No, not a troll. But attention seeking and has a touch of RADA (Royal Acadamy for the Dramatic Arts) flare....

One thing I have noticed is that some of the most dramatic butches I have ever dated accused me of drama whenever I was calling them on their shit or bringing up something that I was dealing with. Whenever it was their issue or their bringing up subjects, not surprisingly, it was no longer considered drama.

I pretty much now consider that word to be provocative and looking to cause an arguement in order to be proved right. That's like calling someone over-sensitive and if they chose to get defensive, then you can say "look, see you are getting irate already!" It is a manipulative trick that people use to derail a discussion of hand.

feminine is often equated with: bitchiness, drama, over-sensitivity, manipulative, irrational, over-emotional, petty, over-complicated, and gossips.

so just by having a feminine countinance I am pre judged of having these traits and to some people no matter what comes out of my mouth, they will view me through that glass. If someone with a masculine gender accent speaks the same words, suddenly it's not.

I don't personally like being told that I'm just like everyone who has a slightly feminine expression is like before even opening my mouth. "femmes are...." can very easily replaced with "gays are..." "women are...." "queers are...."

cause we are taking ONE attribute (be it sexuality or gender accent) and applying it to mean hundreds of other personality traits.

My butch partners have ALL cried more than I do. They have ALL been more afraid of bugs than me. They have ALL loved babies more than me (please don't give me one. I am that awkward person that sits with it looking terrified) but that has more to do with the kind of people I choose to be with, than an an entire global gender. And it may be just my expereince but I know that not every single butch out there is a soppy, bug fearing, baby loving, attention seeking prince.

I just tend to like certain types of people within that gender group and thus wind up getting other predictable traits with it.

If you don't want any drama in your life at all, and I've had plenty sobbing, chest pounding, hair ripping, finger pointing, nagging, drunk at 3am banging on my window, waking up the neighbours, saying inappropriate things to my mom, etc butch persons, it's not just the realm of femme that can throw a spectacular fit... *eyeball roll*....some of the best of the best have been from a butch in my life.... then stay single and don't have many relationships with people, including and avoid public dealings. People have emotions. Avoid them. And don't have any yourself.

If someone in their personal ad or in the very early stages of dating says, "no drama," I consider it a big red flag and seriously consider giving them a pass. I have found that the people who say "no drama" actually seem to be the biggest drama queens.

Re the other stuff, I have found that a small percentage of butches who are attracted to femmes don't actually like us. They are angry because of rejection or whatever. Or maybe they would just prefer to hang out with their buds for the most part, but they need sex and some kind of domestic life, I guess, so they enter relationships with femmes. I don't see many of these folks, but I have met a few. Definitely people to avoid.

" Or maybe they would just prefer to hang out with their buds for the most part, but they need sex and some kind of domestic life, I guess, so they enter relationships with femmes."

yeah... I dunno. I've met those and it's usually they don't want to hang out at all, except to go to the pub or a party with and come over for sex and breckfast. I find those relationships didn't evolve because I don't want to play sports/watch sports with them and sports was their life. They need a femme teammate. But I also watched those ones screw around with each other's gf's off the rugby pitch. HEAPS of drama. That's the other thing, loads and loads of shit stirring and trouble making (drama) and it only becomes "drama" when they are caught doing something shitty and have to answer to it.

I personally avoid "Drama" as in the RADA version, by avoiding shit stirers, drinkers and people addicted to fast commitments and romance now. My life is far, far more peaceful. Do I get into arguments? Sure!! I'm no carpet. But these days I say something once and once only- after that I leave.

Only 3 huh?
 

Simply said:
Dishonesty.
Cheating.
Emotionally unavailable.

1.Life is short so if you haven't managed to create an interesting life for yourself, don't expect me to create or provide one for you

2. Don't constantly rehash stuff that I thought we both agreed was resolved long ago. I probably can't remember it; it isn't worth remembering; or you're just trying to push my buttons and I find that kind of behaviour abusive...particularly the second time round.

3. You better like my kids and they better like you.

Pretty simple:

Have compassion for those around you.
Be honest even when it hurts me.
Support OUR goals, no one gets ahead if one of us is behind.

3 - Non-Negotiables
 

1. Understand that I am old enough for the truth to hurt… so don’t lie!

2. Understand that when you cheat on me… You cheat on US!

3. Understand that the things you projected to capture my heart are the things that will keep it… don’t pretend to be anyone but your true self…

I think this list will invariably change and expand depending on where you are in your life, but for me at the moment:

1) Supportive of my dreams and ambitions. I don't like feeling like I'm in competition with my partner or that I'm getting little condescending "awww, how cute" head-pats when I describe how ambitious I am. I have a lot of goals, (hopefully) a long life ahead of me, and yes, a long way to get there. I want someone who will help build me up while I work towards them, someone who will be in my corner when I need them. I can't abide by someone who just wants to tear me down or domesticate/tame me. I deserve better.

2) A kind heart. Regularly walk by homeless people without even acknowledging their humanity? Think it's foolish that I took in a starving stray and her six kittens? Describe all your exes as "crazy" or clueless or heartless b*tches? Move along.

3) The ability to see the many shades of grey. Life isn't all black and white, sometimes morality and the choices people have to make are relative, and you, my dear, are as fallible as the rest of us. No use in stating your moral superiority and pointing the finger all the time... When people look back at the advice you gave or the support you offered during a difficult time in their lives, I want them to look back on you fondly and I want you to make me proud to call you mine. :-)

Three non-negotiables other than some obvious ones already mentioned;

Communication: If you are not able to express yourself or what your needs are or understand my need for communication, it's not going to work.

Explorative: I am always seeking knowledge, so would want someone that feels the same no matter the subject.

Caring: In relation to herself,me and those people and things around us.

My 3
 

1. Don't ever expect me to be anything other than myself. In other words, don't get involved with me if you aren't ready or willing to be with me as me. If you are just wanting me to be your mold and be what you want, forget it.

2. Don't manipulate me or control me in any aspect. I am not someone's pet, and I won't have a leash. I also will not have someone tell me how I need to be or how to go about things. And honestly, it isn't going to work.

3. Don't play games with me. If something is an issue to you, tell me. If I make you unhappy or uncomfortable, let me know. Don't lead me on or play me for a fool, because I will find out. No matter what it is, always come to me.

my eight non-negotiables
 

Three? I actually only have two that are very important to me. It's a must that they have to be completely HONEST no matter how bad it is. Another must is that they must be RESPECTFUL.

Those are actually all that I need. HONESTY and RESPECT.

Makes me wonder if some people can put that together. Can they be honest about something bad and be respectful at the same time? Anything is possible. Right?

A strong heart.

Honesty.

Musically literate [while this may seem pretty weak, it is not without merit & much like one's shoe style, or the question... if you could be a car, which car would you be? ...is very telling.]

I kinda go with that assumption that honesty, integrity and all The general whatsits are a given. Surely, who would NOT pick those as fairly basic.

But beyond that I need things. I have tried to be with very nice people who are unable to provide certain other things and noatter what, I can't do it. Honesty, respect, love, integrity is really not enough. I need sexual compatibility, similar humour, playfulness, intelligence, the ability to banter, a thicker skin, someone who either an atheist or their spiritual life does not need to be shared within the relationship. Someone who isn't at the mercy of their moods. I cannot date borderline personality or.certain kinds of OCD because it sets off my own shit too much. Someone who is not capricious or mercurial. Who has similar values to mine in most, though not all, things. And who's politics ate at least similar or our values will be too different.

Also they have to love conversation. That's a biggie for me.

They have to want similar things from a relationship or it won't work.

So I have quite a few things above and beyond the basic stuff everyone has as necessary to make a commitment to someone.

Mainly because if I do make another commitment, I hope it's the last one. And I'm not going to be too keen on emotionally investing in things that I know from experience don't work for me.

an open mind....with a willingness to explore all that the universe has to offer

emotionally available

willingness to be physically active

1. Must love cats
2. Honest/trustworthy
3. Acceptance for who I am as a person - don't try and change me!

Yup.


Me, too.

kindness
kindess
and more kindness

Not Negotiable
 

1. If you cannot disagree with me without yelling, screaming or name calling, we won't get along

2. You don't have to love my kids but accepting them as my family and a huge part of my life is very important. If you expect me to spend Christmas without the kids, we won't get along.

3. I will support your career and I expect you to support mine. Expect that I work long hours and I will respect if you do.

Ok... there's one more

4. No violence and no drug dependency.

Self-sufficient (must have a stable work and living situation)
Good health and hygiene (honest effort, in all ways)
Trustworthy (hiding, lying, and manipulating is my biggest deal breaker)

1. Compassionate
2. Respectful
3. Intelligent

Open and total communication
Honesty
Respect

If you can't do these three don't bother with me then

Liars, this is a huge one for me. Don't lie, that simple.

You must be honest, compassionate, and kind.

This thread makes for interesting reading.

Some responses are pretty fundamental and were probably clear to us all along. Others we've become aware of through living something else and perhaps offer the most learning contribution for others. For me, my top three of these are:

1. Sexual chemistry - sure you can have a committed, loving friendship but in a relationship I need more. There is so much depth to my personality here, I need to be able to express/explore it with my partner.
2. Value alignment - compatibility on what matters to you. Moral issues. Work ethic etc. E.g. find something of value in the street. Keep it or hand it in?
3. Availability - couples differ on this I know. Some like the joined-at-the-hip approach while others value independence. I need her to be similar to me, to want to spend time with me and also to be available to do so.

3 and more
 

Intelligence (Spiritual, and Emotional), Healthy in mind, body, spirit, Honesty, Personal Integrity goes without saying. Sensuality, Creativity, Passionate, Compassionate, Resilient, Resourceful all add up to one Stunningly Beautiful Woman. She must love to dance! smiling...hmmm...glasses? oh, yes...and a few other qualities...

Greco

Just 3

Kind
Calm
Consistent

hmmmm...difficult for me because I keep asking myself "what if"...

1) sense of humor that meshes with mine
2) independence, yet able to show that I am important/wanted
3) good natured (I'm a handful)

I've had to rethink a lot of stuff. It's hard to pick three. I think I can limit it to five. Lol

1) sexual chemistry - it's has to be there, they have to be dominant, at least prone to a bit of sexual sadism, at least a bit of a papa bear. I got to rediscover an old part of myself recently and I felt like I was truly comfortable again. I've decided to stick with that. And I don't want to give it up again. It's such an easy and natural way to be.

2) sense of humour match - they have to be sarcastic, dark humoured and quick. Banter. Playful. Kid sense of play to mine.

3) they gotta love the talk - intoverted/extroverted don't care, but if you don't, at the core, enjoy discussion, a bit of debate, sharing stories about yourself and being present and able to sit with being uncomfortable and hashing something out, then it really won't work with me.

4) steady - meaning you don't change your mind constantly, you aren't moody, you don't storm off and sulk, you stay and talk. You don't tell me you want one thing on Thursday and then a week later you suddenly want something else. Then a week later it changes again. You are emotionally stable. I don't care if you are a bit crusty and misanthropic, as long as you think I'm the bees knees and stick to that. Don't come in with tides of joy, then cry for four hours then sulk then ... You have no idea how many of my partners were like this.
Recently I dated someone emotionally stable and I was shocked to find how easy the relationship was (aside from the challenges of differing ideas etc which I don't mind hashing out), how unstressful, and how much care *I* got for a change. Someone actually want to look after *me*. That please!!!

5) although I'm a feisty submissive and I adore the living bejesus out of you, and I'm a very devoted partner, I want my independence. I even enjoy the kink of sexual ownership. These tits still belong to you, babes, but right now, I need to go deal with school, have some time to myself, a bit of time with friends, and I don't want to live with a partner. But boy I will spoil you when you show up for dinner/the weekend. Knock your papa bear socks off. And it's bloody great you want to spoil me back.

1. Must be opinionated and direct with compassion and empathy.
2. Confidence has to be driven by honesty and intelligence (not by possessions, travel, lineage, etc.)
3. Sexual fetishes must be in line with each other or compliment each other. I'm GGG (Good, Giving, Game), but there are some lines I won't cross.

Flirting with others
Secret friendships/relationships
Lacking communication skills.

philanthropist
ethical- in every sense of the word
capacity to cherish & love beyond measure

It's hard to pick just three.

I am going to say you must be an honest person, first and foremost.

Must have a great sense of humor. Make me laugh A LOT, and laugh with me too.

Must be a great kisser. If you don't know how to give a sweet, passionate kiss then we won't be getting very far after that.

Deal breakers (relationship or not).


Being disrespectful toward me or others.
Self-absorbed.
Manipulative behaviors.

Any of the above (or other behaviors of simular accord) will earn you a one-way ticket to another universe, far far away.

Mine:
Must be monogomous
Intelligent
Sick sense of humor



Hers:
Confidence
Good work ethic
Sex maniac

- open & honest (and not tell only part of the story because being with-holding is being deceptive which equates to lying)

- must have a light side, enjoys laughing at silly things ... too much seriousness will squelch my soul

- no drunks, no druggies ... in my opinion, nothing ... (repeat) nothing brings on lying and cheating faster ... the shallowness of these type games, games, games = boredom ... I see through the smoke & mirrors ... once upon a time, I had to be a loser in order to have such keen perception ... every day that goes by, I am so thankful to be sober from substances that kept my mind riddled and confused ... not everyone is fortunate enough to live through it to break out to the other side ... FACT: many die and that is sad