what NOT to do in a relationship.......
 

yeah i think it's time i write that book, i bet we all could too!
what NOT to do........

#1 do not give away all your power during the honeymoon sex part.......

as in have a backbone, don't let your partner run the whole show. that sets the tone and culture for the whole rest of the relationship.
have and opinion and express it. don't be afraid to disagree. even if you don't feel real strongly about something don't jut roll over and say "scratch my belly again please....."

:|

In some relationships all power must be given to the other for it to work.

Then again some folks are fond of a good belly rub...

:cookielove:

Ha Ha ha...........
Actually I have found the latter to be true.
I had to give up power to find my truth.

One thing I can say is that "to thine own self be true" and that is regardless of self or truth.


We sometimes think we know. We don't always. Truth may be found in the crop or the belt. Sometimes the greatest power is found in powerlessness. It can be found in "I need you." It can be found in "Yes." It can be found in not using safewords. It can be found in being that girl. Let Go. Let.......IT.

i do enjoy a good belly rub......

ROLF!!

Different strokes!

Just thinking that it might be a good idea to just be yourself... during all phazes... I know, not easy to do, but I don't want to wake up to someone I don't know or vise versa...

... no matter the strokes of choice....

:byebye:

interesting....
 

so...... if someone say, 'tops from the bottom' or takes hold and climbs up in Hys lap and takes what she wants.... did I just take Hys power away?
I dont think that ever came into play during the honeymoon part, or 4 yrs later in the ol married couple that we are now, lol...
whether I am told what Hy desires, or if I am guided that direction, simply told flat out what Hy wants, or what Hy is fixin to take or the look in Hys eyes that tells me I can take what I want, since I've been such a good girl... I never thought Hy was giving any of Hys power away.

so is that what you meant by rule #1?
being genuine here, no snark, no nothing... genuinely curious:)

True dat!

It's pretty simple in *my* experience if you are up and up on what kind of person you are, your traits, your habits, all that is gonna eventually rise and the other person will take notice.

So instead of all lollipops and rainbows and promises of shitting glitter *I* have found it to be honest up front about what I will do, won't and may comply to . Now I tend to be non compliant, so it is pretty up front I am boss. The end. I too tend to educate and inform I am no white picket fence nor pink cupcakes.

It keeps things on the up and up that way yanno?

Good thread andy!

Don't be dishonest or with holding. Or play games with your partner.

i believe i am far too gone to ever be completely submissive again.....
but i have seen the advantages of being completely powerless.
not for me, not anymore.
and i am not about owning someone either.....

there are never any true equals....
the balance of power can shift, part of the "only constant is change" theory.
i know that i am easily swayed by sparkly thing and sex is a drug for me....
i could almost be talked into anything if the conditions are right.....
then something goes POP
and i wake up like i've been in a drug induced coma....
3 - 4 weeks months years.........

gotta hold on to my power, hold my cards cloer to my vest, etc... whatever you want to call it.
brutal honesty is my tool of choice these days.
seem like no one really want to hear the truth anymore.

I am gonna piggy back off this for a sec.

That whole honey moon phase going away thing. *I* don't get why it has to and why it would.

I mean you are the same people, why does it go away? Why?

Why would you want it to?

what i meant reall for rule #1 is to not just go along with things cause you got your sex googles on....:byebye:
gotta make sure you are getting what you want out of it too, beside laid.... lol

Exactly. Be real, be honest, be frank. The best advice I can give -- get to know yourself well, and learn to like yourself, so that you don't ever feel the need to try to be someone you're not. Get to know the person you're dating well, and allow that person to learn who you are. Think. Talk. Communicate. Talk some more. Think some more...

And enjoy.

Are we talking about power exchange or sex?

I am confused because sex does not define Dominance nor submission at all

What NOT to do in a relationship...
 

...forget why you're there to begin with.

...take your partner for granted.

...forget to tell them and show them how you feel. :stillheart:

...be anyone other than who you truly are. :rrose:

i am talking about not letting some great sex cloud your judgment to agree to things that you would not normally do, and/or at some point feel like you are no longer in control of our life.

not really a D/s thing at all, but i do definitely see what you mean and how it relates.
it is like you said. being clear from the beginning what you will and won't do/agree to,

brutal honesty......

I got my sex goggles taken away from me due to my training so *I* don't get this sort of thinking, now mind you, if I want to fuck I say it honestly.

Let's fuck.

It's me possibly objectifying someone and we would fuck and I am not in anyway attached nor am I thinking

Oh a relationship.



:|

I am assuming that is what you mean sex goggles.

Things I have learned not to do in a relationship-

give up friends.

give up support networks.

move across the country to a place I know nothing about to make them happy.


believe that it was my job to make them happy.

give up being happy, in attempt to make any other person happy.

Adopt an animal on a whim to make them happy.


I see a theme here.

And growth! YEAH!!! I dont do these things anymore!!:clap::cheer::huhlaugh::cheerleader:

Gotcha...

Which answers my question about the sex goggles which leads me to the I was trained (I can expand if needed) so therefore my thinking when it comes to sexual desires is based on a lot more than carnal OR I just want it and it's someone to have sex with because frankly sex is good.

SO I have to ask what is it about this super duper sex that makes you forget judgement?

What is so different?

Truly curious

yes definitely.......

it's the person
the chemistry
great sex makes me act stupid.....
and prolonged exposure can warp a man's mind into thinking that the big giant huge sucking black hole of need that you are fucking is a sweet demure flower until it starts following you around the house screaming "feed me seymour, feed me"

OMG tell me about it! It's hard not to become a complete idiot and lose all common sense.

See if Seymour had done a LITTLE more research on them sweet cute lil plants with teeth before he got all lollipops and rainbows.

Seymour could of seen and realized (though I think Seymour chose not to see it) that he was housing a man eating *plant*

One can't really blame the plant, the plant is what it is, Seymour on the other hand, being florist should of had his info but no Seymour fell for the glitz glamour and totally did not see the pretty deadly jaws of AudreyII.


:|

I feel a song coming on

(((((( hanging head in shame))))))))))

once again it's seymour's fault........
:|

Don't explain away bullshit, lies, etc...Absorb and process the real deal.:hangloose:

Duchess

If your lady fair does not answer the phone, do not call her work, her mother, her best friend, her favourite cafe, and her dentist in an effort to track her down. Leave a message and wait for her to call you back. Lordy!

What I wont do in a relationship or have done to me is ever expect my other half to not have a voice in the reltionship..I value what she has to say no mater where we may be in the relationship.
As for any power exchanges there is an eb and flow that we should share so not to cause the other to feel less than.
Any friendshipe we have had should contenue as long as they dont cause probs with us..if so we should talk it out cause what seems one way may not be what it looks like,but if it causeing probs maybe a bit of a time out from wich ever friend for a bit to see how it works out.
Things should be discused when ever it needs to be to keep healthy chanels open.
As for sex,we need to be on the same page about what we want but not ever lose the ablity to go with the flow and just injoy the experence how ever it plays out.If either of us have boundries,be minfull of them.

Well yeah.

The plant was very obviously a man eating plant.

Why would a florist bring a man eating plant into his enviroment?

If the sex goggles are the problem, mayhap trying to be with someone without the sex may be something one could consider.

Control release takes trust. lots of it. on both ends

so a piggy back ride is out?

never EVER poop with the door open and talking to me like we're having coffee at the breakfast bar.

it's too distracting.

The best thing I have learned about relationships...and something I feel to be the most important....comprimise.
It goes a looooooooong way to keep both parties (or in some cases all parties) happy.

:|:|.............

Wow is all I can say to this. Just wow.