Labels
 

While I have utmost respect for anyone's identity, whether it be Butch, Femme, Trans, or otherwise, personally I have not much use for a label.

It does become interesting at times as I often ask my friends, "what am I?" and most laugh. Maybe someone should come up with a non-specific gender/identity word to help describe us fellow out-of-box types.

I know I am non-heterosexual. Isn't that enough?

i'm with you an this!

i couldn't say with any certainty that i am anything when it comes to gender/sexuality/orientation.

i *could be* damn near anything at any given time ... i like it that way ;)

[QUOTE=BatterUpBaby;2430]While I have utmost respect for anyone's identity, whether it be Butch, Femme, Trans, or otherwise, personally I have not much use for a label.

It does become interesting at times as I often ask my friends, "what am I?" and most laugh. Maybe someone should come up with a non-specific gender/identity word to help describe us fellow out-of-box types.

I know I am non-heterosexual. Isn't that enough?[/QUOTE]


If it's 'enough' for you, then yes, it's enough.

For me, it wouldn't be enough because I am way more than 'just' non-heterosexual. I earned my queer/femme stripes honestly and I'm proud to wear them on my sleeve.

Words

I just don't feel the need to wave the flag of my identity, whatever that is.

My point was not to say who earns or deserves whatever label they feel most comfortable with, but rather to find a good word to describe like-minded people as myself.

and i don't care so much if there is an acceptable word or phrase for such like-minded individuals ... what i am hoping for is a sense of acceptance for us/them. to be able to mix and mingle with label-loving folk without an ever-present sense of our "otherness"

many times, i have found that my refusal to give people an easy way to classify me make them uncomfortable. i get that. but i'm not going wear a label that doesn't fit just for someone else's comfort ;)

I understood what you were saying. But you asked a question, and I answered.

If you feel that 'non-heterosexual' is enough for you, then that's great - why not use that label (because it is a label) when describing yourself?

Words

Im a fairweather label user, and what I mean by that is it seems to me that categories are important for a lot of people, me not so much.

I feel personally that I am a Butch but I am also so many other things that to categorize myself seems limiting sometimes.

Sometime i really want to spit on labels and other times i claim them, what i do know is that life is mercurial and dynamic and im not a static person by any means.

for you, Gin, this is truer than true! always has been :)

but it doesn't always work that way for all people ... people look at me in my feminine trappings, they may know that i am with a butch, and assume i am femme.

and they would be wrong.

i hear "of course you're femme! just look at you!"

grr ...

if i must be labeled, i already have one built in: donna

And I don't blame you. I wouldn't either.

It's really no one's business but yours how you ID and if you feel that you're being pressured/discriminated against here because you refuse to ID one way or another, then I'm sure that the Admin would want to hear about it.

Words

no no, nothing like that has happened ... although i do have some concern and an eye for the future. i toyed with the idea of starting a thread similar to this for days ... i'm not gonna lie, i'm a little gun shy to initiate any heavy gender discussions. i'm glad BatterUpBaby did it :)

I'm just me and I never liked labels either. All I know is that I love and adore feminine women. All shapes and sizes. They just knock my socks off.

the tone of this site seems to be much more open to free thinking, i dont think anyone is going to send the thought police after them here...

it feels like people are not going to get smacked down for saying something they want to express or think or feel...not so much for other places unfortunatley

mmmmmmm i love shapes and sizes...yum

depends on where you're at and who you're with
 

when traveling in the world outside queer culture, labels don't really apply so much, do they?

personally, i'm fond of being called mister. i just like it. i gots a ton of labels, not any of them indicative of my sexual proclivities. i think w/in queer culture, it's used mostly as a marker for who's fair game for what. again, with polarities and binaries, eh?

some people in this world cannot find the box, let alone the outside of it. they need labels, billboards and some hand-holding. the key is that you're cool with who you are. anyone who isn't, probably isn't worth the time.

i am unnaturally fond of Flavor Blast Goldfish crackers ... label me for that ;)

Do they make you fart?

If they don't, then you're obviously a femme because everyone knows that femmes don't fart.

Seriously.

Words

hhahahahahahahahaaha!! NO!! and NO, missy!!

okay, back to serious ...

for years, claiming 'femme' was very much a part of who i thought i was.

on other butch/femme sites (i don't feel the need to specify) i was that bitch who grilled non-label-lovers who came to the site claiming they didn't label themselves. "this site is for butches and femmes! if you don't identify, wtf are you doing here?! go find your own site, you ... you LESBIAN!" i didn't even realize my own need at the time to label them ... or even that i was doing it.

i was so wrapped up in how important my own label was to me that i didn't even listen to where they might have been coming from- i was blind to everything but what i perceived to be an attack on my own labeling of myself.

in light of the course of my own journey in recent years, i can see myself on the other side of that controversy. i probably deserve it ... (i really was a bitch)

Well, since you're eating crackers made of poor little goldfish then you're obviously not a vegetarian, which rules out the possibility of your being a lesbian, (because everyone knows that lesbians only eat hummus and tabouleh), so...I have to wonder....

Do you only eat goldfish crackers or do you sometimes eat other types of crackers as well (in which case, you must be bi-sexual because everyone knows that bisexuals are indecisive and lack the ability to choose one type of cracker and stick with it)?

Well?

Words

i'll eat them all *weg* ...

not because i'm indecisive ... but because i love them all!!

(you're use of stereotypes is cracking me up!)

so, you're saying you're an omnivore?

ahhahahahahaha lmfao that is hilarious the ones i know can blow louder than i can lol

Big love hate relationship with labels...
 

...on one hand it's is useful to have something to say "in a nutshell this is what I am". Still I don't like the confining feel that comes with them, because whether you like it or not, people are going to use their lens and paint you with their interpretation of your label.

It use to bug the crap out of me... at this point in my life I really don't care as much... I am who I am and those who truly care will take the time to get to know me.

and then some, Mister! ;)

although i do have my faves ...

back to serious again ... i have lately had a lot of folk attempt to slap the "bi-sexual" label on me ... i will fight that tooth and nail!

for some reason, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to who you fuck.

as we know, this is crap.

damn...i'm nothing? does that mean i have special invisibility powers?

oh no, my friend ... you are amazing! :)

as i said, we all know this is crap!

maybe i should have said "for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to who you want to fuck.

whew! i am kinda bummed about no special powers, though. ;)

I agree that in many cases, it's for our own benefit that we want/expect others to ID one way or another. I have to say though that one of the reasons I prefer to know how someone IDs is that I don't want to offend them by referring to them in a way that makes them uncomfortable and I would imagine that that's fairly common. So, in a way, it can be a no win situation. Ask them how they ID and make them feel pressured into IDing one way or another, or not ask them, and possibly insult them by assuming?

Make sense?

perhaps best to ask for pronoun preference?

yes, it does make sense ... i can see what that might look like.

but i do think that the discomfort that may be caused by asking is likely to be less than the discomfort caused by labeling without asking.

ah, but there are SOOOO many other gender/orientation/sexuality/identity assumptions that are made besides that!

i try always to spell and pronounce someone's name correctly. i try to use proper pronouns. after that, i don't much care. i'm not going to refer to someone's other stuff unless i know them well. i guess i really don't care about all that too much....in so far as speaking with someone goes. if a friendship develops, then there will be opportunity for those conversations to be had.

I think it goes even further than that. I would say, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to not only who you fuck, but how you fuck.

For example, I'm a femme submissive. The assumption being - as far as many are concerned - that I'm some kind of pillow princess unable to adopt anything but a totally passive role in bed. Which of course, is absolute bullshit because as a submissive, my desire is to please, not to be pleased, including sexually. So although my Top definitely calls the shots, if you will, in bed, as elsewhere, if pleasing Hym requires my pretending to be a big, bad leather daddy and fucking Hym senseless until Hy begs for mercy (which it doesn't, but hey, it could), then that is what I will do.

Pillow princess? I don't think so. Not that I have anything against those who do ID that way but do you see where I'm coming from?

Words

I love gender threads.....

it seems one thing that might be tweaked out here...is the similarity between defining oneself and not defining oneself...

I have known butches who feel the word "butch" very much captures their gender, because their definition of "butch" is either:
1) a person who is both male and female,
OR
2) a person who is neither male or female; but a third gender, that combines elements of both male and female

I also have friends who use the word "genderqueer" and to them it means either #1 or #2 above.

On the other hand, I think I hear some people, on this thread, saying they do not want to use a label or word for their gender precisely because they think of themselves similarly to numbers 1 or 2 above. They think of themselves as between or combined, and do not feel a word or label adequately expresses this for them.

I very much love when people do different things for the same reason, or do the same things for different reasons, or arrive at the same place using various paths, or use the same path to arrive at different places or......well, this is crystal clear, right?:p

i think this is my sticking point, right here. i just don't think it's any of my business. perhaps it's because i tend to be a private person, that i use privacy as a default for others.

unless you and i decide to engage in some sort of intimacy, what's it to me? nothing, really. i am eternally curious about most everything, but don't always inquire or feel that someone is obligated to let me know these things.

I feel similarly. I appreciate labels for a couple reasons. One, they give me a starting point. They don't map out the whole entity but I've got something to start with. Secondly, my identity allowed myself to find a community, to realize there is a name for someone like me. Butch doesn't box me in - it allows me to be free to be me.