What influences the order of names in a couple?
 

I think that June hit the nail on the head for me when she said that in some cases it is a function of who I have the primary relationship with.

For my sister and her husband, I use her name first, for example.

In thinking about my relationships with same sex couples, I think it is a function of primary relationship, but is also a function of what I hear others call the couple, or sometimes is simply a function of what sounds most pleasing to my ears <shrug>.

These are my best guesses, anyway.

P.S. Most of my same sex couple friends are androgynous, with neither being more masculine than the other.

Same here regarding whom I knew first or have/had a primary relationship with. Guess I never really thought about it before.
I think Kobi's examples of famous couples is interesting in that for me, whomever was the more popular at the time, came first.

INTERESTING! I never noticed this before, but my family did the same thing. "Blood relative", first, followed by spouse.

I know that our real estate purchase contract and deeds....it has purchaser /seller...and my divorce documents (all 3 sets) say petitioner / respondent. Nothing on either one about male / female or husband /wife.

No doubt there are some that are listed as you say....but not all of them. :rrose:

During the 90's while working for a mortgage company, I had a closer (the person who drew up the closing documents) insist it was the law that the male name went first on the mortgage documents.

Ummmmm....... NO!!!!

Andrea

In my family people also go by who is a direct family member. My mum has brothers and no sisters, and we always use her brothers' names before their wives, with the exception of the eldest brother. For some reason it can go either way with him and his wife. My father has all sisters and no brothers, so his sisters names were always used before their husbands'. Same with cousins etc.

As far as friends, I always use my friends names first over their partners, just because I've known them longer and am not usually friends with their partners as far as I don't really keep contact if they break up.

With people I met as couples, it can either be that I'll refer to the partner I talk most to, or they'll be interchangeable.

Well I am a firm believer we are more of a Femme led community.

As for the outside world outside of here, I think we are and should be a matriarch run world.

That's just my wee opinion.

Isn't that a bit of a sexist assumption? It's my phone, the other is a work phone, and the other our house phone.

hmmm..

GOD.. I don't know why, but a poster really got my girlie (at times submissive) panties in a bunch.
(serious)

It will always be Julie and Dreamer (just is).
Has nothing to do with dominance, submission --
I don't think this is the case at all.

Now I am annoyed and not really sure why - but it's almost obscene.
Who runs the fuck, is who's name takes headline?

Of course we are more of a Femme led community. It is the backward mentality of the oppression driving forces of some of our misogynistic butch members - that believe otherwise.

Our history shows that Femme's have been the driving force in B/F relationships for years.

Spinning.

See your phone us sexist too!!!

Way to be an ally mother fucker!!!

I don't give the hierarchy to "male" OR masculine in a heteronormative view of thinking. It's woman owned, femme owned, bossy girl, butch woman Top, Female led unless otherwise arranged be it by consent, abuse of power, sexism, machismo so on and so on

I don't think I've ever put much thought into it, until now.

In my own experience it's either poetically more pleasing to put someone's name first, ie: Tom and Nicole is nicer than Nicole and Tom, to my mind at least.

Else you have some historical reason for the order, such as Tom was your friend first and Nicole was his bit of fluff. Now Nicole is your friend, but the only people who say 'Nicole and Tom' are on her side of the fence.

Curious
 

Why is it more poetic to place the guys name first?

Echoing what many have said....I tend to put my friend or family member first...or the one I've known the longest.

...and, when I sign birthday greetings here I tend to say "Jo & Scoote", but when I talk to my friend Annie (of the Annie & Ron couple), I say "Scoote and I went to the beach" :beachkids:

Scoote and I is grammatically correct? Hence why I may say Grant and I or the boy and I other than that, I may use a Dominants name first in that surrounding (leather) cause Dominant then equates any gender so unless I have been given the green light I won't speak to said property until the ok is given.

Um I'm not trying to "trick" anyone nor do I personally view this as a tick em and trip em thread, I was really curious as to why Ms Quintease found it " poetically more pleasing".

Hence why I asked:). I should of been more clear.

Well your thread is and can be thought provoking especially for me cause Femme Led relationships in our community aren't prevalent and yet we (or maybe it's just me) recognize some Femme's first yet others not.

It's got my mind thinking A LOT!

All that. I used Tom and Nicole as an example. I could have easily have used Monica and Chandler.

Mom and Dad

Pop-Pop and Grammy

Aunts and Uncles interchangeable based on blood relative being first.

Don't really refer to my biological father as "dad" so it's just "mum" for me. I suppose I could go with mum and douchebag...

Other than that:

Never called my grandparents "grandma" and "grandpa" either. But it was always mémère (grandmother) et pépère (grandfather) but occasionally it was pépère et mémère. Either way I valued my maternal grandparents equally.

In German it's always oma/omi (grandmother) und opa/opi (grandfather) instead of opa/opi und oma/omi for whatever reason.

In Greek seems like yiayia (grandmother) always came before papou (grandfather).

It's weird with aunts/uncles. In English I say aunt and uncle.

But in French I always say mononc' (uncle) et matant' (aunt).

Same in German (Onkel X und Tante Y vs. Tante Y und Onkel X).

While in Greek I would always say thea (aunt) before theo (uncle).

Odd...

I have thought about this very thing before but for me, as with others, it's sometimes just what has been said by other people or that it just flows smoothly. I also agree with the idea that when speaking of family or a familiar name, a lot of times it's because the familiar name gets precedence. For instance with my three children, in referring to their relationships whether son or daughter, their name is first over their partner.

Another thing is order of authority, so to speak. In martial arts, the higher rank is mentioned first, or at least where I trained it was. I was taught in English class back in school that there are certain orders of introduction and so perhaps I kind of follow suit with this idea as well.

On a more personal level and thinking back on different relationships with other women... I always placed the other person first. Again, maybe it's that English class lesson "You and I" kind of thing... *shrugs*

I was running through a list of names in my head as I was reading this thread.

Most of my friends are D/s and the dominant's name always popped up first for me-regardless of gender, who I had known longer, etc. My lesbian (general term) friends are D/s so they fell into that group.

But, for my non D/s friends, it was the woman's name. Most of them are people I've known for ages. Incidentally, they are hetero.

Family is hard. But it seems to be the blood relative who I listed first-despite who I like better For example, Judy & Bobby (aunt & uncle). Judy is blood but Bobby (RIP) was my all time fave.

However, for my grandparents, I tended to list my grandfather first-but they were called by different "names" whereas my grandmothers were each called "Granny."

Now, for Hollywood couples, I believe that we list them as we are told to. We refer to them as "Fred & Wilma" because that is how the show did. "Lucy & Ricky" because that is how the show did (and she was the star).

This thread is extremely interesting; thanks for posting it!

:sparklyheart: