Differently Abled (fly your freak flag high)
 

My daughter, who is differently abled (I love that expression by the way and am going to adopt it forthwith; 'disabled' sounds so negative), still believes in Santa (she's now 22). Because she believes in Santa, I get to believe in him too;)

I get to entertain my family...

They love trying to play *Guess what word mom/honey is trying to say*?

They really do chuckle when I start at the word TOASTER and work my way through every applience until I get to the one that I am talking about..

Thank you, that was sweet of you. I feel the same way about your kids.:)

Re. the Swiss cheese analogy, I definitely hear you on that one. My daughter can't read or write, nor would she be able tell you our phone number, yet she would be able to remind you of something you needed to do a month or so after your asking her to remind you and, since she taught herself to tell the time, - the professionals didn't think she'd be able to learn - at the time you'd asked her to remind you. Unfortunately, though, she is often judged by others, especially those meeting her for the first time, on what she can't do, not what she can do.

A classic example. We went to visit a new therapist because of her behavioural problems. As is usual with professionals she's never met before, she was doing the poor helpless me routine, sitting there in silence, eyes to the ground, refusing to interact at all. Result? The therapist stopped addressing her directly and started talking about her, rather than to her. Eventually, he asked some really stupid question, the mere asking of which implied to me - and clearly, to my daughter as well - that he'd obviously written her off as being way less able than she actually is. At which point, in true unpredictable fashion, she turned to B/both of U/us and asked, ''What the fuck kind of questions are these?'' (hey, she has a 17-year-old potty mouth brother), thereby voicing what W/we were wondering O/ourselves. Not that I condone her swearing, but boy, did she teach that therapist a lesson in not judging a book by its cover.

Anyway, enough of my daughter:)

Best,

Words

That one is cute... I need to write down some of the things that I think people say...

It is highly amusing to watch their face when you repeat back what you think you heard them say...

It's sort of..

BLINK... *where the hell did you get that?*

*raises his hand*

I have a whole long list of labels for what is "different" about me. A.D.D., alcoholic-addict (recovering 23 years), bipolar, panic disorder, learning disability (spacial relationships- somehow that messes up my ability with math), clinical depression, agoraphobia, facial and body tics (no, not ticks!) germ-phobia, yak yak yak....

Yeah, I'm special. ;)

*hug* for all my fellow freaks. :D

As one who is still struggling to find the gift inside the curse, I say sincerely, "good for you" - that you have found it. That is the gift itself it seems.

*will keep searching*

Good thread, SuperFemme. :)

Words- it sounds like your daughter has many strengths and good for her for not letting that therapist dismiss her.


I live with four differently abled children. They all have Asperger's Syndrome, which is an an autism spectrum disorder that affects social interaction. They also all have Sensory Integration Disorder.

The oldest at 16 has it most severely. He isn't very verbal and makes very little eye contact. Despite having a high IQ, getting a 2200 on his SAT's, and acing college level courses like physics and calculus, he can't do simple social tasks like make a phone call or order food in a restaurant.

My 11 year old has a mild case, although he has the most trouble in school because he's very loud and annoys his peers and teachers. One issue with Asperger's is the inability to comprehend appropriate voice modulation.

I also have six year old twin girls, one has a mild case and the other is more severe. One of the twins has a lot of health issues due to her Sensory Integration Disorder because she has such strong texture and taste aversions. Her oral defensiveness has made feeding very difficult. She is small for her age and I have to bring her to the Children's hospital every other week for IV fluids and an iron infusion.

The combined occupational, feeding, speech and language, physical, and social skills therapies for my children add up to many hours per week.

They're different, they're quirky, but they're mine and I love them. :awww:

Every other week I spend all say at the Children's hospital in the oncology/ hematology ward with my six year old while she has her iron infusion. It's a slow drip and takes about 6 hours.

She's usually the only one with hair because all of the other children are there getting chemotherapy.

My kid may never get jokes. She may never stop toe-walking. She may have to wear peltor ear protectors to the movies into adulthood because she's terrified of loud sounds. She may grow up to work in a cubicle.

But she will grow up.

Wonderful and thoughtful thread, SuperFemme!

After my injury, where/when my life was altered... I did realize the "gift" of/from it. It took A LONG time though, and I was quite ill for awhile.

One good thing, I had been at odds with my parents my whole growing up life for being queer and quite feisty about it! Once that accident happened, that all came to a screeching halt, from them. I was "alive". That was all that mattered to them!

Then, from that happening I was able to come back into this area and "be there" for my parents once they got up in years. We have long since become best friends. They became winter snowbirders for several years, (post retirement), and I was able to help them get to and from Arizona.

Imagine being able to say that you had the experience of going across country many times with your parents? (Well, might be normal for some, but I would have never guessed that!) And they were so grateful for the help. To me, that is a beautiful part of our "journey" together...

And Bit (MDC here) I did have a spiritual component [post injury] that happened to me. I am definitely what is known as a "sensitive". Many have experienced similar things from my type of injury, which was closed head (well, and spinal injury as well). If I told some folks some of these things, they simply would not believe me - or just be plain spooked! LOL!!

But, just being sensitive in general is a very wonderful thing. I've mostly done hospice volunteering (to "give back"), and I love it - difficult as it may seem. I feel like I was meant to be there/here in this capacity for folks. I am very strong this way (normally, I do have my exceptions). And it's been mostly friend's of who I grew up with, their parents and family members that I have tried to help out, be there for and with. It's like I took my world experience working and getting hurt then, and brought it home - to be able to share. :)

OK, enough for now!

PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL!

Wild

*Oh, I will say, that "my injury" expedited things such as OCD, being a reclusive, etc... I really haven't looked at that as being "differently abled", although I know it is. (I just haven't made a full direct connection to myself that way.) Some was "pre-morbid", I know. So, I have kept them separate, mostly. But, they are interconnected... and disabling. I have to constantly fight this.

I can't stand loud noises, like being in a club or bar with LOUD music blaring. It makes my brain melt down. I don't like big crowds either. I feel overwhelmed and then I get anxious, then the tics show up, then the stammering and stuttering (did I mention that one earlier?). If it gets too bad, I end up running home and crying alone. :(

Wait, how is this a blessing?

I find it harder and harder to get out among "people". Large groups! AUGHHHH!!!!!!! Shopping at Wal-Mart?!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!! Company here at home, no - not right now, please. (Although I am grateful for whoever might care, I simply do not/cannot ask for help anyway.)

I like my attention right now to be for the few I REALLY, really care about, and that is FINE with/by me! That's what I got! I simply do the best I can Super. And, I am going to be in control the best I can, by my choices - when/while I have that choice. (i.e. Why would I invite an anyone into my home when I'm not comfortable with it, or I'm not comfortable with them right now, OR... why would I go anywhere where I don't feel comfortable?) Immediate family is where I am at! And that is a stretch at times, what consitutes "family" for me. Honestly.

Our world does become smaller in a sense. But, I was wondering lately, IF the internet is more of a liability for me, or as asset (?) QUEER-WISE, it is a good thing probably - for where I live, isolated from ANY "sense" of the word/world community, as it applies to me.

I don't want to become too complacent with that however, but... I LIKE IT. (I'm also grateful that I traveled A LOT at one time, but honestly, I am missing that right now. Bereaving, for my gypsy blood...) On one hand it's good that I am fine with being alone... on another " I am a lover, nester, family person", etc... sometimes I feel like I am walking a thin line here. I have always said, that "if I jump off the path now and then throughout life, FINE! AS LONG AS I CAN SEE THE PATH, I will be OK - if and when I need to get back on. Well, right this second I'm wondering... do I really still see that path? Or am I just remembering that I had this "philosophy" (about "visualizing a path)? Hmmmmm... (?)

I am really sorry to hear about your "loss of senses". That REALLY SUCKS!!
___

I have another point I want to bring to this topic, but it's not fitting quite right here and now I don't think.

HUGS,
ME

I am Differently Abled as well.
I have Bipolar and Fibromyalgia to name a few challanges. I just try to never give up on myself and find things that keep me motivated and going. Basically giving to others in many ways.
I am an advocate, proactive, love to volunteer especially with Differently Abled cats who have Feline Lukemia and/or AIDS. or special needs.
I use every opportunity I can to educate people on the myths and the truths of mental illness. It is amazing to me the misconceptions some people have regaurding Bipolar.

Flying my freak flag high:sparklyheart:

I remember a night in Dallas when you flipped your skirt up to get me to smile. (I didn't look, I swear!) It was very sweet. My head was pounding from the loud noise. You are super cool, SuperFemme. I'm gonna have to friend you on FB.

OK...
 

I'll get on with my other point here.

Since the phrase "freak flag" is in the topic title and was also just posted by someone:

When I was first hurt, NO ONE knew how to take me, to take me seriously that I had indeed BEEN HURT (like when I came back home after much treatment in N.Y.C., where I lived at the time - to where I had originally been from).

Everyone KNEW me growing up as this very STRONG personality. Very capable. Not one to be messed with, actually. Now "clearly" I was NOT MYSELF for a good while after the accident. No one helped. And I know I scared them actually, as I wasn't the person they knew and grew up with - for a good long while. Ironically :confused:, one of my jobs had BEEN to work with victims of head injury, so I instinctively knew what was happening - and how folks back off and ALL!

Plus, I repeated and repeated my trauma incident, for I felt I was NOT being heard - and I could not believe I had been "assaulted" the way in which I was at the time of the accident. (Abuse victims will know what I mean by that.) I felt that no one cared. I was hurt, pissed, all of that... but, mostly felt totally "abandoned" - but, not in the "traditional" sense of the word or meaning (?)

They DID care, just didn't know how to deal... with ME.

As I got better, I talked to many about this - friends and family. I confronted some as well, who I considered close friends, and told them "how hurt I had been". Of course, they explained this all to me. I HAD ALWAYS BEEN THE STRONG ONE, THEY WERE SCARED AND CONFUSED.

NOW, as time has gone by... it's the "freak, who's NOT the same person" concept/judgment concern that is starting to bother me. Because I was honest at one time, and put it all out there. But, what if I had NOT recovered? The judgment there in these kinds of instances, can be so painful!

Most here in my area know of my past field of work. I am well respected for it. I am also like a magnet for folks to trust me and tell me anything that is going on - in a non-progressive town where folks do NOT open up and share easily. And I hold this dear to my heart and am very discreet - especially in this small town where everyone knows everyone. I am very honored one could easily say.

However, I still canNOT ask for help. I am locked into the "helping others only" concept. (NOT just for/from my years of work, but that is just not what my personality is like!) If I DO happen to ask for help though (which IS a lesson for me too, I believe) - on occasion, I feel terrible and that I "owe" folks something then, or more so, have "bothered or troubled them". (Now I have never felt that, in "helping folks"... they owe ME!) So, this is a huge problem.

It bothers me now as I get older, to think that folks judge someone... who "seemingly" has "stopped growth": BASED ON THE PERCEPTION THAT WE ARE ONLY CONSTRUCTIVE BY OUR PRESENT WORK. PLUS, and, if we were injured and/or our life was altered... and when/where I finally "wear" down once in awhile AND ask for help - again folks seem to NOT know me and are confused.

I just want to be kinda "normal". Whatever the hell that means! I know I am very different anyway though, injury or NOT! And I have been told that repeatedly throughout my life.

I'm fine being accepted as a queer here. In fact, if anyone tried to hurt me (from the outside), there would be HELL to pay for that person. We are a tight community that way. (Same thing that allows me to tell/confront/addess folks of ANY "ISM" and they "listen". There, is another GIFT of me coming back to this area. I realize my opportunities.)

I wonder what other folks think about this and if they might be able to identify with any of it. (See, now I am MISSING that folks thought of me ONLY as the "strong one". ;))

Catch 22, eh?

LOL!

ME

*Hope this made any sense! :) ANY feedback welcome...
**And this is very vulnerable sharing. Thanks again, SF! ;)

But, "darling", I "process as I write", sometimes...:confused:

SMOOCH!

I also have an aversion to receiving help from others. I think it's because I'm scared to need anyone, to show them my vulnerability. I am much more comfortable being the guy who has it all together and is able to nurture and care for the people he is close to. I pretty much disappeared off the internet for over a year, because I was so mentally disabled that I felt that I had absolutely nothing to say that would be of value.

I am still on disability for my panic disorder. I am just now finally starting to come out of my shell. It takes a lot of courage for me to tell people I have basically had a mental breakdown for the last year and a half and was too afraid to talk to people, answer my phone or leave the house for that long. But it is what it is, and I am getting a lot better every day. :clap:

I'm so glad you're back. Seriously. Thanks for doing the hard, hard work you've had to do because you are valued. :gimmehug:

TOO long here, but (?)
 

I certainly had two very different types of "episodes"... way back after the initial trauma. Acquired, thus from brain swelling. I won't describe much here, but one felt kind of nice and the other was REALLY horrible. It was quite subtle for anyone else to pick up on. (Well except when I would suddenly lose my gait walking down a crowded, busy street!)

I was "incapacitated" though. It would become too hard to just lift a finger, or answer anyone speaking to me. My brain just couldn't process that, not for delivery anyway. And the grief I felt during these. (Nearly on a spiritual level!)

There was evidence of paroxysmal discharge through some testing at a Mahattan clinic. (Could have started out one way and became "pseudoseizures" after time?) I had all the panic and anxiety, hyperventilation, memory loss, thinking my heart stopped in the middle of the night, etc... My left/right brain wiring was so screwed up. I know the medical folks focused more though on the "psychological trauma", my back/spine, physical therapy concerns - while I fought to remain independent (and wandered carelessly, aimlessly, staggering about the city like a drunken sailor at times)! It's funny now to think of the folks expressions coming at me when this would happen!

I went for ALL of the non-traditional therapy and treatment I could get myself into, especially as treatment like accupuncture became recognized as a legit medical treatment and accepted THEN by insurance companies! (Go N.Y.! One of the first areas to do so!!) I certainly was in the right town "that way" to get hurt! Regression therapy. Cranio-sacral, Chinese Herbs, myofascial release, on and on!! I took advantage!! (Which I attribute to the rate at which I healed.)

Anyway, NOTHING for years, (after a year and a half or so of these symptoms continuously, but becoming more and more, less prevalent). Then about three years ago, I felt one of the episodes coming on. I could NOT believe it. I was truly stunned. I recognized it though, told the person I was with that I was just going to sit and that I wouldn't move, or talk for a few minutes. Actually, she asked what she could do, and I asked her to just put her arms around me and hold me, very still. She was standing and I rested my head against the front of her, the most beautiful and healing place in the world, I believe! I was under a TON of stress right then (emotionally and psychologically), and was physically way over-exerting myself. I don't know what is structurally related either. I'm a MESS that way! Plus, I have a really BAD case of TMJ, and have had to be terrified for neuralgia attacks. Quite unpleasant.

But, I didn't know I was under stress. It seemed like just a "normal" time for me - at the time.

Anyway, when you wrote this Super... I thought STROBE affect. I do not care for that AT ALL, but didn't before my accident either. Like dancing out at queer clubs as a kid! I dislike it MUCH MORE NOW. (I'm a triple earth Virgo too though, and things need to make sense!?) So, I thought maybe the video you watched had a strobe affect, or I wondered if it was of a traumatic nature in content.

Someone posted a horrific video on another site of someone very BADLY injured, it was so graphic and was traumatic to watch. I wish I hadn't opened the link. (Head injury, not the "butt" one!! But, that one is now tatted on my psyche too!!)

However, once you mentioned the emoticons, I figured flashing or strobe of some kind. And I'm glad that you did. I'm sorry if I've used any emoticon with too much movement for you Adele. I really truly just simply overlooked that. I'll try and behave now! SMOOCH!

I know with birthday wishes, I cannot use the one flashing greeting all of the time. It doesn't feel right sometimes. But, that is not all of the time - and I never thought about it until now.

Anyway, this is a difficult subject for me to speak about. I wanted to answer you much sooner, but wasn't able to, until I gathered my thoughts about some of it. Plus, I am so private. I feel this is such a very good and important thread topic though.

And the "raise your freak flag" does not feel harsh to me - at all. I think that it is a bit funny actually. Gotta have some humor!! I'm just sensitive at folks being judgmental - for ANYONE. But, I admit that I've always loved being just a little bit strange! (You know there is "good strange" and then there is... the other, kinds... like "funny uncle" or something like that - and I don't mean a comedic relative.)

OK, I might be a "tad" crazy... so what?

Later!

Hugs ALL
WILD

*I apologize for my long, rambling "incoherent" (I've been told) writing style! Hope you get something out of it!!? At least it's a relief now to know some folks "skip" over my posts! Really.

**Shorter posts to follow though, promise!

Red blinking lights are know to trigger seizures.