I'd Like to Claim I was Drunk: Pick Up Lines Destined to Fail
 

Is it wrong that the aforementioned line would work on me?

Umm, does it have to be one of our own? Have I derailed the thread already?
 

Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print.

If being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

This one really happened to me...
 

In the parking lot of the bookstore...from the (maybe) 20ish young man who held the door open for me...

Have you ever considered the advantages of a friendship with a younger man?
:blink:

"Hey Lady, you got the love I need."

How 'bout I play Nelly and you play Paw?

(needless to say, I did not get laid that night)

bad lines
 

would you like to come over for breakfast?

you look like someone i used to sleep with

you are like manna from heaven, come to rest in my mouth.

can you touch your toes in that skirt?

love your shoes, they would look great behind your head.

Wow! you are HOTT! can i fan the flame

i like wine, but i prefer moan

what time do you want to get off?

hey, i know you. you're the one that likes it doggie style.

mmmmmm, you smell like sex

hey girl, why don't you come over here and give me a big fat wet kiss

hello my name is Andy..... Handy Andy

girl, you look like you got Skillz

Dayum, you got a big fine ass

you got boobs for days

Well here's mine...

"Your eyes are amazing, like 2 blue beautiful pools of water that I just want to dive right into"...

Next thing you know, we were skinny dipping :sunglass:

What can I say, I'm a sucker for blue (and green) eyes...

This is pretty recent.

Backstory: Mahhh Woman and I were in a club. I was standing off to the side, and Mahhh Woman was standing in line.

A butch is in front of Mahhh Woman. Butch keeps looking back to check out Mahhh Woman. I can see The Butch is trying to come up with something to say. Finally, The Butch musters up the nerve, and *this* is what she comes up with...

TheButch: (yelling, mind you) "Wow, you look just like my ex! It's incredible!" (gets camera phone ready) "Can I take your picture? I wish I had a picture of my ex to show you, because it's just so incredible how much you look like her. Can I take your picture, so I can show my friends?"

Mahhh Woman: (smiles) "No"

The Butch: "Would you like to go out on a date sometime?"

Really?

We saw this butch later, and she was pretty certain that the only reason Mahhh Woman wouldn't go out with her is because I was in the picture. I mean, how could such a stellar line NOT work?


Dylan

i never said this, but i think you should!
 

once i was about 22 and in a 'hometown buffet' this goodlooking guy leans in too close and over me and points to the chicken on my plate while looking down my shirt murmurs:

"Is that a THIGH or a BREAST."

i was so 20s-dumb that i didn't even know that i was being hit on until i came up to my mother and said, 'that guy over there asked me if my chicken was...' she clued me in. and occasionally one of us we'll say it to each other, given the slightest opportunity.


(this guy had GAME! who hits on someone at hometown buffet? who hits on someone and mentions chicken parts? ...i wonder where he is now.)

Hey Baby I am just looking for a piece of ass.

:goodluck:

ha ha ha ha i remember that
we were at this bar next to the truck stop, and this guy just walked up to you and said that
i guess you gotta give the guy credit, he knew what he wanted and didn't want to beat around the bush, he wanted to be in it

Really like your peaches...wanna shake your tree.

You've been a bad boi! Now go to MY room!

Ha!

I said "well you won't find one here"

and he said "I'm just tryin' to hownest baybah"

SIGH

Yeahhh, cause every girl want to look just like someone's ex.

:married:

Another line I have heard more than once is....

"Baybah, you just havent found tha raaiight Mayn"

My go to answer is...

"and let me guess, YOU are the chosen one" :|

You know, sweetie, my lips won't just kiss themselves...

(i never thought it would work. it did. we're married now.)

one used on me...

in my early 20s,in a str8 bar with a some friends...guy is eyeing me for some time...after a few "courage" drinks he walks over to me and my friends and starts chatting me up..im civil but not paying much attention to it...he leans WAY too far in my space and loudly says "i like to eat pussy" without missing a beat i turned to him,smiled, and said "what a coincidence so do i"...my friends fell out of their chairs laughing.


one i have used--ONLY once! lol

mid to late 20s...gay bar..drunk beyond words..standing at bar talking to bartender,and this woman walks up with this HUGE breasts..i turn,offer to buy her a drink and in same breath(looking AT her breasts) i say "im gonna need a soft pillow for my head,can you come home with me?"

It never works when I used my Slingblade voice to try to hit on my G/F.

Seems sexy to me.

god if i had a nickel.....

my go to answer?

you're not woman enough to be my man. :readfineprint:

I totally forgot about this one:

" 'Medusa' huh? I can be your Perseus!!"

(Yeah, cause every woman wants to have her head cut off and used to kill a sea creature)

I like them friiiiied taters


Dylan...I've tried it with Mahhh Woman too, and she's not amused (to say the least)

another one, not tried on me as much as the entire bar:

the lights are going up, the music has been turned off and people are filing out, one young (and possibly not sober) butch yells:

WHO'S SINGLE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dunno if it worked but she got a lot of laughs.

Over at the driving range, there's a bunch of old coots who hang out and gossip and drink.

One day I happened to be nearby, idly chitchatting, and this well-preserved-by-scotch octogenarian looked me over, smiled, and said, "You look like you'd make a good farmer's wife!"

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Because you look like you know how to operate heavy machinery AND birth some healthy babies!"

And he grinned at me with a twinkle in his cataract-clouded eye, like he'd just paid me the biggest compliment he knew how to give. Which it probably was.

A vivid memory popped back into my mind that had been hidden for a couple years....

My ex and I were at a hole in the wall pool hall. We were up at the bar ordering a beer, when the cuestick that was leaning up against the bar beside me fell over.

I reached over to pick it up and hand it to the guy in the bbq stained tshirt standing next to me, and he said, "Oh darlin, if it was MY stick that hit you, you would have thanked me".

Lord, what a loser...Those are the fools that probably have a dick the size of a gherkin....

And, what did you say back to him after he said that???

Original.
 

:blink: Nooo not You? Loss for words?? omg (clenches heart) Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww... :raspberry: