Breaking The Stereotype!
 

I saw a thread similar to this on another (no, not that one) site and thought it would fit in quite well here.

I am a firm believer in the theory that what we wear, say, think, do, like/dislike does not make us butch or femme. While I don't see it much here these days, there is still the occasional "That's not [butch/femme/trans/etc]" in reference to something one may say. I still have moments when I cringe after hitting the submit button on a post because I realized that someone may read it and think "That's not very butch!". It's almost impossible to not buy into it in some way when it's been such a huge part of our culture for so long. But the truth is, I'm not a stereotype. There many things I do, and don't do, that could be seen as un-butch. There are many things my partner does that could be seen as un-femme. I think it's time we owned up to our differences and celebrate these things are make us individuals and not just a stereotype!

So, without qualification or justification (or fear of ridicule*) please share with us those things about you that break the stereotype!


*I would really like this to be a fun, perhaps silly, maybe empowering, definitely enlightening thread. If it gets ugly, I will personally drive down to The PDX and hold a puppy hostage until June hits the delete button.

~ I do not change my own oil.

~ I knit.

~ I'm not really fond of fire and do not grill, use the fireplace, make campfires.

~ My fun reading is mostly books found in the Romance section of your local bookstore.

~ I like chick flicks.

~ I've had a life long crush on Robert Redford because he looks so damn good in a cowboy hat.

~ I own women's shoes.

that's HOT!

(my dad made me change my oil at 16--you're really not missing much)

I'm femme

I can and have assembled furniture

When I was in CA visiting my mom, I troubleshot/repaired and set-up my mom's laptop and wifi (including taking her to Fry's to purchase RAM and then installing it for her)

I just went shopping with Erin at the Leatherman Warehouse sale and purchased several tools for myself (and for gifts)

I kill the spiders in the house

I can dead lift 130 lbs

:balloon:

I'm all about one-up-person-ship
 

My name is Brandy. I am Femme. I think performing cunnilingus is fun.

I also pick my nose (it gets itchy up there, fuck off!) like reptiles and amphibians a whole lot, am loud and opinionated, and once punched someone at a bar cuz she sloshed beer on me.

Thanks for playing but... the bold parts above are what I meant when I asked people not to qualify or justify. It's really hard for me not to do. "I own womens shoes." (but only two pairs and that's because I kinda have to for work blah blah blah). The reasons why don't matter and it doesn't make me "less butch". I guess I'm just challenging people to not worry about perception and just be honest. My hope is that someone may come to this site, confused because they think they're butch but wear women's underwear, and find a place where they can discover that's ok.

i will drive through alleys and swerve off of the road to check out something that someone's discarded. also, i'd race you to a dumpster.

just now we were picking up e's truck and i 'caught' myself walking 5 steps ahead and readying myself to deal with talking to the mechanic, looking over the bill, whatever the stuff is that you do--if it's your truck. (not sure if that speaks to my femme-ID or it just means i'm controlling/bossy but it's typical-me)

well im gonna bite this one off lolol
 

I cry like and wail and hurt at things like hurt animals or crying little kids or if i feel sad--i used ot hate feeling so sensitive and i always have to fight that voice inside that says stop crying you look stoopid

My Woman is the Dom and i like it that way--bossy women are hot

I have long curly hair and it will always be long i wish i could dread it --hey im a beach bum from hawaii and my hair has always been long and usually bleacehd from the sun if i had my way lol

my underwear is like the el cheapo hanes from wally world in all kinds of fantastic colors because i dont really give a fuck about what i wear underneath my clothes since they dont usually stay on long anyway lol and the people that i care about dont give a fuck what i wear underneath my clothes lolol

I do not own womens shoes and no womens clothes but mah woman can rock the hell outta a skirt lol

I wouldnt change the oil on my car for anything id rather someone else do it

but i can change a tire and i can lift heavy shit when i want but im a lazy fucka

I'm Jo and femme...

I own and use a snowblower. When the electric starter died I just started using the pull-start.

I remodeled my home office - including hanging sheet rock, framing in a window and moving all the furniture alone. This included using power tools...which I own.

I've never had my hand up a chicken, but have had my entire arm up a pregnant cow more times than I can count. Smallest hands on the dairy...tag, I'm it.

When it's time to put the air conditioner in the bedroom window, I just carry it up to the second floor from the basement. It weighs about 60 lbs.

I have ridden a bull. I did not make it to the buzzer.

i want one of these:

http://www.zazbot.com/bobcatparts/bobcat-s130.jpg

its supposed to be a hand??? well that explains the confusion of my butchness lol


[B]of course it could also be bc...
i dont know how to change oil in my car
i wont change the tire on my car unless i HAVE to
ive had a huge crush on patrick swayze since...always :drool:
i scream like a girly girl when i see a snake
i hate to break or chip a nail(not long just short and nice)
im not even close to be mechanically inclined
just to name a few...wpouldnt want to lose my butch card altogether..:simplelaugh:[/B

I have changed my oil.
I do my own taxes.
I boss everyone around.
I am the disciplinarian in my home.
I barter with sales people/plumbers/technicians/mechanics
I belong to MENSA
I was a project manager in a male dominate workplace
I assemble furniture, electronics and troubleshoot all the repairable stuff here.
I read instructions.
I ask directions.

oh yeah i forgot i will run and hide and go into spasms when spiders or wasps or hornets are in my vicinity

mah woman has had to protect me many times from the evil creatures and yes i can scream loudly when they come near me although i always try to run away first lol

~ I bake.

~ I talk. A lot.

~ I like fruity drinks served in coconut shells with little paper umbrellas.

hmm...
gonna give this a shot...

♦ I panic when I see hornets/wasps/yellow jackets real close by....I don't "Squeak", or "Scream all Girly"....but you'll Definitely know, w/o a shred of Doubt

♦ I will Coddle random furcritters, and baby talk....

♦ Not fond of Camping in the Forest...

♦ Although I enjoy Surfing, I prefer a very Chlorinated Pool {less sharks, y'know?}

♦ I'm really picky about my shampoo/conditioner/body-hand soaps....And clothes detergents....

♦ I'll spend Lots of time in a Greenhouse/Flower Store...

♦ Occasionally, instead of Home Improv. area, you'll probably find me in the baby/toddler area lost in thought over what I'd purchase IF i ever had kids...

♦ My bedsheets have Got to be clean, and soft and very Warm, occasionally, I'll pick Light colours...If I can afford egyptian cotton 400 + thread CT., I'll be on cloud 9 for weeks.

♦ Don't know much about car maintenance..

♦ Even less of Plumbing...

♦ Don't even try to ask me to repair anything {unless u have the # of a Pro or an Explicit Manual}...

♦ I'm a good Cook, and I luv makin desserts...

♦ I like all sorts of Ballads, Power Ballads, Love Songs, Classics, Sexy stuph etc etc....

{i'm sure there's more...but..for now...meh}

:happyjump:

I can operate a vacuum and an iron but I still have a lil trouble turning on the stove.

I suck at math

I use deodorant

I am GQ guy and

I have changed my own oil but I prefer not too
I like to cook and am pretty good at it
I care about aesthetics and art
Snakes freak me out
I *hate* plumbing (but will do it if I must)
I am not much of a handyman
I like flowers and flower arranging
I write pretty emotional poetry
I have been known change my shirt 10 times if I am getting ready to go out
I am competent at math but it bores me to freaking tears
I finally embraced that my ideal vocal range is coloratura soprano

can i play, too?
 

mice, bugs and snakes freak me out...yes, i squeal and go the other way

i'm a good cook

i've learned to enjoy baking...i make a fine, fine sweet potato pie and can rock some baklava

i can sew (i have plans to make obnoxiously bright hawaiian shirts for myself)

i dislike working on cars

i enjoy decorating, arranging furniture and artsy stuff

i prefer romantic comedies and weep copiously at the sad parts (and the happy parts)

i enjoy having dinner parties and set a lovely table (although i cannot be in charge of the guest list)

i'm not always very good at opening jars

i am nurturing by nature

i'm really good at laundry and i enjoy ironing

I don't get it..
 

To me it's not about copping to behaviors, it's about celebrating the fact that these are all parts of me. The traditional and the not-so-traditional...and that's how I break the stereotype...just by being myself. :)

Beau - My intent was not have have people "cop" to behavior of the opposite gender but to talk about the things they do that could be seen as "un" by other member's of this community. In the past, I've been told I was not butch enough because I have a girly name, have worked in a predominately female profession, like trashy romance novels and play female characters in video games.

None of these things make me "un-butch" or "less butch" although there are many people in our community that think butch and femme are about what someone wears, likes/dislikes, does, says, etc. My point is that it doesn't. As has been often said, even in a dress and heels, I'm still butch.

The things I like and don't like are just personal traits that make me an individual. I think it's important to celebrate those things in a space that does not often do so.

I'm a man and...

I own a see through blouse

I also own the most fabulous, flaired-at-the-bottom, most colorfully striped pair of women's pants that go with the see through blouse, and I call them my Solstice Pants (but I can't fit into them anymore).

The fact that I can't wear my Solstice Pants makes me sad

I will stand quietly panicky in the background while Mahhh Woman kills any critters or removes any carcasses.

I hate to be the person or assumed person "manning" the BBQ at a cookout

I have the biggest crushes on: George Clooney, Paul Newman, Eddie Vedder, Robert Redford in any cowboy movie (but especially 'Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid"), Jude Law, and The Transporter Guy (among others)

I talk to plants and flowers in baby voice while I rub their little leaves

It's always been a dream of mine to be a backup dancer/singer for Aretha Franklin, and I've designed the outfit and choreographed the whole concert.

My backup dancer outfit is a fitted mini dress, preferably neon blue, lime green, or bright orange with wide white lapels and worn with white, knee high, patent leather go go boots with a thick, chunky 3ish inch heel

And I really have choreographed the entire show

If snakes get too close to me or surprise me outta nowhere, I scream and jump on whomever's closest

I gag if I have to empty the sink drain of food particles

I've slept with more men than I have women

I helped a femme fix MY tire today


Dylan...and I consider butch part of my gender identity

thanks for responding
 

I appreciate your perspective on this, Gayla. I was just responding to how it read to me after viewing a page or so of posts that seem to revert to the "girls play with dolls"/"boys play with trucks" mindset.

I get that it's not okay for some in this community to think of butches as being associated with certain behaviors/activities (and the same for femmes). I still stand by my reaction that it perpetuates the notion that behaviors and activities have a gender association. They don't, and that's the only point I was trying to make.

I appreciate any effort to help others have a more expansive view of gender even if I don't see it happening in this way.

Oh, I left out the belt...a 2" to 3" wide, patent leather, white belt with stitching to match the dress (neon blue, orange, or lime green)


And A Neckerchief Tied To The Side,
Dylan

I love shopping... especially for clothes... cause I'm a clothes whore.

It takes me a long ass time to get ready to go out for the eve...

I love long hot bathes

I like specialty drinks like mimosa's and margaritas, made just so. If I get grief from a bud, I like to reply... "nevermind that... we're finally alone..." and wink.

Junebugs make me dance and swear F*@% me! F*@% me! F*@%% me!

... and.. ok...

... I wear eyeliner, something I hadn't done for 20 years... I've been told me eyes are my best feature, so hell... I like it... I don't care.

Today I was sitting with a client (psychotherapy), and she told me that she was starting a business selling her cross stiching...

I thought back to my cross stiching a picture of a mouse holding a clarinet for my clarinet playing best friend in the 6th grade for Xmas (Mom's idea), and thought...I wonder if she still has that....I will need to call and ask...it is the only thing I ever cross stiched..

...and then I thought....hmmm...maybe I should try cross stiching again...maybe I would like it as an adult...

...then I realized that <cough>, my client had changed topics...

ETA: I just texted my clarinet playing friend....she does indeed still have the tiny 2x3 inch clarinet playing mouse in its little plastic frame. She has saved it all this time...we are now 40 years old!

i love it when Massi sends a text and signs it "Daddy Rose", makes my heart melt.

When i told someone Hys name, they responded, "oh, that's a really butch name," and laughed. i didn't understand her reaction because she is very outspoken about people not accepting her as the butch woman she is (and changed her name legally because it was too feminine). :confused:

i LOVE that Hy makes jewelry (ok, that could be because *i* am benefiting from that skill) and thank goodness Hy can sew, because i so cannot (and come to think of it, i'll be benefiting from that skill, too!). :cheer:

And, Hy ROCKS the pink hair, that's all i'm sayin. :awww:

Hys proud girl, rhonda
:byebye:

I'm a femme and I fuck women.

Here. Here.

A number (more than 5) of years ago, I got together with a group of b-f peeps around here to go fishing. I asked for help with something and got a raft if crap questioning my butchness and masculinity for asking for help. WTF? The cis-guys I work with ask for help from others when they need it, despite the whole guys never ask for directions (and yeah I will ask for directions rather than get lost or more lost) b.s.

Most cis guys worry about being perceived as male enough by their peers too. Why is it that we cannot just let people be?

K i'll give it a try...

Being someone else was brave enough to go with real first names,i'll pitch mine out there.It's Mary Michael,most of my frinds and family call me by it tho some will call me Mike hear and there,I get some strange looks in gay bars when someone dose this..it use to bother for some reason,but now what the heck.

I hate spiders big time,if I see them first im ok,if not I sqeel like a girlie girl.

I love to cook and have ovr 60 cook books and colecting as many as I can.

can barely sew a button on but I do the best I can.

I hate to get my hands all messed up u can bet I keep them as nice as possable with hand cream.

I dont do work on cars/trucks even tho I know how.

I colect music boxes,wood carveings,figureines of wolves and eagles as well as have a hugh plate colection hanging at home from all over the world.

Ok now I have at least dented my butch card,but this is me.