Mental Illness
 

Hi Andrew,

I must say, I am a bit curious about your motivation to start this thread. From your post I can't tell what experience you have with mental illness - if any. For people who live with mental illness - themselves, with those they love, or in their line of work, it is a very personal thing, and not one which is necessarily easy to talk about. It's a discussion that needs to feel very safe. How do you conceptualize this thread?

Respectfully,

Wicket

I just saw some of the psa's that Glenn Close and her sister, Jessica (sp?) had done. I was very moved by them. Nobody should be ashamed of whatever it is they suffer from. The negative stigma should and needs to stop.

My motive really is to bring compassion to those who are suffering, and for those who care for those who are mentally ill. There is a guy at my Church who is close to 60 yo, and is Autistic, and Schizophrenic. He lives in a small apartment that the Church pays for. His family is all dead, and have left him with nothing (money, land, cars, etc.). There is a group of members who go and cook meals for him and clean his apartment, take him to the doctors, dentist, buy him clothes, and help him survive. Without anyone helping him, he would be homeless or dead.

Mental illness is personal. It is just something I feel strongly about. Anyone can join this thread. Nobody is holding a gun to anyone's head. I just thought it would be a connection for those of us in the bf community.

I think that pretty much summs up my motive. It is all about being accountable for our fellow human beings.

Community Support for those who lives with mental illness
 

I work with persons with physical, emotional,and mental disabilities. We, as a society, tend to turn away, ignore, or belittle those who represent our own fears. Those fears include: not be able to provide and protect for ouselves and our love ones, dying, and feeling that no one else knows or cares to know that we are suffering in some way. However, the truth is that most of us do care and would offer support and comfort to those who are suffering. We just need to get beyond our fears. The best way to reduce and/or eliminate fear is knowledge. Knowledge is gained by educating ourselves and others by sharing information, experiences, and expressing our feelings.
I have family members with ADHD, AAHD, Schizophernia, and Bipolar. I understand the reservations people have talking about these subjects but it is very helpful for everyone.

This is going to sound twilight zone, but I have 2 sisters who both have severe personality disorders and have been diagnosed as bipolar.

Our Mother had severe problems, but back then there were too many labels cociety placed on women who asked for help, so she was never officially diagnosed. I am the oldest of us three sisters, and I can look back and easily say my mother had some major mental problems.

I heard about Glen Close and her sister through the media. She also has a site on Facebook. I take any opportunity I can to learn about Bipolar. I've had a real problem with patience, for both sisters, for any length of time, and I'd like to change that through understanding.

I have struggled with clinical depression my whole life. Also, I have been diagnosed recently as having some neurological differences. Thank you for this thread Andrew!! :)

The holidays are always when I have the most difficult time. My routines are all disrupted and I have to deal with situations I would just rather avoid. Way more social interaction than I enjoy.

Thank you Kayden for saying that some people may not want to discuss. :)
I think its important for those of us who are past all that to come on out and talk about these difficult issues so it does not seem so scary. I wish when I was younger someone other than just poor Patty Duke would have spoken out

Hi Friskyfemme,

I may be reading too much into this, but I wondered if you read my post as implying that I don't think it's okay to talk about this stuff, which is definitely not the case. I will say when I read the original post the tone didn't really sound serious to me, in my mind it came across more like a fluffy topic. When Andrew shared in the third post his/her own personal experiences that made a very big difference for me, changed the tone of the thread.

Believe me, I very much value talking, sharing regarding mental illness. I think I deal with it in about every possible way that I could. I live with clinical depression, diagnosed 21 years, and likely a life-time anti-depressant taker. I manage it well, medication always, therapy when needed. My mother also lives with depression, also well managed. My partner struggles with depression. And I work as a therapist (soon-to-be-psychologist. You are absolutely right - society does tend to ignore folks with any sort of disability - I think it's generally seen as a personal weakness. In particular I don't think some people take mental illness seriously - we could get over it if we really tried. We need safe places to share with other folks who get us and support us, and threads like this can certainly provide that.

-Wicket

I have worked in the mental health field for roughly 23 years. I have seen first hand how people with mental illness and/or mental challenges are treated. People with MI especially have stigmas and stereotypes others attach to their illnesses, making it often painful and difficult to talk about.
Education is the key so I am all for discussions on the subject, however I do understand why some do not feel comfortable with the topic.

Just for the record, I never belittle those who have mental illnesses. Never have and never will.

Andrew

I am bi polar and OCD, have been suffering from it since I was 10 years old. Mine is genetic, most MI's are genetic or suddenly comes on when a trigger is hit.

Good topic Andrew

Andrew,

I definitely did not mean to imply that you have or do. This topic is really serious for me, as it seems to be for you as well. In your original post I was unable to discern your intention in starting the thread, your personal experiences, your vested interest in MI. I asked you to clarify and you did. I think what happened is what frequently happens in online discussions - from your words I was not able to interpret the tone of the thread. Therefore I asked for clarification, and you provided it. In my mind it was not an issue, you answered my question, all was good. This is a valuable thread; thank you for starting it.

-Wicket

Thank you for explaining. I am not very good with concepts, and comprehension is not my strong suit. :candle:

Peace,
Andrew

I have learned the best coping skill is writing, writing in journals, writing poetry and prose, etc helps.

Same for me. Writing is my best suit at times. Even then, what I am saying is misconstrued by "some" people.

I also have ocd very badly. I used to be a hoarder. My father has ocd, but his was with routines. Mine is with routines, counting, washing my hands, checking and rechecking things, opening and closing doors and locks, and so on and on. It gets to be very tiring. I worked with a therapist on this for years. And out of the blue one day I just stopped. I have no idea of why. It just happened. I had no reason to wash my hands, or put on lotion. Now, I still count, and check and recheck things. But it is no where near to what it used to be. Rosie has it very badly too. She is working on her's now. It is a struggle, but I know it too well.

Thanks for everyone sharing their experiences

Last night I watched for the first time that show Hoarders on A&E. Very enlightening to me. I personally have had some interaction with a hoarder as a child. The family next door had a beautiful 1600's house that was in shambles because the father was a hoader. He just couldnt help himself. He would go to the local dump and take things home, things he never used or needed. Was hard for a child to understand. As an adult I have witnessed animal hoarding. Such a terrible disorder and painful to witness.

If anyone cares to share...if you are a hoarder how to do cope? If you get help and stop the hoarding how does one stay away from the compulsion again? Im genuinely asking for enlightenment not judgement

Ocd
 

Personally speaking, mine started out when I was a young child. I too couldn't help it. I would save papers. I had papers upon papers upon papers. Now, mind you, I was super clean, but never neat. I was disorganized. The disorganization gave me comfort.

Washing my hands...omg. I would wash my hands repeatedly. I was terrified of germs. I hated sand but loved dirt. Go figure that one out because now I just love the beach.

To me, hoarding is the same as counting, checking, washing my hands, touching and the list just goes on and on.

I worked with a therapist on this. What triggers mine is stress, or if someone threatens me, it is like an alarm going off in my mind. I really couldn't get a handle on it until I was really settled on my own. Hoarding is a coping mechanism for someone who is dealing with dysfunction in some form or fashion imho. Until you deal with it, you will live it.

Hey, you're totally welcome. Communication online can be difficult for all of us. It's all good.

I've tried writing but it's not really helpful for me. What works best in my world is talking to one of my 6 therapists - my one "real" therapist, my 4 cats and 1 dog. Sometimes all it takes for me is to sit and pet one of them, say what needs to be said - they can definitely be the best medicine! :dog::cat::cat::cat::cat:

Writing doesn't do it for everyone, some do art therapy, some do exercise, etc. Yes talking to a real therapist or an animal one is therapy too!

When I am out of my comfort zone I check things over and over. Like do I have my ticket, my room key, my passport.

I have in the past hoarded a bit, and been afraid to leave the house but I take medication for that now. I do still count and if I am stressed everything electric around me malfunctions.

I have to pace myself and not over-do.

Writing almost makes me worse. I do better talking things out.

I clean and ALOT sometimes when my OCD flares up or my bi polar goes mania

my other means are writing, listening to music and talking to others about similiar things.

A very good friend of mine told me that when he thinks of me, he thinks of Howie Mandel. He is the celebrity who is writing a book about his ocd, and his issues with shaking hands, washing hands over and over, and what it was like growing up with ocd.

In the Dec. 7th issue of People Magazine there is a small article on Howie. I hope this gives some insight to what it is like to have ocd. For me, I think you could change out Howie's name and insert my name and it would read the same.

Namaste,
Andrew

Welcome Mike

Oh yes the sticking to the odd numbers, I do that sometimes too!

ok... So, I am going to do something a little unusual for me. In the past I have avoided these threads and discussion of such issues... That's not really working for me... So I am going to try something different, actually talking. People I am close to get this information, but the world at large has no idea...

To start with, I am too proud, and too stubborn to easily admit I need help with anything, and in my family there is such a terrible stigma around mental health that THIS is the worst to admit to...

As a youth , after the unexpected death of my younger sister, I did ask my parents for help, express concerns about how my head worked, and state that I didn't feel the same or right. The response was always the same. "There's nothing wrong with you", I was told, "Its all in your head, buck up and pull it together." Then there were the more extreme responses. "Your being ridiculous, a slacker, you just don't want to deal with things." " At this rate you will never get anywhere in life, when are you gonna learn to get a handle on things?" This attitude in my home lead me to the mistaken belief that these problems were things that happened to other people, not me. I have always had sympathy and tolerance for others, but none for myself... which, by the way, can make things so much worse.

I am still to this day trying to convince myself to trust a doctor enough to more formally address my concerns. But, I have a passion for learning and as I got older and truly had trouble doing the things I needed to do, I started to educate myself and handle my issues as best I could in the shadows... I have a likely (although not official) history of sever depression, post traumatic stress syndrome, OCD, self abuse, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety.

There are examples and reasons for each concern... but its not the easiest thing for me to talk about. I have no idea what, if anything, I will choose to post here... As a matter of fact, if I press the button to actually post THIS post... I will be shocked and amazed... But, I am here non the less, in yet another attempt to grow and survive.

Jenn,

First of all, welcome.

Second of all, you are not alone. I think that our parents are in the age group where mental illness was a negative stigma. That is why I started the thread with the Glen Close psa's she is doing now - to eliminate the negative ideas surrounding mental illness. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

There is so much being done now, to help those of us who struggle with it on a daily basis. I outted myself as a hoarder because someone took pictures of my home without my consent and posted them for all to see. My thinking is that they thought they would be one up on me. Well, I always tell the truth. It is something I do. I have nothing to hide. I want to live my life as I am. So folks cannot handle the truth, so that is on them. I live as a Roman Catholic, and again, someone went directly to my Parish Priest and outted me as a FTM. What can he say or do? What can I say or do? Really? I view that individual as being really vindictive, & nasty. Someone who wants to inflict pain. Sure they succeeded. They hurt me a great deal. But in the end, really what did they accomplish in the eyes of God? That is what it really boils down too. Then someone said that I am a liar. Someone who has never met me, shaken my hand, eaten a meal with me, or anything. But yet goes around stating I am a liar. God help them is all I can say. In the end, everything comes back to bit you in the ass if you are not telling the truth. It is a fact of life. So, my point is this, why lie? See what I mean.

So, with all of that said, I just go on with my life. I have a good life. I may not be the fastest person on the uptake. Or have the biggest house on the block. Or have 3 vacation homes all over the world. But I have my faith, and I have Rosie, my furkids, and my adopted family, and some friends here. They give me my strength. Life is not fair. But you have to make peace with it so it won't screw up the rest of your life or your family.

Peace and :thanksgiving:,
Andrew

PS: If you ever want to chat, please feel free to pm me. I am all ears.

I do things in a certain order too. I have been trying for 4 years to change my shower routine to brush my teeth before I get it, and I still am having trouble with that.

I also have PTSD, my father was very abusive and my mothers death when I was 13 was under questionable circumstances. Jenn, I am so sorry about your sister, I understand your pain.

I also get being afraid to get help. I have been the same way. I did go to therapy in my 20's, but not since then and am trying to find someone now to see. My father died last January and though I pretty much hated him I am havig a very hard time with it. I was even seeing him everywhere for a while and still hear his voice sometimes.

After my Mom died we moved to the US with her casket on the same plane as us and after the funeral, never spoke of her again. My father said "chin up little soldier". No therapy, no nothing. We left all out stuff, friends, everything. New schools in a new language, everyone hated us.

Anyway, there is so much more, but I wanted you to know you are not alone.

I know Andrew Jr. and Wicket in person and they are wonderful guys, as I am sure everyone else posting here is! I hope you feel welcome here. I think it helps us all to get some of this stuff in the open.

xoxoxo

Jen

This made me cry. I really don't know why, but reading it... I just started to cry... Its not been very often in my life that anything I go through is acknowledged and accepted in such a warm manner. Thank you, so very much.

MI
 

I have just read many of the posts regarding mental illness. personally I too acknowledge and accept that I have depression and anxiety dx's. My close friends and all family members know...and a relief it is that being open to both helps to live each day as I come face to face with the dx's! the support and understanding is wonderful but EDUCATION is of the utmost purpose! that I can assist those who are not familar with mental illness and educate them (if they ask) is theraputic for me and leads to understanding. May we all gather support, comfort and guidance from each other and share our personal travels with those who choose to seek knowledge and acceptance!

ksrainbow

KSRainbow,

I really like your signature line. It pretty much summs up my feelings lately.

Andrew

So, I'm suffering from insomnia pretty bad lately. Running on 3 maybe 4 hours of sleep a night. My head just wont shut off. I have so many things filling the spaces, so much thought, I just cant stop it to go to sleep. I just keep waiting for the calm and it never comes. The thing is I don't understand why now, well... maybe I do. Things are finally going good for me, starting to. So this is when all the doubts kick in right? Cause it cant really last, something has to happen to take it all away. I don't want to feel that way this time.

All of it is because of me this time around the track. I am doing it for myself, not to please someone else, not because I am supposed to, not to give the impression of normalcy when I am screaming inside. I made these choices to bring around some good changes. I don't want to wait for it to all fall apart this time, I want it to keep getting better.

For the first time in my life I am living independently of someone else's desires and wants. Even though I am living with my parents, its my choice this time. A logical choice because I understand that my children, and my son in particular, will greatly benefit from their extra presence, and sharing my financial responsibilities with them will allow me to give my children opportunities I couldn't otherwise. I am in control of my life, and I am making healthy choices. THAT'S A BIG DEAL.

So why am I still feeling this way, why do I still hear that voice that says, your gonna fuck it up again? Why can't I be happy to be moving in the right direction? I'm working, and I love my job. I have a plan to go back to school and pursue the career I have always dreamed of. There is no reason for me to try and sabotage my own happiness. But, I feel myself starting to do it.

Jenn, I think that its how our brains are wired that makes us hear the voices saying awful things to us inside our heads. I have the same problem.

I think it is awesome that you parents are cool enough to share expenses and help you give your children great opportunities. Good for you!

For me, I know that when things are good, I kind of have a sense of dread that something bad is going to happen...probably one of the therapists among us can explain why that is. I think our brains get used to being in crisis and automatically stay in fight/flight mode.

I try to not beat myself up for not doing everything over night. I am learning not to be so hard on myself as long as I am making some (any) progress.

As for progress, I met with a therapist for the first time in almost 20 years yesterday and I think I am really going to like her. I felt very comfortable right off and felt heard. This is the first time I have ever been to therapy when things in my life are good. I need to work on past trauma and anger.

Have a great weekend all and try to take it easy on yourselves, especially with all the holidays stress and mahem.

:)

Preventative therapy
 

Jenn,

I think Apocalipstic is right on in terms of her take on things. Folks who struggle with mental illness "learn" to expect things to go wrong. For us, everything is our lives can be going great but then the mental illness kicks in and knocks us off our feet. She also makes an excellent point about being in therapy when things are going well. Most of the time we use therapy to get out of hard spots and when things seem better then we quit. That's the general publics' perspective on how therapy should be used - get out of crisis mode then do it on your own. When you treat it that way you never get deep issues resolved - you're able to get a band-aid to temporarily feel better but the issues themselves aren't being fixed. Apocalipstic, I think you are doing a great thing by going to therapy now, when you can address the broader issues because you aren't focused on your current crisis.

Therapy can be really useful as a preventative tool but is seldom used that way. Just as individual therapy during the "good times" can be highly effective, couples therapy can be immensely helpful to keep a couple on track BEFORE they get into trouble. So many times therapy isn't initiated until things reach crisis point, and while then it becomes a necessity, crisis can often be avoided by preventative therapy. I'm currently in therapy. Things are fairly stable in my life, so I'm able to work on things that I couldn't if I was addressing crisis. To be perfectly honest, I believe that absolutely everyone on the planet has issues that could be addressed, ways that their life could be improved through therapy. Unfortunately therapy is seen as something only for those who are "sick."

Seasonal Affective Disorder
 

Thank you! Yes yes, in the past I have only gone to therapy when things were a disaster and I was in total crisis. What we worked on was getting me OK and we never even got to the deep issues. I forgot I did go to concelling for maybe 2 sessions 6 or 7 years ago during an awful break up and basically we talked on how to navigate the breakup, not how I allowed myself to get into that situation in the first place...same thing in my 20's. How deep are you able to dig when all you want to do is give up. You know?

I hope that now that things are stable I will be able to dig deep and actually give full attention to healing from childhood and early traumas.

Do you know anything about Brainspotting? She said that might be helpful.

On the subject of SAD...yes, I usually have a meltdown in February after we have not seen the sun in 6 weeks. Will try the bulbs, can't hurt! I wonder if people in places closer to the poles have an even more difficult time. We go to London every January for work and it seems to only be full daylight from 10-2. Some places never get to full daylight. I don't think I could handle that. Bright sunny days make me happiest.