Gemme, your question makes a lot of sense. And this has been one of my questions. Perhaps I am once again over simplifying things. But why does there have to be additional language? You're Femme. You prefer to be in charge. Therefore, you're a femme who requires being in charge. If you're a femme and you're dominant then you're a dominant femme. And if you're a femme and a natural born leader then you're a femme natural born leader. No additional language needed. It has nothing to do with being masculine. It's still all about being femme.

Now I do recognize that for some to say that they have masculine energy or their male side comes out is an accurate statement. Of course it is! They would know. But that strikes me as separate from the fact that they are in charge or the boss or whatever descriptor is used when talking about Femme led relationships. Help me understand.

It seems that the masculine energy/male side is separate just like BDSM, D/s, M/s, etc. is separate from this conversation. I get that we (human beings) have both male and female within us. But that isn't what makes you the boss right? I know that people describe those characteristics as male when seen but is that really an accurate classification?

Taking a seat to listen and learn. Thanks for letting me be a participant.

Come on now--Aren't they all femme-led?

For me... My dominant energy is neither masculine nore feminine... It simply is energy... For me the closest I can come to putting it into words is.. I AM... I am confident, I am secure, I am certain.... It has nothing to do with gender or how I ID

Ps... thank you for your post Gemmie.. I came back to respond to it, but decided to do a two for one...

but just for the record those attributes of confidence etc can also be found in submissive energy.

No to deny masculine or make it seem less than but there is something divine and sacred about Goddess energy. It encompasses a natural projection of so many things- bitch, lover, mother, whore....dark and light. The women that adopt this, nurture and cultivate are alpha and solicit control. Its part of their fiber. Calling me a dominant woman barely scratches my surface. I am so much more.

Should you (anyone) ever encounter one that could seduce that goddess essence in you it just might chance your life.

I don't have anything "male" in my energy, masculine yes but not male so therefore my Woman led, Femme Led, Domina led relationships are simply that. Woman in charge of it all... My masculinity may be there because it's part of who I am yet it certainly is not the Commander of any of my vessels (heh).

I just am.....

Originally Posted by apretty http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...s/viewpost.gif

Come on now--Aren't they all femme-led?
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I would like to think we are a Matriarch run world, unfortunately it's not <sad face insert> what I do see is the thought that girl has <insert pronoun> wrapped around her.his.hys.zi's finger. Which to me is different than actually having reigns of the goings on of the relationship.

We can think we own a panther, the reality is that panther can at anytime turn and make us lunch.

I'm not wrapped around no one's finger, if anything I am the one who pulls the strings for every movement...

love this. Exactly how I feel and the reality I wish to create.

I'm finding this thread interesting reading and will post more fully when I've gotten my words in order...but...for now, what June said struck me.

There is nothing whatsoever masculine or male about me. When it comes to the bedroom, there is nothing of a Top about me either.

However, I embrace what I call my "pushy broad".

I am all femme, all female, and all feminine....and I am strong, stubborn, willful, and in charge. I am a planner and a problem solver, as well as creative and intelligent. For a long time, I thought I had to hide those things...and I did. At almost 50 and with a long history of deferring to others who generally fucked it up and I ended up fixing it....I don't anymore.

There's a reason I'm a project manager professionally. I'm damn good at it. I organize people, keep them on track, keep them moving, prod them in the ass when they need it (nicely of course :) ), hold them back when they need that, squelch the ones that need to shut up, encourage the ones that need to speak, and hold their feet to the fire for those that need that, too.

So....think me arrogant if you like...but yes, I generally do have the answer or the vision of what we need to do and how we should get there.

Do I think I'm better or more enlightened than others? No. I am fully aware that other people have skills, knowledge and talents that I don't. And I'm happy to listen, absorb and applaud those things. Professionally, I depend on people having knowledge or skills that I don't....I need them, and I use them, to get the job done.

Personally, it's not that different. I actively encourage the people around me to do their best, develop their gifts, express what they want so we can experience or accomplish that. What I won't do is be a passive partner, sit on my hands, shut my mouth and go along.

For a long time, I felt that the problem I had in relationships is that I needed to find someone stronger than me to be the lead. Now? Not so much.

I'll come back later, after coffee, when I'm more awake. :)

Sometimes I like Grant to be my minion at my every beck and call, that's how it rolls when I'm in the mood, that's the beauty of these power exchange relationships for *me*. I can do, say, act like I want because I have consent and it gets us all off or we just plain like it.

I love this. And, it really resonates with me in terms of my own style of dominance. I really shy away from the "power over" model. My dominance is about care-taking as well as getting the responses that I want from a sub. The care taking is part of what gets me off. That is not to say that I can't at times be a strict disciplinarian, lol. But caring is a significant part of it. Thanks for sharing this! :D

This really isn't a thread about male led relationships drew may I ask why you had to clarify your style of dominance here?

I'd hate to see this thread turn into yet another thread about how butches and transguys lead- can we please respect the topic here which is:

Thank you!!!!! :hk2:

While I would like to think this statement true, the expectation seems to be that the Femme defer in a 50's housewife way to the Butch or Transguy...which can cause relationship friction for someone like me, who likes to run the show for the most part.

It occurs to me that maybe you have been better at finding partners who recognize your power than I have. I have encountered more desire to "break my spirit". It could be the difference in location and age between us?

I find with younger Butches I have had better luck finding Butches not so ready to do the pissing contest thing with me....Not saying older Butches are bad, just that I have not connected with the right one and younger people seem more open minded.

So glad to see this discussion happening again!

Me too Apocalipstic!!! It's a great thread for Femmes Who Lead be' it full time, part time, in D/s not D/s ALL forms to discuss and also it gives the people on the end of The leash (if that's your thing) a place to discuss and share experiences!

You know I love a good leash! :)

Leadership in Our/our house does not always come from a Dominant space. Even if my Ms is sick in bed (probably not feeling to dominant but still a Dominant), i am running this house under Her scheduled direction from Her sick space. i don't have the option to run it my way. That was the deal and i consented to it. i get that She does somethings and i do others because of Our/our individual talents, but She decides all this and directs it. She could very easily assign me to a task that isn't suited for me, something i don't like :), and sit back and watch me suffer. It is up to Her. She has different compartments that run this household and They are all definitely leaders. Lucky me!!!