I'm not a jealous guy. If I had a girlfriend who wanted certain things that I don't want to provide, I would be happy for her to go out and experience those things so long as she is open and honest and SAFE. For example, I am strictly a stone Top. I don't have breasts. I would not have an issue with a girlfriend topping someone else or playing with someone's boobs, or playing with another femme. I think that honesty and being up front about it is the most important thing for me.

Yikes! :scared:

Confused
 

Well not all femmes are stone femmes in the way you are. Not all femmes are strictly bottoms. Some switch. Some are Tops. So if I am partnered with a switch, then I would want her to be able to enjoy topping with someone else. Who am I to say she can't get that want fulfilled? I am not interested in confining my partner in a relationship where she doesn't get to enjoy all the things she might like. As long as it is all above board and she is being safe about it, then I would be fine with that.

I was in a poly relationship with a woman and her boyfriend. It was great at first. They were together and invited me into their relationship. He and I were not physical but we were really good friends. He was okay with sharing, however, he had one requirement - she and I not engage in any sexual activity unless he was present. After about 6 months, we had sex while he was out of the house. Somehow, he knew. He demanded she break off the relationship with me. She had developed strong feelings for me and couldn't do it. They broke off their relationship and I had her all to myself, which was fine with me.

I think he would have been okay with the arrangement if he had continued to feel in control of her emotions and behavior. As long as her relationship with me was just sexual then it was okay with him. Once he realized that she developed deeper feelings for me he freaked.

That may be the secret for many poly relationships. If there are 2 primary members then they must feel secure and trust each other. I'm not sure how they would respond if one starts to develop feelings for another member. That has to happen frequently - developing deeper feelings for someone you are sleeping with.

Thinking
 

Not necessarily kannon, fucking CAN BE just that no feelings attached.. That's my opinion though I don't "need" or "require" heartstrings or posturing in my poly...

You have that ability. I discovered that I was willing and able to share someone I had very strong feelings for. But some can't, or they can't in certain situations, and they, like my X's boyfriend, don't realize their emotional limitations until they experience them. Then they are like, "Oh, shit." My girlfriend's, X suffered for years because he lost something he loved dearly. I feel like the whole experience traumatized him.

Of course, this isn't the case for everyone. But his case is a cautionary tale about the possible emotional repercussions.

Thinking.
 

"After about 6 months, we had sex while he was out of the house. Somehow, he knew. He demanded she break off the relationship with me"

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See for "me" once this scenario happened it would turn into cheating because it wasn't open, honest and all parties were not in the knowing. I'd been like um this needs to stop so we, us can talk or them bounce cause honesty should always be happening in poly even "when" feelings deepen or take root it's only fair...

Maybe you’re right. Maybe things would have worked out differently if we had talked about things before doing them. Certainly, open and honest communication is the key to a healthy relationship, not just poly.

It's hard not to keep feelings out of such a close mutually enjoyable relationship for the two intimately involved, so it becomes a little complicated..some people enjoy living on that edge, some people can tolerate it as long as their personal boundaries are respected..I think it works out better if there is a close relationship (not necessarily) sexual with all parties..more of a poly fidelity arrangement than polyamorous..just saying..

That. That is not necessarily poly IMO. It is not allowing someone the freedom to be with other people. It is a form of monogamy, only allowing one's partner to have experiences which can be chaperoned and monitored by yourself.

I understand that she wanted things that her boyfriend would not allow, so their relationship suffered. Had he allowed her to make her own decisions, find her own way, he may have kept her and the relationship intact. Instead he pulled and she resisted, until eventually the ties snapped.

You cannot help developing feelings when building a relationship with someone else. Having an open and honest polyamorous relationship means acknowledging that feelings will happen and being ready to confront it openly and honestly. Affection born of a secondary or sexual relationship may indicate that your relationship is in trouble or they may mean nothing at all, just a natural result of intimacy. Liking someone, caring for someone, missing someone, wanting to see someone, doesn't necessarily equate to wanting to run off and build a home with someone.

I think if you want to try polyamory, so as to bring excitement, new partners and new sexual experiences into the relationship, then you also have to be ready to face any resulting fears and jealousy that it will bring up.

yes excitement and new always feel great, so of course the attachment can be intoxicating..he may very well have wanted to "control" the situation, I don't personally see much wrong with that, as certain boundaries a primary is entitled to..ultimatums (however) are usually toxic to any relationship even if she had stayed..but she chose to leave and hopefully is happier..but I don't think the primary did anything wrong, his boundaries were crossed and he felt disrespected..and took an extreme measure, maybe hastily, but understandable.

Poly Relationship
 

Thank you all for sharing I am poly I enjoy the service and energy of a boi and at times a grl I am always honest about this and do not feel that I must choose one over the other

Poly Relationships
 

I am old fashioned in many ways I observe and talk to folks for a long time before I even ask them out I have found this is what works best for me I like to keep it casual for the 1st year I want to make sure our energy blends and no one gets hurt I have lived in Seattle for 1 1/2 yrs and find many wanna rush I am in no hurry and have been single most my life by choice I find many mistake sex for love and commitement I dont My presence is strong and I require a strong person to serve me as well