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I began at 335 pounds and a size 28/30. I am STILL wearing a size 28 after a 40 pound loss. Even when the size doesn't reflect what we want it to, here are some questions to answer: Do my knees hurt as much now as before? Do I poop more regularly than before? How is my stamina and ability to walk or climb stairs compared to before? Am I sleeping better? Those things matter. Yes, the smaller ass is a great residual but the goal here is health - making your body feel better! There are days that I imagine myself going to the McDonald's drive-thru and ordering a double quarter pounder with cheese, a large fries, a large diet coke, and a pie and eating every bit of it and throwing the packages out the window all the way home. When I have days like that, I often can look around and see things that are triggering me - I'm having a shitty day at work and wanting some comfort, I haven't crapped in 3 days and am super whiney, people are getting on my nerves wanting my time and attention, the dash lights are out on the truck again and I'm tired of banging the console to make them come back on. That frustration works it's way to my marrow and screams for grease and carbs! "SOOTHE ME", it says, "MAKE THESE FEELINGS GO AWAY!", it says. "FILL ME WITH FOOD SO THAT I CAN FEEL SATISFIED INSTEAD OF FRUSTRATED!!" Those feelings still happen for me but I'm learning to sit with the feelings rather than stuffing. It's super uncomfortable for me some days but I'm learning that it's not as scary as I thought. Baby steps... |
:baby: :baby: :baby: (sigh) I know...
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And, I'm smoking a lot more now and the day-to-day craving set it.
So be it...I'm doing it........At least that gives me enjoyment...I don't give a crap... |
This journey and every single step along the way is fucking hard! There are days that I portray such an encouraging face to the world, when all I wanna do is eat every single thing in sight! Sometimes my negative self talk says, "you can talk the talk Tonya, but can you walk the walk."
Like many others, my 21 pounds that I've lost has not made a very significant change ~ clothing size wise. Yes, my body is starting to feel better, I have more stamina, and my pants are getting baggy. But, the damn vanity side of myself wants to SEE more significant results in the mirror. People say oh you've lost 20 pounds... I can totally see it in your face. Well hell, I wanna see 20 pounds gone from my ASS! When D was out of town this past weekend, I felt triggers MULTIPLE times to self soothe with food. Luckily, I'm learning how to acknowledge how I'm feeling NOW, before I slide down the slope headed toward a binge. Ultimately, I started this journey... not because I wanted to, but because I needed to. My health was suffering to a point that I could no longer ignore. I know that I'm making healthier choices, not only for the here & right now, but also the Tonya I want to be in the future... the mother that wants to be able to carry a healthy baby one day. With anything else that we set out to accomplish, we have to take it with baby steps... one day at a time. When the negative self talk starts to pop up, I just have to remind myself that tomorrow will be a better day! Each day (and YES, each meal) is a clean slate... it's up to me to make the changes AND hang on tight for the bumpy journey! |
lose
I hear your frustration pinkie, I know it's hard. I want to motivate you some how. Just remember, you didn't gain the weight in a month and you are not going to lose it in a month either. I know you already know that. Its easy to be motivated when everything is going your way. The thing is, when its not going your way, is when you really need to be motivated.a very wise person once said to me, if you take care of the little things, the big things will take care of themselves. Just keep chipping away. Don't stop digging. You are only 3 ft from the gold. Lots of people have done it! You can too! You are PINKIE LEE! If they can do. You know you can!
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I checked the amount of calories I used going the 9 miles,it came to 593.To day I walked on the tredmill and went 1 1/2 miles for 163 calories gone..thanks for the info now I can check it whan I want to. |
Well, I received my new toy pedometer (fitbit) and so far today 2:30pm my time, I've logged 22706 steps. Now if I can only figure out how to get the darn thing to sync up with my computer it might yield some useful information.
I'm sooo analog. Resisting the temptation to just do it on paper, I know I can do this. :thinking: |
WARNING: whine is coming and there is no cheese!
I WANT CANDY! I DON'T WANT TO DRINK ANY MORE WATER! :explode: I am not a rabbit! And I am jonesin' for sugar crack! Ok, I will now go and make my salad. Just had to get that out. |
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I would have done so already but I need him for his mainframe skills. :| |
So you know the shitty day I've had especially today and then eating the bad stuff. I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way, like I said possibly PMS'ing, not sure. Stressed at work? Absolutely and everything around me just seems to be a bit out of control.
I wasthisclose to getting one of my most favorite BAD things to eat tonight which is Chinese Food. What made it worse is that today was a bad day at work and I didn't have time to eat lunch, so by the time I came home I was starving. That evil thought of dialing for take out was real bad and I was minutes from doing so. Of course I know it's bad and it took so much will power on my part to NOT call and do that. I was actually talking to myself in my car saying "M, don't do it. Why the fuck are you going to do this to yourself?" "You lost some weight, yeah not as much as you would like to have done at this time, but still, you are doing it". When I walked into my house I got the 94% fat free Hebrew National Hot Dogs out of the freezer with 1 cup of vegetarian baked beans. I figured it was ok to have 2 hot dogs and a full cup of the beans since I didn't eat anything at all today. I'm real happy that I made the right decision and I'm kind of proud of myself because the temptation was VERY bad. I also thought about my clothes size and I know if I don't make the right choices I'll continue to be in this miserable rut. It's so hard and it sucks, but it's up to me to do this and no one else. And, here I go getting all mushy again but all you folks who continue to post about the good and bad days and open yourselves up to express it no holds barred, I thank you tremendously. I love u people and find comfort with sharing how I'm feeling in here. Sometimes not so easy for me to do. Yeah I'm the jokester and loving smart ass at times, but I'm a little vulnerable right now. Almost as though I'm in a bit of a funk. I can't explain it, but in any case thank you friends. |
Good Evening Everyone,
Today was our potluck at work and I did very well. I treated myself to homemade cake made with apple sauce instead of oil and it was yummy. I had spaghetti for lunch<small portion> and some homemade potato salad..You cannot say no to homemade Southern potato salad..I was offered birthday cake, cookies, and brownies, and I turned them all away..Go me! I would have ate the whole container of brownies back before I started my journey.. Tonight, I am having the following: chicken tenderloins with sweet peppers diced up, mushrooms diced up, frozen sliced carrots and brown rice with a glass of chocolate soymilk. The chicken, peppers and mushrooms and carrots were cooked in EVOO with a dash of garlic salt, basil and fresh ground black pepper. After the rice cooked, I mixed it in and hot damn, is this delicious! I put some aside for lunch tomorrow... |
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I have really valued the honesty here today. It has propped me. Encouraged me. And made me stronger. |
See my previous post. I guess what I cooked up, is a healthier version of Chinese food...
Hope your day ends on a better note!! Zimmy Quote:
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Looks like lots of us are struggling a bit...guess we have good company at least, right?
Between lots of stress and first day of the monthly visitor that I wish would just GO already.....I had a bag of BBQ chips. I ate them. I enjoyed them. I don't regret it. And I also had the "lunchbox" size on purpose, so that I could at least control the portion. It was 200 calories that I really wanted....and I'm not gonna' feel bad about it for one darn minute. :) Before taking this journey I'd have gotten the big bag of chips, eaten until I felt ill...then figured I'd blown the whole day and commenced eating everything that called my name in the kitchen. Instead, I ate healthy all day long...and had a little bag of chips. I can live with that. :rrose: |
Chooch -
I <3 you. I hear you struggling and would like to offer you some chinese-food love: When you are craving Chinese food and feel like you reallllly need it, order it...but me smart about it and eat it in proportion. We have Chinese food about once a week. Most of the time it's out at a buffet which has historically been a minefield for me because buffet= pig the fuck OUT! What I do is get my plate and load up on those yummy steamed string beans with garlic, the broccoli out of the beef and broccoli mixture, a few boiled shrimp, some hibachi chicken, a little pepper chicken and other stuff that I know is ok. Then, when there is very little room left on the plate, I get the stuff I'm really craving: the honey garlic chicken, the crab rangoons, and that WONDERFUL General Tso's chicken. I might get one or two little nuggets of the honey garlic chicken and General Tso's and then one or two crab rangoons. That way, I get the taste of what I'm dying for and don't feel deprived but I've eaten it in super moderation. It's still a heavy meal point-wise but when I compare it to a full-on binge, it's healthier for me to eat a little of what I want instead of binging for thousands of calories on bullshit that I don't really want but am cramming into my face because it's what's available. Chinese food is your friend. Overeating it is not. :) xo |
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Once in my truck I decided to get gas and drive through the car wash. While I was doing these things, I was thinking about the KFC and my weigh-in tomorrow and how I have made such good progress and didn't want to start down a bad road with negative thinking. As I was pulling out of the gas station, my eyes locked on the grocery store and in an instant I decided on the deli's fried chicken for the step-son and chicken salad and crunchy vegetable salad for myself. It was that fast and that clear, and I did it. I even passed on the Double Stuff Oreos that tried to lock eyes with me. Little f*ckers. Quote:
And, yeah, I noticed that many of us are battling some demons right now. Hope it passes soon... |
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Why not volunteer to do the shopping and cooking? It's much cheaper to make meals from scratch than to buy ready made. It will earn you marks in your parents eyes for taking on a household task and being a productive member of the family and you will be able to help your family eat better. There are millions of recipes online for healthy meals and tons of cook books in the library you can borrow. Just a thought... I loved it when my son cooked for me.. He turned out to be a better cook than I am... |
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I always start with a warm up set of 12 reps, using a lighter weight. Then I choose a weight that I know I will hit failure at 9 or 10 reps. I go for 3 sets of 12. Some times I do 3 sets of 8 or 10, using a heavier weight. Just changing it up. I only do low intensity cardio(20 to 30 mins), so I won't lose the muscle I am working so hard to build. I eat very litte carbs, Oatmeal, sweet potato, being my main sources. Brown rice and Quinoa is good also. I just dont want the added carbs. Egg whites...lots of egg whites. I eat chicken, fish, lean cuts of red meat. Lots of broccoli, yellow squash, green beans, spinach. If I eat anything different, it has to be low carb. Eating several small meals a day if possible.(my type of work prevents me from doing so all the time) I try to take in around 1.5 grams of protein per pound of body weight. You must take supplements!!!! This is My stack I use good whey protein powder. I like the GNC AMP Wheybolic 60 the best. several times daily, and right after my workout. L-Carnitine 500 mg twice daily. Scivation Xtend, Intra workout, and through out the day added to my water. ON Amino Energy pre workout drink (this is a great morning drink too!) Con-Cret Creatine pre workout ZMA before bed |
Good morning peeps!!! Happy Friday to all. I am up having my brekkie, and coffee. Jumped on the scales this morning, I dropped 2.5 pounds this week!!
Then its off to the gym. I will be working legs this morning. |
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