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aspergian view of other kinds of passes- who you know.
[QUOTE=popcorninthesofa;153481]I've seen some folks that are usually sweethearts here, get timed out because they had a beef about another member, groups of members, or a topic. I think that special care should be given to these members via a private message in an understanding way, along with a warning, rather than a moderator only giving a warning once or twice in the forum.
some people are given private messages for reported posts/other issues via a PM 'warning'. i'm not sure how 'understanding' the message can be read, because i think, they might be kind of a form letter/general-type reminder. i've received a couple of them over the years, [whether or not i agreed with the 'warnings' i chose to not 'dispute' the issued warnings] because i have observed interactions over the years, and learned some interesting and valuable differences between NT-AT processing, and how it presents online in certain areas. with regard to warning letters issued, 'fairness' for the NT-AT 'set up' - i.e., the big picture, can be rather complex! in my case, sure, the warning was right/true- in part! it takes two for me to even get to that point, and yes, i take responsibility for my own 'actions'. i know that i am not as savvy in some areas, nor do i have any interest in setting someone up to 'get caught' or 'fail'. the report button has only been hit by me once elsewhere. so, whenever i hear things from offending person- claims: to be good friends with certain people, wishing me luck with any of my own 'reporting', and on and on- this is the kind of complicated arena that someone like me, on the spectrum, cannot NAVIGATE. by the time it comes for this AT to try and compose a thought out letter to any [and which??] moderator, situation is so layered/twisted and i am so worn out, that the only thing clear, and what very well may have been seen clearly- was indeed my fuck up, because i wrote very straightforwardly, in my way, to offending person. a friend of mine said the only people who would understand what i'm trying to convey would be those who are on the spectrum. is this true? if so, then the majority sees me right now claiming 'victim' role? that is simply not my truth. opportunities to see a depth can get blown away when many other pieces/parts contributing to larger issues are there, but "if" people only remain in the black and white, or listen to people online who listen to other people online, and maintain 'oh, she's just playing a Victim again' how does this help for future issues involving NT-AT interactions and very different processing? i could imagine the people who are moderators turning grey overnight from handling such issues! |
I'm pretty sure that NOBODY on this site has EVER been timed out for disagreeing with a person or groups of people. If so, I'd like to see where.
I am also pretty sure that there is no form letter response on this site. Interactions with mods/admins are personal and one on one conversations, not form letters. The Planet has done a great job of NOT giving time outs and bans as a rule. Violane, I've never seen you in the role of a victim. Ever. I hear what you are saying about somebody being nasty and saying they are good friends with certain people and wishing you "luck". That is outright shitty behavior, and not tolerated here. I think it's important to separate what happened at the dash site with the set up here. Because the two things are light years apart. I also want to put out there that is anybody with a different ability is having an issue (be it with the mods or other members) that you can pm me. As the DA Ambassador here it is my job to make sure that the DA members are treated fairly. If anyone feels like that is NOT happening, please contact me and I can act as a mediator if necessary, or point you in the right direction. |
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I am fully aware I am a community member that is not a *sweetheart* and what I mean by that is I don't post all sugary and sweet nor do I add any form of glitter be it verbal or visual. Am I a sweet heart at all? Most likely to those I love and care for and those who I have spent some kind of invested time with. I find it funny in the ironic funny ha ha kind of way that if I had been a more *sweet* kind of posting femme the stories would be different. The outrage would be different and this thread may have continued with it's intent. *I* am feeling this because when I read that if you are DA and NT and there is some form of inappropriate behaviours the NT persons experience is dismissed. No means NO.. It's universal, nowhere in this world can you scream out no to someone who is crossing a line (regardless of how small that line is) and then the person screaming no will be looked upon as being wrong, lacking empathy and for the shame having someone wag their finger at them for putting themselves in that situation or for not just walking away. I am in awe at this very thought. The world regardless of our capacities has rules, NO STOP LEAVE ME ALONE are things we are ALL taught to respect. I was at least in a few languages. I can't wrap my head around the whole some people you can tell no to and they don't have to listen to you thinking. I can't wrap my mind around the whole if you type like this and smile and spread sunshine :cheerleader::loveletter: and some :fireworks: you are valued more vs the people who tend not to be so sweet and are a lil more brutal. I call that double standards. That's just me though, and while fully aware that this is an image I live with, and am fine with I still gotta say it's gross to watch the value according to who is more important and who is not. When someone gets told over and over and over and it's handled by the person, by mods, by the leaders of the community and they still choose to not heed those warnings should they be given a special pass to say whatever they want at any given time? If yes why? Why can't everyone have that pass? How uncomfortable for the people who aren't as assertive as some of us, who will get their boundaries crossed because they read this and get the feeling that well, I really can't do anything because I am going to be looked upon as the bad guy and they the person with some difference other than what you have. How odd that some people only harrass femmes, yet don't try this kind of assertiveness with butches or guys in this community. THAT says a lot to ME.... Cause why pick on the feminine and femme women why not cross those boundaries with the butches and guys? Makes me go hmm... In addition: There's a reason survivors of abuse kept their mouths shut, it just hit me we do it because we are shamed and treated like we did something wrong. Pretty fucked up |
I am a HUGE FAN of the Infamous IGGY BUTTON!! It works well and keeps me from acting like an idiot engaging in drama online. I just hate drama!! I want no part of it from ANYONE, abled or differently abled for that matter.
Signed, IGGY USER |
Welcome back SuperFemme! xoxoxoxoxoxoxxo
I think this has been a great thread to open up a dialog on this important subject. On the subject of form letter answers or emails from the Mods, I have received emails from mods that I thought were form emails too. However after discussing with June and really thinking about how many emails the Mods and owners have to send out, I suspect that they have a set answer (in their heads) to things, that is very professional and to the point and does, to someone who processes a little differently like me or Belle, look like a form letter. I don't think anyone is saying that you need to be treated differently, just that someone AS or Autistic processes completely differently, and after a life of being told we are stupid and lazy and all sorts of things for not conforming to everyone else there often is an anger issue when we are asked to change that, if taken into account early in the interaction, can keep things from escalating into a big angry mess where people say a bunch of stuff they don't really mean in anger. No one is saying that abusing and stalking should be allowed. I think it is awesome that we have you to go to in cases where someone feels misunderstood. Is there a possibility that June or Medusa could serve as back up Ambassador in cases where you might need a day off? I am not the best at communicating, but I could even help contact June or Medusa or whomever you think would be good. Hope you feel better! |
Wouldn't the Ambassador's back ups be the Moderators or Admins?
Curious. |
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Some of your posts can seem inflamatory at times and so can mine, but we know each other in person and know what intent is behind the posts for the most part...or I hope so :) Not everyone has this honor. In a situation where both parties have been abused and are filled with anger, things can escalate to a point where things are said in anger that no one means and these situations could be avoided in the first place with some intervention....I agree that if you do not know the person it is impossible to tell if they are in fact a threat or just talking smack and we should err on the side of caution. Now, I have said over and over that there are some people who are likely not able to make these distinctions and who refuse to use the ignore button or ask for moderation or for a friend to vet their posts. If over time outs and discussions nothing seems to help, at some point the owners and mods are going to have to make a big decision, is the person worth helping or not. My opinion? We have people of both types here and sadly someone is going to have to make the decision of how much is too much. |
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I would think so, but it might help to have a specific person who understands the issue. :) Not trying to be an ass. |
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We have SF the Ambassador then the rest of the Mods which leads to the Site Owners How are all these people not understanding the issues? I am confused |
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Nothing against SF, she is wonderful and I am so thankful for her! She can't be around 24/7, no one can. Does that make more sense? |
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I would assume if SF needed a day or two off the Mods have it handled as well as the Owners.. I am assuming here though. I mean Mods take days off and we ALL still have to act with common courtesy. *shrugs* I think SF does a great job and a lot for her community hell I gotta give her mad props for doing it considering everything that is going on. |
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Really, before you try to change the structure let's see more people who need a liason engage with me as such. Right now, other than this thread not one person has pm'd me for assistance. So if that changes and it needs to be a 24/7 thing, I'm sure the Admins will restructure. I'd also like to add that in the capacity of DA Ambassador I am ALL about working to accommodate whomever is DA that needs help. Who I sleep with, hang with and play with have the same rules as the rest of us. As a mother of 4 I can assure you that I am able to be fair and compassionate without ever taking sides. Were I not the children would have killed each other years ago. |
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I am NOT trying to change the structure, I just thought it might make some people who think they can't contact the moderators directly about an issue feel more comfortable if SF is out. I sincerely until yesterday did not know it was OK for me to contact a mod directly if I did not agree with them, I bet a bunch of people think that too and are afraid to say. That is all. If it is not possible, no problem. Of course mad props to SF! :rrose::rrose::rrose::rrose: and to the owners and to all the mods! |
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It's not that it is not possible, it is that at the moment it is not necessary. If somebody doesn't feel good about coming to me for ANY reason I can assure you that ALL of the mod's are fabulous and fair. It is fine to skip me and go right to them any time needed. My only concern is making sure that all of our DA'd members have a voice. That nobody is treated unfairly because of a DA, and to be a fellow DA'd member always available for questions, concerns, advice and assistance in any capacity needed. I've always got my eye out for any signs whatsoever of unfair treatment of our portion of the population. :rrose: |
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Maybe this thread will help people know that they can contact you for assistance if they need it! :) That it is OK to feel misunderstood and that you guys are here to help. Just like many people are afraid of the police and won't go to them with problems, so mentally ill and some DA people fear auhority figures too. They need to know that you are here to help, like you help me all the time. :) |
I have to say that June is completely right. I have had several interactions since I joined, with mods, for whatever reasons we needed to, and they were NOT form types, they were typing LIVE to me. The mods and admins here are very compassionate and try their best to resolve things in the best manner possible. I am grateful for them doing so. On other sites, it's just hit you and run. No discussion with you at all. Your presumed guilty and judged without any interactions with them. Its really sad too.
I am Glad we have the mods and admins we do and that they are compassionate. Thank you June. Signed, Me. |
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