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Butches Cruel Joke?? *The Change*
The tears at the drop of a hat, the sweats (not just at night mind you) The mood swings god I feel like I'm losing my mind..... Menopause
I mean growing up finding myself as a "female identified Butch" was in it self a hard thing to grow into. Walking into a women's bathroom and being told "sir you are in the wrong bathroom", I was mortified as a young adult to hear that and it still happens to me on a wkly basis. I'm better equipped to handle those words now at my age. But Menopause, god help me! Lets not forget how I as a Butch tried to say the words Menstrual Cycle it just wouldn't come out of this mouth so I came up with my own word for it the "devil" The things that little thing does to a Butch every month is painstakingly hard to accept at a young age, hell even now. It's as if it's been a cruel joke for us Butches, Ftm's and anyone else that does not identify as femme. I have been putting off going to the Doctor for a very long time and well I know I have to swallow my pride and go. Because if I don't I may just lose my friends, family and possibly my job because of my emotions. Ok it's really not that bad but holy cats I can't stop crying.. lol I love my friends dearly and they know I'm going through this but I don't think they understand what it's "really" doing to me as far as my masculinity. Do any other Butches think it's a cruel joke? The mind games it plays on a butch, I can't even describe or put into words the mind games it plays. |
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That damn menopause thing isn't just a *femme* thing Strappie, it affects all of us who are women bodied and it's crazy and hard to go through and the damn hot flashes!!! ARGH! jelli's thread has some great tips for everyone going through this!!!
BUY A FAN!!! http://lh4.googleusercontent.com/pub...7zLt_wgymCTxxw |
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I guess what I am trying to get across is that Butches go through menopause differently than most. Maybe it is just me? I do think we are on a different level as far as what it does to us masculine folks mentally more than what menopause is or does on a daily basis for women in general. Do you agree or am I way off here? |
For me GTFU it isn't a Gender thing, it's something that connects a Gender to my mind...which is what makes me feels displaced. Because I don't use my physical being in determining my Gender. Good lawd I hope that made sense. :| :daywalker: |
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That is part of what the guys have been talking about over in the other thread. I am so thankful for anyone speaking up. ;) My Cruel who by the was her whole screen name is Cruel Joke. Anyhow, I would never assume the way I enter, go through, curse menopause is going to be anywhere near what man-o-pause may be for her. I do believe knowing what I have been through, as well as knowing my partner, allows me some insight on how better to help with the transition. Make sense? |
Mentally it it screws with me. I am butch I am masculine yet I have to go through this the same way as a g/f or a partner. And to hear those words say after you tell someone you can't sleep or you cry at the drop of a hat and they say... Oh you are going through menopause... uggghhh that's hard to hear!
It's a mental game being played... it's as if I have started puberty all over again in a butches body. |
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Physically... I say yes... we all go through it basically the same... Mentally... Hell NO |
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***cross posting**** Originally Posted by Corkey View Post I am a secure human, so I know this too shall pass and has nothing to do with how I am perceived. ***************** This was a perfect sentence to me. |
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I have ALWAYS told Cruel, "You are strong for me always. On the days when you are not at your strongest let me love you better/stronger." |
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I am not hear to debate whether or not you know how one feels towards this issue. I am merely trying to ask other masculine folks whether or not they too have issues with the fact that we have to once again go through this sort of thing. perhaps nobody else has these mental feelings towards "the change" perhaps it is just me? |
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So for your partner who has someone that can understand it fully what they are going through I am grateful they have that support! For me, I go it alone.... |
Strappie -
I know that going to the DR can be incredibly uncomfortable and scary but sweetie, PLEASE go. It is SO important to get those regular checkups so that you can be alerted to abnormal bloodwork or Cancerous cells. Please do this for yourself. I think I understand what you are saying about how the experience feels different to a Butch. You and I may have the same plumbing but my OBGYN is used to seeing women like me in the chair every day - I can imagine that the experience of being a Butch person and going through the same thing can feel really triggery or unsafe. I think this is especially true of Butches who do not feel especially connected to that part of their body. Get to the Doctor! Take a Sisterfriend or hell, make an appointment here in Little Rock and get a Butch buddy to go with you during the Reunion. Hell, make a field trip out of it and get a BUNCH of Butch buddies to go. This is necessary for your health and sanity and the people who love you want you to be healthy dammit! I support you! |
I dunno Strappie, I am male id and did'nt or don't cry like you and all that. Menopause, (hot flashes) and all, just came and went. I did'nt feel anything else different.
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Yes. the Doctor is in the works.. Finding one that "fits" for me and that I feel safe with is a very important thing. I don't have a primary doctor since my move up to the twin cities about 11 yrs ago so it is time I step up and take my health seriously and swallow my pride and get checked out. I started me research in finding one this weekend.
Thank you Medusa your words mean a lot! |
I get what you are saying Strappie! Even though I have had a hysto, I still have those little ovaries and they fuck with my hormonal levels, my mood, and good god, the hotflashes are HELL!!
A lot of women I know joke around about "the change", and it's not something I talk about with them when they are all talking about it. It's like you said, I am going through puberty all over again....when all the girls were getting their periods, they all talked openly about it and I was wanting to run and hide because it made me uncomfortable. Same deal really. I just don't like relating to anything....ANYTHING that has to do with female stuff....I have never even liked saying I am female. Checking the F box instead of M box kills me...let alone talking about hormones and hotflashes!! You can always call me if you need to vent or cry....though it might make me cry....it could get ugly...lol |
It's different for everyone. I was supposed to go through it after my radical hysterectomy, but I didn't feel any hot flashes or emotional stuff at all. And I refused to take the estrogen patches they gave me at the time. I am sorry your body is reacting that way, and good lawd I understand how hard it is as a masculine person with a female body to go to an ob/gyn and have them poke around at you. However, what Medusa said is a good idea: have a friend go with you for moral support. I am sending positive energy your way bud.
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Scrappie -
Jess and I have had recent conversations about menopause because I think (and I am certain Jess does too, however much in denial she may be) that its knockin' on Jess' door. Emotions all over the place and chugging away in the middle of the night like the lil heater that could. You might say that our bed has become a baptismal of sorts - and this aint the usual "girl watering the world" happy adult funtime kinda way! I know that Jess moves through the world differently and the monthly cycle is at the top of the list. All I can say is that Medusa is spot on about seeing a doctor and knowing that you have kindred spirits here. If you need to put a positive spin on it, at least this is the beginning of the end for periods! (BTW, as a smoker (not sure if you have been able to quit - I think you were trying?) - traditional HRC (hormone replacement therapy) is probably not a good fit for you. I don't claim to be a doctor, but I have had a stroke and that coupled with smoking, HRC will not be an option for me. Its my understanding that its not recommended for smokers, but I could be wrong. Please work with your doctor to find a treatment plan that is best for you!) Hang in there, stock up on kleenex, take up driving golf balls (great for those surges in anger), invest in that fan and most of all, be kind to yourself - cut yourself some slack. Much big gay love to you! |
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Dude... jesus if this doesn't get in check we may be crying all the way to Little Rock... God help me.. it's NOT going to be like last year!! That was the start of it... and it will be the END of it!! Thanks buddy I can always count on you!! It is hard to relate to certain things as a butch in a female sense. |
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Thank you Christie... yes I am going to go to the Doctor as much as I hate to think about them down there in that way.. I am going ((hugs)) to Jess! I wasn't trying to make this about ME... I wanted to find out how they went through it or how they are going through it and the mental games it plays with them... Kind of a support so to speak for all of us... |
I totally get what you mean Strappie. I'm female id'd, but there are still some days when it's a mind fuck for me too.
I don't think it's stereotyping to say that for butches the closer to male you are the bigger the mind fuck when it comes to menopause. When I'm having a "butch" day with my menopause I just try to think of it as an annoying but non-fatal medical condition and make every effort to ignore the rest of it lol. It helps if you can remember that menopause and chocolate are best friends :D |
Hey Strappie,
I was hangin out before class with a transman friend of mine. We were watching a dance group perform and we were both crying. I said, "I've had a really bad day" and he said "I have my period." :-l Just sayin... |
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I think it is different for everyone. My periods got irregular and then they stopped. The doctor didn't suggest taking hormones and I was glad- taking estrogen would be the last thing I would want to do. I didn't notice any change in my emotions although my libido did increase quite a bit, leading me to join some dating type sites.
I would add my voice to those encouraging you to see the doctor. I loathe the pelvic exam and was able to get a pass on it this year by emphasizing that I don't have sex with men. All my previous pap smears have been normal so it is safe to skip it now and then. I hope you find a good doctor you are comfortable with. That is worth a lot. And there might be some herbal remedies that can give you some relief from the symptoms? |
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I can't watch much TV these days without crying for something or the other. Just know that there is an end to it eventually. I had a hysto almost 20 yrs ago but that one ovary left keeps chugging along and messing with my head. If nothing else, try and regulate your sleep. Getting rest in between the bouts of everything seems to help. See you in Little Rock!! |
Hey Strappie
I had to smile when I read you ssy you couldn't say the words Menstrual Cycle lol lol. I on the other hand start to get the shakes when I go down the female monthly hygiene aisle. Hell when it isn't my time of month when grocery shopping I don't even want to look down that aisle lol lol. I try to hide the pads in the grocery cart and cringe when I have to take them out of the cart to go through the clerk at the register.
As for going to the "women doctor" never been , can't get me to make an appointment and certainly not going to walk through the doors and sit in the waiting area with all the "femmes" looking at this guy sitting there. I feel for you Strappie. Fingers crossed I don't get the change too bad ;) lol lol lol. Life is certainly interesting. Musicman |
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Yeah I hear ya Strappie. I'm male id'ed so it's certainly a head trip. I have found myself looking at situations differently than I used to - and damn I hope this passes. I used to see a situation and this is this and that is that, attack it, fix it, whatever. But I've noticed in the last year or so that I'm reacting to things on a more emotional level. Then again this past year has been very very stressful for me. So, shrug, I dunno. Maybe it's my way of handling the stress - or my inability or my hormones going crazy. What is killing me is the damned hot flashes. I'll be at work - not exerting myself and BAM I'm sweating. Is it hot in there or is it a hot flash?????? And at night, I'm sweating, throwing covers off like it's Christmas morning and then I'm freezing! The good thing is my monthly's are almost gone - and that is a realllllly good thing!
Hang in there yall! ~~~shark~~~~~~~ |
It's a perfectly natural thing to happen. All my butch friends and I have talked about and still talk about it with great humor. None of us find it embarrassing or any kind of specially cruel joke for butches. One of my favorite conversations occurred outside The Stud one evening. over a cigarette. 4 of us stone cold passing butches (the old terminology) were talking about menopause. We said all the words and were all waiting for the day it all ends. War stories about dripping wet sheets, which movies made us cry the most, etc went on for about 20 or so minutes. I have talked about it with my femme friends who are experiencing the same things.
I haven't bleed in almost 30 years, had my cervix & uterus removed but they left my fine healthy ovaries. So about 10 years ago, the ovaries did their natural slowdown and those wonderful symptoms appeared. I cried at stupid commercials on TV and steamed up car windows with hot flashes. The crying slowed down, but the hot flashes were like 50 a day and sleeping with me was like being in a steamy jungle. The hot flashes did not stop until I completely permanently stopped drinking alcohol....it took about a month. In the last couple of three years I might have had 3 or four hot flashes. I turned 59 in June and now that menopause is over.....well that makes me a crone. Another phase in my born butch woman life. |
I feel so incredibly blessed...
I am post-menopausal... stopped about 5-6 years ago. I take a thyroid medication because my thyroid shut down at the time I was per-menopausal. The expected weight gain occurred, I get some hot flashes but not too many, cry no more than I ever have in the past and it is a lot easier to control (OK, watched For My Wife yesterday and there was NO controlling those tears!), have had NO mood swings (in fact, I am more even tempered than I ever have been in my life), and have a 2+ on my bone density. When I had periods they were horrible, I was chronically anemic, had seriously bad endometriosis (several surgeries), horrific mood swings, periods that would last for WEEKS and not days, pain that was unconsolable... just a life of pure agony... I am so grateful to have gone through menopause naturally... Remember, our bodies do not stop producing hormones at menopause... it just produces different kinds of hormones (so says Dr. Susan Love)... Good luck! |
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I couldn't use any hormones while going through menopause (breast cancer risk too high), but my experience with menopause beat the hell out of perimenopause! I di find soy helpful for night sweats and headaches- although the literature about soy is inconclusive at best.
I do not miss periods at all- and it has been so long, I usually have a "Oh, yes, women have those" when I date someone that is still having periods. I have been yelled at more than once to "Please keep some supplies around just in case" more than once! I never felt any dissonance at all with being butch and going through menopause. None. |
Strappie, I have much empathy for you. I started the monthly thing about 14 months after my twin sister started hers. I did not start until I was 16 years old. I do remember being so embarassed going through the check out stand when I was a very young adult. I was very uncomfortable talking about it with anyone. Even with my twin sister.
When I was about 30 years old I tried to have a hystorectomy because I was just tired of it. At the time I could not find a doctor that would give me a hystorectomy because I was still of child bearing age. Although I was very open about sexuality with everyone and I knew I never had any yearning nor intention to bare a child. I wanted a child but I never imagined I would be pregnant. Anyway.... I did finally get a hystorectomy in my 40's in preparation for transition. Menopause was quick for me. I did have the emotional swings, and hot flashes. However at the time I lived by myself. In retrospect, living alone was a fortunate circumstance. I did not take any hormones and did not start taking T until about 4 years after the hystorectomy. I have never regretted the end of the monthly thing. For me part of my embarrassment about that time of the month had nothing to do with my gender or sexual identity. I just have always been a little shy about my body. That is another topic. Good luck to you Strappie. Go find yourself a doctor you feel comfortable with. FYI, I still get teary eyed watching "chick flicks." |
Hot flashes and binding at work. In the summer.
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Well so glad I am not alone....I'm in the perimenopause stage and the additional bouts of crying (at Hallmark commercials no less) are to no end annoying. The additional anxiety isn't wanted either....getting ribbed for crying at the stupidest things when you have been inherently known as the non crier all your life is equally frustrating.
And yes I know all women go through this but it is quite similar to being that tomboy and hitting puberty and being quite upset I wasn't going through puberty like the other boys in the neighborhood. It's like my body is betraying the inner boi inside of me and I am helpless to control it...to will it to be what I want it to be.... Thanks for sharing that....it's nice to know there are others who feel the same way I do and can relate :) |
IF...I am pari- or full onset menopause ( pooey pooey bad word yuck), then I am certainly a poster child for every friggen symptom there is.
Sweaty sweaty nights following days chock full of more sweat and mind blowing mood swings, either grumpy as hell ( for no apparent reason) or tearing up over some damned country song or BOTH ( usually when the Humane Society/ SPCA commercials come on and make me hate Celine Dion all over again). Fatigue/ lack of focus/ raging hunger or complete lack of appetite... It's all just crazy making! dammit. I have never been fond of having monthly cycles ( other than they kept me aware of moon phases) and yes, they always felt like some sort of very unfunny joke, as I knew I would never have children, so I never saw the whole point. That said, I was never one to be too thrilled to go to a GYN, so it was with MUCH encouragement ( read: THREATS) that I finally went at 40ish ( she'll remind me of exactly how old I was) to get a pap and baseline mammo. I am overdue and am looking for someone here (we only moved three years ago, that's not too bad, eh?). I totally dig Medusa's idea of the GYN trip en masse at Little Rock! Now THAT is some community bonding! Fuckabuncha goin fishin! Get all the butches lined up with a good ole southern pap smear! Ok, I may be pushin it a tad... I do, in all seriousness hope we are all taking care of our health needs, no matter how we view ourselves in our minds eye or in our hearts, we still have junk down there that needs taking care of. I do not only myself a disservice by ignoring it, I do a disservice to my wife as well. I need to be here for her in the best health I can be. Good luck everyone! |
AND a good friend of mine went to the OB-GYN and he said " How are you?" and she burst into tears....
and he said "Oh, we should be talking about hormones." He fixed her right up, she could function again, and a year or two later she weened of of them and things have been great. |
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http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/08...hes/index.html |
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