Now that's just plain sad.....................They don't know what they are missing.................leaves more for us to appreciate & adore.

Love the masculine energy you guys ooze.

i have been with stone butches for long periods of time and did not miss having other kinds of sex. i was emotionally connected to the person, and we were having good sex. i did not languish thinking about what kinds of sex i could have with another person. i enjoyed my connection.

i do get annoyed when people say that the relationships i have had with stone butches can't compare to the relationship a stone femme has with a stone butch. i do not feel that my connections lacked anything.

i am sure that stone femmes have a je ne sais quoi, but i have some things to offer too. An experienced bottom makes a good candidate for pleasing a stone partner. We are conduits of energy. It's what we do. Moreover, we are good readers of the other, as are many stone butches. Or as were many stone butches of my generation. The combination of two very intuitive people in bed is pretty damned hot. It has worked for me, anyway.

thanks martina. I pretty much feel the same way. my recent foray had showed me once again, that it's the person (and frankly how filthy they are in bed) not the acts that are important to me.

that said, if I was unable to give head to someone's personal flesh cock (without the strapped appendage) that might be a hard line for me. I love sucking when it's on, but also giving head when it's not. I don't see it as feminising as its not a feminine area - it's their cock. I don't give a toss what shape it is. for me, that's what it is.

so the stones that have no problem with me giving flesh head, there isn't a problem. Couldn't give a rat's ass one way or another about the rest of the stuff I can and can't do. I care more about having dirty, hot, sex. And to do that both people have to be respected. Some people don't like having anal sex - for an anal lover that would be a big deal. for someone who didn't like giving anal, it's a non issue. for people who just want to have hot mutual sex, it's not an issue either.

I'm not a stone femme. But I'm respectful, filthy, fun and caring and I enjoy all that goes along with it. besides, just cause someone is stone doesn't mean they don't like having their hands tied behind them and then lap danced/sucked off. stone doesn't always mean "in control" either. I've recently had this pleasure. And besides it's even more fun after you untie and they want to get even. lol.

I know lots of people regardless of their sexuality don't enjoy that, but just because someone is one kind (stone) doesn't mean they don't enjoy a tussle and a bit of feisty power swapping/struggle.

besides, I flip like a pancake in the end with the right people so it's all in good healthy dirty fun, eh?*

and no one has ever complained or been left wanting, including me.


disclaimer* for those who enjoy it.

You are so right about this, Martina. Energy exchange is a hard thing to describe, but I find it to be one of the primary features of stone sex, (or my version of it, anyway). Being receptive is a natural continuum of sexual submission for me.

And I'm sure you have a lot more to offer than just "some things"!

I agree Heavenleahangel and LaneyDoll! It is just a part of who we are.

Discovering that I'm a stone femme answered a lot of questions in my life and explained much. I was finally at peace when I realized that was who I was. But as a stone femme (and I'm sure stone butches know this instinctively) I find myself set slightly apart from the community. I'm not eager to rush into romantic connections with others because I know that only a small majority of the community is stone or fully understands it. I'm reluctant to let my heart lead as I mingle among people because there is such a mix of identities where I live. I really don't want to become fond of someone, knowing I could never deliver all that they would require in an intimate relationship. So I have concentrated on finding friends and keep those boundaries.

The B-F community is a fraction of the wider community and we stones are a small portion of that. We should be kind to each other and give each other respect.

Attraction is an interesting thing, particularly instant attraction. It’s that time when hidden (often even to ourselves) yearnings surface and our being goes into alert mode without any involvement from our brain.

What I always find curious is that occasionally when time passes is that intellect and social pressures can often drive us to want to change the object of our initial attraction. Like the partner for example who begins to critique their other as being too masculine or too feminine – and for the sake of the relationship the other attempts to modify and stifle.

When there is an attraction and we enjoy all that the person is and at the same time feel confident in our assumption that the “stone part” is something that will change over time, we do so because we have reduced the essence of being Stone to simply being about sexual acts. Like a Deliahs request to have Samson visit the barber, much more can be lost in that request than simply the mane of hair.

I understand the analogy raised about sexual bottoms and it may or may not be relevant in the context of sexual encounters with Stone tops, but in my mind topping/bottoming is a whole other conversation that can easily be had without the word stone being used. I’m sure I’m not the only Stone Butch who has enjoyed “encounters” with femmes who have not identified as stone, and yes D/s and Top/bottom dynamics may all be part of the equation but they can easily exist outside of a Stone paradigm.

When talking about a Stone paradigm I’m referring to: A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them – this is what one Stone can offer another, it doesn’t require an explanation- it simply is, and the practices in the bedroom are merely a part of that continuum.

Converse. Well said as always, but especially:
"When talking about a Stone paradigm I’m referring to: A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them – this is what one Stone can offer another, it doesn’t require an explanation- it simply is, and the practices in the bedroom are merely a part of that continuum."

This is something I'm beginning to understand. It is a way of being that just is.... as is being butch or femme is.

But stone isn't a manner of dress, for example, that alerts us to others or, most especially, those we want to attract. And there lies the other part that may be as invisible as femmeness is in the hetero world. For stone femmes, it may be us who have to give some indication we are attracted to who we perceive our our counterparts. How else will they know?

'

Not just encounters, but actual relationships, long term ones, mutually satisfying "nothing is missing" relationships.

So many people who talk about the stone dynamic seem to want to minimize the fact that these partnerships can be successful.

Hi honeybarbra, what is your interpretation of "stone femme"?
Stone butch seems to have a clearer definition, but not stone femme!
I'm confused!!! Thank you!

Chai,there's a stone femme thread.

I agree that 'stonefemme' can be confusing because it can mean two different things, but SweetJane was making the point that this thread is about stone butches. Your questions about femmes who are stone would be more appropriate in another thread.

Chai hun, no harm done. And you're very right the definitions among stone femmes are broad spectrum. But for me, I'm the complement of a stone butch. My surrender and response is a gift. I touch but not in intimate areas. But that's my definition.

My very first female in-love that was for just over three years ... we were shopping for a house, she was moving to canada... was stone.

it's wasn't and identity or a community for her. It was a fact of her sexuality. Just part of who she was, sexually. I did not ID as a stone femme, and still don't. I was mad in love with her. everything about her. it was *not* a dom/sub or top/bottom relationship. Just like all other relationships, we communicated our needs, laughed, shared things, went travelling, and had tons of hot sex.

I don't see my relationships with stones, daddies, switches, glitter butches, etc as different from each other. They all require respect, understanding, compassion, love, communication, desire and friendship. No one dynamic is more special or different than another. I don't even think butch-femme is different than most other kinds of dyke or het relationships. There are still the same ingredients. I just don't like to think I'm all that special or different from the next person who does something a bit differently from me.

I'm presently enjoy company with a stone. There is nothing about her which makes her more human, more special, more unique, more real, more deserving than anyone else. Aside from her just being her. It has nothing to do with with her ID and her sexuality - although it's hot and frankly is making my days a lot easier, that for sure... But it is not because she's stone... it's because she is who she is. it's *nice* she has the sexuality that she dose cause it's just what I want (and I'm talking about the whole sexual picture) but I certainly wouldn't want to reduce her to an ID dynamic - she'd hate that. she's hot. it's pretty much that simple.

I've been enjoying reading through this thread. It's inspired me to share my own self-identification, which I hope will be interpreted in a positive, drama-free manner. YMMV, ya know?

I identified as stone butch for many years. The biggest reason I did was because I absolutely hated being touched down there and instead of exploring the convoluted nature of my sexuality, I stuck the label on it and was done. Access denied. No. Touching. There. Ever.

Then, I was with a partner who tore my walls down - I don't mean vaginal ones, but emotional ones. She made me comfortable because I knew she saw me the way I saw myself - a man. To this day, I rarely even remove my clothes during sexual activity, unless we have an immense bond of trust and comfort. I was happy to lie naked with her because I knew I was seen for me.

I do not identify as a transman, though I did seriously consider transition at one point. I say I am genderqueer or transgendered but not transsexual. I see myself as mostly male, but have no desire to surgically or hormonally modify my female body.

I eventually let her go down on me, after several months of being together. I told her exactly what I wanted her to do. She got me off the second time she tried. I really enjoyed it.

I received "flesh head" many times from her after that, though I was usually the "giver" in our sex acts. I don't mind being rubbed, licked, or sucked - in fact, I rather like it with someone I love and would be disappointed if a femme I was with never wanted to do it. In fact, I had a relationship with a femme who was like that. It was fine for a long time, but I started to miss being touched occasionally. It's not a hugely important desire for me, but it's still there.

I don't like being penetrated. I will not let just anyone touch the flesh between my legs. It takes time for me to allow it and I don't want it all the time.

I don't feel comfortable identifying as stone because I feel it is subjective and not entirely true. I sometimes feel I am too stone for those who are not stone but not stone enough for those who are. I don't want to mislead anyone. I say I'm 90% stone and I still feel connected to stone butches and femmes because of my past history.

a wonderfully written (IMO) blog post:


http://afemmeinnyc.wordpress.com/201...llar-question/

I have always said:

sometimes it's a clit and sometimes it's a cock....it all depends on the mind set of those involved..........

Great blog post! Thanks for posting.

I am the same way!!!

Stone Butch
 

It took a long time for me to know that I wasn't the only one who got their sexual pleasure through pleasing their partner...mental orgasm, exactly.
For years, I thought I was bonkers...then one day I read Stone Butch Blues and wept openly, for the first time in years.

At long last I was able to identify myself as a human being....a living, breathing person....a stone butch.

I think I should have been born male, but it didn't happen. But that isn't what makes me stone.

It's my lack of desire to be touched in certain areas that makes me stone.
For me, its enough to have my partner lay close.....and kissing marathons are amazing too.
:seeingstars:

She and I, we got it going on...

Through healthy conversation; understanding, acceptance and sharing continue to be presented. I am an exceptionally blessed stoner gy to have such a beautiful, loving femme that shares with me and appreciates the stone gy that I am. As a sub and a partner to a stone, my girl respects where I'm coming from and is considerate of things we discussed early on in our relationship. However, I have been aware for some time that something needed to be adressed and permission granted for her to feel that she was not crossing boundaries.

We continue to grow as a couple, as lovers, as a stone with hys femme that loves hym, as a femme with her stone that appreciates and loves the sub that she is... It's a beautiful thing we got going on here. :heartbeat:

Hi :) am new to the planet and have never really been able to put myself into a box or attach myself to a label. To begin with I wished I could to feel more at ease about my sexuality but hey ho, I'm beginning to feel better about just being me :) Anyway, the point is I've always felt attracted to butch women or ladies that give off masculine energy in someway or another - feminine girls have never done anything for me. Stone butches also attract me but my not identifying as a stone femme.... ah dear, I find ID'ing and labelling all rather confusing and makes me feel I would not be compatible with certain people because of it? I hope this doesn't come across as ignorant or offensive in anyway, I'm a relative newbie to my own sexuality so please forgive my wide eyed-ness about everything :)

Maybe a good starting point would be to find out more about your own sexuality, what your own needs and desires truly are. Then it would be easier to figure out what your ideal match would be. Butches come in about a hundred different configurations, so once you know for sure what you want, you are bound to find it. It is hard when you are just learning all of this to know what you may or may not want. Places like this are great for figuring it out. Just read the related threads, ask all kinds of specific questions, and see what fits.

it's okay that you don't ID as a stone femme. myself, I am a stone gy but my girl doesn't label as a stone femme. there are no set rules for the combo of relationships. it is what works for you and the person you choose to be with.

as kelt said take time to learn about yourself and to learn about the type of person you are attracted to. read read read. the planet has so many threads to learn from... enjoy yourself and welcome. and yes, ask questions...

I agree completely with this statement.

I am clearly not butch so I hope it is OK to post here but I think this is an important statement.

I don't think Kelt is talking about labels at all. When we first come out, we may be vaguely aware of who, what and when, we may be attracted to; especially when we are young.

It takes time with reading as well as dating, to hone into what our our true sexual attraction and desires may be.

I find that I am still learning about what mine are and I have been out for some 30+ years.

It is a process and can't be rushed. It just has to happen organically.

I don't think labels have a bit to do with desire. They just make it easier to find those that share our deepest, darkest desires and needs. They may also change over time. What I wanted and needed at age 25 is quite different than my wants and needs of today.

Just been reading through the comments people have kindly left :) thanks so much for the encouragement and advice. I guess sexuality is a very fluid thing that's constantly developing. I've just always seen the lesbian world as a bit of a complex minefield of strict labels and dos and donts but clearly this is not always the case and my inexperience with it all shows at times.

Your experiences are just as they should be to get you where you are now! I was right in the what is stone butch question land not too long ago. And what does it mean to desire what I desire and what label do I put on that.

So grateful that sexuality is fluid. For me that makes it very exciting and interesting.

BUMP BUMP BUMP !!
 

Labels
 

Certain labels I like, certain ones I don't. And certain ones just seem necessary at certain times to avoid confusion.

I do identify as Stone Femme. I may move to the edges of that boundary depending on who I'm with, but when I'm searching....dating sites, etc... I say I'm looking for a stone butch.

I have had to explain what that meant to me, because I would keep getting soft butch types writing to me who had never heard the term stone butch. But of course...they have heard the term "pillow princess". Sigh... Just because I prefer not to do a certain thing, doesn't mean I have nothing of value to give. But that instantly lets me know that is not a stone butch, because hys viewpoint would be totally different because of hys preferences.

It's amazing to me how many people feel they need to put down Stone Femme as being "selfish", or "not really lesbian". But the simple facts are, I'm a very giving person, ....and I'm not going to find who I'm looking for by looking for a male.

Another stone butch checking in ...

Good topic!

this femme heart beats for stone butches.

thank you so much to all the stone butches who shared insight into their many varied experiences here. <3

indeed... as if I am not giving immensely in allowing my partner to be exactly who they are with me...
... as if opening my legs and giving access to my body, to its depths and responsiveness, its beauty, of allowing it to be accessed by my partner in the way they desire is not generous.
any stone femme knows... men CANNOT give us what we need and want... and men are NOT what we desire. outsiders can judge us based only on what they observe with their detachment from that... but the can never FEEL what we feel...
when you feel it... you know... and you know a stone butch is the only one that will do...

There are bisexual stone femmes. There are stone femmes who ID as transsensual or some version of that. So there are stone femmes who desire men.

Re the second comment, how do you know what other people feel?