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If a tree falls in the forest and it isn't posted on Facebook, did it really happen?
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So wrong but so right.......
Shit straight girls say to lesbians..... |
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"Sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes the bear gets you."- (My General) Granny
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No, I don't think all other drivers are idiots......but, some are determined to change my mind!
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Well, if I'd known who you were, I would've let you go first.
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What? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the little voice in my head screaming 'BULLSHIT'
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I hate when you want to sleep and your body's like , no way man, I wanna agonize about everything that happened in the last ten years...
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My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry!
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Ever feel like you need the secret decoder ring to have a conversation with some people?
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"One day she'll start sending you mixed signals, and you'll get mad because she finally learned how to play your game".;)
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They should make a medal for any person who uses an entire tube of chap stick without losing it...
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Now that I am older an "All Nighter" means not having to get up to pee!!
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The secret of enjoying a good wine is to open the bottle to allow it to breathe. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
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My second favorite household chore is laundry. My first favorite is being hit in the head repeatedly by the ceiling fan blades until I faint.
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There are two food groups in the world: The one you put cheese on, and the one you put chocolate on"
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I walked into the gas station today and asked for $5 worth of gas. The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
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Sometimes...... I wrap myself up in bows and call myself gifted
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I hate it when people say,"Hello?" in horror films.. I mean do they expect the killer to say, "Yeah, I'm in the bathroom, you're out of toilet paper!"
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Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.:sunglass:
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Synonym - a word to replace the one you couldn't spell
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I have the body of a 25 year-old ..... I keep it in the trunk of my car.
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I'm a member of PETA. People Eating Tasty Animals..
There is plenty of room for gods creatures. Right next door to the mashed potatoes... |
I'll vacuum when Sears comes out with one I can ride on...
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"Get the hell outta here if you're gonna be a cry baby!"- (My General) Granny (to me before she died).
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I have more butch in my little finger then you do in your entire being.
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Currently taking applications for evil sidekick. Must be willing to follow directions and occasionally participate in witty banter.
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It's not who you sleep with~It's who keeps you awake at night!
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I will never dim my glow simply because someone is intimidated by my radiance
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I'm wondering how many times I must smile and nod before you realize that I am not listening to you.
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Some people just need to be chased down and eaten by zombies.
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I found some marbles today. Sadly, they weren't mine. So if you've lost YOUR marbles and can provide a description, I may just be able to help.
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If life gives you lemons, keep them. Because hey, free lemons.
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From a gay man who soon after became a great friend ...
"Wow, a lesbian with a brain..." Soon followed by "Don't take this the wrong way, but you're just too nice to be a lesbian." |
Sometimes I put my hands on the floor, tuck my head into my chest and lean forward, cause that's how I roll.....
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Warning! If zombies chase us I am totally tripping you.
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ok everyone shhhhh. The rice crispies are telling me what to do next.
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