Oh, I took the liberty of ordering what I think you should eat and drink.

"My apt is being fumigated, how about fast-food and a hand special." (wink wink)

Sauve Rico
 

(I was told this on the first date of someone I had just met) ...
I need your social security number for my life insurance paperwork at work.

Me: :| :| Don't you think it's a bit early for that? (Thinking to myself it was a good idea I had subscribed to LifeLock identity protection.)

Being that I'm a Dept Of Welfare Caseworker and a "Mandatory Reporter of Abuse", My head spun with this one...
"My first kid is an angel but my other one (5 year old), you can see the evil in his eyes. He's pure evil and I just can't love him."
My response: You know I'm a caseworker?
Them: yeah...(in a very serious voice) maybe I can sign him over to you?

since my endorphin levels from Saturday are keeping me awake
 

First date after very short courtship and zero intimacy...
I was told...
"My ex wanted me to use a huge Kong on her ...(me suddenly with a mental image of the red Kong dog toys I once gave as treats for a friend's chocolate lab, they continue to say)...I think with your small body it might split you or hurt you, but I can bring it with me next time if you want me to use it?

My puzzled, shocked response: What's a Kong?

It's a really huge strapon. Do you want to try it? I like using it in women, my ex LOVED it, but it might be too big for you. I also like women to use a strapon in me. Would you do that for me? I was with my ex for 17 years but I've only recently started strapping. The last girl I was with, the massage therapist I told you about, loved giving and receiving...sex with her was SOOOO HOT we could go for HOURS!!... Should I bring the Kong? If you're worried it might hurt, I will take it slow and use lots of lube.

(I was too red faced embarrassed to respond. I've had MANY healthy conversations about Butch or Femme cock but I'd never been approached this way, especially on a first date about the Ex's favorite strapon....)

Oh My God! Check out our bartender. She is soooooo hot!"


How awful! Who would say such a thing? *innocently shakes head

talk about rushing things on the first date...
 

"Your son is now my son. In the summer I'm going to buy us airplane tickets to go see him in Colorado so you can intoduce me to him. Does he have an extra bedroom where we can stay?"

:| :|
I about choked on my sweet tea! Since my son was 6 years old, I learned that I do NOT believe in a "Revolving Door" in a child's life, even if that child is now an adult. If *you* haven't earned the right to be introduced and I'm not confident that *you* will be around FOREVER and *you* haven't shown me that you're a stable individual, *you* won't be permitted anywhere near my son...or my nieces for that matter. Stability and Security is the key here. If someone I'm dating is on a "just dating" status ...or in the early phases of getting to know each other...my kids are not on the dating agenda....and I raised my kid alone for 17 years, he doesn't need anyone to "claim him" as their own just because they are dating me.
These are my beliefs...
A child's mind is very fragile when it comes to making bonds with new people in their lives... and a bond with their parent(s) should never be tested by someone that's on a Revolving Door status. It plays too much with a child's emotions if they start to bond with their parent's new dating interests, then when the dating thing doesn't work out...that leaves the kid with a void they don't understand or could be very hurtful to them. Sometimes when a relationship ends, there is some sort of grieving that takes places. Either grieving the loss of a friendship or intimacy or bonding connection...I'm fiercely protective of my kids and will try to prevent them from grieving such things.

Don't jump up, yell "Time to launch the torpedos!" and run for the bathroom.

"You remind me of my ex."

I laughed SO HARD at this....it's more something you'd want to say if a date was going badly....or at least I would :sunglass:

Can you do my laundry?

What's your name again?

Or tip the hot bartender so extravagantly it amounts to the same thing. *chuckle

I'm looking for a new place to live, can my kids move in with you?

FYI—I wasn't the one who did this (I feel the need to clarify)! :giggle: I saw this crime committed upon a friend of mine and she was definitely not impressed. lol

must bump...its a fave and I never did date much...so its a vicarious thrill...

"Then my parole officer says..."

Talk about what her ex like o dislikes...example..."hey...u don't eat broccoli?..my ex also don't like brocoli n etc......"....i dun like such comparison....its annoyed me....uhuhu

"Wow, you have a good appetite:chef:

Tulsa
 

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

"Could you please eat a little faster. I'm meeting my ex for drinks at 8 ."

"I don't wish to be rude but in the ad you said you were good looking"

Just how OLD is that photo on your profile:worried:

Can you give me a second? My ex is calling:blink:

"I'll give you back your credit card if you have dinner with me tonight."


ummmm, that's called theft. (insert call to non emergency police number)

If you're at a restaurant NEVER ask the waiter how spicy a dish is, then turn to your date and clarify you had to asked due to the fact you have IBS! IBS is no laugh ting matter but it's a subject you might want to avoid on a first date just to be safe:eatinghersheybar:

Omg this totally reminded me of something...

when I first got to Asheville I went on a date with this girl. She KNEW she couldnt have anything remotely spicy (:|) and ordered a sandwich with salami and some other spicy meat...

well...she had a complete coughing fit (think Mrs Doubtfire when Pierce Brosnan has the pepper hes allergic to) complete with food flying from her mouth. I had already put her in the friend column....but...yeah...

Make sure you can always hold your liquor and handle your spice!

"Could you please put this bottle in your purse, I always find the vodka they serve in restaurants is so expensive."

IF you go out to eat on the first date..grab the check! IF it makes her feel uncomfortable you paying and she insists on paying her portion PLEASE don't pull out a calculator and figure it down to the last penny!

Mentioning baby daddy or baby momma drama.

I'm so depressed. My soul mate gf just dumped me last night. Can I move in with you? I promise not to talk about how much I still love her.

The last date I had was over the Summer with someone who identifies as trans. After making several anti-lesbian/anti-female statements finally said, 'I don't believe in gay marriage.' Then he went on to say that gay people should call it something else, just not marriage. But that he could get married because he's not gay. I was speechless, so I just said I had to go...and he said...'I hope I didn't offend you.' I was like 'no, of course not.' :blink:

How dense can someone be? This is the sort of reason I've pretty much give up on dating. It seems like a waste of time.

never ever mention the date you had last night, even if it was spectacular! To do so would just be tacky and uncalled for!

try to remember your date's name.

Talk about your sexual escapades of your past, that is a NO NO NO NO NO!

my bedtime is 9 o'clock:confused:

"... you're gonna be my retirement plan!" *puke*