|
Quote:
When my mean, rotten, nasty step-father passed away, my Mother did not have a service for him. She just cremated him, and left him in the box until my Uncle took the box one day and released his ashes at sea. None of us were there.... You know, when I look back he wasn't always mean/rotten/nasty...we had some wonderful times with him when we were younger...and I feel cheated that I didn't get to say goodbye to the person he once was, instead of who he became. Blessings to you during this diffacult time.:rrose: |
Guihong,
We have all kinds of feelings about our families while we are alive, and we have all the same feelings about them after they die, only then we feel guilty about some of them. Deciding whether or not to go to the funeral will be hard. I hope you can fend a solution you are comfortable with. Maybe you could think of it the way Tinkerbelly mentioned and choose to go and mourn for the loss of the person you knew and loved from an earlier time in your lives. I send you light and strength. Smooches, Keri |
Monday the 21st will be the 11th Anniversary of the day my Dad dropped dead from a heart attack. He had gone gambling; because like this coming Monday, THAT Monday was a holiday from his work. He was playing the slots and had a massive coronary...they say he was dead before he hit the floor. He was 59 years old......
As a favor to me, reach out this Monday (heck every day) and hug someone...tell them you care. :candle: |
My father is dead.
And I feel nothing, or maybe I feel a whole lot of empty. I'm not sure. He was a truly terrible father; he did some unconscionable things. He wasn't a good person, either. He was a stunted broken child in an over grown body. And he died alone. This kind of grief - is strange. I've lost too many people whom I love greatly, who filled my life with love and happiness. He wasn't one of them. This is different. weird. oppressive in its emptiness. |
Dear Sparkle, :bunchflowers: I am lifting you and your family up in prayer. I can understand how you feel. If you ever want to post more about your Dad, please feel free too. You have my deepest sympathies, Andrew |
the death of family members....
may all experiencing the death of a family member, esp. that of an parent, be comforted! the conflicting emotions, be they grief, anger, emptiness, whatever, can be overwhelming and confusing! esp. if that parent was abusive or impaired in some other manner, find a safe person with whom you can talk, vent, voice whatever you are feeling-whenever you feel up to doing so! when my father died, the reaction of my family was to throw ME away...literally! i was not told when he died, where he died, where he was buried. i was not invited to the funeral, nor given anything from his estate. all i had wanted was his beloved guitar. in addition to grieving the loss of a father, i was faced with the loss of my entire family. that was over 15 years ago. to this day, no-one has responded to any phone calls, email, snailmail, any attempts by me to do whatever I could to heal this breach. no-one even let me know WHY this happened. my brother has a family of his now who do not even know i exist. i have a niece and others who have lost, through no doing of their own, a person who would have been a wonderful aunt! i have been lucky enough to have found wise and compassionate people (therapists and friends) to help me sort and handle my feelings over this then and whenever they arise again unexpectedly to knock me off my emotional balance. use whatever means will give you comfort and health. be compassionate towards both those who hurt you AND, most importantly, towards yourself!
namaste, my friends, DamselFly :praying: |
grieving for myself...
i don't know if this is the thread where i should post this but could find no-other. i have received more devastating news regarding my sight, or lack thereof. when i went to see the glaucoma specialist Wed (at the best eye clinic in the state, part of the OU medical complex in OKC), he told me that since i was seen a month ago, i have lost another 5% of my optic nerve in my right eye. my vision is now severely restricted in both eyes-i have 10% of my optic nerve in my L eye and 5% in my R eye. he said at this point, surgery is not an option, all i can do is to retain what little vision i have left for as long as possible. blindness is inevitable. i am learning braille and attempting to decide where the best place would be for me to live as a vision-impaired person. i am also consulting w/ my dr about the advisabilty of getting a service dog now. anyone out there have similar vision problems? if so, please get in contact w/me!
namaste and gassho, DamselFly:praying: |
Quote:
Be good to yourself, and feel what you feel....none of it is wrong (f) |
I don't have a lot to say other than, it's been a week and I'm still here and today that has to be enough.
|
Friday
It has been 31 years since my younger brother died by suicide. I have mixed emotions. Some years this date just flies by, and other years I have to take a step back and think on it. I wish all who are here much peace and love. Andrew |
Quote:
I am so very sorry for your loss (f) |
I am having a really tough time today with my Mom's loss....She and my Dad promised Amy that they would be there to see her graduate, come to find out she is grieving so badly she doesn't care whether she graduates or not!
How could I be so blind to her suffering? |
Quote:
Sometimes things happen that are utterly out of our control. We can make promises that we're prevented from keeping, and it's not anyone's fault. Fairness has absolutely nothing to do with it. If life was fair there are all sorts of politicians who would be dead, and our loved ones would still be here with us. Those who seek fairness in mortality will never find it, nor will they find peace. I hope you and your daughter find solace. Please don't blame yourself for your daughter's suffering. It's natural to want to shield her, but she has her own journey. We each have to grieve in our own way, and it can be consuming. |
Acknowledgement....
With gratitude I find a thread exists about such heartfelt and pervasive issues. As I scroll through the posts, inevitably I recognize a commmon thread. Whether 2 months, five years or more, those of us who have lost someone with whom we were deeply connected continue to grieve however vocal or silent. I have asked myself on some days if the open hearted grief would dissipate, and over time the frequency of overwelming sadness lessened, a couple years following. Thank you to those who have shared their feelings and stories, and some day soon I shall unfold mine. Appreciating the present and gifts life's path provides upon occasion is the heightened realization at which I have arrived.
|
Today is my hubby's birthday. He would be 60 today if he was still alive. He died almost eight years ago. This year I am missing him very much. Like Andrew said (implied) some years are easier than others.
Keri |
Keri I'm so sorry you're feeling the loss today.
But I know we feel it everyday, don't we? And yes, some times are better than others... My loss amazes me in how my "humaness" reacts.... if that makes any sense. I just don't feel like myself anymore. -Mr. Moon |
Andrew and Iamkerri, I so agree some years are just horrible.....and you feel the loss so much more.
In my case, today I could barely work....the "anniversary" of my daughter Lora's death is not until December 1st but I am already slipping.... walked around sniffling at work all day...maybe its the fact that its the 10 year mark i dont know....maybe its the fact that one of my grandkids..says words a lot like she use to BOP for stop.....lellow for yellow.... I just know that Lora should be turning 23 on Dec 24 and should be a nurse and driving a jeep liberty and meeting a lawyer (she had these plans) and getting married and adopting two children (she knew she could not give birth since she had AIDS, and did not want to give it to them)....and still 20 years since my son john died, 10 years since my daughter died and still no friggin cure for a disease that is killing adults and children..then i sink further think of son jack who was walking down a street....and in 2005 is killed..... .so I cry, and cry some more .....and miss her and my sons john & jackie and sink into a depression... and some asshole says to me" ahh but they are in a better place, they are with the Lord....." And I say.............. I guess i better stop before I offend someone...or something Its hell outliving your children.....and people u love.... |
Dean
When hubby died, I joined widownet.org, an online grieving group that helped me so much. One thing "older" member recommended was to "tell your story." For me it was like ripping my guts out, and I did it only once. But for many it gave comfort. If you would find it comforting to talk about it, please tell us the story of the loss of your children... or just tell us about your children. They sound wonderful. I for one would be honored to hear about them. Smooches, Keri |
I came in here today because the grief is welling up again and I find it nearly impossible to contain...yet reading some of the other posts, I am reminded how very lucky I was to have had my loved ones as long as I did.
Dean, I am firm in my belief of God....but the first person who said my loved ones were better off with the Lord got a pretty good tongue lashing from me regarding insensitive comments. I realize they just don't know what to say and the first stupid thing pops out, but seriously, they are better off dead and with the Lord???? I am so very sorry for the loss of your children.:rrose: |
today is the 8th anniversary of my mom passing.. im missing her so much this year... love you mom
|
Quote:
When my Mom died many years ago, the priest who gave her last rights said. "Your mother was a good woman. Her time in Purgatory should be short." I wanted to choke him, I wanted to slap him (really hard!) Somehow I managed to remain silent. I knew he was not educable on this subject, and I had more important things to do. But to this day his words ring in my ears. People do say stupid things. I am sorry you had to hear these stupid comments, which I am sure were repeated to you more than once. Sending you (((hugs.))) Smooches, Keri |
Quote:
I am sorry I missed your post a few days ago. I hope the wave of sadness has receded a little. It is so hard to lose your Mom. Sending you light and strength, Keri |
Boys to Men...One sweet day
"One Sweet Day"
Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say And now it's too late to hold you 'Cause you've flown away So far away Never had I imagined Living without your smile Feeling and knowing you hear me It keeps me alive Alive [Chorus:] And I know you're shining down on me from heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day Momma I never showed you Assumed you'd always be there I took your presence for granted But I always cared And I miss the love we shared [Chorus] Although the sun will never shine the same again I'll always look to a brighter day Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep You will always listen as I pray [Chorus] Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say |
Andrew, I'm so sorry for your loss of your sister. I wish I could say it gets better with time but I don't think it does; I think we just learn to integrate the loss into our sense of self, and it becomes part of us, in way that expands who we are. Which in the end is a good thing. Take care of yourself. IslandScout
|
What can I say.............
I am on my way to the cemetary where my mom is buried. It is a year today that she lost the fight with her kidneys and that nasty C word. Has it really been a year? It feels like only yesterday that I was heading off somewhere with her to shop, eat, talk. There are so many things I didn't tell her, so many times she wanted to have private time with me so she could reveal some of her hopes, dreams, alleged failures and wonderful successes. She was kind hearted yet had a sharp tongue. We are of British heritage, maybe that is why. lol I miss her, I love her, I am thankful that I had her for a mother. And I apologize for all the times she waited patiently for me to come to visit, and I had something "more important" to do.:praying:
Candice |
My mom
Just having a difficult time with grieving.The four year anniversary of her death is fast approaching-and damn it-I miss my mom immensely!
|
I'm glad I found this thread. I just want to say I'm sorry for everyones loss. I lost my son May 3, 2008. He was 16. I grieve everyday for him. Half of my heart died the night he took his final breath. Its odd for me now when I lose family or friends....I don't cry for their passing, instead I cry because I'm jealous. I'm jealous because they get to see my son again. They get to hug him, talk to him, and the only thing I get to do is look at his pictures or spend time at his grave. I will never get to look into those big beautiful brown eyes or run my fingers through his curls until it is my time to "go home".
|
To all who share your grief and your stories, thank you.
|
I am glad i saw this thread.....
My mom passed away in June on the 10th....I have been dealing with my grief in my own way...Ive been hearing the words let it go just let it go and this disturbs me because im doing the best i can .....all on my own I wish i had known about this thread before i might have been able to share in the grief steps...im still going through them Its been ten years since my dad passed....i miss him terribly too... |
Quote:
|
Whenever I experience loss, I start to dream again about my sister.
After she died I found two poems on her hard drive she'd written about me, that I'd never seen. She left me that gift. And now that I'm leaving my partner's or I guess ex-partner's house and my sense of home and security is in a little bit of distress (it's also an exciting time), my sister is more present in my mind. "The sea will never be displaced by me," she wrote in an ironic poem I insisted they put in the program for her funeral, though it had people scratching their heads. She was humble and also had this wry distant sense of how unique her mind was. Twice I've called my ex by her name, and last night I dreamed my sister was my roommate, and our apartment was incredibly light and sunny, with lots of people coming and going, and the chaos was comforting. I thought it was a good sign. |
My Mom
My mom passed away this week. She was the eldest daughter of seven children. My mother helped raise her siblings. I was the eldest daughter of my mother's seven children. I was named after my mom.
When I last saw my mother this summer she told me that my name Greyson fits me perfectly. She told me I was her "Grey Son. Not quite one or the other." My mom told me my name suited me perfectly. I wrote my mom a letter to take with her into eternity. I am comforted to know she cried with joy when the letter was read to her. My letter was cremated with my mom. The truth is, not only the letter, a piece of me too. I love you Mom. Until we meet again. your Greyson. |
Quote:
I'm sorry for your loss and your hurt. But know one thing she is looking down on you. Someone who shares your pain ! ~KatFl~ |
Quote:
|
Quote:
I am so sorry for your loss. They say that time makes it easier. It doesn't. For me, all time has done, is allowed the times of pain, to be more interspersed with times of remembrance of the good times, the kindness she exhibited, the wisdome she sought and shared, her creativity, her love, her selflessness... her quirky odd as hell sense of humor... but there are days, still, when that day, that whole entire hellish nightmare, unfolds in my mind... and that knife to the heart, that fist to the gut is just as excruciatingly as painful as the day it happened. More so, because now, faces in that scene, are also missing. I have been blessed/cursed with a memory like a steel trap. If I allow myself, or can't stop myself from going there... I can recall the ticking seconds, the scent of the hospital, fear of my family, the scent of death... in minute and horrific detail. Each detail bringing back the same pain they brought the day it happened. No, time doesn't make it easier to accept or live with... time just allows the GOOD stuff to come in and take up more space in our minds, than the not so good stuff. My prayers and thoughts are with you, Greyson. |
Many here know that my sister, Betsy, died on July 31st of this year. She was the oldest of 11. Mother and Dad had 8 children, Dad went on and had 3 more with his second wife.
She was 51 years old and left behind two teenaged children. Tomorrow, would have been her 52nd birthday. She was entirely too young to die! Mother died at age 53. On Sept.23 she will have been dead for 18 years. Sept is a hard hard month for me. I officially hate hospitals, especially Geissinger Danville. In that hospital, I stood at my Aunt Jane's death bed in ICU at that hospital She died of ovarian cancer that had already gone into her bones by the time she was diagnosed. Her death, from diagnosis to the end, was 4 days. I was discharged from that same hospital 3 months later and instead of going home, I was walked, by my brother, over to the ICU, where, the next day, I stood at the death bed of my brother in law who died of end stage scirrosis of the liver. I saw his wife, my sister, Betsy and his children, go through that hellish scene. Then this past July, we stood at Betsy's death bed. All of this happened in less than two years. I don't think I've even had the time to fully process my Aunt's death, because the death of my sister's husband, and then my sister, didn't give any of us time to fully process. It's just been one hit after another... ... and people wonder why I don't always wake up with a smile on my face. Grief. For me, and for mine, using my Mother's sense of humor.... "grief... it's what's for dinner." What keeps me going? Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these, is love. (a song we sang at my sister's graveside service) God be with you till we meet again By His councel guide uphold you With His sheep securely fold you God be with you till we meet again Till we meet, till we meet Till we meet at Jesus feet! Till we meet, till we meet God be with you till we meet again! |
Quote:
|
So many gone
I just sat here and read all 10 pages so many loved ones gone. I send prayers of comfort to all those grieving their losses.
I am about to turn 30 in a few months and it feels so much of my life has been dealing with death. I went to my first funeral at 2 years old and have attended more funeral services in my life than I am in years of birth. The hardest ones for me seem to be my Uncle and Cousin who committed suicide, so many unanswered questions and so much pain. I was close to both of them and it hurts so deep. Watching my cousin plan her wedding and her confiding in me that she feels so lost without her daddy tho its been 8 years the pain is still deep leaves me lost for words. I am also grieving and having a very difficult time lately watching the shell of my grandmother who was always my best friend and rock. Tho she is still present in body she is not here. She suffered a massive heart attack 15 years ago and my grandfather who has been with her for 52 years has cared for her and couldn't let her go. The man surrounds his entire life around her care. I go over and help care for her anytime he needs me, never letting him know how much it hurts to see my grandmother but know she will never be the same. My family has made me the rock in so many ways and its hard even after 15 years I still find myself dreaming about all the things I wanted to share with my Grandma. It pains me that my younger siblings never had the chance to build a relationship with their grandparents as all have passed on besides our grandfather. I recently attended the funeral for a childhood friends father who passed away from a life long illness. Knowing we are the same age and both my parents tho they are still young are not in good health makes my heart ache and scares me. This thread has been really good to read and sort my feelings. Thank you all for sharing your stories and grief, also your words of advice. |
Still missing my dad who died suddenly four years ago and all hell broke lose in my life. I was a daddy's girl, the youngest child and only daughter and I loved him very, very much. We were so like-minded and he always stood up for me and helped whenever he could. Although he wasn't home much, the time we spent together, us two just talking and him listening, was so precious to me...He was such an unique person and had a great sense of humor, oh! how much we laughed together, where other people were shaking their heads at us for so much silliness...And how intelligent he was, with so much life experience and the little stories he told me of his journeys he had in this world. I always loved listening to them, although I've probably heard some a few thousand times before....
Right now I would need him and his advice more than ever...his love and care I could count on no matter what... Gosh!..I love and miss him so much!!!...My life will never be the same ever again! |
Thank-You Ms Tinkerbelly for this poem. My beloved sweet kind and good #1 cat son Scott Fitz got murdered by a loose pit bull today, and I could'nt find the words...
Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say And now it's too late to hold you 'Cause you've flown away So far away Never had I imagined Living without your smile Feeling and knowing you hear me It keeps me alive Alive [Chorus:] And I know you're shining down on me from heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day Momma I never showed you Assumed you'd always be there I took your presence for granted But I always cared And I miss the love we shared [Chorus] Although the sun will never shine the same again I'll always look to a brighter day Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep You will always listen as I pray [Chorus] Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say[/QUOTE] |
| All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:06 PM. |
ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018