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I have a long slow fuse and rarely get angry. If I do it is usually with myself and more like frustration.
There is about one person that I can express that to, and I did today. It feels wrong to unload like that onto someone who just wants to be empathetic. I really need to keep that to myself. What a way to reward somebody for caring. :( You just can't unsay stuff. |
There is a lot weighing on my mind tonight. I don't know how to process it all. I have been taking in the peaceful morning with a cup of tea, reflecting on everything that has happened in the last 24 hours and I am unsure where life is going to take me.
I am a little in shock, a little nervous and very much confused. I cannot sleep and for the sake of my sanity I am just going to to clean out my things at work and move on. I have a lot to consider right now. For the last month I have been floating above everything, confident in my decisions, ready to make things happen and have had a smile glued to my face while fluttering in an abundance of vibrant energy. Tonight I feel the complete opposite. I am still happy and floating but there is a mist creeping up. A storm perhaps? I don't know how to calm it so I guess I am meant to ride it out. I haven't been myself the last few days. The closer I am to feeling completely free, the more on edge I become. I daydream, wish and wonder about the experiences I've shared recently and those I will enjoy down the road. I feel shifts everywhere. There are a lot of changes about to take place in my life. I think I am ready? I want to close my eyes and feel my senses soar again. I will be happy, whatever happens. I miss so many of of my friends and so many of the things I used to do. I am trying to live my life the way I know is right for me and I want to balance it all with my other desires. Where did things turn? Why did they have to turn this week? How much has really turned and how much is just my perception? I hope I wake up and the fog will be lifted into the best mood filled with kindness and all of the little things I love, including my crushes. |
why is it that I wake up more tired than what I was when I went to bed
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That I have SO much homework to do, yet here I am sipping coffee and reading threads :)
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That no matter how hard I tried sleep just did not come. Promises of things I made someone of things I would get accomplished. The pain that the medication of course did not touch. Of course she is as well....is there any wonder I got no sleep again.
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My mind
How lucky I am to live on 5 acres. Im gonna plow soon and grow lots of veggies and berries this year. Thank god im a country boy!
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Today is a day of doctor appointments. I was finally able to get a day to do my yearly checkup, go to dentist again (yuck) and then to my Chiropractor. Can't quit stressing about not being able to find a dermatologist. Did not know that would be so hard. This is the one that is most needed. *deep breath* That's ok. It will happen. :praying: I am so thankful I have insurance, just really do not like our new company we are using. They really seem to be working against you, not with you. I really wish I had someone to go with me. Can't help it. Just do. :blush: Oh ... Also going to Apple store to FINALLY fix my iPhone. This has been needed for far too long. I have to turn in something to my supervisor by tomorrow of things I have accomplished this year ... Ummmm ... It was a crazy year ... My brain goes blank. Maybe google will help me with ideas of things supervisors are looking for. It could happen. :) I will see today as a day of accomplishments, getting things done, taking care of myself. I can never shut my brain down. Hopefully getting it all these things done today will finally ease some of the thoughts. Who knows, I might sleep tonight. That would be good. Have a great day ... Thanks for listening to some of what's been on my mind ... :seeingstars: Have a great day!!! (f) |
I still have "sleep" in my eyes, I need to go back to bed. I already got dressed earlier and I want today to be a pajama day in the worst way. The problem is if I get undressed I will have to get dressed again to go to the store later. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll say screw it, skip the grocery store and go to the corner store in my pj pants. I'm only going to get water in case the water system gets shut down in the storm.
I want breakfast. A big breakfast. I wonder if the local diner delivers breakfast? They deliver everything else. I'm too tired to cook, even though I should. *Sigh* Is it sad this is all my brain is able to process today? It has been such a long week. Once I stop for more then a couple of hours, my exhaustion kicks in and comes to fight off my insomnia. I do believe that is a sign that I needed this break from work before starting the new job. |
Mind
Was 72 yesterday raining today. (wtf) I hope it stops. I am not wanting 60 people in my house tomorrow night for Shawns engagement party. Ill pray like hell it stops raining. (lol)
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On my mind...
Listening about this storm coming to the east coast, all the preparing I'm reading here....I've never been stuck in a storm, loss of power, unable to get out. Thinking what an adventure it would be ..just ONE please:) Maybe a storm chase should come my way....hmmmm |
How very hurtful just a handful of words can be
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What is on my mind right now...
how much the side effects from this new medication SUCK!
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worried about my ankle that I think I sprained on Saturday. It has a hard knot in it. Hope it isn't fractured. Sigh. Going to have looked at after work.
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Good luck |
files, records, lists, organization... and upcoming appointments
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The phone tag finally paid off. I have an interview next Thursday with one of the local behavioral health centers. I am excited about this because if I get it, not only will it be some decent money but also an enjoyable job. Plus, it it part-time (Tue-Fri) and will not interfere with my photography. Wooooooooo! I just wish the interview wasn't a week away. I would much prefer getting in and wowing them with my awesomeness lol ;)
Keep your fingers crossed, because I really want this job! |
Starting a 12 week learning program through Mayo Clinic that will end in my being scheduled for gastric sleeve surgery :)
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No, I haven't!!! I will from now on!! Thank you so much for the idea. I cannot believe I never thought of that on my own. :seeingstars: Next year's evaluation will be full of things, thanks to you and your idea!! ((((((((((huggles)))))))))) |
The conversation I had tonight.
Music old and new Not being able to text my babygirl makes for a worried guy! This time last year. She is and the smile she put there. Oh did I say she is of course.... |
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