is committed to this community being accessible to differently abled people. That commitment includes going an extra mile (or ten) when dealing with issues that might come up. It means that behind the scenes, there are usually several attempts at solutions until the right one fits.

I understand that it this is a new and different thing within an online b/f community, and I would hope that people are able to have faith in what The Planet is all about, and have faith that doors aren't going to be slammed in your face here because you are differently abled and have a unique way of communicating.

I'd also like to stress that if you contact myself or the mods/admins and need help that it is confidential (outside of the aforementioned). If you are differently abled but choose to be private about it to the community at large, please know that if you choose to share that (say you need assistance or whatever) your information will always remain private.

God, I love watching evolution of the soul !!! You go, Braedon!!!

[QUOTE=urs;154186]Oh yeah, I meant to say something about this because it keeps getting buried in other concepts (which are also really important, but what you said above is specifically what this thread is about).

i, too, think other concepts are very important - and sometimes, how i am able to get 'round' to the heart of a matter. in person, it might take me a while to get there, even if some kind of answer is already in my head. this may or may not be amusing to people, and doesn't happen each and every time- but i do/can process at length.

I totally agree - I know I said in my first post that I give everybody passes, DA or not, but having thought about it - under that definition, they aren't passes.

While we seem to be talking all around the subject, but not specifically addressing it, I actually think that most of us are in agreement that being differently abled should not entitle anyone to a pass - i.e. being DA shouldn't absolve them from taking responsibility for their own behaviour (but only according to each person's capacity).

for me, issues surrounding the thread 'subject' are just what may provide tangibility- what has happened/what i already know, i can address from actual experiences. a pass for DA individual, like myself, not taking responsibility doesn't go far communication-wise [for me] because i will accept responsibility sans pass, and in order for me to discuss anyone else DA neglecting to accept responsibility, i have to try to come up with who/what/when/where i've come across that situation.

note: processing usually works out the way i have described, until i read more and something else may click about 'intent'. subtext comes easier for some people on the spectrum, and being literal most times does not apply to every aspergian.

adorable, thank you for asking questions :rrose: about AS. i love forums/research/the net because i do prefer a quiet environment. i love to read, and like ursy wrote, with a computer, i control the environment. no background commotion save NPR or pig chatter [smile].

i get so thrown, i'll admit- about things foreign to my own wiring, that i see here/there, and a lot of it has to do with how quickly people seem to 'read' each other with high emotion/tones - or an agenda- i rarely see 'tones' or agendas, but the outcomes of such conversation.

also, i am not sure that i view this thread as 'falling down' - but that's because i don't mind a less travelled path, and savour the 'getting there' as much as any ah-ha moments. i get an opportunity to see more ways of processing.

(((((((((((((Softness))))))))))))) You've always been a personal cheerleader of Mine and knowing that I have your support means the world to Me, so thank you :rrose:

I wanted to personally thank those who repped Me with such positive comments for My above post, I know it takes alot of guts for many of us to admit things that we never would have before. Reading this thread really gave Me the push to see that while I may be differently-abled for some reason, My life is much more than My disability. I'm more than depression, I'm more than anxiety ~ I'm a person, a human being with feelings just like everyone else. I dream, I want, I live, I laugh, I love, I hurt, I cry etc ~ I'm no different than anyone else, and if someone treats Me less than good because they have their own stigma's about disabilities (be they mental or physical etc) then I don't need them in their lives.

To those of us who are brave enough to face each day with a smile, and for those of you who love us regardless, I admire every one of you :bowdown:

Braedon, your posts in this thread are nothing short of amazing. How special of you to share your ah-ha moment.

It is SO hard to put such personal things out there on the web for all to see, and when I chose to do so in regards to my different abilities it was in the hope that I could build bridges to others like me. So the fact that you just got brave and shared these pieces of yourself makes it all worth it.

I love what you said about being more than your disability. You're right, the sum of all your parts is so much deeper than that one piece of your puzzle.

I admire you back, times 100. :rrose:

The biggest part of my disablity is my back injury,the rest is my near total deffness with speach probs.Hear lately my back had had more bad days than good..not so much pain but numbness down to the toes that can hit at near anytime.Mostly I get a bit of warning but tonight I went out with friends to the casino,I havent been for ages and really needed a bit of fun,after about an hour I got thes timgling that went to numbness pretty quick so I made excuses and went home..I nearly didnt make it to the car cause the more I walked the worse it got.I dont know what to do anymore and its getting me down.I am seeing an nuro but he wants me to have some pre surgery rehab,we havent desided what kind of surgery its going to bebut what ever im so tired of fighting this.

SF,

I have always admired you, because you've always just been yourself which is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY more than just what makes you "differently-abled". I know you've always just been you, but in many ways I look upto you because you personify what it means to be more than your disability; your a wonderful example overcoming adversity to break down the barriers around you and still live life as best as you can. I think your an amazing woman, a wonderful human being and I'm proud to be counted among those who you admire :givingarose:

I"ll add another zillion YESSES to that My friend :D

Just read this on another thread.... and it brought some perspective to me.... reminded of how life can turn on a dime and how I need to keep humility in mind.

Dear Butch Femme Community,
I haven't been here very much lately due to life in the fast line. Just want to say how important it is to take care of and be kind to one another at every step of the way.

I am rethinking life on life's terms. I am evaluating why needless sarcasm echo's, winding it's way into my sleep, waking me with that feeling of flight. I am seeing hidden agenda's flash before my eyes, maybe a day, a week or a month late.

I got a wake up call Weds. about how precious our relationships with each other are when a dear friend was having a simple laparoscopy as I read Esquire in the surgical waiting room. I kept calling recovery on her status. She didn't make it to the recovery room. She ended up on a respirator, and was taken directly to ICU. She now is in a coma.

Her out of the area homophobic bio-family does not understand how deeply we miss her and want her to know, to visit her bedside, even if she is in a drug induced coma. Her sister reminds me every time I call her that 'W/we" are not permitted to visit or get any information.

I am not wasting another day on other's hyperbole or tying up the abatross.. I am going to clean out my closet and my life of chaff that weighs heavily on my body and mind. How many sweatshirts and ballcaps can one have from world travels. What nostalgia? The homeless can use the headcover!

Yes, life CAN turn on a dime, can't it?
I wish my life would stay away from dimes.

Although difficult for me to post right now (my laptop did not leave the plane with me, and this note sent via phone ... a laborious task, indeed), I wish to come out about my own disability/ies. I have 3 bulging discs in the lore spine. I suspect there exists one or two in my thoracic, or upper spine as well ... I would have to throw a hissy fit to get a mri for confirmation. Anyway, there is the back, and there are major problems with my knees. The latter a developmental problem, which is due to my patellas (kneecaps) being off to the side. Over time, in part because of excessive use ( basketball and dancing ) my disability is now becoming less hidden.

I do not care if I cannot play basketball any longer. I stopped needing to be a jock long ago. But dancing is everything to me. It is a means of multiple expressions ... my physically, spirituality, and sexuality. To dance provides me with opportunities to become part of the music ... to be in the rhythm section or too develop contractually. I do/can not dance as often, but when I cannot stand the absence any longer, I wrap my knees, take some drugs, and boogie ... or, salsa, or waltz, or two step. Or, whatever the genre. Hip-hop, swing. Just go.

And, yeah, Ive passed for decades. But now, with age,it isn't so easy. When I finally have to hang up my two toned shoes, somebody be nice and just shoot my ass.

I'm back from TN and have tried to catch up on the thread. Eight hours in the car gives me quite a bit of time to think!

SF - I saw your note that you felt my posts to Snow were dismissive. I'm sorry you perceived them to be and I thought I included, several times, my intent in an effort to have them NOT be mis-perceived. Additionally, I don't know that I agree that Snow felt they were dismissive, because, in my history, she is very vocal at making it crystal clear if she feels this way and since she had addressed me in a rep note, I would think that she would have included such. I don't want to derail this thread but I did want to address it in the thread since your response to me was not PM'd. If you feel we need to discuss it further, please PM me.

One of the things that came up in my marathon drive/think fest is how I think neuro DA persons might (probably do) find online communities/communication problematic and I think that this is what we are referring to when we talk about the mythical pass.

For me, I have always viewed Bratboy's online interactions as "practice" for his social skills. Its much easier for him to have the anonymity of the keyboard. I daresay that its one of the reasons he has been able to develop such good real-time social skills.

He does, however, have issue with reading tone and intent. He is very literal in his interpretation and always has been. In the same way that one of his issues used to be reading pragmatics of conversation (tone, facial expression, body language), he still has the same issue with tone. I believe that is a good deal of the issues that most of our neuro DA community members experience. I have had several self-identified neuro DA's tell me such. I've yet to come up with a way to assist in navigating this issue, but I keep trying.

In regard to the DA Ambassador role and the hierarchy of Moderators/Administrators, I think its fantastic that Jack and Medusa saw this need and took measures to address it. I like that SF has made public announcements showing her availability.

I do think, however, Belle brings up an issue that I, too, think is problematic in two ways: (1) What if the DA person having an issue doesn't feel a rapport with SF? In following that train of thought, to me, having the hierarchy or next step in the process, what if the DA person doesn't feel comfortable in speaking with a moderator or administrator? These persons, while active, participating community members also have a position of authority and I think something to think about is how that might not feel safe.

(2) Its also been my observation and interpretation that most of the neuro DA's might not see that they even need to ask for assistance. Most of the times when Bratboy has gotten into sticky communication issues, he doesn't see that his behavior is the problem or how what he said/did is offensive/crossing a boundary. How can we, as a community, expect a neuro DA, especially those with communication differences, to have the capacity to know that they need to ask for help? I have issue with expecting a neuro DA person be accountable when they might not have the cognitive ability to look outside of self to see where their part of the issue is the problem.

To both of these points, I would like to see perhaps more public outreach. I feel confident that we can find a way or the words to step into a situation without humiliating (I'm not saying this has happened, but that a neuro DA person might feel as such) or changing the expectation that everyone abide by the TOS.

The reason I include "publicly" is that I think when the issue/offense happens in public and then is dealt with behind the scenes, it reinforces/gives the perception that there is that mythical pass.

Its also why I thought that a peer system of folks who aren't dual-roled as both moderators/position of authority and community members might be a viable supplement to the current process. For instance, Belle might be more comfortable in reaching out to me to ask for clarification of a post rather than having to ask a Moderator, whose role as Moderator is one of "task master". I'm just an equal. I think sometimes, even the NT folks have trouble seeing a Moderator as also a peer - I know I do in spite of the additional efforts the Moderators go to in clarifying from which position they are speaking.

Again, I hope that everyone understands that I am not saying there is anything wrong with, nor am I being unsupportive of the DA Ambassador role/process. I just see how we might be able to supplement it so that we can further dispel the mythical pass perceptions.

I wanted to take a moment to remind everyone that this thread is about ALL differently abled people.

Not just neuro-disabled.

We have so very many types of differently abled people here and I want to make sure that we don't put everyone into a box. Sure, there are those of us who have cognitive issues. But a wheelchair, being hearing impaired, multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy, an amputee and the rest of the different abilities all tend to lead to the general public thinking that all of it is cognitive (meaning we are all slow) issues. We find people talking louder, and slower and often times in a tone reserved for three year olds.

First of all, cognitive challenges don't = slow. Secondly, talking to DA'd people with the assumption that all DA = Cognitive really demeans us all as human beings.

This is just a gentle reminder, and not directed at any one person. I get super frustrated at the public perceptions around differently abled people and I want to make sure that this community steers clear of that.

If anyone has any questions please feel free to pm me.

thanks,

adele

Adele -

While I appreciate your wanting to be sure that this thread is about all DA persons, I can't help but be just a tad confused at this point.

In your opening post, you specifically wanted to address accountability when posting as a DA person. You went on to speak of your personal experience with TBI, which, to me, falls into neuro-diversity.

I thought that you were wanting to discuss holding DA persons to the same standards in rules and expectations on this site in relation to adhering to the TOS.

While I am sure that physical limitations such as the ones you mention in your last post have bearing and can be related to to a person's state of mind when they post, I don't know how my having a permanent physical disability impacts my posting. I don't know how having a 23% disability of my knee allows me to have the mythical pass you speak of when I am accountable for the words I type - not how long it takes me to navigate going down steps.

I am really not trying to be argumentative and wanted to ask for clarification since my interpretation of your last post seems to conflict with the OP. If the direction of the thread has now changed to talk about how physical disabilities allow DA persons this pass in real-time interactions, so will my participation in this thread.

Thanks,
Christie

Christie I am sorry that this is your perception of what this thread is about.

While I can only speak in absolutes about my own different abilities I am not unable to advocate for all different abilities.

Also, please understand that a bad knee is not a disability. Once you lose all use of that knee, then you cross over into the realm of differently abled.

BINGO. Thanks Corkey. :koolaid:

Adele - Your response just further confuses me. I'm really trying to understand what the thread intent is at this point because it seems that you have shifted gears, by your very words.

Further, it concerns me that you state you can't advocate for all disabilities but yet, I would see the DA ambassador role as just that - an advocate for all DA persons.

Finally, "a bad knee" as you stated, is certainly not the same as some of the debilitating physical disabilities our community members endure. However, if I fall down the steps with aforementioned bad knee and become a paraplegic, I still don't see how that would impact my accountability for my words and how I chose to interact in an online setting - which, again, was what you stated you wanted this thread to be about.

This feels like we have a difference of opinion and I will respect that they differ.

I would like to hear from you, in your capacity as DA ambassador, how we as a community can further ensure that all our DA persons are treated equally so that the nonDA's don't feel as if bfp and its members give the pass.

"Further, it concerns me that you state you can't advocate for all disabilities but yet, I would see the DA ambassador role as just that - an advocate for all DA persons."

*I* (Nina) may well be misreading or misunderstanding the above..what SF said is :

"I am not unable to advocate for all different abilities."

so...what she said is that while she may not have the Personal experience of the whole range of DAs, she can, indeed, advocate for for a/the variety of different abilities....

I (Nina) have other things I'm thinking on, but my communication skills are not as accurate as I intend these days, so for now I will leave my fingers at rest...

Nina

You read my post completely right.
Thank you for that.

I thought I had been clear. :glasses:

Good Day to all here...
I have a diagnosis of Dyslexia and ADD. I consider my different wiring as a challenge not a disability. However my brother who is living with a severe TBI frontal lobe damage as
more than differently abled. He is nonverbal, highly behavioral, with severe cognitive disability. I do not expect he be given a 'pass' I expect that persons that do his direct care are capable of helping him interpret his world so his reaction to stimulas like sudden noises, touches, transitions, bathing, eating, drinking can be within calm responses. He isn't capable of explaining his response. I doubt that he understands why he responds to things the way he does. Sometimes more extreme than other times. The fact that you here can relay to others the particulars of your disability is great for you.

Be patient and loving in your exchange. Know that those who most need advocation can not ask for it themselves.

I'd like to make a few comments here:

* Adele is very, very smart but is not trained as a social worker, therapist, or disability liaison. She uses her lived experience as a DA person to thoughtfully filter the needs of DA people on this site up to us and to provide guidance on these kinds of discussions and to answer questions of newbie DA folks. She isn't in a position of authority, she is here because I asked her to help keep watch for places that we could improve the experiences of DA folks on this site, to answer questions, and to check our processes for accessibility.
I think she does an excellent job.

* The experiences of DA people on this site is important to me, as well as the experiences of people who are not DA. That means that we need a healthy symbiosis for people of all levels of ability to interact here. The TOS is the structure for that and provides a standard code of conduct for everyone to follow.

* I think we do a pretty good job on this site of reaching out to one another when there is a need. Sure, there's room for improvement but I do see many people willing to give time and energy to help people who need it.

* While I am completely comfortable with people offering help and answering questions on a member to member basis, I dont see a time when the site will institute an administrative structure that will take on the responsibility of providing therapeutic assistance to DA people. It would put us in a really bad legal position and open us up to alllll kinds of potential lawsuits.

I see the position of Ability Ambassador as a member-supported function that provides guidance, limited assistance, and a higher level of visibility for DA folks here. That position is not and can't be responsible for the experiences of the many DA folks here. It simply isn't possible or responsible. I think that providing a clear and concise TOS, being available as Admins and Mods, and checking our processes for holes and marginalizing verbiage can go a long way. The other parts, we can do as a membership. The main part, in my mind, must come from a person's willingness to follow the TOS.
What I mean by this is that I see a huge difference in people who are having difficulty understanding things and making mistakes but who generally try to interact in healthy ways, and people who are differently abled but who also interact in intentionally hateful, rude, or shit-stirring ways. Some things are about the difference in ability and some things are about a person being unwilling to follow the rules because they think they are the only person who matters.

I will also say that I do see how people who have *physical* disabilities can have a harder time interacting on this site.
For example: Member "A" has both feet amputated due to Diabetes and is on an incredible amount of pain meds. Posting will on pain meds, Member "A" makes statements or interacts in ways that are against the TOS, outside of the range of how they normally behave, etc.

Another example: We recently had someone who is on partial disability for carpal tunnel ask us to provide voice-to-type software for them to be able to participate here.

Another example: Users who are sight-impaired and who use a voice service to transcribe the words that are typed for them might not be able to participate in chat because the voice service cant transcribe the conversation as fast as it happens, thus the sight-impaired member is constantly behind on the conversation and cant participate with other members on the same level.

Im pretty thankful that this conversation exists. I am learning a lot.