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-   -   what NOT to do in a relationship....... (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1808)

Diva 08-01-2010 02:34 PM

....wash my red t~shirt with His white ones.....


Oooooooo ....that was a bad day..... :eyebat:

TenderKnight 08-01-2010 02:39 PM

A few people have stated something along these lines, but I will add to the do not list..

Do not scream and rage at me in public and expect a reaction.. I shut down and if you think that means that I don't care or am not a Top, frankly, fuck you, I'm gone.

Do not scream at me and expect the same in return, again, I shut down and I'm confused and hurting at this point.

Do not think that just because I'm a switch that I can be pushed around.

Do not expect me to be a role.. I'm a human being and I have feelings and sometimes I just CAN'T be your Dad.

Do not belittle me in public. Not in front of friends and CERTAINLY not in front of or IN my work place.. Show some fucking class.

Do not expect me to be perfect and to be your Knight in shining armor.. Underneath that armor is a human being who can be a Knight but can also be a scared little boy.

That being said.. I still have a lot of hurt and anger going on.. Can you tell? lol

PearlsNLace 08-01-2010 02:43 PM

Dont stay up till you have to be at work in 2 hours processing emotions.

Go to bed.

Its ok to say I love you, but Im mad. And I need to sleep to clear my head.

Reapproach it tomorrow. After breakfast. And maybe even after talking it over with someone who can play devils advocate, or at least journal what your thinking

Remember you are on the same "team"


It diffuses the hight of the emotion a bit, for me.

Rook 08-01-2010 02:45 PM

Mind if I add one?
It's not a biggie, No paragraphs, no cynical tone....

Don't LIE

Why? Because eventually, I'll find out...
And when I do, try not to have a "wtf??" expression when I tell you to get fucked, get bent, go to your side of hell and stay the FUCK away me, it insults my intelligence.
:blink:

Bard 08-01-2010 06:03 PM

Judge me I am who and what I am your approval is not needed.. it has taken me a long time to get here...
Play games with my mind and my heart if you say something mean it

call me names try to break me down even in a passive agressive way .. just cause I am country don't mean I am dumb

play on my insecurities I don't let many close for that reason I will not hand you the knife to cut with with

DO NOT ever say or be disrespectful of my dad or the rest of my family we may be a odd bunch but we are family

Don't refer to my Skyler as " that horse " she is my baby so there

bright_arrow 08-01-2010 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bard (Post 165893)
Judge me I am who and what I am your approval is not needed.. it has taken me a long time to get here...
Play games with my mind and my heart if you say something mean it

call me names try to break me down even in a passive agressive way .. just cause I am country don't mean I am dumb

play on my insecurities I don't let many close for that reason I will not hand you the knife to cut with with

DO NOT ever say or be disrespectful of my dad or the rest of my family we may be a odd bunch but we are family

Don't refer to my Skyler as " that horse " she is my baby so there

Or a 'he'. She's a SHE!

dark_crystal 08-01-2010 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PearlsNLace (Post 165737)
Dont stay up till you have to be at work in 2 hours processing emotions.

Go to bed.

Its ok to say I love you, but Im mad. And I need to sleep to clear my head.

Reapproach it tomorrow. After breakfast. And maybe even after talking it over with someone who can play devils advocate, or at least journal what your thinking

Remember you are on the same "team"


It diffuses the hight of the emotion a bit, for me.

this is a big one for me...i have caved on a milion issues i should have stoood firm for just because my partner was willing to keep me up all night if that was how long it was going to take for me to submit...i have a job to do and i can't do it sleepy...

Mitmo01 08-01-2010 06:27 PM

DO NOt Start talking to guys without telling your partner that you switched sides lol

Do not tell your partner that your extended family will now be living with you indefinitley and all of the animals that go along with said family tommorow...

yeah thats kinda a dealbreaker......

dark_crystal 08-01-2010 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TenderKnight (Post 165734)
Do not expect me to be a role.. I'm a human being and I have feelings and sometimes I just CAN'T be your Dad.

this has been an issue for me in past D/s relationships...it is tricky because there are times when one or both of us may have to step out of the dynamic...but i do think it shoud be formally announced when it is happening...if we are both jumping in and out of the dynamic things can break down real quick

Dean Thoreau 08-01-2010 06:40 PM

DO NOT............................. assume or think or presume you are perfect and infallible...and I promise I will try to remember I am not either.
Remember we got involved with each other for the same reason ,,we each saw something, liked something, loved something in each other...Now let us both do each other a favor and remember that when we see all the crap that comes with that something we fell in love with!

Arwen 08-01-2010 07:18 PM

  • Do not expect me to fold your clothes the way your mother/grandmother/ex did. If you are picky about it, do it yourself.
  • Do not put my cast iron skillet in the dishwasher.
  • Do not expect me to cook every meal. You are fully capable of it too.
  • Do not expect to take out the garbage every time. I am fully capable of it too.
  • Do not ask me if we have to keep my antiques. The answer is no WE don't, but I am.
  • Do not expect me to not be friends with someone just because you are not.
As always, the reverse is true of me for you.

Rockinonahigh 08-01-2010 07:23 PM

We have posted a lot of what not to do,soooo how about a fue of what too do.Hear are a fue of mine...

Understand if I am in a relationship with u it will be the first one that I have been in.Yeah,ive dated and had a fue women friends with benefits over the years,but we both knew what we were geting into cause nither wanted anything else..

My trust and heart are guarded by a gate with an iron lock,for me to open it u will be dificult in many ways because of being used,lied to,made a fool of ect,ect..give me time to realise its ok to let u in.

Understand that I dont do abuse in any way..I will be gone in a flash.

I was the abandond child who was barely part of the family.If it hadnt been for my grand folks and an aunt and uncle who passed way to soon I wouldnt know what a good relationship was

I grew up knowing two sets of rules to live by..theires and mine,in no way were they anywhere the same.

As we get to know each other please realise im going to have to get use to beleaving someone could really care enough to love me.

I havent had many soft places to fall,so if I dont let u in when u think I should have..lets talk it out,I promiss to do better next time.

Well these are a fue,no im not a basket case because of what ive gone thrue
cause over the years I have become who I am and am at peace with all the things life has thrown at me

The_Lady_Snow 08-01-2010 07:31 PM

DO NOT eat ALL the Salt and Vinegar chips!

miss entycing 08-01-2010 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow (Post 165944)
DO NOT eat ALL the Salt and Vinegar chips!


ANDDD all MY er, I mean...the chocolate-
you will not 'cute' your way outta that.

bigbutchmistie 08-01-2010 07:48 PM

ADONT be jealous of my femme friends. There are reasons they are my friends. They were in my past, some of them we had it out we made it through were loyal no matter what and made it to my present and will be there in my future. It raises a red flag to me if one is jealous of someones friends just sayin

Rockinonahigh 08-01-2010 09:11 PM

Dont grose out when...I eat pickled pigs feet or pickled pork hocks,I dont do this much any more but onece in a while i gotta have some.

I love sour pickles and keep them by the galon.

I really dig red wine vinager,by the glas or over lettus

I cook with lots of garlic..if its too much for u let me know and I will cut it back a bit.

Salt and viniger chips are great but I dont eat them so much because of the high salt content

Yes,I have some strange eating habits.But I dont have high bp or colestol either.

Soft*Silver 08-01-2010 09:42 PM

dont bring a ouiji board in the house. Nor talk about dark spirits nor treat lightly magic of any kind. I dont want to be around when it bites you in the cosmic ass

I have an eclectic spirituality and my practices are wholesome and from light and love. Dont call me evil or a satanist..or I shall pretend to be one just to scare you as far away from me as possible


dont put on my lipstick...even as a joke. Unless you are dressing up as the Joker...

dont stop opening car doors for me. Even after 8 years. Or more...

Arwen 08-01-2010 09:47 PM

  • Don't bring up old stuff on a public place or around our friends
  • Don't air our laundry (clean or otherwise) to others
  • Don't confer with your friends over what to do about me
  • Don't read my journals

SassyLeo 08-01-2010 10:02 PM

Do not tell me that you are just visiting your parents, only to find out that you never moved out and your mom still makes you dinner every night.

IrishGrrl 08-01-2010 10:03 PM

When I strap on my cock, dont look at me and say.."what's that for" ?

chefhmboyrd 08-01-2010 10:26 PM

YAY!
 
thi ha been a very informative thread. Thanks to everyone that has contributed!
i am sure we will have many more stories!

thanks all!
:fastdraq:

Diva 08-01-2010 10:35 PM

I'm thinkin' that one thing not to do in a relationship would be ~ if one is IN a relationship ~ to come into a thread like this and post what not to do before one discusses it with their partner.


RoyalRose 08-01-2010 10:47 PM

Do not belittle me in front of my friends and family. Your job is to always have my back, no matter what.

Do not be afraid of your emotions. I have them, you have them, everyone has them... and the only way we can have a good relationship is if we talk about them.

Jesse 08-01-2010 11:00 PM

We are a team and in order to communicate effectively, problem solving will need to come into play. You will need to be a part of that process in order for us to be successful. Do not shut down and refuse to communicate. If you are angry, say so. Frustrated? Speak up.

Duchess 08-01-2010 11:03 PM

Don't search through personal items. This is sooo disrespectful. :|

Duchess

Soft*Silver 08-01-2010 11:31 PM

dont ask me to compare you to FtMs if you are butch. Dont ask me to compare you to butches if you are FtMs. Dont question how I can call myself a lesbian if I have been with and could enjoy sex with CIS men.

dont chase the Golden O like its YOUR prize. Its MINE and I like the journey there as much, if not more than, the Golden O.

dont tell me to dye my hair. And dont tell me my silver makes me look old. It might make YOU look old but it doesnt make me look old...

Rockinonahigh 08-02-2010 12:47 AM

OH those golden O's....they are a gift from the goddess and should be persued with sweet loveing care,truly the journey is as good as geting there.

Bard 08-02-2010 06:27 AM

Do not ever hurt my child we are a matched set she and I and yes I will share her with you she is amazing advanced and sweet and she will get attached so when you discard me you alos hurt her and she is young this is a lesson I don't want her to learn .. I know she will down the road.. but for now she has enough with dealing with her two homes..

Ms. Tabitha 08-02-2010 07:21 AM

  • Don't go to bed angry
  • Don't forget to let the other person know you love and respect them
  • Don't belittle your partner
  • Don't compare your partner to an ex or a parent
  • Don't allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship
  • Don't forget special occasions
  • Don't forget to give each other space. Clingy is NOT attractive.
  • Don't forget you are each others allies. I have your back and you have mine.
  • Don't continue to "give" in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment
  • Don't criticize him/her or put him/her down
  • Don't EVER use sex as a prize for good behavior or the withholding of sex as punishment for "bad" behavior
  • Don't try to change him/her. Appreciate who they are. THAT is what attracted you to them in the first place.
  • Remember - you are friends. You built a friendship. You built a relationship. If or when it ends, be adults. One day you may not have the relationship but you should maintain the friendship
(f)

Gemme 08-02-2010 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desdansmoncoeur (Post 165909)
Or a 'he'. She's a SHE!

Not related to a relationship, but I've got folks that will continue to call our girl pups 'he' long after I have repeatedly corrected them.

Don't make me repeat myself a thousand times (and wonder why I get more and more irritated with each repeat).


Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh (Post 166015)
Dont grose out when...I eat pickled pigs feet or pickled pork hocks,I dont do this much any more but onece in a while i gotta have some.

I love sour pickles and keep them by the galon.

My mom was a big ppf fan. It grossed me out but she wasn't a fan of some of the things I ate either, so we let each off the hook. :)

I. Love. Pickles. :blink:

IrishGrrl 08-02-2010 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diva (Post 166076)
I'm thinkin' that one thing not to do in a relationship would be ~ if one is IN a relationship ~ to come into a thread like this and post what not to do before one discusses it with their partner.


Unless of course one is referring to PAST relationships and not the current one.

Rook 08-02-2010 05:58 PM

- Don't presume to know my thoughts...

{on that same token}

- Don't expect me to be a mind reader

- We'll talk, till sunrise if you'd like...But if I want "alone time", leave me alone, when i'm done, you'll know.{in other words, give me space & time to think}

- Don't assume my fondness for cuddling tenderness is an open door to "by all means, fuck me"....

- Do expect random gifts of appreciation/affection in different ways {from a random wildflower, to a simple kiss + smile}

- Don't touch my coffee....

- Love me, love my ferrets

- Do share the TV remote {I promise not to Hog it and blast sports...much}

- Do understand, I pamper My inner child, often...

- All those things u found attractive when we met? Try to remember that always....I do {Especially when you drive me nuts}..

PearlsNLace 08-02-2010 07:28 PM

Dont hash out the things your annoyed at me about-
with another femme.
Especially not a femme who thinks your the greatest thing since sliced bread



I will, of course, refrain from whining complaining and kvetching about YOU, to any butch who may be attractive, or has made it plain that you could be replaced.

One caveat to this~
I may hash my part of it out with my sponsor, and since hes an old queen, I dont think there will be any drama comming out of that, except for some perspective. I will, however, let you know Im working through stuff so you are not blind sighted when I have suddenly converted to reason and am no longer harping on whatever it is that Im processing.

Gemme 08-02-2010 08:36 PM

People working on themselves is a wonderful thing to see. Please don't expect to reap all the rewards if you don't put the work in. This applies to just about every aspect of an intimate relationship, different types of relationships, jobs, familial relationships, so on and so forth.

bigbutchmistie 08-02-2010 09:05 PM

Dont ask me to trust you with everything about my hopes and dreams and then when I tell you belittle them or me because of them. After all you did ask. Support me, as I do you. Doesnt matter how small you think they are.

Communicate with me about everything We are partners. Your opinion matters to me just as much as mine.

Dont lie. I dont care if its a white lie. Its still a lie. And it ruins relationships of all kinds. If you cant be honest with me your partner, theres a serious problem.

Dont push buttons that you know I have. I dont push on your insecurities dont push on mine.

Dont cheat. If Im not the man of your dreams fine tell me, and we can end it as friends as grown adults. Dont cheat.

Dont try and change me. If you think Im not enough for you move on. Dont be little who I am to try and mold me into who YOU think I should be.

Just because I will pamper you and love you unconditionally and be nothing but a mushy teddy bear when it concerns you, dont take it for my weakness.

Do NOT make me an option and expect me to make you my priority...

Soft*Silver 08-02-2010 09:27 PM

Dont tell me I look fat in anything. I am fat. I will look fat. If you are going to critique my clothing, talk about IT, not ME. Tell me it doesnt flatter me. Tell me the pleats are too much. Maybe you cant ID what it is you dont like. Tell me that! Dont tell me that there is something wrong with me when its the outfit you are commenting on

now, if you are going to critique me and tell me I am fat, you best qualify that. Too fat than when we first dated? Too fat to introduce your buddies to? Too fat for your exes to see and make comments about? Too fat for you to want to bring me home little candy treats anymore? What?

Dont expect me to like what you say if you are going to call me fat. But if you are serious and not just being mean, I will listen. I might not do a damn thing about it..but maybe I will. Maybe you are worried about my health or wondering why I gained that 10 lbs over xmas (forgetting the dozens of cookies I baked that you ate too) If its a kindness, i will indeed listen, but you need to know, I am never not going to be fat. I like my fat old self. I was skinny once, and damned near killed myself to be like that. Now I am 53, silver haired, ample bodied, sharp minded and smart as a whip...the least of your worries about me should not be that I am fat...lol...

bigbutchmistie 08-02-2010 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness (Post 166818)
Dont tell me I look fat in anything. I am fat. I will look fat. If you are going to critique my clothing, talk about IT, not ME. Tell me it doesnt flatter me. Tell me the pleats are too much. Maybe you cant ID what it is you dont like. Tell me that! Dont tell me that there is something wrong with me when its the outfit you are commenting on

now, if you are going to critique me and tell me I am fat, you best qualify that. Too fat than when we first dated? Too fat to introduce your buddies to? Too fat for your exes to see and make comments about? Too fat for you to want to bring me home little candy treats anymore? What?

Dont expect me to like what you say if you are going to call me fat. But if you are serious and not just being mean, I will listen. I might not do a damn thing about it..but maybe I will. Maybe you are worried about my health or wondering why I gained that 10 lbs over xmas (forgetting the dozens of cookies I baked that you ate too) If its a kindness, i will indeed listen, but you need to know, I am never not going to be fat. I like my fat old self. I was skinny once, and damned near killed myself to be like that. Now I am 53, silver haired, ample bodied, sharp minded and smart as a whip...the least of your worries about me should not be that I am fat...lol...

Ms Softness if any butch doesnt recognize the beauty of who you are and is abusive to you in that light. They arent worthy of you. And that goes for all femmes... I could never imagine telling a femme she was fat. Or not introducing her to my friends. :) You know only best for you my sweet friend. :)

Soft*Silver 08-02-2010 09:55 PM

Mistie..I love ya! Its an old story and its over now...lol. LONG over, long time ago. But it still pertains to this thread, so I included it.

I dont think there will be another butch to ever make me sad again, honey. I would kiss you if I could....for the love you gave me here tonight...

and by the way, I look damn good fat...lol...

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie (Post 166822)
Ms Softness if any butch doesnt recognize the beauty of who you are and is abusive to you in that light. They arent worthy of you. And that goes for all femmes... I could never imagine telling a femme she was fat. Or not introducing her to my friends. :) You know only best for you my sweet friend. :)


bigbutchmistie 08-02-2010 09:55 PM

Like everyone else dont compare me to your exes. I am nothing like them. Im my own man and a damn good one. I can promise you that

Dont expect me to be superman 24/7 a week. Im human and I have my down time.

JinxdGirl 08-02-2010 09:57 PM

  • Do not tell me to get over my past. I've dealt. I'm dealing. It will still pop up now and then.
  • Do not get mad at me for what I did in YOUR dream.
  • Do not expect me to cook & clean. I'll do one, you'll do the other.
  • Do not change the rules in the middle of the game or relationship.
  • Do not threaten me. Ever. Seriously.


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