Rather than thinking about what I won't tolerate I prefer to think about what I require in a partner. I don't want to enter into a relationship with rules in my head. I think relationships depend on flexibility and compromise. I just want someone who makes me happy.

Intelligence
Makes me laugh
Is tolerant/forgiving/understanding... because I am.

heh. if someone can make an idiot of themselves to make me laugh, tease me, take the piss, argue with me in a fun way even thought they are frustrating as hell, I don't care if they can't do their paperwork. Can't change a light bulb. I don't mind slightly helpless in some ways - I need to feel useful too. But as long as they love to make me laugh, love to make me smile, like to show off for my attention, I'm a fabulous audience. And I don't mind a ranty temper (as long as it passes quick) as long as they love people and know how to suck up to me after. And I'd much rather have the high end sizzling chemistry that goes with all of that. I'm a passionate person and I like big colour :)

Just so long as it's not the mindf*ck off-on shit and they know how to cuddle a lot.

more than three:

not too moody/morose/angry/cryptic. i groove off other people's moods so this does not work for me

similarly, not someone who needs a long time alone when angry and holds anger. i'm too sensitive and too anxious to be with someone who is not adept at working it out pretty quickly and moving on or working it out over time but not while letting the problem color our days together

not ambivalent about commitment

doesn't cut me down while arguing

makes me laugh

has my back (that's a big one for me)

... luckily i'm describing BB, my partner, to a tee! Some of my non-negotiables I didn't know I needed until I found them in the relationship I'm in now. Just thinking out loud...

Another 3...lol
 

Drugs OR alchohol.....no way I'm going to be with you.....ever !

Cheating.....once will be the last time I assure you....

Lying...to me or to yourself..... sorry, not interested !

exactly what Darbonaire said .. a marriage of 17 yrs ended for exactly those 3 reasons .. i wished and still wish hym well..

NO NO list

Using me or others as an emotional punching bag

Failure to follow through

not accepting responsibility to self and others

Well I, too, have more than three. I think the older I get, the more non-negotiables I have. Call it experience, or taking better care of myself, or wisdom, or caution--I think it's all of those. So here are the big ones that come to mind:

1. Respect. You must completely respect me, my family and friends, my choices, my identity, my career, pretty much everything about me. You don't have to agree with everything or like everything or everyone in my life, but RESPECT is required. And I will give you absolute respect in return. Also, respect others, yourself, animals, the world around you.

2. Self esteem. You don't need to be perfect in this area, and god knows I'm not. My self esteem is a work in progress. But please don't be insecure and distrust me. People who don't trust, who think someone is cheating or lying, are just insecure. And don't have so much self-hatred that it keeps you from having a happy and fulfilling life on your own. Which brings me to #3.......

3. Have a life of your own. You should have your own place to live, job, independence, your own hobbies, friends, interests, things you like to do by yourself or with others. This doesn't mean I don't want tons of time with you, because I do. :) I admit I'm a femme who wants attention. But please continue your life if we are going to have a life together. Because I still plan to go shopping with my femme friends, visit my sister, hang out with my niece, go out after work, etc., and then come home to you.

4. Take charge and stick with it. I'm a girl who leads a double life. At work, I'm the boss and I'm in control. I make decisions all day and boss people around. I have to talk all the time, and deal with the public all day long. So when I get home, I don't want to be The Boss anymore. I want a Daddy. I want to be your girl, and I want to be loved and protected. And when you make a decision or commit to doing something......do it. Don't be the "all talk and no action" type.

5. Think I'm awesome. :D This may seem pretty simple, right? I want someone who thinks I'm wonderful, smart, beautiful, sexy, hilarious, and so on. Flattery will get you everywhere!

6. Affection. This is a MAJOR requirement! I'm talkin' physical, romantic, emotional, passionate affection. Bring it. Lots of it.

There's more, but those are the highlights! And I'm currently accepting applications for the position of said Daddy. The interviews promise to be enchanting.

I don't have any non-negotiables. I put up with pretty much any crazy ass thing. Then I don't. I just bolt when it's clear the pain of losing someone will hurt more than the pain of staying. It can be excruciating, weighing those two things, but I weigh them like the Libra I am till I'm goddamn good and ready to make a change.

I like this thread!
will get back to it but I need to think about the top 3~

No cheating, supportive, and love of animals.

nonnegotiables for me:

We BOTH Communicate with each other.
No Lies by either of us.
She craves affection and I crave her.
Respect, goes both ways.
She loves surprises, getting flowers, little gifts.
She loves the holidays and enjoys decorating for them.
She wants a Butch/Daddy.
Lastly, she loves all animals especially my dog.

What a challenge to limit my "non-negotiables" to just three things! For me, the top three are fundamental and absolute:

1. Honesty - the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth when it comes to those things that can affect our lives. I will not tolerate deception (overt lies, concealment, or weasel wording).

2. Fidelity - in thoughts, words, and deeds. True fidelity is the product of one's deep love; it is not merely a matter of following some 'rules' that have been imposed on oneself by one's partner.

3. Kindness - which, in addition to thoughtfulness and affection, implies treating one another respectfully.

Just Three?? As someone said in an earlier post after having to go through heartache and having those experiences there's a lot more then three but the top three would have to be:

Honesty

Must be a Daddy, a real one don't just talk the talk. I am use to being the boss and I want to come home and surrender completely and know I am being taken care of mentally and physically

Must love animals...you know that saying "If you don't like pet hair stay off my furniture" My animals are allowed on the bed, on the couch and just about wherever they are comfortable

My thoughts
 

1. Must understand I have children and they will come first! I'm not saying if we have something planned that I Would cancel plans Because the kidos want me to take them somewhere but if I made plans to do something with them I will not cancel Because u want to go to the mall.
2. No addictions (drugs, alcohol, or gambling) I don't want to Come to pick u up and find u so drunk u can't walk.
3. Do not take me for granted. Ill treat u like a queen but don't treat me as if I'm your servant (hehe well unless I'm in the mood for some play)

Good Morning Gentle Folk!
 

Affection

Passion


Integrity in all things

My three
 

1) My partner has to be independent. I don't want someone who ALWAYS looks to me to be their only source of entertainment. I want my partner to have their own friends and time away to spend with them.

2) Honesty - I want some who can be honest no matter what. It's ok to lie to me about my birthday surprise or Christmas surprise or what have you, but if I ask you something that is important, don't lie!

3) Violent/volatile personality. The fist time you raise your hand in a fit of anger, I'm done and I WILL walk away regardless of how many years I have into the relationship. I have zero tolerance of domestic violence of any kind.

4) If you smoke, inhale and/or ingest anything stronger than "devils cabbage*, I will walk away. I do absolutely no illegal drug and will not tolerate it (but I do think pot should be legal)

I've only got a couple non-negotiables. Respect the fact my daughter is a huge priority in my life. You don't have to be involved with her but you have to understand that she means more to me than pretty much anything else in the world. The other is I'm polyamorous. You don't have to be and I'm fine with being exclusive but understand that there might come a time when I meet someone else I'd like to get to know.

Don't hit me.
Don't lie to me.
Don't cheat.

These are absolutely non-negotiable.

1. First and foremost communication. Communication of barriers, I'm one of these people who is absolutely paranoid about consent stuff. Some people don't feel comfortable expressing barriers or when something suddenly triggers them...I need to know. It doesn't matter if you want to explore sleeping with someone else, if you want a hotdog instead of a hamburger, if you need space whatever. Everything's fine as long as there's communication of some kind. Doesn't even always have to be verbal or immediate.

2. Chemistry

3. Similar politics/respect/openness (all kind of linked for me)

1. Honesty...all the time...all things..lack of trust is the root of all evil.

2. Respect....mutual respect is key...

3. Faithfulness....im not one for open relationships...i dont share.

don't wipe your buggers on the furniture

bathe and perform dental hygiene BEFORE bedtime

have a regular income of your own

its been a couple years since this thread started and I posted my 12 must non negotiables (I got carried away..lol)

alot has happened in those years. Mostly, I have been away from some sad and hurtful relationships that influenced my posts. And thankfully, I have been in a wonderful happy relationship. And am about to be married to this person.

I have to say, being content in a relationships has made my list of non negotiables almost non existent. I mean, I wouldnt tolerate abuse of any kind, but I cant imagine being abused in any way by him.

I wouldnt want to get cheated on, but I would have to examine why he cheated and realize it was a symptom, not a character trait. I cant imagine him cheating on me. I could imagine him asking for a more open relationship...perhaps even poly. And in the past that might have been a deal breaker but not with him. Not now in my life.

Cleanliness is SO important. I gag over poor hygiene. But I dont worry about that with him. We meet each other's standards of hygiene very well. And when I have been sick, medically, with sugeries and looking my worst, he never flinched taking care of me and loving me.

I am just not sure what the non negotiables would be with us. I know what they have been with others...my list could have been alot longer than 12...but then, it has been narrowed down to....well...none.

its kinda nice not to have to put up defenses and stake out lines to be drawn...

this is so smooth...

in order of importance:

1) sarky, playful sense of humour - doesn't take things too seriously

2) kinky, higher sex drive

3) consistent with feelings, moody is fine as long as it's not shot at me, but I can't deal with being really into me for three weeks then weirdly distance for a week, then really intense for two, then distant for nine days... does my head in. At least a "I'm tired and need to slip off radar for a bit, see you in a few days" would be good and no four texts messages, two emails and a phone call every day during the "intense" phase. I know WAY too many people like this. I am a magnet for it.

1) Sense of humor a giant must!!!

2) Patience, im not always the easiest girl to deal with

3) Big boi physique! Im a big girl, don't wanna worry about hurting anyone ;)

My three non-negotiables in a relationship!
 

One: Humor I like them funny.

Two: knowing who Dr Who is. If you arent a nerd then you aren't for me.

Three: Loving my crazy family. My family means the world to me. You have to understand this and be willing to hear be bitch about them a lot.

Four: You cannot be pro-life or be born again in a shape or form nor can you want Jeb Bush or any other Bush to be the next president. Oh that one is a big one for me. I like em nice and liberal!

Five: If you and I were to ever have a kid. You do not in any way feel its normal to spank our kid. I had an ex that found it to be alright. Yeah and thats one of the many reason why hy is an ex.

Six: Your ex is your ex. I DO NOT need to know every single bit about them. Yeah that one has also happened to me.

3 plus one for me.
 

1. Emotional integrity.
2. Devoted to the process of evolving as a human being.
3. Has backbone.
4. Adventurous/S.E.X.Y.

1. Integrity
2. Sense of humor
3. Kindness

Ya gotta be able to laugh at yourself and be okay if I join you

Like my Little Mister, yes he is odd looking, get over it

Whatever happened with her, be over it please.

Must...
 

Be able to travel with me would be nice

Play with clay with me (and other artsy stuff )

Be silly with me .... have a silly sweet side please

Well guess these are wishes .......

Be intelligent

Be funny

Have integrity