No, no offense taken. I just wanted to respond...no worries.

:chef:

3 Scenarios in my life
 

When my first serious girlfriend and I broke up, we were both really poor, and we had this $150 strap-on that we both used. While we were arguing about who would keep it, because obviously we'd never use it on anyone else anyways (yeah right) she stole it and kept it. Now, I don't even remember the last time I strapped on, it was so long ago. I don't even like doing that any more, but I'm still mad at that Lorenna Bobbit move. I don't know why "Helium Heels" thought she had any right to it in the first place, but her and her new girlfriend used it, and that made me crazy at the time. I guess because we had to save up and go in together on it. It was something I worked a lot of minimum wage hours to obtain, and the idea that this new girl was now enjoying it... Oof, that was pretty rough.
My most long term relationship was with a girl who was really casually FTM, like, she wouldn't mind these pronouns I'm using, never changed her girl name, never made a big deal of it, just threw on a binder and went to work, and when we met, she already had all her parts. They were hers like mine are mine, and it didn't feel like my business to tell her to throw her parts away and get new ones just for me. And when we broke up, she didn't leave any parts behind.
And more recently, I dated a girl off and on for about a year. Her ex had kept her stuff, so she was unprepared, and I ended up buying her a rig, nothing too fancy but perfect for what I wanted. Now we're not seeing each other, and I still have the stuff I bought. She asked me once not to let anyone else use hers on me, not ever. I don't know why I still have it. I guess because I kinda don't care what she wants at this point, and that thing is nice and exactly what I want, and if I throw it away, I won't have anything in the case that I start seeing another unprepared butch or if I ever feel top-ish. I kept it because I thought I'd probably sleep with her again, but that has become a really bad idea that's never going to happen, so now I'm wondering the same thing, if it can be used again or if I should just toss it. I don't want to be rude.

OK, since when are we owned by our cocks rather than the reverse?

My cock has no power or sway, unless I forfeit that to history. If my lover or I default to past memories staking claims on my cock or allow history to inhibit my/our performance then what exactly is it that’s so intricately attached to history? Why is the past MORE attached to my cock than how I am received by the woman I am with, TODAY ?

How can said cock wield disrespectful energy , devisive power, or passionate memories over me or her…how is it that it has the potential to create such conflict when beckoned for love, sex, play? Granted, history is significant, its the road we all took to get here, but is it more significant than the present, today, the fact that we're alive, breathing, wanting, needing, feeling ?

I identify with what is comfortable, what is received well, how she feels, and how I can drive her…with my butch cock…not my butch cock with history. My butch cock does not drive a barrier between us, unless one of us forfeits our power, our choice and our state of being.

Conversely, I have no qualms over using something that is comfortable and familiar to my lover…although I might stumble until I get the swing of it (nuk-nuk) , bring it…We’ll stumble together, hopefully laugh, enjoy the practice and then we’ll fuck like theres no tomorrow.

My point is, why are we giving cocks the power to respect or disrespect, the sway to hold past memories, the inability to release the past, or the mental torment of past action when it is not the thing that demonstrates those feelings and emotions, but rather the person wielding/receiving it. ???

Still trying to wrap my brains around this…please be kind in your response…because after reading every post and trying to identify with contrary opinions to my own really, I still don’t get it…new or used, tried and true or just ripped from the package (lol) isn’t it about honoring the present, about being in the moment with the one you’re with?

ok wow boots u just said a lot ~~ in my own personal opinion ~ now I am the type of woman who never has and wont have casual sex ~ just not my thing ~ so speaking from an emotional aspect I was honored that hy bought new to be with me ~ if it is just casual sex then I can totally understand your reasoning ~ there is something very special about being new or experiencing something new w. the person you are in love with ~ I don't know the mind set of casual sex ,so I can't honestly comment . like I said this is MY own personal view . ~

Hey Ocean - I absolutely respect your feelings and thank you for your response. I dont have casual sex. There is much emotion in what I do or who I'm with for whatever length of time we are together. So for me I dont feel casual about my interaction.

But I'm reading that not buying a new harness, cock would make your interaction feel casual or less than?

I absolutely dont want to get into a donneybrooke over this...but this is what I cant wrap my head around :seeingstars:

Some thoughts
 

I'm going to be honest reading people use the words "honor", "respect", and any other adjetive used to describe cock intent I tend to mentally shut off.. I have a hard time wrapping My mind around the continuos insinuation that just because some folks aren't buying new With each fuck or because some folks sex isn' attached to love that those same romanticized adjectives aren't ingrained in the same fashion..

Cocks don't come with ethics, such things are not included in their packaging. Honor, respect, dignity, transparency and so on come attached to those wielding the cock...

Food for thought...

Bingo!
 

In a not so parallel universe, people who are exercising their sexual desires are being assigned this similar type of wording to their characters. An example is women who are sexually empowered. Their choice to fuck because it's their body and choice are basically given the same adjectives that are being used on the non new cock folks.. That's what is grating my nerve.. It's the assigned ick factor, the shaming, value and the hierarchy. I honestly think this form of ingrained sexism bleeds into queer relationships .


I'm hoping it makes sense cause I had a hard time wording what kept me going "say what??"

These two sentences are the perfect summation of my feelings on this subject. Brava!

this arguement always goes this way.

that said, me personally:

when someone is shagging the hell out of me, the LAST thing I'm thinking about is "hmn, I wonder who they shagged with this before me... I wonderrrrr... hmmmnnnnnn"

what I am thinking is more along the lines of YES OH MY GOD DONT STOP

if I can actually focus on who they shagged before? Chances are the sex isn't that great or I'm not feeling to great.

If' I'm shagging someone with a toy, it's never with thoughts of "oooo yeah and then when I used this on so and so, boy they sure had the best vagina EVER"

wtf? no. I'm thinking of the clit/cock in front of me and having a party in my skull about how much fun I'm having RIGHT NOW.

So I honestly can't wrap my head around new toy every time.

that said, I'm a tart. Sooooo... sex toys do not get attached to any one single person in my head. ever. they are physical tubes that other people can slide their cocks into and shag me with if they haven't brought their own.

My bed is MY bed. And has seen many guests over the years. No one's memory is attached to it.

anyone hear about that story about the two monks and one carrys a woman across the river and drops her at the other side and they keep walkin' and the one monk says to the other, a bit of a way down the road "why did you carry her?? you shouldn't have touched her!" and the other monk says "I left her at the river, you are still carrying her"...? yeah. that.

Oh and when my wife fucked someone else and had an affair, lying behind my back? You bet I took her cock and chopped it into 7 peices. she didn't respect me OR our marriage so fuck showing a piece of non-feeling rubber respect. When she saw it she did get rather fucked off but did say "ok, fair enough. but honestly barb, how utterly lesbian of you."

which made me laugh.

My wife is pretty attached to her cock. I would never expect her to toss out a part of herself, an expression of her sexuality, if she used it with another lover. I was non-monogamous before I met her, and my lovers and I would always use safer sex so I never really thought about it much until this thread.

Not only that, the biomales I have had as lovers never went out and got a new penis for me, we made due with the one they had.

Thoughts
 

I'm a fan of bringing my own toys to the proverbial fucking table... I don't see why there would be an issue.

New Sex Partner = New Toys?
 

For me, absolutely! I can understand, being FTM myself, the attachment to a specific toy as being a "part" of you, but I also feel that associations and memories with a previous item would override any personal attachment to my cock that I might have developed over time. After all, you cannot get on with your future if you cannot get through your past.

Quite frankly, I just view it as a matter of respect for her and for what is developing between her and I that the new item is solely FOR HER, FOR US.

Plus, shopping for those new items can make for very interesting foreplay. ;)

While I'd be okay with her speaking about her ex-- hell, that's part of your past, part of who you are and how you've been shaped over time,-- I wouldn't use someone else's cock. It's not a matter of where it's been or who's worn it, etc. It's not MINE-- mentally though, it would be like inviting someone else to the party if it weren't just hers and mine together. I think it boils down to how you personally view relationships.

Why do you hate that word..........

I would probably be the one wearing it, but that is just me. They can choose to but I wouldn't expect someone else to.