And the $64,000 question...Why do we feel attraction for someone in the first place? And why does it so often go against our "type"?

I mean, take this thread and somewhere, there's a "love list" thread, in which myself and other people have tried to describe ideal partners and the "type" we say we're attracted to. But many, if not most, of us have been fixed up with someone who seemed to have everything on the list and on paper, sounded perfect...but there's no chemistry, no "heat" when you meet. You know what I'm talking about.

And the opposite is true, and chemistry makes a sneak attack, unexpected. Sometimes, that person is a big flapping red flag with feet, and sometimes it really does turn out that they have the qualities which you seek. I personally believe "heat" is obviously a lot of fun, but real compatibility takes time to ferret out.

But that's the maddening part. Wouldn't it save a lot of grief and time if we only felt chemistry with someone suitable? But we're complex people and life just isn't that simple.

I suppose that's just a rhetorical question. We can list and list all we want, but sometimes it's a big mystery.

I don't think it's shallow for attraction to begin with appearance. Reading the body language, are they well groomed, listening to them speak, etc...tells you so much about a person. It could possibly save you a lot of wasted time to simply observe a person when possible.

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My attraction has mostly been to femme women.

There have been rare cases when it was a butch! In one case, we met at a mutual friend's party, I think I was attracted to her because she was such a kind, caring, and thoughtful person, you know the kind of person who'd give you the shirt off their back if they thought you needed it more than them!

A romance never developed, but we got to be good friends. Then she left Milwaukee and moved to St Louis. I hadn't thought of her in ages until I came this thread.