Breeder and other words we use to hurt our own.
 

I was a little upset today by seeing the word "Breeder" used in a thread.

I find the word Breeder when used in reference to ANY woman vulgar and offensive. It reduces a woman (once again) to her reproductive organs.

What I cannot understand is why in the Queer Community it is used as a descriptor of women that have had children.

It's kind of like using the "Gold Star Lesbian" thing. As if those of us that were in relationships with bio-men are some how a less desirable grade of Queer than those that were not.

When somebody uses that term about me it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. My path to self acceptance may have been longer than the next girls, but that doesn't make me a receptacle for sperm.

I am not an animal, and have never EVER been *bred*.

Why do we do this to each other? How do you feel about that word?

I don't like it, it's degrading, it's mean, it's ugly and it makes is sound that if we chose to give birth to our children that we have no more value than some form of cattle...

I think it's a dehumanizing word.

Why IS it that people continue to use this word? I am sad that we would devalue WOMEN in a Queer Community. :rainbowAfro:

If this is true, I wonder what the percentages are. This could explain a lot of behavior in the world. The isms and such. I wonder if there is a remedy?

Also.
 

Good points TD. I am still going to hold on to the hope that WE can be the change. I'm weird like that.

:stillheart: you too.

Thank Goodness for sons is right. And their amazing Mommas that raise them with awareness.

I haven't heard it used in a good-hearted way, but I think it's used in several contexts. I've heard vehemently child-free people use this term about those who have kids too. The first time I heard it used, it was by a gay man talking about straight people. But there's also the gold star lesbian vs breeder context - which I find most painful. I don't have kids (sadly), but I definitely have a past that included straight cisgender men, and I don't want my own dear community shaming me for that past.

For all the mom's here
 

http://i1003.photobucket.com/albums/...9/proudmom.png

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y53...m/proudmom.gif

Some of us homosexual are referred to as breeders...

Hence the hierarchy in our queerness.. We are viewed as less than.

Can you use it in a sentence in a good hearted joking way?

I'm really super curious as to what that sounds like.

I'm not being snarky, I just don't know how that could be so.

As far as differentiating between heterosexuals and homosexuals I think that is still just as rude. Women are not bred. Men are not studded out. Homo's are parents too, so I don't get the differentiation.

I love how you take it out of context and start a thread about it.

You want to drag this conversation over to another thread now?

Honestly, if you don't think little girls are groomed for this shit from before they can even talk, I really don't understand how or why you'd jump into a conversation about that exact topic

It wasn't a dis on people who have kids...it was used as a dis for how girls are groomed by a sexist culture.

I heard you. I got your feelings on the topic. Had that been the way I used it in the post, I would agree with you. But that's not how I used it.


Dylan

I really like your statement here specifically. I think the word "breeder" is a slur.

Can you take into consideration that it is NOT OK for you to say that? Can you not listen and hear us say

It's offensive?

Can you step out of Dylan zone for one fucking second and hear this?

You don't get to tell us how to feel about a word that has been used on us as defensive, derogatory or insulting.

Damn it Dylan..

I know you gotta know better..

It's not about you you you and your god damn sentence structure and how you see fit.

As a guy, it's even worse for you to come up in here and JUSTIFY that term.

Damn dude...

FFS listen.

No. According to the urban dictionary, the child-free community has more specific and ugly language for mothers and fathers.

Women in this country are groomed to breed/reproduce/carry on the human race/however you choose to say it.

Because women are seen as objects. Whores and mothers. Sinner or saint. They're not seen as individuals. Housekeepers and secretaries. And if they don't want to have kids, there's something wrong with them...or they hate men. And every thing they do is (supposedly) done for the benefit of a man or to get a man. Don't believe me? Pink is on the cover of Cosmo this month talking about sex secrets...because even someone as strong as Pink is catering to a man and worried about 'keeping her man happy'.

It started with religion, and it's perpetrated through a sexist culture. Girls and women are sooooo groomed for it that they can't even decide for themselves if they can have an abortion.

It's in every commercial geared toward women, and it's perpetuated in every commercial for children. "Take care of these precious little ponies". "Take care of this little baby". "Clean the house with this play set". "Make your baby dinner with this kitchen set". "Put make up on, so you can get a man, so you can have babies".

So, seriously, you think girls/women aren't bombarded with this message from the second that F goes on that birth certificate?


Honestly,
Dylan

Dylan, this thread has nothing to do with you or how you posted.

It's about a word and how it is used by some (not you) to hurt.

I'm not dragging a discussion either, I am wanting to have a dialogue about the feelings that this word invokes for some of us.

Please take yourself out of the equation, ok?

Believe it or not..

Some women

Wanted to be mommies.....

gasp...

true story

FFS Snow, I heard you. Both of you.

And FFS Snow, could you hear a word in context instead of hearing it as you want?

Give me another word, Snow.

What other word denotes the same way women are groomed?

Give me another one, and I'll use it. That has the same connotation. Reproducer? Doesn't have the same connotation.

Give me something that has the same connotation as puppy mill. Because that IS how the patriarchy sets up and grooms girls/women.


Dylan

That makes sense...totally. I hear you on the context so fair enough, no example needed.

In answer to your question, no. I don't think it is in reference to women only. I also don't think it's appropriate to use on any gender. Seriously.

When I was pregnant..

I was refered to as pregnant..

Not bred.

How about that

Impregnated..

Pregnant.

Last time I checked that was a word.

Wait. What does ffs mean?

for fuck's sake?

for further study?

fringe field switching?

fee for service?

And after you were pregnant?

Pregnant is a certain stage of the reproduction cycle

It's not the same connotation

And let's not forget that once women are past the age of reproducing/carrying on the human race, they're no longer seen as attractive or useful to the patriarchy (unless they're the caretaking, doting grandmother who once again is dealing with children).


Dylan

Puppy mill? Really?

I thought we were to have 2.3 children only and to stay gorgeous for our men. Who would have the energy to clean, work, and be sexy with THAT many kids?

ohhhhh. thanks.

I think it's safe to say that the "connotation" is offensive.

After I became MOM...

I will gladly become MOMMA-SON

I don't use gramma.

Yanno Dylan once again, some of us wanted kids. It wasn't shoved down our throats, we just wanted them.. I can't tell you how much I wanted my kids. IT HURT. Every single one, once I knew them I would give my life for them.

That's what you ain't hearing Dylan, that as a MOTHER, you insisting on using the word is humiliating and ugly.

FUCK your points of view..

Respect that a handful of women keep asking you to listen, can you just listen and give us that much respect?

Not that fucking hard Dylan, I do it for you ,and would if you asked -and have.

How about if we say parent? mother?

I wasn't bred...I'm not a cow.

I became pregnant. I am a mother. I parent. Any of those is better, at least to me.

I agree that women are judged, in part, by whether or not they have children. We are also judged, in part, by our physical appearance, how much money we make or have, who we partner with. the class we are born into, the car we drive, the clothes we wear and more.

For me, the central problem isn't that women are raised to be mothers or measure their worth by their sexual appeal to others (although I have a problem with both of those things)...it's that we aren't generally raised to treasure our own individuality - no matter what it looks like or where it takes us.

I've heard it used by the (straight) child free by choice people in reference to other straight people who have children. I've heard it used by, mostly, gay men in reference to straight people. It's the term we yelled back at the protester who were yelling "Fags!" at us when our float went by. In these circumstances, it's been used against men and women equally and usually towards heterosexual couples.

Granted, this was all probably 20+ years ago and I'm not sure I've seen it used since except on rare occasion. And when I do it hear it used in that way that is meant to insult, I'm horrified that we used it back then. In our somewhat limited defense, there were not many queers with children in our limited social circle at the time.

I do have a friend who refers to his siblings as the "breeders" of the family because he has something like 14 nieces and nephews . In this particular case, he uses it with affection because he is very glad to have those kids in his life. And yes, he uses the phrase to their faces.

I think that may be the only time I've heard it used without offensive intent.