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Xerox machine breaks down in office so Xerox repair called in.
Repair guy comes, looks at machine, kicks it... it works...he says : That will be $ 1 million dollars. They say, "Are you crazy???..a million dollars to kick the machine???" He says " No no, only one dollar to kick it, $999,999 for knowing where to kick." |
My girlfriend just left me because I'm so lazy. Insert your own punch line here.
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1397682764 |
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Why did the Easter Bunny get a ticket?
He ran a hop sign. What kind of stories does the Easter Bunny like? Cottontales |
i just realized tofu is over-rated. it's just a curd to me.
i paid $100 for 8 legs of venison. do you think that's too dear? |
A bikini is an outfit where 90 per cent of a femme's body is exposed. The amazing fact is that butches are so decent they only look at the 10 per cent that isn't.
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1397786858 Good night, folks! :) |
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What’s round and bad-tempered?
A vicious circle Why did the fish get kicked out of school? He was caught with seaweed. |
RIP...
Today I gave my dead batteries away....Free of charge.
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I thought my girlfriend might be The One, but after finding police, nurse, maid, and firefighter uniforms in her wardrobe, I realised she can't hold a job down.
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1397834888 |
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Finally, we have the answer.
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Two antennas got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
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for Easter... :)
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
unique up on it.... How do you catch a tame rabbit? tame way.... courtesy of my dad <3 |
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery. Why dont blind men skydive? Because it scares the shit out of the dog. |
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"Waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup!"
....."Yes, Sir. It's the heat that kills them." http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1398102101 |
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I told my girlfriend I think she's a virgin because we've never had sex. She was so shocked she had to pause Call of Duty.
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1398126163 |
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking." |
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I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice....well, it really chilled her mood.
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1398189066 |
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A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
A husband, "Put 'MYP*NIS' " and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error, "Error. Not long enough." |
Dolly Parton and Princess Diana die both goto heaven God says I have room for just one of you at this time and best hand will win! Dolly shows hers she has the best pair of boobs ever he thought Princess mad and jealous Douches and hands it to God and says Royal Flush beats a pair any day !:hangloose:
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What is the main ingredient in shepherd's pie?
A little bit of ewe.:) |
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What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside. http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...psc77d3236.jpg |
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Home repair...
What did the painter say to the wall? "One more crack and I'll plaster you!"
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You can have brains or you can have beauty, but you can't have all three. ;p
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...psbfbbaec9.png |
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