Nothing stressful for a change

How nice tonight is outside, just hanging with the dogs and my cousin.

the tooth that just cracked, finding a more competent dentist and thinking about the $$$$$$ it will cost even after insurance:seeingstars:

Work...Work...Work...life...and more work.

Wow.....my dreams feel normal now........ ;)

what is on my mind. Our manager has retired and is gone. She wasn't a very nice person. By her own admission, not even she wants to work with her. I should be over the top happy. mostly though I feel shell shocked,want to curl up in a ball and want to cry. Coworkers say she is evil and a lot of other things. Really though she is a testimony to what can happen to a human when they have horrible childhoods and don't seek treatment. Most of my coworkers make it about right VS wrong, good Vs bad. for people like me it is much harder. How do you hate someone who is so broken, so alone? Conversly how do you excuse a 67 year old adult, who choses to say this is how I am I cant change. How can I feel anything but pity for someone who must absolutely control everyone and everything around them. I realized one day, She can not let go of control or her world (mentally) will collapse. How do I care at all about someone who can and will lie, manipulate and cover her own ass at everyone else's expense. Some say she is a sociopath. I don't think so. she cut me deep(mentally) 2 times and I returned the favor, both times I hurt her badly, so soft on the inside and hard on the outside. Does she live her entire life in defense mode?
I wonder if people like her, realize how much damage they cause to the people around them. Some weeks it is all I can do to get through the week. It is going to take time to return to normal, to breath again, to not constantly mentally justify every action I do at work.
It is over, Our new manager has been named and will be starting in the next week or so. He is young and well respected and liked. I want to cry. J is getting a dream team. We know this, our managers supervisor says we walk on water, and honestly we do. We are older and work well together. We have one of the lowest if not the lowest error rates in the agency. We have earned our new manager.
first though, we have to heal. And breathe, must remember to breathe.

Compassion.

As I get older I realize we are teaching other people to be less compassionate and its heart breaking. Showing any emotional response can be viewed as a weakness and its sad seeing how open people could be if that judgement wasn't in the way. I'm going to support people no matter how much care it takes, I'm not going to let other people's lack of empathy be why I don't help those who need me.

I don't care, I'm going to be me.

Amen, sister! :cheerleader:

What's on my mind...more like who is on my mind

He is has been a lot lately

she is as I get to know her

Sometimes poly isn't all that complex. It is time consuming though. Think I'll take a nap!

The traffic on the road right infront of the house I'm staying at...I don't dare let the dogs out without leashes...I'm in the country but people use this little road like it's a super highway! ...not 2 miles from here yesterday several big deer jumped out infront of my car...thank goodness I was going the speed limit or below...that woulda been a mess. Some people just take their ability to be a lead foot for granted.

Also...I had forgot what it was like to live in/stay at a Fireman's/First Responder's house...until the other night at Oh-dark-30 when all the scanners and alarms went off...making me and poor little 6 pound Theodore (aka. Teddy) jump like electrocuted frogs!!

The first scanner report was for a vehicle flipped upside down laying on it's roof not far from here...speed was a factor. Sad.

Thinking...even tho I had a great dinner, I'm craving a huge bowl of dark chocolate ice cream....but I just realized how much I've been binge eating this week. I had done so good curbing and controlling my portions...my recent "I'm hungry but I don't know what I want" is bothering me...especially since I am aware of the root cause.

On my mind....
 

An unexpected 8 week deadline has filled me with a simultaneous sense of dread and excitement, and has also left me wondering exactly how in the Sam Hill I'm going to pull this one off.

Fortuitously, urgent situations that require a bit of "creative finesse" are my specialty.

But it's still going to be interesting to see how this bad boy plays out, lol.

:deepthoughts:

Telling me I "won't do" something just fuels me to do it. Thinking I'm that predictable shows the divide between us.

All the changes in my life in the last two weeks... so many that are not resolved yet...

Sex. Food. And sex.

That next week is pig round out for slaughter, this go round my beloved pig goes, I am still upset about this.

However, I know some of the slaughter goes to needy families in our area.

I have to stay awake for two and a half more hours to catch my shuttle at 3:50 am to go to the airport to go home. ...BFP, keep me awake!

A new opportunity proposed to me yesterday by my supervisor and manager. Working for the company almost 10 years, I never pictured myself in the position they're offering. "With growth comes great opportunities." So many things to ponder considering the turn of events over the last year.

This occupies my mind....