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Princess4u 04-13-2010 05:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by softness (Post 84437)
My style is not to ask the guy out. Instead, I might offer him a reason to come over. Maybe my light bulb needs changing in my overhead light. Don't laugh! I really cant do that on my own because I cant climb on step stools...I get quite dizzy. Or could he take down my storm windows? For his kindness I would insist upon making him dinner..his choice, whatever is his favorite meal. Or, maybe I would ask his opinion on something..like what kind of car tires I should buy or what computer system would be best for me. I might ask him to come along.... my purpose is t fohreeld: One: I must truly need these things so his help would indeed be beneficial to me and Two: it opens the door for him to consider spending more time with me if he so is inclined to want this and Three: Doing something small and industrial together gives me time to spend with him without the stress of it being a date. I get nervous on dates sometimes, so this helps.

ok...here is another question. Most of my family and friends know I am a lesbian. (Or something, not just conformingly straight.) So when i am out with a guy who happens to be FtM, and I run into someone, sometimes they are a bit shocked. Later they will ask me why I am dating a guy. And this puts me in a unusual quandry. The FtMs I have dated do not want to pass as men. They ARE men. Its not my place to explain his experience. Have you encountered this? How did you handle it? In my situations, I have just shrugged it off and said I am what I am no matter who I am with. In other words, I kept the focus on me and not on my date.

I love those ideas and you are so right about taking the pressure off the ideal of a date...its just 2 simple folk coming together to solve a problem...and what a way to get to know someone.

As for the issue with the "why are you dating a guy?" I find that simply saying..." well, sometimes love isnt about the gender, but about the person." Tends to leave them in deep thought pondering different aspects of love and the GLTB life, not to mention their own deep seeded secrets of their "sexuality" just a thought.

Gemme 04-13-2010 08:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by softness (Post 84534)

For the girls: you are in line at the bookstore and you see he has two magazines and a CD in his hand...go for it...tell me what you say as a opener?
It depends on what his choices are, really. For example, if he has a tattoo magazine and/or I can see that he has ink, I could open with that. If he has the magazine, and it's not a sealed one, I could ask him if it's a good issue or what the theme of that issue is (a lot of them will do themes...b&w, greyscale, Asian, or portraits for example) or if I can see he has ink and it's in a spot that would be easy to show such as an arm band or wrist piece or neck piece, then I would offer a compliment to it and ask if I may see the full piece.

If he has a cd of a band I've never heard before, I could ask what genre they are and what he likes about them....so on and so forth.

For me, it's about the moment. I could plan a thousand things to say to someone or I could totally wing it. At that precise moment, I tend to go with the flow and his vibe and energy. Usually, unless I know you, I'm not going to pester you.

If I feel a loner vibe, then I may briefly speak with him, but I won't push it no matter what he is carrying. I engage just enough to let them that I exist. I'm not a chaser by nature, so much more than that makes me feel as if I am invading his territory and/or private space.

Soft*Silver 04-13-2010 08:48 PM
I am definetely not a chaser either. But I am friendly...and can approach just about anyone with a smile in my voice, when opportunity allows. Like you, the factors of the "moment" play a big part of it. I can talk to the person in the check out lane next to me about the Enquirer article at the magazine bin. Or the brand of coffee they are buying. They see I have 6 cases of wet dog food...and that usually gets people to look twice..so I smile and tell them I have a newf...which then opens LOTS of communications up...


You bring up tats. I LOVE to compare tats. I have two. But I love tats on others. And piercings. While I love alot of piercing and ear gauges, I havent dated anyone with alot of them. (I love what they mean to me...that the person has an adventuresome soul, a bit of non comforty, and a bold streak of exhibitionism.)

new question: you meet someone who you really find attractive...REALLY attractive..but they are dating someone else. But are open to dating you too. How do you feel about that?

Gemme 04-13-2010 10:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by softness (Post 84971)


new question: you meet someone who you really find attractive...REALLY attractive..but they are dating someone else. But are open to dating you too. How do you feel about that?
I want to hear from the person they are currently dating, even though people NEVER lie about their relationship status *eyeroll*. If THAT person tells me their relationship is open and/or poly and it's someone I am really interested in getting to know better, I would consider it. I'm not poly, but I think if all the stars were aligned just so, I would be open to that experience.

Jet 04-13-2010 10:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by softness (Post 84971)


new question: you meet someone who you really find attractive...REALLY attractive..but they are dating someone else. But are open to dating you too. How do you feel about that?
this is one of the reasons I'm turned off about dating. the minute you go out with someone, they get dissed if you date other people. If I did date, i'd make it clear that it was casual with no serious intentions and that we are free to date other people. I don't like the feel of ball and chains.

Soft*Silver 04-14-2010 07:45 PM
the question I posed was about someone who was dating someone else....interesting enough, Gemme assumed they were in a relationship. And Jet addressed it as if they werent. I love it! This was exactly what I expected! Dating someone doesnt automatically mean they are in a relationship. And it doesnt give anyone sole "rights" to the other person.When I date, I simply date. Like Jet says, I dont want to feel the "ball and chains". I am up front when I date more than one person at a time. Dating is DATING..not committment. But once I reach the level of intimacy, all other dating stops and I date only that one person I am intimate with. I am ok with someone dating other people while they date me...as long as, like Gemme says, the other person is aware he is dating both of us. I would NOT date someone, no matter how attractive or appealing they are, if they were intimate with someone else. Just not ok in my book.

Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemme (Post 85028)
I want to hear from the person they are currently dating, even though people NEVER lie about their relationship status *eyeroll*. If THAT person tells me their relationship is open and/or poly and it's someone I am really interested in getting to know better, I would consider it. I'm not poly, but I think if all the stars were aligned just so, I would be open to that experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jet (Post 85038)
this is one of the reasons I'm turned off about dating. the minute you go out with someone, they get dissed if you date other people. If I did date, i'd make it clear that it was casual with no serious intentions and that we are free to date other people. I don't like the feel of ball and chains.

Liam 04-14-2010 08:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by softness (Post 85588)

Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?
Ask him, if he is interested in her.

DapperButch 04-14-2010 08:45 PM
Softness asks: Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liam (Post 85628)
Ask him, if he is interested in her.
Or, tell him that you are interested in him...or flirt with him so that he knows that you are interested in him.

Delish 04-14-2010 08:55 PM
Hi all. I am new to the site and single and wanted to stop by and say hi :)

Jet 04-14-2010 09:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by softness (Post 85588)
tDating is DATING..not committment. But once I reach the level of intimacy, all other dating stops and I date only that one person I am intimate with.
I respect your point of view. But I'd keep on dating regardless of intimacy because I'm not in a committed relationship. If who I'm dating doesn't like that idea, then she doesn't have to continue dating me. I'd respect that. For me, intimacy doesn't constitute any kind of steady dating or commitment. Jus' sayin'.

But honestly, I doubt whether I would want to be intimate anyway. heh.

morningstar55 04-14-2010 09:30 PM
ok im have a confession........... ehemm .......... i am a x dancer. errr well ( stripper heh) .. many yrs ago when i was young and skinny........ and this is one of my most favorite songs to dance too........ for someone special....
hope you guys enjoy it..........

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ5aNftth5I&feature=related"]YouTube- Joe Cocker - You Can Leave Your Hat On[/nomedia]

Soft*Silver 04-14-2010 09:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liam (Post 85628)
Ask him, if he is interested in her.
I dont know, Liam, if I would. Because why is it my business if he is interested in her or not? Is he accountable to me? And what if he is interested in her? Does that make me a competitor if I am interested in him? Or cant he date both of us if he is interested in me too? And if he could, then what difference does it make if he is interested in her?

but then there is femme code of ethics too. Sometimes a femme doesnt like it when another femme walks into her range of interest. Some might want him all to herself. Then what? Risk the chance of being seen as a love harpy? Musing them over to her and away from other femmes?

and it is harder to work this out online than it is in real life? I vote its harder on line. In real life you can engage in so much more interface...and watch body language...and get the sideways looks that tell so much of whats going on or what going to go on...

Soft*Silver 04-14-2010 09:46 PM
well, Dapper, that would be ok as far as the guy goes, but we femmes have to consider other femmes too. Is it appropriate to flirt with someone that someone else is publicly wooing him to woo her? Even if you go to him privately, when it comes out later that you inquired, doesnt it make the femme look like she is a pirate of love? How does a femme not end up looking like a snooker hooker?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DapperButch (Post 85635)
Softness asks: Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?
Or, tell him that you are interested in him...or flirt with him so that he knows that you are interested in him.

Soft*Silver 04-14-2010 09:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delish (Post 85642)
Hi all. I am new to the site and single and wanted to stop by and say hi :)
Hi Delish! Welcome!

Soft*Silver 04-14-2010 09:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jet (Post 85653)
I respect your point of view. But I'd keep on dating regardless of intimacy because I'm not in a committed relationship. If who I'm dating doesn't like that idea, then she doesn't have to continue dating me. I'd respect that. For me, intimacy doesn't constitute any kind of steady dating or commitment. Jus' sayin'.

But honestly, I doubt whether I would want to be intimate anyway. heh.
and I respect that. If someone I was dating told me that was how he worked, I would either have to agree to it or make a determination I could not deal with it. And knowing me, I would have to bow out. And thats ok. Dating is dating. You date to enjoy the company of someone else...not to commit from the get-go.

socialjustice_fsu 04-14-2010 10:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DapperButch (Post 85635)
Softness asks: Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?



Or, tell him that you are interested in him...or flirt with him so that he knows that you are interested in him.

I just have to jump in here. I agree with softness that this is all so much more difficult on the internet - trying to establish where many of the butches 'are' in regard to availability, level of interest, and so on. For me, I live in a virtual drought of the butch-femme dynamic so this medium is vital to me. Mostly, I like being in the mix of intelligent people who are bright, insightful, and often strongly opinionated. I thrive on these kinds of things. I just never know where or how how to go about saying, "Hey, I am interested in you" and not feel like an intruder. I respect privacy and certainly am wary of sharing too much too soon. But I ask...how do you tactfully, respectfully inquire about getting to know someone on a more personal level than all the frivolous stuff I seem to think I might have down to an art? And, no, 'U-Haul' is not in my vocabulary.

DapperButch 04-14-2010 10:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by softness (Post 85676)
well, Dapper, that would be ok as far as the guy goes, but we femmes have to consider other femmes too. Is it appropriate to flirt with someone that someone else is publicly wooing him to woo her? Even if you go to him privately, when it comes out later that you inquired, doesnt it make the femme look like she is a pirate of love? How does a femme not end up looking like a snooker hooker?
Well, I guess it would depend on the situation then...I don't really tend to notice this stuff on the threads, I guess...lol

I guess all I am saying is if you like someone, and by all accounts they appear to be available, tell them. Tell them that you do not know if they are available (if you don't know if they like someone else), but that if they are available, you would like to get to know them better. If they have something going on with someone else, then they need to be upfront about it.

If you do all things with integrity, then I don't see where you can go wrong.

Delish 04-14-2010 10:06 PM
If you do all things with integrity, then I don't see where you can go wrong.
__________________
-Dapper


I like that!

Soft*Silver 04-14-2010 10:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DapperButch (Post 85698)
Well, I guess it would depend on the situation then...I don't really tend to notice this stuff on the threads, I guess...lol

I guess all I am saying is if you like someone, and by all accounts they appear to be available, tell them. Tell them that you do not know if they are available (if you don't know if they like someone else), but that if they are available, you would like to get to know them better. If they have something going on with someone else, then they need to be upfront about it.

If you do all things with integrity, then I don't see where you can go wrong.
oh me oh my o! You cant see where it can go wrong? mmmmm....lets say I like Mr O. Mr O is being publicly "admired" by Ms P. I, who I will refer to myself as Ms Q, steps in and says to Mr O...gee...I think you are swell. I know Ms O is interested in you but so am I. So Ms P then watches as Mr O and Ms Q (myself) engage in witty postings. OOOOO says Ms P...Ms Q is stepping in on my man! Doesnt she see how intent I am in my flirting? So Ms P goes to Ms Q and says Hey...I was here first. And Ms Q responds by saying, Hey I checked it out with Mr O and he says he likes me too. Upon which now Ms P boils because he was flirting with her and now he tells another woman she can flirt too? AND by Ms Q's own admission, she KNEW Ms P was interested in Mr O and went for him anyways???

So then all of Ms Ps friends get their panties in a bunch and start to pick apart any post Ms Q puts out there.

think not? Oh yeah...think again...

Jet 04-14-2010 10:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by socialjustice_fsu (Post 85696)
I just have to jump in here. I agree with softness that this is all so much more difficult on the internet - trying to establish where many of the butches 'are' in regard to availability, level of interest, and so on. For me, I live in a virtual drought of the butch-femme dynamic so this medium is vital to me. Mostly, I like being in the mix of intelligent people who are bright, insightful, and often strongly opinionated. I thrive on these kinds of things. I just never know where or how how to go about saying, "Hey, I am interested in you" and not feel like an intruder. I respect privacy and certainly am wary of sharing too much too soon. But I ask...how do you tactfully, respectfully inquire about getting to know someone on a more personal level than all the frivolous stuff I seem to think I might have down to an art? And, no, 'U-Haul' is not in my vocabulary.

be direct, private and the classy woman that I know you to be. nice post, btw


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