Dating women with children, any thoughts?
 

Anyone else out there that date women with children, teens or adult kids? Do their children accept you or have there been any problems? I ask due to finding myself possibly wanting to be with a woman who has kids, I am just asking for stories or experiences from others as opinions. :glasses:

Ty for the welcome!!! and Thanks for posting I wasn't expecting a post so fast lol!

As a woman who has children and who has dated/loved while raising children... (though mine are now 20, 21 & 22).

Just remember this - and hopefully she lives by this rule.

The kids come first. The kids always have to come first.
Depending on the ages of the kids -- Sex can be quite the challenge. So can dating. I can remember many a date or long weekend being cancelled due to illness, etc. You just have to always remain patient, loving and supportive.

And for god sake (experience) don't ever try and buy the kids (presents, etc) - They might LOVE it, but they will not respect you.

Good luck and take it slow. Kids are a wonderful wonderful gift -- but they can also be a challenge.

Julie

If you have a sports car, be prepared for handprints on the windows...
 

You are going to have to ask yourself how much you like kids, and if you don't like kids, then please don't date a woman with kids...

If you like them...

Be patient, be kind, know that a woman should and will always place her children first no matter what and if she doesn't you may wanna rethink that person.

Kids need to feel safe so don't be pushy, don't try to buy mom via the kids and most of all be ready for a roller coaster ride, kids are a like one of the most twisty, windy, up and down ride you have ever experienced but worth the wait in line..

Good luck!!!

Oh yeah no presents thats a given and respect is earned even by kids correct?

I always taught my kids this.
Actually, I felt it was important to keep them safe from predators.

RESPECT is a two way street. You do NOT have to respect someone because they are an adult. Even ADULTS need to earn your respect and you need to earn theirs. Of course, being polite is a different story.

Kids really are not puppies. They are complex little creatures with emotions and attachments. Sounds like a puppy -- except, you cannot leave them with just the water bowl filled. They require care and nurturing.

And please... If you are looking for the romantic idea of instant family - don't. There is nothing romantic about children. While they are gifts in our lives, they are never to be taken lightly.

Thanks to all who have posted so far, I look forward to seeing more posts on this subject.

I have been on both sides of this coin. I have an ex who demanded that I send my son to boarding school. Needless to say, within 20 seconds of that comment, she was gone. I have dated someone who liked hanging out with my kid more than me. I have also dated someone with kids. She had amazing kids, but she was not on the safe side to date. I think there are a lot of factors to consider, but I think it is wise to watch how she interacts with her child(ren). If she does not place them first, then I can safely say, she will never put you first at any point. If she is too protective, then the relationship will not blossom. It is a fine balance; everyone needs to be able to juggle while remaining as flexible as possible. There are certainly going to be challenging moments, but remember, they are just moments; they will pass. Also remember, there is nothing on earth like the love of a child. So be sincere, honest, respectable, trustworthy, and kind. You will get back all this and more from the mother and the child(ren).

My wife had a beautiful 2 year old daughter when I met her. I still don't know which one I love more, or loves me more:) Of course you can get babysitters to go out and be alone like we did. But most of the time, our dates consisted of going on trips together,thezoo, museums, home movies and board games,trick or treating, teaching them stuff you learned, school things like sports/concerts, parent-teacher meetings, circuses, kids birthday parties, friends sleeping over, movies, eating out, malls, etc.

Oh yes I do. I have dated women with small children before it didn't work out too well due to the kid's father being in the picture. This particular woman I speak of now has 15 year old twin boys and I have never been up to par on what to do with teenagers.

Funny thing with kids is they come with another set of family besides the mother and the mother's side... That's something that is between them, you're not to speak ugly of other said parent in front of child for that is speaking ill of them. Teen agers aren't a picnic, they are one boundary setting after another, remember being one? They are going to push... It's part of their journey it's up to the parental units to set clear boundaries and lines of respect amongst the family unit..... You are coming into their family and have to remember they are going to let you in or not.

Good Luck and be patient..

Yup lots of patience and if I do go meet her she already told me I am meeting them. Just no clue on how to mingle with them and what they like to do except eat LOL.

Oh lawd me as a teenger, now that's another story in itself.

Maybe I am reading too much into it, and please tell me if I am incorrect, but it sounds like the first time you meet her you will be meeting the kids too. Is this correct?

TO SOON FOR DAT!
 

Yes you are correct. I think she has spoken to the boys about me in good context and I have never given her any reason to not trust me. Ohhh and this is someone who is NOT on this site, just to clear things up.

[QUOTE=J. Mason;401197]Yes you are correct. I think she has spoken to the boys about me in good context and I have never given her any reason to not trust me. Ohhh and this is someone who is NOT on this site, just to clear things up.[/QUt


I would think you would want to hang out with Mom first without the kids being involved, you don't even know if you can hang with this relationship why expose the kids? If you aren't gonna stick around for a long time there is no sense in meeting the kids until some kind of relationship or friendship is built and has some steady foundation. I could be wrong though...:|

Oh of course I do wanna spend time with the mom without the boys thats a given.

I can tell you from personal experience of being the child of a single mother who dated a lot and men were introduced quickly and often it was VERY confusing and hurt a lot when the relationship didn't go anywhere. Children are very resilient but at the same time, it is not fair to bring people into their lives that may not be there for the long haul. Kids don't understand the complexities.

Wow I didn't think about it like that, which makes me wonder why she doesn't mind me meeting the boys right off.

That's all I have to say about this subject tonight
 

Maybe until you and her have some form of solid relationship or friendship, the kids should be kept out. It's only fair to them. Just a suggestion:)

I appreciate that, I made this thread for alot of open suggestions and opinions on the whole topic, I am glad to see positive posts.

I have three children ... they are 18, 15 and 5. I'm incredibly open with my children and I don't hide my affection for my partners from them because I refuse to give them a reason to ever feel ashamed of who their mother is or who I love. It kills me when people, especially parents, cry and complain about acceptance when they themselves aren't even proud enough of who they are to share all of their lives with their kids. I understand special circumstances and I don't pretend to always be right or understand every situation ... I only know that very often it's the parents themselves who plant the seeds of shame in their own kids.

That being said, kids, especially teenagers, can sniff out a phony faster than a bloodhound!! Everyone who said don't try to buy the kids couldn't have been more dead on. Sure, the kids will enjoy whatever it is you spoil them with but they will absolutely see right through you and the best you can hope for then will be polite manipulation. My best advice is to be genuine and take the time to get to know the kids. Spend time with them and let them know that you sincerely accept them as part of the package. Respect is indeed a two way street, especially with teenagers who are quickly approaching young adulthood. Respect that these boys are their mother's first priority in the world regardless of their age and know that the way you treat their mom will directly impact your relationship with them and thus your relationship with her! Also know that if you attempt to compete with them, you will lose so don't try ... there are so many different ways to love, strive to make the love between the two of you special while accepting that the love between a mother and her children is always paramount.

$.02 from T
 

I was blessed with three beautiful children out of relationships, all when they were about 5, they remain MINE to this day, (Laura RIP), They were always first, and responded to the love they felt all around. As I have gotten older and been with women with adult children, they have become mine as well, and I cherish those relationships. I have always understood my place, and respected their relationships with their Mom. Syl has a 15 and 18 yr old, and we are developing relationships. Some days are good and some days are not,lol. Be real, be PRESENT, respect everyone, and understand that no matter how old they are they will call crying and YOUR needs will not matter a hooot. Best of luck!

no it's not but when he says negative things about you to the kids there is a problem, IMO

True, I didn't mean for my post to come across as seeming like a bad situation.

As someone with kids, I have a few thoughts as they relate to me and my children...
*rather than gifts, my kids would prefer time/attention, but only if it is shared in a genuine manner; but if you must present a gift, make it one that shows you put some thought and effort into it. Do NOT buy any gift that adds to my expenses. A puppy is cute & all but I have to pay a pet deposit of $400 if you show up with one.
*ALL ages of kids have their good & bad times; my 13 year old is probably easier to be around than my 7 year old b/c my oldest can sit and have an intelligent conversation with you while my 7 year old won't have much to talk about beyond 7 year old things
*my kids come first-period. But my situation is different. My kids go to their dad's place on "his weekends" and they go visit my mom on "my weekends." So, I actually have a decent amount of alone/adult time.
*I do not expect someone to be a surrogate parent. My children have a mother and a father and both are present in the kids lives. Anyone else should be a friend, role model, confidant etc. Not that they are less important, they just have a different place in the kids lives.
*I struggle with how soon someone meets my kids. A friend once advised that I let people meet the kids early on, to establish that my kids ARE part of my life. But, on the other hand, I am pretty protective. Anyone who meets my kids early on is introduced as "my friend."

Families are well worth the investment in time/effort. But not everyone is made to date a family. I have dated women in the past who just could not handle it and things ended. And I respect them for having gotten out when they did, rather than everyone be miserable.

:sparklyheart: